


Chasing Ghosts

by bucky_b4rnes



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 124,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucky_b4rnes/pseuds/bucky_b4rnes
Summary: Vanessa Hale was forced to leave Charming, and subsequently her entire life, behind seven years ago. When she comes back in the wake of tragedy and pain, will she find that home is where the reaper is, or is she just chasing the ghosts of her past?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy or any of the plots/characters. I only own my OC(s).   
> AN: Don't forget to leave review. I hope you guys enjoy!

The familiar incessant beeping ran through Vanessa’s ears as she walked slowly through the hallway of the hospital, peering through the large windows that showed each of the very few small babies that were fighting for their lives. As she was about to continue walking towards the next room, she saw the unfortunately recognizable dark hair with blonde highlights exiting that room.

“Yeah baby, I’ll be there in a few minutes, just finished seeing Abel.” The voice spoke, which caused her to cringe internally. She listened to the voice continue speaking on the phone as Gemma’s heels of her leather boots clicked and echoed down the hallway towards the elevator.

 _Abel. Good name._ She thought to herself, looking down the hallway before taking a deep breath.

As the silence of the hallway met her ears again, Vanessa continued to the next window to see the tiny baby that she was looking for. She removed the sunglasses that were hiding her eyes and face, as she looked through the open blinds to take in everything that was keeping him alive at the moment. The tubes and wires hanging off of him practically choked her as she clutched at her heart, which was filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness.

The tiny blue beanie with the familiar SAMCRO logo on it, which covered his head, ensured her that she was in the right place. She could see his tiny chest rising and falling in a slow pattern as his small fingers and toes were wriggling around just the slightest bit. She looked at the small chamber protecting him from the outside world, as she felt the walls about to cave in on her, wishing she could too be protected from the outside world. Her heart started racing as the tears began welling in her eyes. She put a hand against the window to steady herself as the tears grew stronger, forcing her to put her sunglasses back on and take a step back, drifting slowly away from the window.

Wanting nothing more than to leave the hospital, she began to make her exit when she saw the all too familiar leather hanging off of the body that she used to be all too familiar with. The person that she was no longer familiar with.

Vanessa quickly continued down the hall and harshly pressed the down button for the elevator, her mind begging her body to get away from here. Against all guidance of her brain, she turned her head and quickly looked back to see him looking back at her too, his face tightened in what seemed to be a hint of recognition, but he shook his head and continued walking towards the room that contained his son.

Vanessa finally reached the fresh air outside, while her chest tightened even more as she choked out a cough, gasping for any air she could get, and feeling as though she was choking on the pain of being back in Charming. Knowing that she might not have much time until Jax came back outside, she rushed to her rental car, gripping the steering wheel tightly until her knuckles went white and her nails dug into her palms. She felt lightheaded as tears flowed freely down her face, her thoughts racing with the reminder of what she lost and everything that could have been.

“Breathe, Vanessa. Just breathe.”

* * *

Vanessa sped through the roads of Charming, wanting nothing more than to get somewhere she could feel safe and comfortable, two feelings that she rarely had the opportunity to experience anymore. She knew that there were many things that she needed to face, specifically, she knew that there was one person that she needed to face right now. As she pulled up to the small house, she felt her heart racing again, not knowing if it was really a good idea to show up, especially unannounced. She looked at the time, hoping that the kids would be at school and Donna would be the only one home.

She pushed her sunglasses on to the top of her head as she began walking to the front door of the Winston home. She took a deep breath as she knocked and waited to be met with what she was sure to be the wrath of Donna. The footsteps and the slow unlocking of the door caused her to feel even more anxious about this situation.

“Vanessa…” Donna said, staring at her with a confused expression on her face, not expecting to see her best friend for the first time in over seven years. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry for just showing up, D.” Vanessa mumbled out as Donna opened the door for her oldest friend. They both walked over to the kitchen and Donna took a deep breath and held up the coffee pot to her, silently asking if she would like a cup. Vanessa nodded, and her voice shook a little as she went on. “You probably think I’m an asshole for just showing up.”

“You’re not an asshole, I just don’t think it’s a good time for anyone to find out that you’re back here.”

“I know. I don’t suppose it would ever really be a good time for me to show back up after all these years, huh?”

“Yeah, probably not. What are you doing here, Nes? Not that I don’t appreciate seeing you, it’s just… the last few weeks have been hell with all this shit going on.”

“What’s been going on? Everything okay?” Vanessa asked, worried for her friend and her family.

“I thought it’d be different this time.” Donna scoffed. “Opie getting out, it was supposed to be a fresh start for us. He promised he’d back off the club. But all these bills and all the bullshit with the club is pulling him back in deep.” She sighed. “Sorry. First time I’ve talked to you in years and I’m unloading all this shit onto you, just like when we were kids. Looks like not much has changed, huh?”

“It’s fine, D.” She gave a sad smile as she placed her hand over her friends in an effort to show her support. “You and Ope okay?”

“We haven’t exactly been seeing eye to eye since he got out. I’m still so fucking pissed. I spent five years on my own without my husband. I raised two babies by myself. I think I deserve to be pissed.” She ranted. “Sometimes I can’t help but think how much easier it would have been if I just divorced him after he got locked up. It doesn’t help that ATF is apparently up the club’s ass either. They’ve been trying to get him to talk since before he even got out of Chino. Then a few days ago a real nasty bitch took me, Ope, and the kids to some facility, trying to convince us to rat for witness protection.”

“And what did you say?”

“Nothing, obviously. Opie loves the club, he would never rat. And as much as I hate what the club has turned him and my family into, neither would I. I don’t know much about this life, but I know what happens to rats. I would never want to put my family into that situation to begin with.”

“I’m sure you can thank my brothers and my dad for bringing ATF into Charming.”

“Probably. Apparently, you’re the only Hale without a stick up their ass.” Both women laughed lightly before Donna continued with a deep sigh, tears filling her eyes. “But all the shit the club pulls doesn’t necessarily help. I just want him out. I want my family back. I married Opie, I didn’t marry the club.”

“I’m sorry, Donna.” Vanessa hugged her, trying to comfort her friend until Donna finally pulled back and wiped at her tears.

“What the hell are you even doing back here? You up and leave without so much as a goddamn phone call for years, and then you just show up to my house out of the blue?” Vanessa can hear the fury that’s laced in Donna’s tone, her eyes dropping to the floor. “Vanessa, it is really not a good time for you to be in Charming, especially with all the club shit and everything that’s going on with Jax.”

“Fuck, I know Donna. I just… I had to see him.”

“You already saw Jax?”

“No. The baby.”

“You saw Abel?” Donna scoffed in disbelief. Vanessa swore she could hear a little bit of disgust in Donna’s tone.

“I had to. My brother told me that he was born early and that he was sick. He told me that he might not make it and I just needed to see him.”

“Jax has been through the fucking ringer lately, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be showing up to the hospital to visit his sick kid.”

“I know, I’m fucked up. Okay, I get it. But I just had to see him. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I was already on the bus and getting off at a stop in Stockton. I heard that the baby might not make it and I just, I freaked. I had to come see him.”

“Jesus, if Jax sees you he will be even more hurt.”

“I’m not going to see him, okay? I can’t see him anyway. It hurts too much.” Vanessa sighed while pushing her fingers through her hair and took a sip of the bitter coffee that sat in front of her. “I just want to stay until I know that the baby makes it through his surgery and then I’ll go back to Reno. It’ll be like no one even knew that I was here.”

“Vanessa…” Donna sighed again.

“I’ll be on my best behavior, mom.” Vanessa smirked.

“I’m being serious, Vanessa. There is a lot of shit going on lately and the last thing we all need is Hurricane Nessa to come rolling back in after like seven years of being away. Especially Jax, he has a lot of shit going on with the junkie, the sick kid, and the club.”

“I know and I get it. I swear to you; I will not do anything. My family will never know that I’m here. Neither will any of the sons. You’re the only one that knows I’m here.”

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.” She took a deep breath, “You been in Reno all these years?”

“New York. Moved to Reno a few months back.”

“Jesus, that’s a story I’m gonna need to hear soon.”

“Eventually.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Figured it would be best if I didn’t stay in Charming, so I’m at the Ramada in Lodi.”

“Alright, look, I know Abel is having his surgery today. I’ll fill you in on everything about it as soon as I know, but I gotta go pick up the kids.” Donna states as she hugs Vanessa again and squeezes her. “Give me your number.” She spoke out, handing Vanessa the cell phone. “I’ll see you tonight and you can tell me all about what was going through your mind when you left without a goodbye.” Donna eyed her; anger visible in her eyes. Vanessa was sure that Opie and the kids have been on the receiving end of that look several times. “Please stay in Lodi until I call you.”

“I will, I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

The silence of the lonely hotel room haunted Vanessa for the past few hours, forcing her to think about her past and all of the things that she wished she could have changed. All of the things she wished she could still change.

The lonely silence has haunted her since she left Charming all those years ago, but recently her whole life seems as if it has been filled with a perpetual silence making her long for any kind of noise that doesn’t reside inside her own head.

Vanessa paced the room several times, practically burning holes in the carpet from treading over the same spot over and over again. As her burner phone finally sang out, she knew that it could only be one of the very few people that had this cell phone’s number. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest, knowing that this could possibly be news on little Abel’s condition.

_“Hey.”_

“Donna?” Her shaky voice spoke, trembling with all different kinds of fear that ran through her veins.

_“Yeah, he’s good. He made it through.”_ Vanessa heard the relief in Donna’s voice and held a hand over her mouth to silence the throaty gasp and the tears that were now burning her eyes and trailing down her cheeks. _“The doctors said that his vitals are already up, they’re confident that he’ll make it through tonight and then hope for a full recovery.”_

“Oh my god!” Vanessa choked out. “That’s so great. I-I saw him today and he was so little, I was so scared. Are you still at the hospital?”

_“Yeah, everyone’s here to see him. Me and Ope even brought Kenny and Ellie, they were excited to hear that he was going to make it through.”_

“I wish I could be there.” The longing in her voice didn’t go unnoticed by Donna. 

_“Vanessa, I mean what I told you, you have to stay away. I wish you were here too, but it’s not good for anyone right now with all the shit with the club and the kid.”_

 “I know, D. I just… I don’t know, it’s sad, I thought that this was gonna be my life with Jax.”

_“You’re the one who left, remember?”_ Vanessa heard the bitterness in her tone. _“Maybe in another life Abel would have been yours, but that’s just not how it turned out, no matter how much we both wanted it to.”_ Vanessa listened to her take a deep breath. _“Anyway, maybe with all this shit going on, it’s for the best that you got out when you did.”_

“I know, sorry for unloading this shit on you. I know you have a lot going on. I’m probably gonna be heading back to Reno first thing in the morning.”

_“Look, everyone’s leaving the hospital now. I’m gonna have Ope take the kids home and I’ll swing by the hotel with some dinner. I’ll be there within the hour, alright?”_

“Sounds good, thanks for being here for me D. And I’m sorry for just leaving.”

_“You may have fucked up when you left without saying goodbye, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still my best friend. I love you and I’ll always be here. Always.”_

* * *

 

As an hour came and went, Vanessa continued waiting for Donna to arrive at her hotel room. She just about bit her nails down to nubs. Every few minutes she would look out the window to see if any cars passing by matched her friend, with no luck.

“Where the hell is she?” Vanessa muttered to herself as she grabbed her purse and rental car keys off of the nearby table. Pulling her hood over her head, Vanessa quietly shut the hotel room door and began walking down the stairs, looking for any sign of Donna.

She got into her rental car after no sight of her friend and began heading down the highway to get into Charming. Vanessa drove past Teller-Morrow Automotive, carefully looking out for Donna, without any luck again. She continued her way down Main Street and passed by Hanna’s Diner, noticing how oddly similar the town looked eight years ago. The same small businesses, the same people, the same feel. It made her feel nostalgic, as she longed for the past.

Vanessa continued through the town of Charming, not sure exactly where she was even supposed to be going to look for Donna.

As she focused more on the road ahead, she noticed the red and blue lights accompanying the sirens that echoed through her body. Her mind wandering to the night that she was surrounded by eerily similar red and blue flashing lights and screaming sirens.

The sirens and lights were drowning her. Her body felt like it had forgotten how to move, like her mind used the waves of the lights and the sirens to swim away from her sinking body. Or maybe that was the only way that her mind could cope with what just happened to the body it called home. The screeching of the tires. The shattering of the glass. She could see and feel the sea of red that surrounded her. She could feel the pure fear that raged through her veins.

For some reason, that same fear that raged through her veins that night, raged through her veins again tonight. She didn’t know why that fear surged throughout her body until she slowly inched the car forward. She saw and heard the loud rumbling from the line of bikes speeding to get to the scene, while another car came to a screaming halt, not far from the old truck that she recognized as Opie’s from when they were teenagers.

“Donna? Donna! Donna!” She heard the familiar voice scream as he jumped out of the car, running straight to the still body that laid on the ground. The body that was covered in blood. The body that once contained the life and soul of her best friend. Jax ran as Opie fell to his knees, cradling the woman delicately, as if she would break. 

“Oh, no, no, no. Fuck, no, Donna.” Vanessa whispered to herself, carrying the guilt of the death of her best friend which weighed heavily on her chest. She could not control the tears that were burning her eyes and her cheeks at seeing her best friend dead, leaving Donna’s children without a mother, and Opie without a wife. Her hands burned at the tightness of her grip on the steering wheel. “I’m so fucking sorry, Donna. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have come back here.”

The tears continued to fall down her cheeks at the sight of Opie kissing Donna’s face and having to be dragged away from her cold and still body. Vanessa could only see the stark white sheet being used to cover what used to be her best friend, as the tears blurred her vision and her heart started pounding loudly in her ears. Wiping violently at her eyes, Vanessa put the car into drive to get away from the horrifying scene. The memories of her time spent away from Charming flooding back into her mind, wishing she could go back in time and change everything that happened. 

“I’m sorry.” She continued to mutter to herself as she drove away from Charming once again.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The night felt longer than most as her mind refused to fall asleep once she got back to the hotel. The guilt, the anger, and the fear flowed through her, ravaging her mind until every inch of sleep she could possibly get was whisked away. She knew that if she went to sleep now, her mind would be filled with nothing but nightmares, though she figured the nightmares her mind would make up would not hold a candle to the nightmare that she was currently living.

The sun began to shine throughout the open blinds on the windows of the small hotel room. Vanessa got out of the bed, feeling her eyes tight from the tears that she no longer had at the moment. She wished that everything that happened wasn't real. Her leaving Charming, the loss and pain that she felt, Jax's sick kid, and the death of her best friend. She wished it was all a figment of her imagination. But she could never be that lucky.

Lacking the energy and motivation to do anything but seek comfort, Vanessa grabbed the keys and made her way back into Charming. She purposely avoided the intersection that Donna was found at last night, hoping to avoid the guilt and pain that would envelop her even deeper.

Without thinking, she stopped her car at the small house on the corner and quickly jumped out, racing towards the front door. She gave no thoughts as to the fact that it was only 6:30 in the morning. She knocked on the door and waited for the response.

"Vanessa? What are you doing here?" The man spoke softly, the tiredness still lingering in his voice.

"David." She sobbed out. "D-Donna is dead. What happened? I need to know what happened."

Vanessa's brother, David Hale, opened the door for his younger sister, allowing her inside. As she walked in, she found herself heading straight for his arms, needing to feel any sort of comfort. Comfort that she hasn't felt in quite some time.

"I'm so sorry, Nes." He squeezed her tightly before letting her go and escorting her to the couch, so she can sit. "A witness saw that a black SUV rolled up behind her while she was stopped at the light, whoever was driving the SUV shot her through the back window. We think that it was meant for Opie."

"Who would have done this to her?" She asked and immediately saw the sad yet knowing look on his face. She knew that he was a terrible liar, especially when she was the one he was lying to. "Wait, do you know who did this?"

"Vanessa…"

"Do you know who did this?" Her voice was loud, but calm as she was met with silence. "If you know who brutally murdered my best friend, I deserve to know." She jumped up from the couch quickly as she was met with silence again. "Tell me!" Her voice was shaky as she yelled, her hands trembling and her mind getting fuzzy as she grabbed onto the edge of the sofa, trying to hold herself up.

"Hey, hey." He reached for her, attempting to hold her up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She pushed him away. "Please just tell me, David."

"I'm not sure. No one knows yet. We all know that SAMCRO has a lot of enemies." He tried to convince her.

"That's bullshit!" She yelled, trying to hold herself together.

"What are you doing back here anyway? You told me you would never want to come back to Charming again."

"Don't try to change the subject, you know who did this. I deserve to know." His face held a look that was recognizable because she had seen it in her face many times too, guilt. "This have something to do with the ATF agent harassing Opie and Donna?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Donna told me; said they were held in a facility for a pretty long time. ATF tried to get them to rat on the club, but they didn't. They would never do that. Does SAMCRO think that they flipped?"

"Vanessa-"

"Please just tell me what you know." She begged, tears still falling down her face, all while he took a deep sigh before taking a sip of the coffee that sat in front of him. "Please."

"Agent Stahl with the ATF, she made Opie look like a rat, she paid off some of his debts. I'm guessing that the club put a hit out on Opie, but it landed on Donna instead."

"No, I may not have seen Jax in years, but I know that he would never be involved with something that hurt Opie. He loves Opie." They both stayed silent for a few moments until Vanessa brought her hands up to cover her face as she sobbed again. "Is this my fault?"

"Nes, why would this ever be your fault?"

"Donna was coming to meet me. She was supposed to come to the hotel that I was staying at. If I never showed up, m-maybe things would be different."

"This is not on you. This blood is on Stahl for setting Opie up. And on whoever called and carried out the hit. You did nothing wrong."

"I feel like I do everything wrong." She saw the pity that sat on his face and she sniffled. "I-I have to go. I'm gonna go back to Reno, get out of this town before something else happens."

"The service is being held tomorrow, probably around noon. You should be there. I know how much Donna meant to you."

* * *

After spending the entire day and night avoiding going outside and leaving her hotel room, other than to get herself a bottle of Jack, Vanessa woke up the day of Donna's funeral. The pounding in her head and the burning of her throat indicated that she had way too much to drink.

She wrinkled her nose at the smell of alcohol lingering on her. Slowly, she inched her way towards the bathroom. The water from the shower poured down her body and hid the small tears that threatened to fall from her eyes.

As she dressed in basic black jeans and a leather jacket, Vanessa hid in her hotel room again, still deciding on whether or not she should even show up to the funeral. She knew that if she did, it could cause a ripple of pain that she did not want to be responsible for.

After finally finding the courage to go to the cemetery, Vanessa slipped on her sunglasses that would hide most of her face and stepped outside of the car. She stood next to a twisted tree, trying to find cover from all of the people who would attend the ceremony.

The leftover alcohol and the leather jacket had her sweating in the California heat. Regardless of the heat, her body trembled and shivered with a touch of fear and sadness as she heard the unmistakable sound of all of the motorcycles that showed up in support of Opie and his family.

The ceremony went on for quite a while when she saw the strikingly light and shaggy hair that she craved to run her fingers through again. He was walking towards the casket without his kutte and he seemed to be deep in thought as he picked up a flower, kissed it, and laid it gently on the casket before leaving. Her heart beat faster as she saw him walking further away from her, wanting nothing more than to call out to him. To hold him. To tell him that she's sorry. But she couldn't.

As the ceremony wrapped up and everyone began to leave, she could see the casket that held the body of her best friend of nearly 15 years being lowered into the ground. She waited until no one else was around before she walked over to the tombstone. The bile rising in her throat as she gazed upon the stone.

"I know you would have hated all of this SOA bullshit here. But Opie needed it, he needed to know that his brothers were here for him." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm so sorry, Donna. I wish I could take your place, so you could be with your kids and your family. I don't have much of that left now anyway. I'm gonna miss you, D." Vanessa sobbed out before kissing her hand and placing it onto the top of the stone.

Vanessa pulled a picture of herself and Donna when they were both about eleven years old out of her purse. She stared at the picture remembering that it was when they had their first sleepover, both girls had their hair in braids and had on a set of matching pajamas. She felt a twinge of embarrassment at first, but when she flipped the picture over, she found a small note on the back that she figured she must have written before her drunken slumber last night. It read the last words that Donna had ever said to her. _I love you and I'll always be here. Always._

Vanessa left the picture on the ground in front of the tombstone, with a small rock holding it in place. She closed her eyes and whispered to herself.

"Take care of her."

* * *

Jax sat at both, his brother's and his father's grave sites, skimming over the copy of the manuscript that Piney had given him after Donna's ceremony. He was focused on what he needed to change in the club and in his life. He focused on what he had to change to save his club. But also, what he had to change for himself and for his son.

"Time for a change." Piney had said, and the quote continued to run through his head as he thought about the legacy that his father would have wanted for him, and the legacy that he wants for his own son.

As Jax was about to leave the cemetery and go see his son at the hospital, he circled back over to Donna's grave, feeling a pang of guilt for not being at the ceremony. When he arrived to the freshly dug grave and the brand-new tombstone, he looked down, seeing a picture of the young girl that he once fell in love with. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his mind racing with thoughts of how she left Charming, probably because of the shit with the club. Because of the jail time and the violence. Because of the complications that the club had on their relationship.

Staring at the picture, the only thought that ran through his mind was: " _Yeah, it's time for a change."_


	4. Chapter 4

Vanessa's heart clenched with an unmistakable feeling, one that she had experienced a lot in her lifetime, sadness. It has been just over two weeks since her best friend was brutally murdered by the club. The same club that she was expected to trust and accept with open arms.

It just truly hit her that she will never see her best friend again. She will never speak to her again. She will never be able to tell her all the things that she has hid from everyone since leaving Charming. She will never be able to tell her the real reason why she had to leave Charming, and it hurt her immensely.

The guilt and the despair weighed heavily in Vanessa's chest as she felt as though she lost the one true connection to her past life. She missed out on all those years of Donna's life after she left Charming, and now she will never get to be a part of her life again. Donna was gone.

_It feels like I'm destined to lose everyone I care about._ She thought to herself as she continued walking to work. The two-mile trek wasn't exactly fun for her, especially with her thoughts looming on Donna and her family, on Jax, on the people she missed and couldn't get back.

As she walked in, the smell of cheap, overpowering cologne and bitter alcohol swarmed her nostrils, filling her with an amount of discomfort that she wished she didn't have to deal with nearly every day.

"Vanessa, we need you on stage tonight. Mandy called out." The man behind the bar yelled over to her. _Who calls out on a Friday night?_ Vanessa thought and rolled her eyes, wanting nothing more than to go back home and drown herself in a few bottles of cheap wine. But she knew she had to work if she wanted to keep that home. "There's an extra costume backstage for you. Sorry, kid."

"Alright, Mikey." She groaned out, really not wanting to dance tonight. It wasn't even what she applied to do, all she wanted was to serve drinks to the creepy men that practically inhabited the club, not dance for them.

As she went backstage to get dressed into the lace costume, that didn't cover as much as she wished it did, she looked into the mirror, wondering how exactly her life came to this point. She applied a little bit of makeup and fluffed her hair a little bit, trying to give herself the confidence to go out and actually work the stage. _At least I'll get some better tips tonight. Hopefully._

For much of the night, Vanessa slowly and seductively danced for the men whose eyes were locked on her body, as they threw dollar bills into the cage that she was dancing in. She looked around the crowd, noticing that there were many eyes on her, it should have made her nervous, but she really didn't care anymore. Until she saw a pair of familiar, grieving eyes laying on her.

His hair was longer than the last time she saw him, his eyes a little emptier, and his body just slightly skinnier. She wanted to puke, seeing him staring at her. She could see the recognition in his vacant eyes and that made her stomach jump with shame. As the song came to an end, she knew it was time for her to sexily take the money from her cage and the crowd, then switch out for the other dancers and she had never felt more relieved.

Vanessa practically ran backstage to change and grab her shit to leave, trying to avoid the familiar eyes from landing on her again. _Maybe he didn't actually notice me._

Her thoughts proved false as she finally left through the employee exit of the club called Leather & Lace. She saw him sitting out on his bike and lighting up a cigarette, he quickly got up when he heard the door shut and walked over to her.

"Vanessa!" He called out to her, she continued to walk pretending not to hear him. "Vanessa, hold up!" She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, wrapping her leather jacket tighter around her body.

"H-hey Ope." She stuttered out nervously. This was the first time she would be speaking to him since she left Charming seven years ago. She couldn't help the guilt and anxiousness that flowed through her, knowing that his brothers could have been the ones responsible for his wife's death.

"Thought I recognized you. You okay?" He asked, genuinely concerned for his old friend.

"I'm fine. Look, uh, I gotta get home. It was good seeing you again." She quickly spoke as she began walking away from him, wondering where she could move to now that all of Charming was going to know exactly where she is. Opie caught up to her and gently grabbed her arm, trying to keep her attention.

"I can give you a ride. It-it would be good to catch up with you."

"You don't need to do that Ope." She muttered and continued walking. Opie sighed and his next words just stumbled out.

"D-Donna. She's dead." Vanessa stopped in her path and looked back at him, seeing the tears beginning to form in his eyes. It was the first time she had ever seen him cry, other than the night of his wife's death.

"I know." Her voice cracked.

"You know?" His face was twisted into a confused look but continued on. "Please let me give you a ride home, Donna would be pissed if she found out that I let you walk home this late by yourself."

She stopped for a second, stared at him and then nodded her head as she began to walk back to him. They finally got to his motorcycle and she stared nervously at it, like it was her first time. He looked at her again and smiled the faintest of smiles.

"You remember how to ride bitch?" He chuckles, wiping at his cheek to catch the tear that had fallen as she rolled her eyes. "How long has it been since you been on one of these?"

"It's been a while." She hummed as she tightened his helmet on her head. Vanessa navigated him to the apartment complex that she lived in.

They arrived at the apartment complex and she could see his eyes widening as he looked around. She knew that it wasn't in a good area, in fact it was in one of the worst areas in Reno, but it was all she could afford. He looked over at the guy who was tweaking out on the side of the building and was instantly concerned for her.

"Guess you never became that big doctor you wanted to become before you left?" He smiled sadly at her.

"How could you tell?" She laughed back at him.

"If the dancing didn't give it away, the apartment definitely did the job." He joked with her, pushing her shoulder slightly as they walked up to the second floor where she lived. As she unlocked the door, she held it open for him and raised her eyebrow, silently asking if he wanted to come in. His loud boots echoed over the wooden floorboards that creaked as he made his way inside, looking at the tiny apartment.

"Can't believe you, a Hale, is actually living in this piece of shit." He mutters out.

"Hey! This is home now. But yeah it is a piece of shit, isn't it?" She says with a grin. He just nods. "You want a beer?" He nodded again. _He always was the silent type._ She thought to herself.

"How'd you find out?" He asked quietly as he popped the cap off the bottle. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I-I just heard about it. Uh, David told me." She lied, she couldn't face the fact that he might just blame her for what happened to Donna, even if she knew it wasn't all her fault. He nodded again. "What are you doing out in Reno?"

"I just needed to get away from all the shit in Charming. But I could ask you the same thing." He looks at her with questioning eyes.

"I just needed to get away from all the shit in Charming." She throws back at him with a small smirk.

"Still full of all that sarcasm, I see." They both smile at each other and she just shrugs. "You leaving, it really tore him up."

Her eyes filled with regret and hurt at the mention of _him_. "How is he?"

"You hear about his kid?" She nods. "He's got a lot of shit going on too."

"There's always a lot of shit going on in Charming." She sighs and takes a long swig of her beer. "How are you, Opie?"

"I'm fine." He looked away from her prying eyes.

"Opie, it's okay to not be okay. It doesn't make you weak to admit it."

"I said I'm fine." He growls out quietly, but then looks at her and instantly feels bad for getting angry at her concern. "Sorry. I just… I don't want to talk about this shit."

"Yeah, okay."

"Where you been all these years, Nes? Here in Reno?"

"I've been here and there. Lived in New York for a little while, moved here a few months back. I needed a change."

"Is that why you left all of us? Jax? You needed a change?" His tone was a little bitter and had some malice behind it, but she didn't take it to heart. She knew that Opie and Jax were protective over each other, and she knew that she probably hurt Jax. Hell, she hurt herself having to leaving him.

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"Look, you don't wanna talk about Donna and I don't wanna talk about my past." They both nod at each other.

"You're strippin' now? Never thought you would do something like that."

"And why not?"

"Other than the fact that you used to be a little goody two-shoes?"

"Hey, that goody two-shoes lifestyle passed once I started getting involved with you and Jax. You guys corrupted me."

"Yeah, I guess we did, huh? Your dad really fucking hated us. Still does, except now he's got your two brothers on our asses too."

"Sorry about them." She hummed out. "And I'm not stripping. I usually just bartend, but they needed a dancer tonight, so I had to fill in."

"What happened to your doctor dreams?"

"I, uh, I actually went to nursing school in New York. Got my BSN. But when I moved out here, I guess I didn't plan ahead and ended up not finding a job in any hospitals here. I had to do something for money, so I started bartending."

He nods again and it's silent for a few moments before she clears her throat.

"Opie, can I tell you something?" She asks nervously, and he just nods his head, his eyes practically staring into her soul. "I was at the funeral. I-uh, I was gonna come see you, but it felt wrong."

"Why?"

"I was scared." He just looks at her and takes a sip of his beer. "How long have you been away from Charming?"

"Not as long as you." He tries to joke, but it just sounds sad. "Since the funeral. I left that night."

"You gonna go back to your kids soon? They need their dad."

"I still need time away."

"Opie, your kids need you." She sighs out with an exasperated breath.

"You don't know my fucking kids, Vanessa. You left before you even got to know them, so I don't think you know what my kids need." She nods. "My kids are fine. Mary is with them."

"I just… Donna wouldn't want you to be away from them for too long."

"Donna's dead." He chokes out and lights a cigarette. "It hurts to see them, y'know? I did five years in Chino. My kids barely fuckin' know me. How am I supposed to be there for them?" She knew that he was hurting. His heart was hurting without Donna.

"I know, Opie. But they're your kids. You get to know them; you be there for them. Especially now when they need you the most. I know that you lost her, but you have to remember that they lost her too. It'll fucking hurt, but they're the last pieces you have left of her, so you need to cherish them and love them, no matter how much it hurts." She can see the tears in his eyes starting to form.

He gets off the couch and puts the bottle onto the coffee table in front of them. He takes her hand and pulls her up off the couch, wrapping his long arms around her body. It's the most comfort and safety that she felt in quite some time.

"You take whatever time you need to get your head out of your ass, and then you go back to your kids and you be a dad."

"You sound like Piney." He laughs, wiping the tear that fell down his cheek.

"Wise old man." She laughs, the silence fills the room again. She can tell that he's ready to leave, and she thinks that it's one of the longest conversations she's ever had with him. "You think you can keep it to yourself that I'm in Reno?"

"You really don't want anyone to know you're here?" Opie asked her, hinting at wanting to tell Jax where she was. "Why not?"

"I still need time to get my head out of my ass." She whispered. "Please, Ope?"

"I can do that, on one condition." He says as he hands his phone to her and she looks questioningly at him. "I change numbers a lot, y'know with the club, but someone's gotta look out for you. Make sure there's no tweakers tryin' to break your door down and shit."

She types out her cell phone number into his phone and hands it back to him.

"I'll call you every once in a while, make sure you're okay. Gotta look out for my best friend's ex old lady."

"Jesus, I never got to the old lady stage, you know that."

"You know you would have been, if you didn't 'need a change'." He rolls his eyes as he says her reason for leaving all those years ago.

As he opens the door of her apartment to leave, she's nervous that this is the last time she will see someone from her old life. From the life she so desperately wished she could go back to. "Hey Ope," she calls out and he turns to look at her. "I really hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."

"You too, Nes."


	5. Chapter 5

Jax hadn't seen his best friend in over two weeks, and if he was being honest, he missed him. Jax felt for Opie, he understood the pain that he was going through. Well not exactly. He thought to himself. My old lady wasn't murdered in cold blood, she just bailed on me. But he still understood the feelings that were running through Opie's mind; anger, desperation, loneliness.

Jax too had felt all of those emotions before. It weighed heavily on him every day since she left. Without her, he was forced to thrust himself deeper into the club and in turn, into any pair of legs that he could get between.

Sometimes he felt slightly disgusted with himself. Wondering how she would look at him now, how she would view him, knowing that he slept with hundreds of women and did things that not even he was proud of. But then the anger came flooding back into his veins. She was here in Charming. He knew she was, he felt it in his bones. He thought that he saw her at the hospital that day, but he couldn't be sure. There were days that he saw her in every passing face, in every passing car, in every woman that helped him wane off of the loneliness for a few moments.

He was positive that she had placed that picture down in front of Donna's grave. It just fueled more rage inside of him, knowing that she was here. No "hello" or "I'm sorry" or "I miss you" or "I still fucking love you." Nothing. He wasn't sure if it was truly rage that he felt, or another bout of hurt. Probably both.

Which is why he was here, lying next to any warm body that he could find, and on a Friday night in the clubhouse there were many to find. His thoughts were surrounded by Vanessa. The black hair cascading around him was replaced with her golden blonde. The dark eyes were replaced with a bluish-green that used to light up his world. God, I sound like a pussy.

But no matter how hard he tried to erase her hair, her eyes, her smile, her body; he just couldn't. He figured that's probably why he couldn't make shit work with Wendy, not that he really put much effort into the marriage. But she was never going to be Vanessa, so what was the point?

Jax was glad to be away from the chick that he just thoroughly fucked. The flirting on his part, the fake and obnoxious moans on hers, and the way she clung onto him afterwards, it all just felt forced. It never felt that way with Vanessa. Another croweater that wants nothing more than someone important to attach herself to.

It was morning by the time Jax's phone started buzzing next to him, waking him up out of a deep sleep.

"Ope." Jax flipped the phone open, surprised to see that his brother wanted to speak to him after two whole weeks. "You okay, bro?"

"I'm good. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be back in Charming in a few hours." His voice spoke out over the phone.

"Thought you were gonna be gone longer? You said about a month."

"I realized that I needed to pull my head out of my ass and get back to my family and my club. Nothin' out there for me to look for that ain't already here." Opie said, Jax could still hear a slight sadness filling in his friend's voice but was glad that he was back.

"I'll see you when you get here, bro." They both hung up and Jax remembered what David Hale had told him the day before Donna's funeral. The words that changed his view on the club and on the man that he thought of as a father.

"I knew Stahl was setting up Opie as a rat. She wired his truck. I think Clay found that wire, thought Opie was working with the feds, and tried to have him killed. Donna was a mistake."

"We ended up on opposing teams, you and me. Don't like each other all that much. But seeing an innocent woman gunned down, my sisters' best friend, two little kids… with no mom- Man I think that falls on the wrong side of the fence for both of us."

The anger still pooled inside of him. He knew now that what Hale had told him had to have some truth behind it. The Niners denied their involvement with the hit. So, he knew that Clay and his errand boy were behind the hit on Donna. They tried to kill a brother, with no backing, no vote, and no truth behind their reasoning. They thought Opie ratted on a brother to get out of a murder sentence, to pin it all on Bobby. Opie would never rat, Jax knew it in his gut. Now, because of Clay, his best friend had no wife and those children had no mother.

The tension between Clay and Jax was palpable ever since Jax had confronted him in the clubhouse a few days after Hale had told him his theory.

"A few days ago, you sat there. You made me a promise. Told me Opie was safe. Now I'm askin' you, brother to brother, father to son, just tell me the truth, and I'll accept it, whatever it is. Just be honest with me." Jax practically begged him. "Did you try to kill Opie? Kill Donna by mistake?" Clay sighed at Jax's assumption.

"I don't know who's been fillin' your head with this shit, son. I'm gonna tell you again. I love Opie, loved Donna. I'd never do nothin' to hurt 'em." The anger was prevalent in Clay's menacing voice. Jax got up from the redwood to leave church and could instantly tell that there was no truth behind the bullshit that Clay was spewing, as the man continued to speak. "This is a rough time for SAMCRO. But we'd better put this shit behind us. Suspicion, resentment. That kind of shit eats up morale, fractures a charter."

"Yeah. It's true."

Jax knew the truth now. He could see the truth. After reading his father's manuscript again and after his fight with Tig at the federal safe house, he knew that his own club was to blame for the murder of his best friend's wife, and he knew that there needed to be a change.

Regardless, Jax was glad that his best friend was coming home. But he was stuck, not knowing if he should tell Opie the truth and break his heart, or to lie to him and save him the pain and the betrayal that Jax was feeling right now.

After their meeting with the Irish, Jax went to go see Opie for the first time in two weeks. Jax pulled up to Opie's house, and it seemed sadder. Empty. The kids weren't around and Opie was sitting in his garage by himself working on a bike. When they saw each other, they gave each other a big hug.

"It's good to see you, brother." Opie started, an emptiness still lingering in his voice.

"Yeah. How was the walkabout?"

"I'm doing okay." Opie said looking to the ground, trying to avoid too much eye contact.

"What's this?" Jax asked, pointing his head to the bike in the garage. "Holy shit. Panhead EG. '63?"

"'65."

"Where'd you find it?"

"CHP pulled me over outside of Reno. Started bullshitting with me. They turned me on to this used parts guy. Electra Glide was just rotting behind some garage. It's all there - stock."

"Reno? What was out in Reno?" Jax asked, wondering why his friend would go there of all places.

"Y'know, the scenery." They both laughed.

The past few weeks that had went by was filled with lots of tension in the clubhouse. The tension between Clay and Jax grew thicker every time they sat around the table. Jax found it harder to keep it to himself that Clay and Tig had murdered Donna, which was straining his relationship with Opie and the rest of the club as well. Jax continuously went against Clay, and Clay did the same to Jax. Neither of them feeling as though they could trust the other, and it was starting to become clearer to the rest of the guys.

Along with the tension, there were new deals with the Irish that consisted of running handguns throughout the coast, and in California and Nevada. SAMCRO was also in need of a place to store their other merchandise and ATF was still sniffing around in Charming.

The shit with the club felt like it just kept piling up, and Jax's thoughts continued to stray towards Vanessa.

Jax, Opie, Chibs, Juice, and Half Sack were all traveling to another charter to find where they can store some of their merchandise, since their warehouse had recently been blown up. With ATF constantly up their asses, they knew they needed to get the merchandise somewhere enough away from Charming, but somewhere still close enough to where they can get to it fairly quickly when needed.

That led them to be riding through the thicket of Mayan territory at midnight. Deciding to leave in the middle of the night to ensure that it would be low-profile. The last thing they wanted right now, after blowing up the Mayans warehouse and the 'retaliation' for Donna was to have even more blood spilling because of them.

As they continued their relatively quiet ride near the border of Nevada, Jax looked back to see a pack of about six bikes with ape hangers coming up behind them.

"What do we got?" Chibs called out to Opie and Jax, who were riding near him while Juice and Half Sack were driving ahead in the van.

"Mayans!" Jax yelled out to them, warning them that the prospect of trouble seemed inevitable. Juice sped up the van as Jax, Opie, and Chibs all increased their speed as well.

"So much for low profile!" Opie yelled out to his brothers. They were only about five minutes out from their destination, so they continued to ride fast, hoping to get to the clubhouse before any bullets began to fly.

As they were riding through the small city, they noticed the clubhouse up ahead with the van already parked and a few of the guys outside waiting for a brawl between the Sons and Mayans. When Jax was about to pull into the lot, gunfire rang out.

Next thing he knew he was on the ground; his bike had been laid out and he was dragged along the cement of the lot. He could feel the burning on the side of his arm as he got up to get cover. He too started firing his weapon, when he heard Chibs scream out. The Mayans had all begun to flee as the rest of the Sons came out, shooting their weapons at their enemies.

"Shit." Jax groaned as he tried to move his arm. He felt pain throughout his whole right side, but continued to run over to Chibs, who had a bullet lodged in his thigh.

"Mother of Christ!" Chibs yelled out as he tried to stand up. Opie, Jax and the others had all lifted him and brought him into the clubhouse.

"We need to get this bullet outta him!" Juice yelled out. "There anyone here who can do that?"

"Nah, man. Nugget is on a run."

"What the fuck do we do? Chibs can't pull this bullet outta himself." Half Sack yelled over to Jax and Opie, who were putting pressure on the wound.

"What about cops, man? They'll be here any second after all that gunfire." Juice started, worried about what was gonna happen to all of them.

"We got them on payroll." One of the other members called out. "We need to get someone here to get Chibs patched up."

"I know someone." Opie pulled out his burner to call the only person he knew would be close enough to help them.

"Hey Ope, it's a little late." She spoke out over the phone.

"I need your help."

"What's going on?" She sounded full of concern.

"Medical emergency."

"Opie, are you okay?" She asked, her lip trembling with the slightest amount of fear.

"We don't have time to talk. You got a first aid kit?" She replied yes. "Good, I'll be at your apartment in a few minutes."


	6. Chapter 6

Vanessa's heart was racing as she stood outside of her apartment waiting for Opie to pick her up. She was in her favorite flannel pajama pants and a white tank top with a light sweater on. She was considering going up to change when she heard his bike pulling up. She ran over to him quickly and he placed the helmet on her head as they sped right back off towards the clubhouse.

When she got off the bike, her lip was trembling with both fear and a slight chill from the crisp wind that smacked her as they were riding.

"Is he here?" She asked quietly, as she jumped off the bike and started jogging over to the door.

"I'm sorry." Was all Opie said when he opened the door and she saw the pure chaos going around her.

* * *

The bile rose up in her throat as she looked on to see the Scottish man yelling in pain on the table. She could see the blood oozing from his wound and covering his pant leg. Taking in all the blood, she really regretted not changing into something different before coming here.

"Jesus Christ." She muttered to herself, heading over to the man who was bleeding. "Opie, I don't have tools to get a bullet out." She called out as a kid with a funny looking mohawk and lightning bolt tattoos on his head handed her a more advanced kit. She looked down at the kit and took a deep breath. She started by telling the same kid with the mohawk to cut the pants off with his Ka-Bar.

"How bad is it doc?" The man with the scars and the Scottish accent asked her.

"I'm not a doctor." She said nervously, pulling the cloth of his jeans from the wound and checked it. It wasn't bleeding horribly, but it still made the blood rush to her ears as she wanted to scream the nervousness away.

"Lovey, I don't care what ya are, as long as I don't bleed out and die here."

"It looks like it didn't hit any arteries. Just a flesh wound."

"Good." He looked at her. "You gonna take the bullet out? Or just stand there and watch it, lass?"

"I've never actually done this before." She says and looks out to everyone who's staring at her. Her eyes met with the pure blue ones when he begins to step closer to her, with his eyes widened in surprise. He refused to let his eyes leave her face, as it was the first time he had truly seen her in years, but she looks back down at the wound and tries to avoid any more eye contact.

"I don't expect you've ever taken a bullet out before?" Opie asked her.

"No, I mean, I've never had my own patient before." She says and the whole room chuckles, the redness heats her face as she feels embarrassed and almost like she's ready to cry. "I just barely got out of nursing school, I've only ever done supervised hours."

"Jesus Christ." The scarred man muttered.

"Just go for it, Nes. You'll do fine." Opie put a hand on her shoulder as she picked up the tool and began digging for the bullet. It was easy to locate and get out quickly. Her hands continued to tremble as she began to stitch the man up.

"I'm sorry uh..." She mutters out as he groans in pain.

"Chibs. You're doing fine, lovey. Just finish da stitches and clean it." He said to her while she nodded. When she finally finished, she let out a breath that was caught in her chest. "Thank you, lass."

"Yeah, uh, who else do I have to take care of?"

"Just Jackie Boy, took a nasty fall when he laid his bike down." She nods again and slowly walks over to Jax who's sitting by himself by the bar, nursing what looks to be at least his second whiskey.

The room quiets down as she moves to sit next to him. Some members are helping Chibs get to a room while others are taking women and heading back to the other rooms.

"Hi." She whispers to him; he just looks at her. His eyes are full of hurt and confusion, with a twinge of bleariness from the alcohol and the joint he has lit in between his fingers.

"What are you doing here, Vanessa?" He asks coldly.

"I… I just have to take a look at your arm." She sighs out.

"No, I mean what the hell are you doing in Nevada?"

"Oh, you know. Scenery's great here." He scoffs and chuckles a bit, until it hits him that she was just a few hours away and never even bothered to see him. He felt hurt. "Let me see that arm?"

He slowly takes his kutte and zip up hoodie off so she can examine his arm. He hisses in pain as he hands her his kutte and hoodie and she folds them, putting them both on to the bar stool next to her.

"Shit, that's some nasty road rash you got there. I'm gonna have to pick out all the pieces of gravel. It's probably gonna hurt like a bitch."

"Not the first time I laid down my bike, and not the first time you'll be pickin' gravel out of me, remember?" He says quietly to her.

"I remember." She chuckles and grips his arm loosely. "So, what happened?" She asks as she begins to pick the tiny pieces of gravel out of his lower arm.

"Oh, you know, just love the taste of gravel and dirt." He throws at her sarcastically and she looks him straight in the eyes and he just smirks.

"Yeah looks like it." She says as she wipes away the dirt on his face. They're both quiet as she goes back to pulling out more gravel. "Club shit?"

"Club shit." He confirms quietly, putting out the lit end of the joint in the ashtray as she finishes up. When he gets off the stool, she sees blood coming through his white SAMCRO shirt. She pulls him into her and starts lifting his shirt up. "You want me naked that bad, darlin'?"

_That fucking flirty little smirk. Some shit never changes._ She thinks to herself and rolls her eyes at him.

"You're bleeding." She looks underneath and sees gravel stuck inside some of his cut up skin on his abdomen. "I need to clean that." He nods at her but doesn't move. "It would probably be easier if you were laying down."

"First you're tryin' to get rid of my clothes, now you're tryin' to get me into bed. What kinda doctor are you?" Jax smirks at her again, but pulls her by the hand to the room that one of the sweetbutts put his bag in.

As they enter the room, he slowly pulls his shirt off completely, still hissing in pain. He lays down on the bed and Vanessa clears her throat, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on right now. She stays quiet as she pulls out what little gravel is stuck on him and takes an alcohol wipe and gently caresses his skin with it.

She can feel his eyes beating into her, causing her cheeks to flush under his intense gaze. He leans up a little and pushes a strand of her golden blonde hair behind her ear. When she looks up at him his eyes are still looking straight into hers. She doesn't even notice that the wipe is no longer in her hand and that her fingers are gently trailing up and down his abdomen like they did when she used to be sleeping next to him.

He shivers at her touch, causing her to realize what's going on and to pull away from him. She gets off the bed and starts to pack up the kit when he reaches out for her hand.

"Why'd you go?" His voice sounds slightly broken, but like he's trying to hide it. She just shrugs and pulls away again. "It's late, you should just crash here. We can put you up in one of the extra rooms." She nods and goes to wash up in the bathroom that's connected to the room.

Vanessa splashes water on her face several times as she stares in the mirror at herself. Her head felt like it was spinning as she gripped onto the edge of the sink. Her heart was pounding loudly in her chest as she took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

"It's okay. You're okay. You're gonna be okay." She mutters to herself as if it was a mantra. When she leaves the bathroom, she sees a shirtless Jax with just a pair of grey sweatpants on, and her heart began to race again, like it did when she was a teenager.

He walks closer to her and places a SAMCRO t-shirt in her hands. "As cute as you look in those pajamas, I figured you would be more comfortable in somethin' that doesn't have any blood on it."

She looked down, seeing a little bit of blood on both the tank top and the flannel pants. She nods and takes the shirt from his hands, as he looks at her expectantly.

"Turn around." She mutters out, nervously.

"It's nothin' I haven't seen before." He laughs at her as he turns to look away from her. She clears her throat and he takes that as his cue to turn around again, only to see her bending down to pick up her pants and shirt. He smirks at the sight of the shirt just barely covering the black lace panties that she's wearing.

When she turns back around, he takes her in fully and it feels like his mind has shot back to when he was twenty and completely in love with her. Now he's twenty-seven and still completely in love with her.

Now it's her turn to take him in fully and she sees the tattoo that's placed just above his heart. _Abel._ Her heart clenched at the thought of him, at the thought of Jax being a father to another woman's child. She wanted to cry from jealousy, but she couldn't. She just dragged her fingers up to the tattoo and traced it.

"Your son?"

"How'd you know?" He asked with a questioning look on his face.

"David told me. He told me that he was sick."

"Was that you?" He sighed and grabbed her hand.

"Was what me?"

"Was it you at the hospital?" She looked down to the ground knowing that he was about to find out that she basically stalked his baby. _He's gonna think I'm fucking nuts._

"Yeah. I-I heard that he was sick, that he was premature and needed to have some surgeries. He's beautiful." She takes in a deep breath and looks up at him. "I'm sorry, Jax. I shouldn't have just shown up like that."

"It's fine, babe." He pulled her into his chest and placed a kiss on her forehead, her mind was telling her to pull away, but she couldn't. She dreamed of being back in his arms and now she was. She felt strong. She felt safe. She felt like nothing could ever hurt her.

He pulled away to sit on the bed, her hand still in his. It was silent in the room, but it wasn't the lonely silence that haunted her for years. It was a comforting silence. One that made her feel secure.

_That's different._ He thought to himself as he noticed the image inked into her skin.

"You have a tattoo now?" He asked, taking in the small and simple illustration wrapping around her wrist.

"Just a few." She muttered.

"A lily? They were always your favorite." He smiled as he traced the tattoo, remembering the first time he gave her a lily. She was in the hospital getting her tonsils out and her dad refused for him to see her, but he snuck in anyway and with a yellow lily that he had stolen from the garden outside of St. Thomas in hand.

"Yeah." Her eyes started to water as she looked down at him tracing the lily. He looked up at her from where he sat on the bed, seeing her standing over him, he noticed that she looked slightly upset and pulled her closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, laying his forehead on her stomach.

"I've fucking missed you, Nessa." He didn't let her respond before he looked back up to her. "You got any other tattoos?"

"Just one more."

"C'mon show me. I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"All of yours are out right now!" She pushed him gently and he fell further onto the bed.

"And how do you know that?" His eyebrow shot up, waiting for her response as he stood back up from his spot on the bed.

"You told me you would never get any tattoos on your legs. Your others are already out."

"Then it's only fair for me to see yours." He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes. "C'mon darlin', I wanna see 'em."

"Guess. If you guess right, then I'll show you." Vanessa whispered out as Jax flaunted her another flirty smirk as he stood up from the bed. Slowly, Jax gently moved his fingers down her body while the goosebumps rose upon her flesh. Her breath hitched as his hands stopped at her hips and his fingers gently rubbed over her hip bone.

"Here." He whispered confidently, while she just shook her head, forcing him to continue to move his hands across her body. He finally stopped on her back, right near her left shoulder blade. "Here." She nodded her head and he gave her a full-fledged grin, waiting to see the image. _Cocky bastard._ She thought to herself. "You gonna show me?"

She shook her head no, as he moved his body behind hers. She could feel his warm breath on her neck and his body radiating heat.

"C'mon babe, you can't back out now." He said, dropping his hands to the hem of the shirt she borrowed from him. His fingers lightly grazed the tops of her thighs where the shirt ended, she wanted to tell him to stop, but the feel of his hands on her felt too good. It felt right.

Gaining a surge of confidence that she hadn't found in months, she placed her hands on top of where his lingered at the hem of her shirt. She gently began pulling it up her body with his help. Her breath hitched again when she felt the coldness of the room lingering on her upper body. The goosebumps even more prominent than before, but Jax seemed completely unbothered.

He took in the image on her shoulder blade, tracing it, and causing her to shiver.

"More lilies?" She didn't respond as she felt his lips meeting her shoulder blade. He gently moved his lips across her shoulder and up onto her neck and right below her ear when he whispered. "Is this okay?"

_No._ She thought. _This is not o-fucking-kay._

"Y-yes." It was like her voice didn't even belong to her. It was like her mind was telling her body what to do, yet her body did the opposite. His fingers moved up her back to where her bra was connected. Her body wanted him to rip it off of her. Her mind did not, though. Scared about being with him again. Scared about being with anyone again.

"You seem nervous, darlin'."

"S-sorry." She stuttered out. "You always made me a little nervous."

"I know." He chuckled out. "Especially when we first got together, you were always blushin' and shit." She gently helped him pull her bra off as she turned to face him again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slowly kissed from his chin to his lips. When their lips connected it felt natural, like they haven't spent years apart from each other. Like nothing else around them even mattered.

Jax grabbed the backs of her thighs and lifted her up. Instinctually, she wrapped her legs around his waist and let him move them to the bed. When he gently placed her on the bed, his lips didn't know where to kiss her first. He unraveled her arms from his neck and laid kisses around her body.

He kissed up her calves and to her knees, maintaining eye contact while she gently glided her fingers through his long hair. He moved his lips up to the outerparts of her thighs, slowly moving inwards and nipping gently at the soft and warm skin. He felt her breath hitch when he kissed and nipped at her hip bone, remembering from their past that she loved it. Jax kissed up her stomach to the valley of her breasts and up towards her neck. When he finally reached her lips, her whole body felt warm with passion, lust, and love. She didn't feel as scared anymore, she felt safe.

"Do you want this?" Jax asked, unsure if they should really be taking it this far.

"Please." She whined out for him, bringing his lips back to her mouth and wrapping her arms around his neck again. Her arms trailed down his body to the band of his sweatpants and she started pushing them down. Instantly, he went to her aid, pulling them off of himself and quickly ridding her of her panties.

Jax reached over her to his wallet as she kissed his chest, being careful of the wounds on his arm and abdomen. Jax tore open the wrapper and she continued to kiss him, grinding up towards his hardness.

It had been a while since she had been with anyone and her mind was telling her to put an end to this. Telling her that this wasn't right, and she knew that there could be consequences to their actions, but she didn't care. For the first time in seven years, she was touching his skin again.

She watched him as he grabbed a hold of himself and lined his hardness up to her opening, gently pushing inside of her and her whole body was flushed with an overwhelming amount of need. Need for the safety and the love that he always provided her. Need to feel a part of her that was taken from her. Need for him.

She moaned as he thrust gently inside of her, his hands caressing her breasts. He pulled her leg up and placed it over his shoulder for even better access. She watched where they connected and her heart pounded in her chest. Her breath hitched with each slow and hard roll of his hips, feeling him even deeper inside of her. Her fingers dragged roughly against the skin of his back, nails digging slightly into him, not wanting to ever let him go as she pulled him closer to her.

"Fuck Nessa," he groaned out before kissing her lips again. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, babe."

She moaned in response and Jax moved his head down to her chest, kissing over her breasts, he took one nipple into his mouth. Flicking it and nipping at it, hearing her whimper in response, just like she used to. His breath was warm against her skin, and she reveled in it.

His breath was fast and shallow, occasionally letting out deep moans which lit a fire in her, the sounds so familiar and so full of need and pleasure. Jax's eyes couldn't leave her face as her moans became more prevalent in his ears, as he hit just the right spot deep inside of her over and over.

He could feel her tightening around him, her eyes closed and her mouth open in pure bliss, and he knew what that face meant. Her legs began to tremble slightly as her back arched off of the bed and her hand flew to his head, her fingers holding gently onto his hair. His hips stuttered once more before they both groaned, their releases peaking in tandem with each other. Her swollen lips attaching to his as he pulled out of her.

They both sat in silence for a few moments after he cleaned himself up. He pulled her body closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, like she would disappear if he didn't. Their fingers interlaced and he brought her hand up to his mouth, gently kissing it. His face lingered near the back of her head and he breathed in the green apple shampoo that he remembered from all those years ago, causing a pain to hitch in his chest.

"Where'd you go? Got back from County and you were just gone." She could feel the pain in his voice, causing a few tears to form in her eyes.

"Jax…" she sighed out. "It's late, and I'm tired." She couldn't see his face, but she felt him nod behind her. Eventually she felt his breaths even out and the small snores that emanated from his body. She could feel the tears at large now, knowing there was no way that they could make this work, no matter how much she wanted it to.

* * *

Vanessa's mind raced the entire time while lying in Jax's arms. The conflicting emotions ran deep through her body, not knowing why she decided to go this far with him but knowing that it was the best she felt in a long time. It made her feel safe and in control.

She looked at the alarm clock on the table next to her, seeing that it was now 6:03 am. Her mind raced throughout the entire night. All she could think of was her past with him. The future that she knew she could not have with him. She thought of Abel, and then a deep thought that disturbed her, his wife.

Vanessa didn't want to be that kind of person. The woman who slept with a married man. The woman who was in love with a married man. She could feel tears falling down her cheeks as she silently and gently removed herself from Jax's grasp. She looked down at her naked body and felt nothing but disgust.

_He's fucking married._

She justified to herself as she started to put on her pajamas. When she slipped her sneakers on and began walking towards the door, she looked back at the bed and saw his reaper tattoo staring back at her. Laughing at her.

The guilt of sleeping with him, but even more the guilt of leaving him, weighed in her chest as she whispered out.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

**AN:** So we finally have Jax and Vanessa meeting again. Let me know what you guys think! How is my characterization of Jax? Is he out of character?


	7. Chapter 7

**AN/Warning:** This chapter may have some sensitive and triggering material surrounding death. But we get a little more of Vanessa's past. Let me know what you guys think.

* * *

When Jax woke up, he was expecting to see beautiful golden locks cascading around him, her warm body tight against him, and the happiness he felt back when he was a teenager.

Instead he was met with empty and cold sheets, and a pain lingering in his chest. He looked around for any clue of her but found nothing. Her clothes that laid on the dresser previously were gone.

_Typical fucking Vanessa._ He thought to himself, his heart hammering in his chest with anger. He didn't know if he wanted to break all of the shit in the room, or if he wanted to cry.

He walked out into the clubhouse and smelled that someone was cooking breakfast, but he couldn't even think about eating right now. He saw Opie sitting on one of the couches by himself, he looked lost in the noise in his own head until he saw Jax heading towards him.

"Where's Nes?" Opie asked him, when Jax didn't answer he knew what she had done. "She left."

"Doesn't fuckin' surprise me." Jax spat out. "How the fuck did you know she was here, man?"

"Saw her a few weeks back when I was on my walkabout."

"And you couldn't fucking tell me this, Ope?"

"She asked me not to. I felt for her, man. I don't know."

"She gave you her number and shit? You guys been in contact?"

"She's got no one here, Jax. I just wanted to make sure she was safe."

"That's not your fuckin' job, man." Jax couldn't help the seething rage inside of him, but he calmed himself down before he could react any more harshly. "Should've fucking told me, bro."

"She tell you why she split?"

"Nah, apparently she didn't have the time between fucking me and leaving me again." Opie chuckled at his response, even though he knew that it wasn't meant to be funny.

"Sounds like she pulled a Jax Teller, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess she did." Jax could see the humor and the irony behind it. That's what he did with pretty much every woman, he fucked them and then he left them. Or made them leave. "Fuckin' sucks man. I wish she at least told me what the hell was going through her mind when she left Charming. I tried to talk to her about it, but she's a stubborn one."

"That's the Hale in her." They looked at each other again and laughed, the seriousness of the situation not affecting them much. "Look bro, she probably went back to her apartment. You should go see her." Opie said as he told him the address.

"Don't think she wants to see me much."

"Probably not, but she needs to get her head out of her ass."

* * *

Jax pulled up to her apartment and noticed that it was in a pretty bad part of town littered with dealers and some women trying to turn tricks, even though it was only 11 am. He felt angry at her for living around here and putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation.

He parked his Dyna and started making his way up the stairs, looking for apartment number 207. As he stood in front of it, he felt more apprehensive than he has in years. But he still knocked.

* * *

Vanessa was laying on the couch in her silent apartment when she heard a knock on the door. She felt dread overpowering her, unaware of exactly who it could be. Her mind ran through a few options. _The junkie who's always asking for money. Opie. Jax. Him._

She walked slowly to her apartment door and looked out of the peephole. When she saw the shaggy hair and the kutte, she released a sigh of relief at the sight of Jax, but then realized that he was still standing at her door, causing her to want to throw up.

_How the fuck does he know where I live? Fucking Opie._

She started to undo the chain that she always kept on when she was home and opened the door.

"Jax, what are you doing here?" She asked and opened her door all the way to let him inside.

"Making sure you got back alright from your early morning walk." He scoffed. "Typical fucking Nessa, coming into your life, fucking it up, and then running away like nothing ever happened." He didn't mean for his words to sound so harsh, but he was hurt.

"If you're gonna be a dick then you can leave." She pointed to the door as she sat back down on the couch and covered herself with the small pink blanket. He leaned on the small kitchen table that was adjacent to the couch. He noticed how tiny and impersonal her apartment felt. No pictures or art hanging up, no decorations. Just a couch, a table, a small TV, and some kitchen appliances.

_It feels so unlike her. But then again, I guess I don't really know her anymore._

"Why'd you leave?"

"You're fucking married, Jax!" She raised her voice at him, unexpectedly.

"I filed a while ago. Just waiting for it to be finalized. Besides, I meant why did you leave Charming to begin with?"

"You really want to bring up this old shit?"

"It's not old shit for me, Vanessa! It's shit that I still had to deal with for fuckin' years. Not knowing where you were or what I did to make you go, it fucked me up." He waited for her response, but she just looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. "You gonna give me an explanation? Or just sit there and act like I don't exist?"

"I had to leave, Jax."

"You had to leave? Really that's all I'm gonna get." He scoffs. "I looked for you. I talked to your friends, your family, even tried talking to your old man. No one had any fucking answers for me. Not one fucking hint! I was ready to search the goddamn country for you, but I had no clue where to even start. So, I waited and waited for you to come back and you never fucking did. And now the only explanation I get is that you had to leave?"

"Yes! I had to fucking leave okay!" The tears started forming in her eyes and she couldn't help the few that were falling down her face. She wiped harshly away at them when he began again.

"Why? Why did you have to leave? I get out of county to find that you were just gone! No calls, no explanations. You just fucking left!"

She got up quickly from the couch she was sitting on and ran over to her purse, angry at herself and angry at Jax for yelling at her. When she found what she was looking for she moved quickly towards him again, his face adorned with a questioning and confused look. Vanessa slammed the small photo on the table and pointed to it. Jax stared at the picture, confused as to why she placed it in front of him.

"I don't get it. Why are you showing me this?"

"That is why I left." She choked out; her eyes stuck on the picture of the ultrasound in front of her.

"Wait, you were fuckin' pregnant with my kid when you left?" Jax didn't give her a chance to answer when he angrily yelled at her again. "So, you took my fucking kid and you ran!"

"No! I…"

"I can't believe this shit." Jax said as he started searching around her apartment. "Where's my fucking kid, Vanessa?"

"Jax…" Her tears were overpowering her, and she felt like her heart was caving in. Like her world was collapsing around her again, having to relive the worst moment of her life.

"Where's my fucking kid?" He yelled on the top of his lungs.

"She's dead! She's fucking dead, Jax!" Vanessa was sobbing uncontrollably. She brought her hands up to her face to try to wipe away the tears, but they just continued to fall. The guilt swam through Jax as he made his way towards her to hold her in his arms. She fell into his arms, and he couldn't help but to rub her back gently. He waited a few moments for her to control her breathing again.

"What happened?"

"I… I ended up in New York City. I was living with my aunt and taking a few night classes for nursing after work. I-I was a little over seven months along." She took a deep breath, her bottom lip trembled and her thoughts ran wild. Feeling Jax's hand grazing up and down her back eased her a little, but it didn't stop the tears that were forming in her eyes. "One night, after class, I stayed at the library late, studying for a big final exam I had coming up. I realized how late it was and I was driving home. I was driving… and… and the guy… he was supposed to stop. He had a red light, but he was drunk. He hit me dead on. I felt her kicking before, you know, she was moving around a lot. After it happened, all I remember is the sirens and the lights and her not kicking anymore." She could see everything happening in her head.

_She was happy to almost be home. All she wanted to do was put some food in her belly for baby and her, and then lay in her bed. The light had just turned green and she moved her car forward, taking off into the direction of her house._

_The sound of the screeching tires caught her attention, but she had no time to react. Her whole body felt like it was being pulled in all different directions. She felt her stomach smashing hard into the steering wheel in front of her. The glass of her windows broke and surrounded her, the pieces lodging into her skin._

_Her mind started to float away, ebbing in and out of consciousness. The sounds of sirens and the bright lights kept her eyesight from growing dark. She could feel liquid surrounding her. Red. All she saw was red._

"I woke up in the hospital about two days later. I had a concussion and severe blood loss, but it didn't even matter. I looked down, and she wasn't inside me anymore."

_The beeping of the machines next to her and the fluorescent lighting caused Vanessa to wince. She finally opened her eyes and the amount of pain she was in caused her to want to cry. But when she looked down, where her child should be, that pain did cause her to cry. She looked around the room, not seeing her baby anywhere. She felt like she couldn't catch her breath, like the hospital walls were going to cave in on her._

_She could hear her heart monitor speeding up next to her, but she didn't care about herself. She needed to find her baby. She heard the door open quickly, nurses and a doctor rushed in just as she was trying to pull the IV out of her arm._

" _Ms. Hale…" the doctor called out to her._

" _Where's my baby? Where is she? I need to see her."_

" _Ms. Hale you were in an accident."_

" _Where is she? Where's my daughter?" She screamed out, tears falling hard, begging for someone to tell her. She saw her Aunt Debby moving quickly into the room and to her side. "Debby, where is she? Where's my baby? What happened? Tell me where my baby is!"_

" _Vanessa, you were in a car accident."_

" _No, no. She needs me. I need to be with her. Take me to see my baby."_

" _Ms. Hale, you had severe blood loss due to a placental abruption. I'm sorry, but your daughter didn't make it."_

" _No. That's not true! Why are you lying to me?" She felt her heart beating out of her chest as she began to hyperventilate. "She was kicking… I felt her! I felt her! Please stop lying to me, just bring me to my baby. Please." She continued to cry out to the nurse that was holding out a needle, until she felt her eyes get heavy._

"They said she was stillborn. I don't even remember having our baby, Jax. I never even got to really hold her. I never got to say goodbye." Her tears continued to flow as Jax helped her over to the couch. He sat next to her and wrapped the blanket around the two of them before placing a kiss to her forehead. She could feel Jax still rubbing her back as they both sat quietly. Jax felt an indescribable pain in his heart. He never knew that Vanessa was pregnant and that he was going to have a baby girl, but he couldn't help the tears that began flowing from his eyes. He thought he knew loss before, but he didn't, until now.

"What was her name?" Jax asked quietly, finally needing to break the silence between them.

"Liliana Marie Teller." She whispered back. Suddenly the lily tattoos that adorned her body truly made sense. He took a hold of her wrist, rubbing gently over the tattoo that sat there and kissed it. "She would be turning seven on December 13th."

"Fuck, I am so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so fucking sorry, babe." He kissed her hair again, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"It's my fault. I'm the one who left Charming."

"You left because you were scared? With all the club shit? Fuck, if you told me, I would have figured something out with you, babe. Just one call and I would have been there, no matter what."

"I didn't have a choice." She took a deep breath. The memory of the last night she spent in Charming all those years ago flushed through her head.

_Vanessa was scared. She needed to tell Jax about her being pregnant, but it terrified her. They were still just kids themselves, with her only being 18 and him being 20. Was he really ready to have a kid? Was she?_

_She could still feel the tension flowing off her body after her trip to St. Thomas one week ago. She wasn't expecting to find out that she was well, expecting. Jax was locked up in county for a few weeks, so she had to stew on this for a while and that made her even more nervous._

_But she had an overwhelming feeling of joy as well. She and the man that she loved for three years now had created a new life. They made a little human and she wanted to scream it from the rooftops, but also throw up a little because of how nervous she was._

_After her shift at Hanna's Diner, Vanessa decided to go home. She had no choice seeing as Jax and Opie weren't gonna be around and Donna was watching her own baby. As she walked into her house, she smelt the Chinese food that her dad brought home and her mouth actually drooled for it. But when she went to put her things away in her room upstairs, she saw her dad sitting there waiting for her._

_She looked around the room and it looked like a bomb had gone off. There was a large suitcase and a duffel bag sitting on her bed next to her dad._

" _Dad?" She called out to him, seeing a picture in his hand. Her ultrasound. He looked up from the picture, anger emanating from his body, and for the first time in her life, she was genuinely scared of him. He jumped up from the bed, causing her to jump back, her arms instinctually covering up her stomach in an effort to protect her growing baby._

" _You're pregnant?" His face was just a few mere inches away from hers and there was nothing but absolute fear that ran through her body._

" _W-what?" She looked shocked that he had even found the ultrasound._

" _Is it Teller's?"_

" _Dad…"_

" _You biker whore." She wasn't expecting him to throw an awful word in her face like that. "Let's go." He said as he picked up the bags, grabbing her wrist harshly and dragging her down the stairs._

" _Daddy, you're hurting me!" She pulled her wrist away, looking at the marks that were now covering it. "What's going on?"_

" _You think I'm letting you stay here? Raise some biker trash baby with him? Let's go." He gave her no choice, as he grabbed her a little more gently this time and pulled her out of the house. "Go to the car."_

_She continued walking and her heart was pounding. She had no idea what he was thinking or what was going on. He placed the bags in the trunk of the car and got into the driver's seat, as she buckled herself into the passenger seat._

" _Dad, where are we going?" But he ignored her._

" _You're having Jax Teller's kid. I can't believe you would do this to our family. Think about what your mother would say if she was still here."_

" _Mom would just want me to be happy."_

" _You've disappointed me so much, Vanessa. All your mother and I have ever wanted was for you to have a safe and successful life. Yet here you are, getting knocked up at 18, by a criminal no less." Her father says to her, she tries to hold the tears back, but she can't. "Jacob is in graduate school and David is fighting for our country, while you're getting picked up by the cops and whoring yourself around with biker trash!"_

" _I'm not whoring myself around! I love Jax, Dad. I've loved him for more than three years now."_

" _You're 18, you don't know what love is!"_

" _Yes, I do. Jax and I will do this. We'll support ourselves and we'll raise this baby together."_

" _Yeah with dirty and bloody money, Vanessa! He's a goddamn criminal. He's already locked up now. You think that will change after you have this kid? He'll continue to be thrown in and out of jail and you will be raising that kid on your own. Is that really the life you want to live? Jesus, Vanessa, you got into top colleges. What about Stanford and Berkeley? You planned to be a doctor! Do you really want to throw that all away for some first love fairytale?"_

" _Plans change." She muttered out._

" _These so-called plans will be a disgrace to our family!"_

" _Is that what this is about?" She asked angrily, turning to look at him as he was still driving. "You're ashamed to have a daughter who's knocked up at 18 and in love with a biker criminal? Afraid of what people will think about the wonderful Jacob Hale Sr. and his darling daughter who's fucking a biker?" She wasn't prepared for the quick thwack to her face. She could already feel her lip bleeding and swelling from him backhanding her._

" _I'm ashamed of you. Dating him and having his child, it could be detrimental to my career and to our entire family."_

" _Let me out!" She yelled back at him. "Let me out of this fucking car! You don't even care about me or about this baby. All you care about is yourself. That's all you have ever cared about. Where are you taking me?" He ignored her again. "Where are you fucking taking me, dad?"_

" _You're out of my house."_

" _Fine! Take me to Teller-Morrow. I'll figure all of this out with Jax."_

" _You're not going back to Charming."_

" _What are you talking about?"_

" _I can't have you here in Charming, ruining our family, and whoring yourself out with white trash. I've set you up in New York."_

" _What? Dad, New York? I can't move to New York! My whole life is here. The father of my baby is here! I'm not a kid, you can't just ship me off because I made a mistake!"_

" _This isn't just a mistake, Vanessa. You are ruining your whole life!" She sees that they have arrived at Stockton Airport and she starts crying even harder now._

" _I can make my own choices, dad. You can't make me go!" He continued to ignore her as he put the car in park. "So, you're just gonna send me off? Without letting me say goodbye to Jax? To Donna? Why are you doing this to me?"_

" _I am doing this for you."_

" _I'm not going. You can't force me to do this."_

" _I can, and I am. You have no choice on the matter."_

" _This is my life that you're trying to fuck up, and you're saying I have no choice? What makes you think I won't come back? What makes you think that I'm just gonna leave Jax behind?"_

" _If you ever step foot in Charming again, you will regret it."_

_Her face drops at the threatening tone of her father's voice. Pure fear is the only thing she could feel._

" _That baby's father is already spending time behind bars. If you refuse to go, or if you come back, I will make sure that baby's father will spend the rest of his life behind bars, and I will make sure that life is very, very short."_

" _You're threatening to have him killed?" She asks, startled._

" _You ever contact anyone from Charming, whether it's Donna or Jax or anyone else, I will make sure that baby will never know its father or its mother."_

" _You would take my baby away from me? You would hurt me like that?" She sobs._

" _You know I can get Jax locked up for the rest of his life and that I can take that baby away from you as soon as you have it. Do not test me, Vanessa." He speaks with an air of confidence and ferocity. Her eyes water as she wipes at her lip, seeing the drops of blood from him smacking her as he gets out of the car and grabs her bags, handing them to her as she steps out of the passenger seat. When he hugs her, she physically cringes, wanting to pull away. "You understand my warnings?" He asks her as she nods. "Good, please do not make me do that to you, Vanessa."_

"He fucking forced you away from me? Forced you out of Charming?" Jax seethed.

"I'm sorry, Jax. All those letters that you sent back to me, they explained everything. I really wanted you to know. I didn't want you to think that I just left you, because I didn't. I wouldn't do that." Jax looked confused at her.

"Letters?"

"I kept sending them, hoping you would eventually forgive me."

"I didn't get any letters, Nessa."

"I sent them. All of them were labelled as 'return to sender', except for the first one. That's the one I sent a plane ticket to New York for you. I wanted you to come out, so I can explain. I waited at the airport, but you never showed." She said as she got up, walking to her bedroom. He heard her shuffling through drawers and was just about to get up when he saw her walking back, handing the stack of letters to him.

"I never saw any of these, babe. I would have showed up." He looked through all of the letters, all of them addressed as 'return to sender.' "Fucking, Gemma. She probably read that first one and fucking sent the rest back. I'm sorry."

"I guess I understand why. I hurt you and she wanted to protect you. I get it."

"Should keep her nose out of other people's business."

"That was never Gemma's strong suit." He nodded and pulled her into his lap.

"I'm so fucking sorry. You've been through hell and I should've been there, protecting you and our little girl." She shrugged her shoulders and looked away from his eyes, she was going to respond when his phone started ringing.

She got up from his lap and walked over to the ultrasound picture that was still sitting on the kitchen table, she couldn't help but stare at it. Finally speaking out about what had happened lifted a huge weight off her chest, but it also made it more real. That piece of her and Jax, the little life that they created, would never be anything more than a memory and a dream to the both of them. Nothing more.

"I gotta go, Nes." She turned around at his voice.

"Wait- is uh, is Abel, is he okay?"

"Abel's perfect. He's getting big, he's just taking his time cooking in the toaster." He joked. She gave a sad smile and nodded, happy to hear that the baby was doing better. "He would like you. You should come meet him, for real this time."

"I don't- I don't think that's a good idea." She shook her head and swallowed hard.

"Well if you change your mind, the offer still stands. He's got good taste, he'd love you." She rolled her eyes at him. "You should think about coming back to Charming."

"I can't, it would stir up too much shit. Plus, there's nothing left for me in Charming."

"I'm in Charming." He said lightly, his voice sounded almost childlike.

"I can't, Jax."

"Well at least give me your number and take down mine, I'll be making my way here every once in a while, we got some business going on with the Reno charter." She put her number in his phone and he grinned at her. He hands the letters back to her.

"You can keep them. Some of them have some pictures. Ultrasounds, nursery, my pregnant belly, all that kind of stuff." He takes them back from her and pulls her in for a tight hug.

"I'll call you to check up on you. You can call me if you ever need anything, you got it?"

"You don't have to do this, Jax. I can take care of myself."

"I know, but I just want to make sure you're safe. You're my girl." He takes a gentle hold of her chin and lifts up her face, so she's looking at him. He gives her a gentle but passionate kiss, making her weak in the knees. "You've always been my girl, Nessa."

* * *

**AN:** I hope you guys don't think Jax is out of character. Once I get a decent number of chapters in, I will be following a weekly update schedule so I don't get too far ahead and can give myself a good amount of time to write future chapters. Let me know what you think, what you like/don't like!


	8. Chapter 8

When Jax got back in Charming the first thing he did after church was go see his son. Hearing about the loss of his little girl, the one he didn't even know he had, tore at his heart. But he now felt even more grateful for his son being alive.

He looked at Abel's tiny body after he finished reading a story to him, his body still encased in the incubator. He hasn't even had the opportunity to hold him yet, but the love that he feels for his son is overwhelming.

"I'm gonna change all this shit for you, Abel. I'm gonna be a better man and a better dad, for you and for Lily." Jax whispered to himself. After leaving St. Thomas, Jax decided to go to his house for the first time in weeks.

He walked inside, noticing that it was much cleaner than the last time he was here right after Abel was born, and he knew that he had Gemma to thank for that. He looked at the unfinished nursery for his son, knowing that he had to change if he wanted to be there for Abel. Abel needed him, and he didn't realize it before, but he needed Abel too.

Jax chucked the bag he had hanging over his shoulder onto the bed in the master bedroom and sighed, deciding that if he was gonna spend the night here alone, then he needed to have at least a few beers in him. He walked slowly towards the kitchen but stopped next to the guest room that had nothing more than a bed and a small dresser in it. His mind flashed, thinking of the little girl that he could have right now.

_He saw the room that he would have built for her. With pictures adorning the walls and toys covering the floor. He could see all of the barbies and dolls and coloring books. He could see her braided golden locks, just like her mothers, and she would be smiling up at him while playing with her toys, Vanessa by his side with Abel on her hip. Them as a family. There was nothing he wanted more._

The thoughts caused him to remember the letters that Vanessa had told him that she wrote to him. The fact that he had never seen any of the letters fueled anger inside of him. He would have known about his daughter and his girl if Gemma had never interfered.

He wanted to confront Gemma. But figured it was best if no one but himself and Opie knew that Vanessa was in Reno. He figured it would be easiest for not only him, but for her too. She's been through a lot of shit and the last thing he wanted was to add on to that.

After grabbing a beer, he made his way back to the room and plopped on the bed. He opened the bag and saw the stack of letters wrapped in a small red ribbon. There were about fifteen or so letters total, all of them containing a life he never even knew about. A life he wished he could go back and be involved in.

He read all of the letters. Some of them having information about the baby and her pregnancy. She talked about her classes and her job. She talked about how she was sorry and that she would do anything to make it up to him.

Most of the letters also had pictures accompanying them. The first few were ultrasound pictures, but once she got further into her pregnancy, she sent pictures of her belly, the bright grey and pink nursery, and more ultrasounds. She sent several pictures of herself with her belly on display, the glow that emanated from her made his heart clench. She was beautiful. When he got to the last two pictures that she sent, he could feel the tears welling in his eyes.

Vanessa had tubes hanging from her nose and machines hooked up to her. He could see the hospital gown and the blanket wrapped around her. Her eyes were shut and her skin pale, dull. For a moment, he thought she looked peaceful, but laying on her chest was a small pink bundle. His baby girl. His Lily. The bundle was tiny, maybe even tinier than Abel when he was born, and that made his heart burst with pain. Her eyes were closed too.

Jax had to quickly look away from the picture to stop his tears from falling. He looked to the next picture and he felt the pain and the grief, it felt much more real now.

There was a small and simple tombstone with a lily carved into it, the words engraved into it made his heart ache. In loving memory of Liliana Marie Teller. December 13th, 2001. Always in our hearts.

The picture of his daughter's tombstone almost crushed him. It made him feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. Guilt for not being there for her. Guilt for not even knowing about her. But it also made him feel anger. Anger at the man who was responsible for killing his unborn daughter. Anger at the man who forced Vanessa and his baby away. Anger at everyone.

Without even realizing it, Jax's phone was lifted to his ear, waiting for the voice on the other end to pick up.

_"Jax?"_ Vanessa called out.

"Where is she?"

_"What are you talking about?"_

"Lily. Where's she buried?"

_"In a cemetery in New York. Next to my aunt, uncle, and grandparents."_

"I should have fucking been there, Nes."

_"I'm sorry._ " She whispered out.

"This is on me, babe. If I wasn't locked up in county, this shit wouldn't have happened. I could've been with you. I could've protected you both."

_"I have never once blamed you, Jax."_

"What happened to the person in the other car?" Vanessa could hear the heartbreak and the pure need to kill that lingered in his voice. "What happened to the asshole that killed our baby girl and almost killed you?"

_"They never found them."_ She sighed. _"It was a hit and run. The car- the car was apparently stolen a few days before it happened and the driver was never found. All they found was a bunch of open liquor bottles in the front seat. No fingerprints or anything."_ Jax could hear the pain in her voice too. " _Are you okay, Jax?"_

"I want you to be here. I want you to come back to Charming."

_"I can't… I'm sorry. I'm gonna be late for work."_ She changed the subject, ignoring the sensitive topic.

"Alright. I'll talk to you soon."

* * *

 

The next morning, Jax walked into the clubhouse with a pinch in his head from the alcohol and a pinch in his chest from uncovering the life of his unborn daughter. The only person he saw was Juice sitting by himself on his computer, which was good because Juice was just the person he needed to see.

"Sup Jax?" Juice called out to him quickly, then looked back down to his computer.

"You busy, bro?"

"Nah, you need me for something?"

"Yeah, man. I need you to look into someone for me on the down low. No one else hears about this shit, aight?"

"Sure, VP. I just need a name."

"Vanessa Hale." Jax said quietly. Juice looked up at his Vice President and narrowed his eyes slightly, remembering that Vanessa Hale was the woman in Reno who stitched up Chibs.

"You sure you wanna go there, brother?"

"Just do it." Jax's authority lacing his voice.

"Alright, any specific reason why?"

"No. Get me anything you can on her time in Reno, and only her time in Reno. Nothin' about New York."

"What do you need, man? I can probably get you employment records, DMV, bank records, criminal history, court records, all that kinda shit."

"Yeah, that's fine. I just need to make sure she's doing okay, y'know?"

"No public record of a Vanessa Hale in Reno." Juice said, he could see the questioning look on Jax's face.

"Try her mother's maiden name Barnes."

"Nothin' man. That doesn't mean she's not living in Reno. She could be getting paid under the table and paying cash for her apartment."

"Why would she be doing that though? Doesn't make sense."

"I found some shit from when she was in New York. You want me to check into it?" Jax just nodded. "Alright, looks like she graduated from NYU's College of Nursing, had a full scholarship too. Worked at a bar in the city. No housing records in her name so she probably lived with someone. A few hospital records. No criminal record."

"Anything that would indicate a change in her last name? Marriage records or anything like that?"

"Nah, man."

"What about court records?" Juice started typing away as Jax looked over his shoulder.

"She's got a few public court records. Latest was about six months ago, she filed for a restraining order."

"You got a name on the RO?"

"Nah, it's blacked out. But if she's running from someone that could be why we can't find anything on her in Reno."

"Any way you could possibly get a name?"

"I'm not sure. I could try, but it might take me a while."

"Yeah, get on that, bro. Thanks."

"No problem. Anything else you need me to look into?"

"Nah, but this shit, it stays between us two, got it?" Juice nods his head and walks away.

Meanwhile, all Jax can think about is why Vanessa was running and who she was running from.

* * *

**AN:** Clearly, I'm not really sure how digging into someone's background goes, so just pretend lol. Otherwise, I hope you guys like the chapter. Don't forget to review!


	9. Chapter 9

Over the next few days, Jax had called Vanessa several times. Knowing that she was potentially trying to hide from someone made him worried about who could possibly be out to hurt her. _Why would she move halfway across the country to get away from someone?_ Jax thought to himself.

He knew how stubborn she was and how she would shut down if she knew that he found out about the restraining order, so he refused to mention it over the phone.

So, when Friday finally hit, he was glad he could go out to Reno again, wanting nothing more than to check up on her. To touch her again, it felt like it was the longest week he's ever had to live through.

Jax had volunteered to go on this basic run with a few of the other guys, claiming that it would help him clear his head, which it probably would considering he would see her again, plus it would help him keep clear of Clay for a few days. The tension there was still thick, and he didn't think that it would ever be fixed. He just hoped that there would be no trouble with the Mayans, but he wasn't counting on it. Trouble seemed to follow them everywhere.

_Hey babe, gonna be in Reno tonight._ Jax sent a quick text over to her.

_Hopefully, you won't need a nurse then._ She replied back, causing him to give a small smirk.

_I wouldn't mind as long as she looks like you._ Jax sent back, he knew she used to love his flirting, and she hoped that he still did.

_I'll see you soon._ She wrote back quickly.

Opie recognized the small smirk that Jax was wearing, considering it was a very familiar smirk. One that he would constantly sport when he was flirting with pussy. The little bit of light that he had in his eyes indicated that he was flirting with one pussy specifically, Vanessa.

"You good, man?" Jax asked, noticing Opie was staring at him.

"You texting Nes?"

"Nah."

"Sure, you weren't, I could see that smirk all the way from over here. You gonna see her tonight?"

"I don't know, bro. Maybe."

"Where you goin' with that, Jax?"

"Who are you, my fuckin' mother?" Jax joked at Opie's concern.

"Nah, man. Just wanna make sure you got your head all clear. Shit with you and Clay seems tense, brother. Don't want anything else to twist you up."

"I'm good, Ope." He lied.

* * *

 

Juice, Jax, and Half Sack all rode to Reno together, luckily there was no action for them with the Mayans. They just wanted to get there, check on their hardware, and discuss options with the Reno charter president, Hench.

When Jax finished meeting with Hench, he was ready to finally see Vanessa after several days. _How the fuck did I go seven years without her? Now I can barely go a few hours without checking up on her._ Jax thought to himself feeling a little uncomfortable with how much of a pussy his thoughts were making him sound like.

He pulled up to her apartment building, even more concerned for her now. During the day, it was pretty bad. But at night, he could see a couple of guys tweaking out just a floor below her. It made him nervous for her. He eventually knocked on her door and smiled brightly when he saw her, she was just dressed in a towel, her hair drenched and falling down her back.

"Hey, darlin'." He said kissing her cheek. "Shouldn't open the door dressed like that around here."

"It's fine. Everyone here is pretty harmless."

"Babe, there's a group of guys downstairs who are fuckin' wasted and tweaked out of their minds right now."

"I'm fine, Jax." She grumbled out, about to go back to her room to throw on some clothes, but Jax grabbed her wrist gently before she could. His lips connected with hers and he smiled into the kiss before he broke away, he was just happy to finally be with her again. "Hi." She whispered out almost inaudibly.

"Hi." He chuckled out. She pulled away and went into her room to get dressed, not knowing that he followed her into the tiny bedroom. "This place is so tiny." She jumped at the surprise of his voice.

"Jesus! You scared me." Her chest heaved while he smiled out. "I know, but it's just me here so it works out fine." She said throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Jax couldn't help but check her out as she slid the towel off of her body. He walked over to her quietly, kissing her forehead before pulling away.

"You know, you look almost exactly the same as you did when we were teenagers."

"Well so do you. Your hairs just a little longer and you got this..." she pointed to the Vice President patch on his kutte, "VP." Jax sat on her bed and pulled her hand over to him, forcing her to sit on his lap. "I don't remember you being this clingy when we were teenagers."

"That's because you were always the clingy one." He smiled at her.

"Was not!" She feigned offense.

"Oh yeah you were babe. You were always touchin' me and pushin' up on me. Holding my hand and shit. I remember at some parties you would be practically shoving your tongue down my throat." She blushed at his comment, knowing it was not far from the truth.

"Had to stake my claim on you. You were a hot commodity back then, Teller." He intertwined his fingers with hers and laughed. "Besides, I don't remember you complaining about it."

"I couldn't, I could barely talk with your lips always on mine." She pulled his hand away and smacked him lightly on the chest and she saw him flinch.

"Are you okay?" She asked, moving away from him and trying to see what was wrong with him.

"I'm good, darlin'. Just added some new ink a few days ago."

"Can I see it?" She asked quietly.

"Every time I'm around you, you're trying to get my clothes off."

"Shut up." She said as he began to take his kutte and flannel shirt off. When she saw the ink right underneath his Abel tattoo, her heart fluttered. Her hand traced over it lightly, still seeing that it was slightly red and inflamed.

"You got her birthday tattooed?" She whispered, seeing Lily's birthdate on him in Roman Numerals. He just nodded and she grabbed his face lightly, kissing him deeply. There was a tear falling down her cheek as he pulled apart from her and he wiped it away. He kissed her again, pulling the tank top over her head. She moaned out when he pushed her onto the bed and kissed up and down her body.

"Please." She muttered out, begging for him.

"I'm right here, babe."

* * *

 

The next morning Jax woke up to the sun shining in his face. As he tried to adjust his eyes to the early morning sun, he looked over, seeing her wrapped in his arm with her head on his chest, her eyes staring at him with a sleepy grin on her face. She gently ran her fingers over the stubble on his jawline.

"Hi." She whispered out, kissing right above the two tattoos on his chest.

"Mornin'." He returned to her and pecked her lips, they just smiled at each other.

"I feel like this isn't real." Vanessa whispered, still looking at his face.

"What're you talkin' about?"

"You know, this. I spent so much time wishing that I could see you again, and now it just doesn't feel real."

"Last night was real, babe. This shit between us, it's still real. It's been real since I was seventeen." She smiles at his response.

"You hungry?"

"A little. You know how to cook now? That wasn't somethin' I expected." He throws at her in a joking tone.

"Shut up. I'm a great cook." She laughs. "But I was actually gonna say that we can go to the diner down the street. It's pretty good."

* * *

 

After breakfast, Jax decided to take Vanessa on a ride like they used to. She couldn't help the feelings of an exhilarating freedom while holding on to him and zooming throughout the town. And she couldn't help the memories that flooded through her of the first time she ever rode with him.

_It was a Saturday night and Vanessa was walking home from Donna's house. She knew that she was going to get home later than her 11PM curfew but she didn't really care. She had just spent the whole night talking about Donna's first date with Opie from the night before. Vanessa had never been on a date, so she was living vicariously through Donna at the moment. They squealed and laughed about how well the date went. How Opie had kissed Donna goodnight._

_Donna's house was only a little more than a mile from her house, but later at night it seemed much further. Vanessa passed by Teller-Morrow, hearing the loud music and people screaming and boisterously laughing. It sounded like a huge party was going on, again. Which didn't surprise her._

_She continued walking down Main Street and passed Hanna's Diner, it looked to be just about empty, even though it was open for another hour._

" _Vanessa Hale!" She heard someone call her name out loudly. She looked back and saw him and two other boys laughing loudly. When she saw that it was Chad Novak and his merry band of assholes she rolled her eyes and kept walking, not wanting to get involved with whatever they had to say. "Hale, where you goin?"_

_She continued to ignore him while the group of boys followed her. She wasn't expecting him to grab her arm roughly and pull her back. The fear that flowed through her veins haunted her. Her father had always warned her about the guys of SAMCRO and what they would do to her if she was alone with or near them. They had never once bothered her, but her dad had never warned her about the boys that his own friends have raised._

" _Please leave me alone." She said as she pulled her arm away from him and almost started to sprint away, but before she could he grabbed at her arm again. She could smell the alcohol that lingered on his breath. "Chad, what are you doing?"_

" _I'm not gonna hurt you, Nessie." The boys laugh. "C'mon, let's go."_

" _Chad, stop! Stop!" She yelled as he continued to pull at her. When she punches at him to let her go, he grabs at her hair roughly and pulls her closer to him. The stench of alcohol is drowning her now and the fear of not making it home at all runs through her veins._

" _What the fuck is your problem? You been coming on to me for weeks now. I know you want this just as much as I do." She tries to push and fight to get away from him as he continuously tried touch her. His friends stand directly behind her, breathing down her neck like they are waiting to get their chance with her. Although they are not touching her, she still feels as if it will be nearly impossible for her to get away. As Chad tries to kiss her, the sound of a motorcycle revving rings through her ears._

_Apparently, the revving rang through Chad's ears too, as he looks up to see who it was. As his focus is elsewhere, Vanessa throws her elbow back, hitting the chest of one of the boys standing behind her, before slamming her fist into Chad's face. She wants to admire the good shot to his face before taking off, but she doesn't get the chance as his eyes pierce her._

" _Prude bitch!" He yells and sees him balling up his fist, she closes her eyes, waiting for the pain to come, but it doesn't. Instead she hears yelling and groaning._

_When she opens her eyes, she sees Jackson Teller hovering over a bleeding and bruised Chad. Chad is lying on the ground covering his face as Jax lays punch after punch into him. When the two other boys try to pull Jax off of him, he elbows one in the face while the other backs away with his hands up in surrender, not wanting to be hit too._

" _You broke my fucking nose!" She hears Chad yell and she can't help but chuckle a little, he's always been such an asshole. He looks her dead in the eyes and yells again. "You think that's funny, bitch?"_

" _You think it's okay to try to beat on girls? Huh?" Jax yells as he kicks him in the stomach a few times. He stops his attack on Chad. "You gonna apologize?"_

" _She shouldn't have been walking around all alone." Jax is unamused by his response as he lays another hard kick to the man on the ground. "I'm sorry, man! I'm sorry, it was just a joke." Chad cries out. Jax lifts him off the ground, holding him by the collar of his shirt._

" _Apologize to her, asshole!" Jax still has a hold on his shirt collar, but moves him forcibly, letting him face Vanessa._

" _I-I'm… I'm sorry!" Chad is in tears now and it makes Vanessa want to laugh in his face. Her thoughts running back to the fact that he is getting exactly what he deserves._

" _I see you touch her, or any other girl like that again, and I will fucking finish this. You got that?" Chad is nodding when Jax pushes him away roughly. "That goes for you two shit heads too!" She sees the three of them running off when Jax comes over to her._

" _You alright?"_

" _Y-yeah, thank you." She mutters out. "You didn't have to do that."_

" _Novak's a prick. He deserves that and much worse." She nods her head in agreement. "Vanessa Hale, right?"_

" _Yeah. T-thanks, Jax." She stutters out anxiously. She's always been extremely attracted to him and his bad boy look. But now having him not only talking to her, but also saving her, makes her heart pound quickly. The attraction for him is growing right before her eyes. But so is the nervousness. "I-uh, I'm gonna be late." She starts walking off when he catches up to her._

" _I can give you a ride home." She checks her watch and notices she has less than 10 minutes to get home, and it's still at least a 15-minute walk._

" _On that?" Her eyes grow wide and he laughs at her reaction._

" _It ain't that bad."_

" _I'm… I'm not sure. My dad finds out that I was on the back of your bike and he'll kill me." She rambled and felt embarrassed afterwards, worrying that she offended him. "No offense."_

" _None taken, darlin'. I'll drop you off a block from your house. He'll never even find out."_

" _Y-yeah. Okay." The words just flew out of her mouth as he hands her the helmet. He guides her to the motorcycle, and he gets on first, waiting for her to get on next._

" _You kinda have to be on the motorcycle if you ever wanna get anywhere." He smirks at her and she nods, getting on the back and wrapping her arms loosely around him. "Darlin' you're gonna need to hold on tighter than that." He says, maneuvering her arms around his waist. "That okay?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Good, hold on." He takes off and she can feel the cool wind blowing through her hair. Being on the back of the motorcycle feels exhilarating and she can't help but laugh as her hair continues to flow. Jax hears her laugh and smiles back at her, speeding up even faster. She feels like she's flying. She's never felt this good before and she can't help but want to make this ride last even longer._

_Soon he slows down to a complete stop. There's still a huge smile on her face, which is a little red from the cool wind. Jax puts his hand out to her to help her off and then unclips the helmet, after taking it off he pats down the messy hair and laughs with her._

" _How was that?"_

" _Amazing. I can see why all of you guys ride around so fast all the time." He nods at her. "Thanks, Jax. I uh, I better get home." She starts walking off and Jax follows her to the corner of her street._

" _Maybe I can give you another ride sometime." Her eyes go wide at what she is sure was meant as a sexual innuendo. "It's even better on highways when you can go real fast."_

" _I'd like that." She says as she stops at the corner. "Thanks again, Jax."_

" _I'll see you around, Nessa."_

* * *

 

Jax and Vanessa ride back to her apartment. They've spent a good portion of the day just spending time with each other and enjoying each other's company. It's the most calm and most secure they both have felt in a long while.

As they get back inside, Jax knows that he's gonna have to leave soon, but he really needs answers. He needs to know that he can leave her here in Reno and know that she's safe.

"Nessa, can I ask you something?" He questions, he doesn't want her to overreact or to get pissed at him, like he knows she sometimes has the tendency to do.

"Sure." She says grabbing two beers, handing one to him before sitting at the small table next to him.

"Why'd you leave New York?"

"I just needed change." He knew that she was lying but he just nodded.

"So, of all places, you come to Reno to a shitty apartment and a shitty bartending job that you don't even want to do?"

"What is this? 20 fucking questions?" She asks defensively.

"Nah, just trying to see where your head's at."

"New York just had too much bad shit attached to it. So, I left. I wanted to be closer to Charming but far enough away that it doesn't cause unnecessary shit for you or anyone else." He nods at her response again, taking a big gulp of his beer.

"Be honest with me, are you running from something? Or someone?"

"Why would you ask me that, Jax?"

"There's no record of you being in Reno. No bank accounts, no apartment in your name, no employment records, nothing."

"You looked me up? Looked into my personal shit?" She jumped up and scoffed.

"I just wanted to make sure that you were safe."

"That's not your job!" He could see the small vein popping out of her neck as she yelled, and if she wasn't so pissed, he would probably kiss and nip at it.

"Who'd you get a restraining order on?"

"That is none of your business."

"If you're not safe, that is my business. If you're running from someone, I can help you. I can protect you. Just give me a name, darlin'."

"I don't need your help, Jax! I never asked for you to help me or protect me." She tries to calm herself down, not wanting to ruin what little relationship they had. "The restraining order, it was just a precaution. I didn't run away from New York. I just needed a change."

"If you're in danger…"

"I'm not Jax, I promise. I am fine." She walks closer to him and wraps her arms around him, taking in the warmth of the hug as she tries to convince him. "Thank you for caring."

"Always, babe. Like I said, you're my girl and you're SAMCRO. You're always gonna be my family, and you know that I do whatever I have to do to protect my family." He kisses her cheek as his phone blares out indicating that he has a text. "I gotta get going. You sure you don't wanna come back to Charming with me?"

"I can't, Jax." She sighs out. He starts walking to the door, her hand in his. She opens the door and steps outside with him, feeling the warm sun on their bodies. He puts his hand to the back of her head and leans in as he kisses her passionately again. His lips not wanting to leave hers.

"I'll see you soon, babe." He whispers to her as he leans back in, placing his hands on her hips and pecks her lips a few more times.

"Be safe, Jax." She whispers and he kisses her forehead.

"You too, darlin'."


	10. Chapter 10

Vanessa was tired after her late Saturday shift at Leather & Lace last night. She got stuck closing and didn't return home until after 3am. She was excited that she had a chance to sleep in this morning, but when her phone pinged out at 9am she wanted to scream. She forgot to turn it on silent last night, and now there was no way she was going to get more rest before her shift later tonight.

She looked over at her phone and saw that Jax had texted her. Although she was upset that she didn't get much sleep, she was happy to see his name show up.

_Thought you'd like to see him up close._ The text said, then a picture popped up. She looked at the picture with a huge grin on her face. It was a picture of Abel, he was still in the incubator, but his bright blue eyes were wide open, and he had a silly little grin on his face. He was all Jax.

_He's beautiful. He looks just like you._ She replied to him.

_Thanks, babe. I'll talk to you later._

She didn't respond, she just stared at the picture of Abel, a smile still on her face as she looked at how absolutely beautiful he was.

* * *

Vanessa was not excited to be going into work tonight. It was Sunday, which meant that her shift would likely drag on due to the slowness of Sunday's at the club. As she walked into the backstage area, where she would put her belongings in her designated space, she saw a large envelope sitting on the makeup table. She picked it up and noticed that it had her name on it, but she had no idea who would send it or why.

She opened the envelope and was faced with pictures of her weekend. There was a picture of Jax knocking on her apartment door, a picture of her answering it in just her towel, there were pictures of her and Jax sitting in a booth at the diner with smiles on their faces, a picture of her and Jax riding together, a picture of them kissing, and the last picture was not of her.

She looked at it and the tears welled in her eyes. The picture was labeled **2:23 AM, Last Night.** Jax was kneeling on a bed taking a blonde woman from behind, his hands were grabbing at the woman's breasts. She could see the look of pure ecstasy on the woman's face and her jealous rage flowed through her. She wanted to scream and punch things. She wanted to punch Jax. But mainly, she wanted to cry.

_You're my girl._

Those three words, the words he used to say when they were kids, flowed through her head.

"I'm so fucking stupid." She whispered to herself as tears started to fall down her cheeks. Vanessa put the photos back in the envelope and shoved it into her bag, not even worrying about who sent the photos, all she could think about was the fact that Jax had been intimate with another woman, and not even 24 hours after they were together in her bed.

_I don't even know why I fucking care. It's not like we're together._ She thought to herself. _Calling me his girl. Telling me how much he missed me. Sleeping with me. It's all just been one big fucking game to him._

* * *

Vanessa finished her shift quite early since the bar closed earlier on Sunday's. She walked back to her apartment, the envelope in her bag. She heard her phone ringing and looked down to see that Jax was calling her. It was the second call of the night from him, but she ignored it. The phone beeped and she realized that he left a message.

" _Hey, babe. You've probably been busy but give me a call back."_ She slammed the flip phone shut and rolled her eyes at his voicemail. _Probably not as busy as you've been, you asshole._ She thought to herself.

She finally got back to her apartment and passed out. The lack of sleep and the emotional rollercoaster of the day weighing heavily on her.

* * *

 

It was Friday afternoon and Jax had been trying to get a hold of Vanessa every day, several times a day for the past five days. He called, texted, left voicemails but she never answered. He started to worry about her. Actually, he's been worried about her since she hasn't returned his calls on Sunday. He worried that something may have happened to her in town, or that whoever she was running from found her.

"You alright, man?" Opie asked him, seeing the look of defeat on Jax's face after he hung up the phone again after no answer.

"You talk to Nes lately?"

"Called her last night, she said she was fine, just busy."

"So, she answers your fuckin' calls?" He scoffed.

"We talked for like two minutes."

"Two more minutes than I've talked to her in almost five days." Jax says with a bitter tone and Opie laughs.

"What'd you do, bro?"

"What the fuck makes you think I did somethin'?"

"There's gotta be a reason why she's ignoring your calls."

"We texted Sunday morning, and then nothin'. Radio silence. I didn't do shit to her." Jax says as he starts packing up his saddlebags.

"What are you doing, man?"

"I'm going on the run to Reno tonight. She's obviously pissed at me for something, I just don't know what."

"Welcome to the world of women." They both laugh and Jax shakes his head. "You think it's a good idea to be going up there every weekend?"

"Only way I'm gonna be able to see her, Ope. She ain't gonna come back here." Jax says, he wants to continue but sees Gemma walking towards him, a hand on her hip. He still feels a little anger towards his mother for keeping the letters from him, but he's refused to mention it to her, not wanting to give any hint that he's been in contact with Vanessa again. Especially since he knows the shitstorm that would stir up.

"I'll catch up with you later. She looks pissed and I don't want to get involved in that shit." Opie walks away.

"What are you doing, Jackson?" Gemma asks with an attitude while Jax rolls his eyes.

"I'm loading up my saddlebags, what about you ma?"

"I mean, what are you doing going up to Reno every weekend? This is the third goddamn weekend in a row."

"We got runs up there, you know that shit."

"They don't need you going up there every weekend. Juice and Half Sack can handle that shit. You're VP, baby, you need to be here doing more important shit."

"Ma, I've been put on to do these runs."

"Because you volunteered, Jackson. What about your son, huh?"

"Don't worry about my family."

"Your family is my family, sweetheart. Your sick kid is laying up in the hospital not seeing his father for days because you gotta go out to Reno every weekend. And for what? To get your dick wet?"

"That's enough, ma!"

"What the hell are you doing, Jax?"

"I'm doing what's good for my club, just like you always wanted." Jax throws at her and walks away. While she stares at him, wondering what exactly he's hiding from her.

* * *

 

Jax knocked on Vanessa's door a few times before coming to the conclusion that she's either ignoring him or she's not home. He sees a man who is constantly itching at his skin sitting in front of a door about three apartment numbers down.

"She ain't home man, saw her leave a few hours ago." The man said, his voice shaky. "Probably working tonight."

"You got any idea where she works?" Jax asked, nodding over to him.

"You got somethin' for me?" The guy stares at him and Jax scoffs and shakes his head at the guy. He pulls out his wallet and takes a $20 bill out holding it out to him. "I've seen her up at Leather & Lace, think she's a bartender or a bottle girl."

"Alright, thanks man." Jax hands him the bill and just as he's about to leave he turns around and looks back at the guy. "She ever have any other guys coming around?"

"No, she's never really got anyone over. Keeps to herself usually." Jax nods and heads over to his bike knowing that his next stop is the bar she works at.

* * *

 

Jax walks inside and hears the loud music ringing in his ears. He looks up on the stage and sees a few cage girls dancing and a main girl taking her clothes off for the crowd. Jax grits his teeth at the fact that she's working in a strip club but he hides his anger easily.

He walks around, looking for any sign of her when he sees her beautiful blonde locks falling down her back. He notices that she's wearing something that he had never expected to see her in. She had on a pair of high waisted tight black leather pants that made her ass pop, a small black lace shirt, if you could even call it that, considering it looked more like a bra, and a pair of dark red leather boots that made her look at least 4 inches taller.

She's carrying two bottles of Grey Goose and obnoxious sparklers that has everyone looking over at her. As she walked over to the group of men who were sitting down on the leather couches and chairs.

The men all stared at her as she moved her hips to the music and bent down to pour each of them their preferred drink. As she handed the last man his drink, the man took the bills that he had in his hand and placed it between her breasts. Jax could tell that she looked uncomfortable as she gave a small smile and tried to walk away.

The same man grabbed her by the hand and pulled her onto his lap.

"No touching the dancers and the waitresses, remember." She stated over the music as she pointed to the sign that listed the rules.

"Aw c'mon baby."

"Sorry, no touching." She gives him another small smile as she tries to get up from his lap, but he holds her tightly taking her hand and rubbing it up and down his thigh, getting dangerously close to where she could feel that he was hard underneath her.

"If you don't want to be touched then you're in the wrong profession." He smiles at her with his teeth. Jax could see her physically gulp and try to get up again. This time he follows her up and takes a tight hold on her wrist. Jax looks on with disgust when he sees the short, stubby man is hard. "Let's get out of here baby."

"You-you're hurting me." She whimpers as he tightens his grip even more. "Stop," she tries not to make a scene as she pushes the man, "you're hurting me!"

Next thing she knows she's being pushed out of the way as Jax is on top of the man, slamming his fist into the man's face several times. Jax notices that the blood that was rushing to the man's dick, is now gushing out of his mouth and nose.

"Jax! Jax stop it!" She cries as two security guards come over and drag Jax off of the guy. Jax is still trying to fight him, causing him to throw punches and elbows towards the security guards too. "Jax, stop!" The security guards drag Jax and throw him outside, refusing to let him back in.

"Vanessa, this guy with you?" Her boss comes over and asks her.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Mikey."

"Why don't you get him out of here." She nods at his request. "This shit happens again, and you'll be out of a job, kid." One of Vanessa's coworkers, Casey, brings out her jacket and purse so she can leave.

"Thanks." Vanessa grumbles, angry that Jax almost just got her fired. Casey already walked away as she realized she forgot her sneakers backstage but couldn't go get them now. Vanessa walked outside and saw Jax standing by his bike, but instead of walking towards him, she marched in the opposite direction, so she can go home.

"Nessa!" Jax yells over to her. "Nessa, I'm sorry." He says as he reaches her.

"What the hell is your problem, Jax?"

"Are you seriously pissed at me for beating the shit out of that asshole?"

"This is my job!" She yells at him, her head spinning with anger.

"He was manhandling you and touching you, Nes! You were uncomfortable, and he was being a dick."

"That comes with the territory of this job, Jax. Occasionally I have to deal with drunken assholes, and I do it because I need this money to live!"

"You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to deal with these assholes to make money. I can help you out, babe."

"Is that what this is? You're gonna come swooping back in and save the broken girl once again? Help the little damsel in distress who needs you to save her? News flash Jax, I'm not fucking 15 anymore and I don't need you to try and fucking save me anymore. I don't need you to protect me or to fight people for me. I can take care of myself."

"Then why the hell are you hiding, huh? You think I'm stupid enough to think that you left New York to come here because you needed a change? To live here by yourself in a shitty apartment and work a shitty job that you hate?" She starts walking away from him, angry that he's bringing this up again, and angry that he thinks that she can't take care of herself. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Home!" She yelled back.

"You're gonna walk two miles in those fuckin' heels?" He stared at her, seeing her stop for a second like she's thinking about turning around, but she keeps moving. "Let me take you home, Vanessa. Then you can yell at me all you fucking want."

She turns around and walks back towards him, knowing that her feet would be covered in blisters if she kept walking home in these shoes. He puts the helmet on her head and buckles it, a smirk on his face.

"Fuck off." She mutters as she gets on and he takes off, a small smile still adorning his face.

* * *

 

When they get to her apartment building, she quickly gets off the bike and tries to beat him up the stairs to lock him out, but her heels have other plans as she almost face plants into the top step. Jax gently grabbed her arm and kept her from falling.

"You good, babe?" He smiles at her and she wants to wipe that smirk off his face.

"Stop fucking smiling at me like that, I'm pissed off and you think it's some sort of joke." She says as she moves closer to her door and unlocks it.

"I'm sorry, Vanessa. I didn't mean to fuck up your job or anything. But working at a strip club, shit, that ain't you."

"You don't know me anymore, Jax." She's about to start yelling again, a fire of anger flooding through her veins.

"I know you better than you think, babe." She rolls her eyes.

"What are you doing here, Jax? This is the third weekend in a row that you're here. Why do you keep coming back? And telling me all this shit that you think I want to hear? Calling me your girl and saying how much you miss me. Why do you keep doing this to me?" She can feel the tears that are forming in her eyes. "Jesus Christ, you're fucking married and you have a kid!"

"I'm telling you all that shit because I mean it, Vanessa. I fucking missed you all these years and now I just want to be with you, babe." Jax says to her as he tries to take her hand, but she pulls away. She moves quickly to the table where the envelope is sitting inside of her purse and pulls out the picture, she looks at it quickly before she throws it in his face.

"Obviously you don't if you're sleeping with other women in Charming!" She yells at him.

"Where did you get this?"

"Why does it matter where I got it? What matters is that you're coming here saying all of this shit to me, and then leaving and probably saying it to a fuckload of other women too!"

"I'm not…" He trails off, his hands pushing through his hair. "You're the only one who I'm saying this to. Any other girl is just, fuck, it's just a way to help clear my head."

"Is that what I am? A way to clear your head until there's another bitch to come along and clear your head?"

"No, fuck, Vanessa."

"Christ, what the fuck are we doing here, Jax?"

"I didn't know you would find out about this. And you especially didn't deserve to find out like this."

"So that makes it okay?"

"I don't know. We're not even together! It's not like you're my old lady, Vanessa!" He yells at her and instantly knows that it was the wrong thing to say when he sees her face fall, causing her to look straight to the ground and nod with a clenched jaw.

"You're right, I'm not."

"Fuck, I'm sorry, Nessa…"

"No, you're right, Jax." She sighs. "I think you should go."

"Vanessa…"

"Please!" She screams at him, trying to keep the tears from falling. "Just go." Vanessa's eyes are still connected to the floor when she hears Jax's footsteps leading to the door.

"You may be pissed at me now and you probably don't believe it, but I am sorry for hurting you. If you need me, one call and I'll be here." Jax calls out to her before she hears the door open and then shut. Vanessa begins to cry as she looks at the picture that Jax left sitting on the kitchen table. Without thinking, she begins screaming and ripping the picture up, throwing the pieces around the room.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you to everyone who has bookmarked or left kudos for this story. It is really encouraging to see people reacting positively to this story. 


	11. Chapter 11

Over the next two weeks, the lonely silence that used to haunt Vanessa began haunting her again. She had no one in Reno who she was really close with, Opie had only texted her a few times just to check on her, and Jax was gone. She pushed him away. And while she knew it was the right choice at the time, now she was not so sure.

She sat waiting for the 'good morning' texts that he would send her. She waited for the calls where he would tell her about Abel and what was happening in Charming. She waited and waited, but they never came.

She was debating on whether or not to send him a quick text, telling him that she was sorry for overreacting. She knew that they weren't together, and he could do whatever he wanted, but it didn't make that picture hurt any less. That picture had been so caught up in her mind that she didn't even consider who sent it, along with the other photos.

* * *

That same lonely silence that haunted Vanessa began to haunt Jax. So, he buried it the best way he knew how; with booze, weed, and pussy.

"What's going on with you man?" Opie asked him gently.

"I'm fine, Ope."

"Look bro, I don't know what's got you all twisted up, maybe it's you seeing Nes again or your kid. But this shit you got goin' on with Clay, it needs to be sorted out. You undermining every single one of his decisions, the club is starting to notice this shit, and it's gonna hurt us in the long run."

"It ain't got shit to do with Vanessa or with my kid. I'm just trying to do what's best for the club."

"Nah, bro this ain't about the club. You've been making this shit personal with Clay and on top of that you've been a miserable prick for two weeks now. Only one thing that does that to a man and it's a chick."

"Whatever man."

"You ain't been back to Reno in a while. Is shit upside down with her?"

"Shit's upside down everywhere. All this shit with the club, the shit with me and Clay, my kid, Nessa. It's all fuckin' upside down."

"Then fix it. You wanna be with her again? Then fuckin' do it."

"We ended whatever it was we were doing last time I was in Reno. My shit with Wendy, Abel, and the club it would be too much on us with her being there and me being here."

"Then tell her to pack her shit and move back here."

"She ain't gonna move back here, Ope, too much history and bad blood. And Gemma would blow a fuckin' gasket if she did."

"Sounds like you're just makin' excuses." He took a pull of his cigarette. "Gemma know about her being back in your life?"

"She ain't really in my life right now, bro. But nah, she'd just try to stick her nose where it doesn't belong."

"Sounds like Gemma." Opie smirks and they both laugh. "You gonna try and fix it with her? Your shit with her was intense back then man. I can't see you not wanting to fix it with her."

"I don't know, that's on her, I guess."

"All I gotta say is, life's short, brother. You've loved each other since you guys were fuckin' teenagers. Don't let any little shit fuck that up, man."

* * *

"Hey, V." One of the girls called out to her as she entered the backstage area of Leather & Lace. "You got a delivery here."

"What?" She asked confused, walking over to the vanity that held a bunch of makeup and hair tools. She looked at the table and saw that there was a bouquet of yellow lilies with a small card. Vanessa smiled as she saw them, thinking that there could only be one person who sent them to her.

"You got a man we don't know about?" The same girl asked her. "Oh shit, is it the hot biker that came in here and fucked that dude up? Shit girl, he was fuckin' hot." Vanessa just ignored her as she looked at the small card.

_Vanessa, I'll see you soon._ The card said with a little heart on it. She couldn't help the smile and blush that overcame her. No matter how pissed she was at him, he always knew how to make it up to her, and she hoped that it meant that she would see him again soon, because she really missed him.

* * *

A few days came and went and Jax still hadn't shown up. She was wondering if he was waiting for her to make the next move. To text him and tell him that she was sorry, or that she missed him. But she wasn't sure, so she continued to wait for him. For a text, a call, a knock on the door, anything.

The phone behind the bar started blaring out. She looked over to the other bartender for the night, Casey, and saw her reaching for the phone, which she was glad for. She looked over again seeing Casey looking up at her and pointing it in her direction.

"For you, Vanessa." Casey said before getting back to the few customers that sat near the bar.

"Hello?" Vanessa called out, waiting for a response but the other line stayed silent. "Hello? This is Vanessa."

" _Nessie?"_ The person on the other line quietly said. Vanessa jumped at the nickname. There were very few people who called her that, and each one of them who did caused her to cringe. " _You're a hard nurse to track down._ _I hope you liked the flowers-_ " Vanessa quickly hung the phone up and walked past Casey.

"You okay, babe?" Casey called out, seeing Vanessa looking pale and moving very quickly.

"Y-yeah, just gonna go use the restroom." She walked away, not wanting to explain anything. When she reached the restroom, Vanessa locked the door and slowly slid down it. "No, no, no." She whispered to herself as she ran her hands over face and through her hair. She pulled out her phone from her back pocket, scrolling through the very short list of contacts and found his name, her finger hovering over the call button as her heart pounded in her chest.

* * *

Jax and the rest of SAMCRO were in Indian Hills for a few days because The Devil's Tribe, a brother charter to the Sons of Anarchy, were being pressed by the Mayans to pay a vig, leading to the Sons patching over The Devil's Tribe. Jax and Clay were sitting out by their bikes, waiting for the decision on the patch over when Jax sighed and ran his hand over his face.

"Jury was a real good friend of my old man's, Clay. He ain't an outlaw anymore. Slamming this patch on him with no warning, that shit don't feel right to me." Jax said, trying to talk sense into him.

"It's good for both clubs."

"You really think Jury can hang a reaper on his back?" Jax still tried to convince him. "The Tribe ain't SOA material. They're a bunch of bouncers and bookkeepers."

"They're making outlaw sized money." Clay's eyes darted to Jax's. "I get you been through a lot of shit in the past couple of weeks, with the baby and the junkie. Maybe all that noise in your head has gotten you turned upside down a bit, I don't know. But the second-guessing me, it stops here."

"Maybe I do got a lot of noise in my head right now, but this has nothin' to do with that shit. You making these decisions without any backing of the club ain't gonna work for me anymore, Clay." He snapped. "Patching over the Tribe when we know it's gonna hurt Jury and his crew? Trying to kill Opie? Killing Donna by mistake? How am I supposed to get right with this shit?"

"You're bringing up that shit again? Is that why you've been undermining my every fuckin' decision? I told you I had nothing to do with that."

"We both know you did. You went after a brother and killed his wife by mistake."

"You better stop throwing around accusations like that, son. Don't know who might want to make ya pay for sayin' shit like that." Clay threatened through gritted teeth and walked away from Jax, seeing all of the guys who decided not to be a part of SOA throwing their Tribe kuttes on the ground and riding away. A few minutes later, Jax went back inside to see the decision that had been made.

"We're in." Jury said, confidently. Jax replaced the Tribe kutte on his back with a reaper and Clay used spray paint to write SOA on the wall in their clubhouse, all the guys cheering.

"Patch over party!" Happy yelled in his gravelly tone, causing everyone to cheer even more. Jax was in no mood for a party, instead he just took a beer and sat on the couch in the clubhouse, watching the girls dancing in front of him. He made no point to talk to anyone as he just sipped his beer and flared his nostrils over Clay's decisions and threatening tones. He wasn't expecting his phone to ring when it did.

"Vanessa? You okay?" He was surprised to see that she was calling him for the first time in quite a while.

" _Y-yeah, I'm fine."_ She mumbled, and he felt a sense of calming after hearing her voice. He missed her. " _I just wanted to check in, I haven't heard from you in a while."_

"Thought that was what you wanted." He told her over the loud music in the clubhouse.

" _I thought that was what I wanted too, but now I'm not so sure."_ She whispered barely loud enough to hear him. She felt bad, calling him because she was scared. But if she was being honest, it was also because she missed him, and she needed him. She needed him to be there for her, to make her feel safe, to love her. " _You at a party?"_

"Yeah, patch over party in Indian Hills. You sure you're okay, babe? I wasn't really expecting a call from you." He said as he got up and walked outside, trying to get to a more quiet area.

" _I'm fine. How's Abel?"_

"He's doing real good. He should be getting out of the toaster soon, then he'll be in St. Thomas for another month or two. He's getting real strong though." Jax said with a smile on his face.

" _Like his daddy."_ She smiled. " _How are things with you?"_

"Upside down, but what else is new? Look, Nessa, I'm sorry about whatever shit went down the last time we talked. I fucked up and I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

" _It's fine, Jax, really. I overreacted. We weren't together. It's probably for the best anyway, with all of our history. We're probably better off just being friends._ " She said and she could feel her heart sinking as she said it. " _Me being here, you being in Charming. It probably would have ended bad for both of us."_

"Yeah, I guess." Jax said, a sad tone in his voice. They both stayed silent for a few seconds.

" _I'll let you get back to your party. Maybe I'll see you soon?_ "

"Yeah, babe. You'll call me if you need anything, right?"

"' _Course. See ya, Jax._ " She hung up before he could answer her, and she wanted to cry as someone knocked on the door to the bathroom. She quickly got up and fixed herself before leaving the bathroom, walking back to the bar to get back to work.

* * *

Vanessa got a ride home from one of her coworkers, too afraid to walk home so late at night, knowing that she was possibly in some sort of danger. She wondered how he could have found her. She did everything that she was told to and there was absolutely no tangible evidence of her being in Reno. She even went as far as not contacting a single person from her time back in New York, so she wondered how he knew where she was.

If he knew where she worked, that meant he most likely knew where she lived, making the hair on her neck stand up out of fear. She hated living with this fear. The same fear that she spent the last few months in, except now it was worse because he knew where he could find her.

Quickly, Vanessa locked her apartment door and ran to the small closet in her bedroom, finding the shoe box on the top shelf. She opened the box and found the .38 S&W, checking to see that there were bullets in it and placed it into her purse. She usually did not like to carry weapons, but she didn't want to take the chance this time.

* * *

Vanessa woke up the next morning to her phone chirping. As much as she hated being awoken by it, she also felt comforted by it, especially since she figured it was Jax who was texting her after their phone call last night. Looking at the screen she saw that she was right about who it was that had texted her.

_You seemed a little off last night. You sure you're ok?_ Vanessa smiled at Jax's concern but then thought again as to why she seemed so off last night. Without texting back, she placed the phone in the pocket of her hoodie and went to grab some coffee. When she walked in the kitchen she saw a white envelope hanging on the refrigerator by a magnet.

Opening the envelope with her name on it, she picked up the letter, causing small yellow flower petals that belonged to a lily fall out and onto the floor. She thought back to the flowers the other day, now knowing that Jax was not the one to send them. Bile rose up in her throat as she opened the letter and began reading it.

_Nessie, I hope that you liked the flowers. I've missed you so much and I hope that your time away has made you see how much you missed me too. New York hasn't been the same without you, but we can go back and be together again. I'll see you soon. Love always, Joshua._

Vanessa wanted to puke knowing that he was in her home, the place where she was supposed to be the safest. The tears that started flowing from her eyes wouldn't stop as her mind kept racing with thoughts of New York. She just wanted to go home. She wanted to go to Charming. She wanted Jax.


	12. Chapter 12

**Just a quick warning that this chapter mentions and describes panic attacks and violence.**

* * *

As Vanessa arrived home just after dark from her Wednesday shift, she couldn't help but notice the silver Saturn that had been sitting in the parking lot of her apartment building. She had noticed it sitting there only at night, but for the last two nights in a row, ever since she had opened the letter. Her paranoia raged through her as she quickly jogged up the stairs to her apartment and locked the door with the new deadbolt she had installed and the chain.

She grabbed her purse off of her shoulder, searching for the gun that she had been carrying for the past two days as she tried to even out her breathing. She jumped as her phone started going off, practically causing her to shriek at it. Looking down at the screen she noticed that Jax was calling her, causing her to feel slightly more at ease and thankful.

"Hey." She answered.

" _What's up, babe? I didn't know if you were gonna be back from work yet, but I just got some good news."_

"Oh yeah? What news would that be?"

" _Abel, he's getting outta the toaster on Saturday afternoon."_ She could hear the relief and the smile in his voice, causing her to smile too.

"That's great, Jax. I'm so happy for you. You're finally gonna be able to hold your son. You scared?"

" _Would it be wrong to say that I'm fuckin' terrified?"_

"Aw, the big bad biker's afraid of his tiny little baby?" She joked causing him to laugh over the speaker.

" _Shut up. It's just scary to think that I have a son, y'know? Thinking about finally being able to hold him, it just makes it more real."_

"You're gonna make a great dad." She told him.

" _I hope so. I wanted to see you this weekend, but I'm not gonna be able to go on the Reno run. So, I was thinking that next weekend I can go and we can meet up. Fix the shit between us."_

"There's nothing to fix, Jax. We're good. But I'd still like to see you though, if you… if you do decide to come up."

" _I'd like that too, babe. Everything good with you?"_ She wanted to tell him the truth, she wanted to scream and cry and tell him that nothing was good and that she was scared.

"Of course, everything's fine." She lied.

" _Alright, just checking in. I'll send you some pictures of the kid when he gets out of the toaster."_

"Yeah, I'd really like that." She whispered out, feeling happy for him but a twinge of sadness knowing that they were never able to hold their little girl. "Congratulations, Jax."

They both hung up after saying their goodbyes as Vanessa looked out her window seeing the same car still parked at the far end of the lot. She couldn't see if anyone was inside, causing her to feel even more anxious. She couldn't shake the feeling of  _him_  being here. Of  _him_ watching her.

* * *

Vanessa usually loved having Thursdays off but the fact that  _he_ knew where she lived and worked had been causing her to stress out about being alone for too long. Instead of doing her grocery shopping or going to the laundromat across the street, Vanessa sat in her living room all day, gun by her side and her hand itching towards it anytime she heard any slight noise from outside.

_Should I pack my shit and leave? Should I call someone for help?_ The thoughts ran through her head. She thought about bailing from Reno. Packing the very little number of things she had, getting a bus ticket, and going halfway across the country like she did a few months ago. She thought about calling Jax or Opie or David, or even someone back from New York. She didn't know what to do.

If she stayed, she could get hurt. If she ran, he could still follow her and hurt her. If she called someone else, they could get hurt. It was a lose-lose situation, and she couldn't handle the stress of it anymore.

* * *

After spending all of yesterday stuck inside her small apartment, Vanessa was more than ready to go to work again. It was a Friday, the busiest night at the club, so she knew that it would be a late night. Vanessa was just glad to be out of her apartment and with other people that she knew could protect her. Just having other people being around her had her feeling slightly more at ease.

It was a normal shift filled with lots of drunk and disgusting guys trying to 'relax' after a long day at their boring jobs by flirting with her. But she was used to it and it was better than the alternative of waiting for something to happen at her apartment. As it came closer to last call, the men started to file out of the club, and she was glad that the night was almost over.

Vanessa cleaned behind the bar as Casey went to the back room to make sure that all of the inventory was accounted for. After cleaning, she checked her phone and noticed that it was already past 3am and that all of the girls had already left.

She was in the backstage area and getting her things together when she heard the door open, just as she was putting on her jacket.

"Casey, you think you can give me a lift home?" She asked. She waited for the response but heard none. When she looked back towards the door, her heart fell, and the bile rose up in her throat. She reached over to her purse to search for the gun, but was not quick enough to it. He grabbed her wrist harshly and pulled her in for a hug.

"I've missed you, Nessie." She wanted to scream at the horrible nickname. The nickname that had nightmares attached to it.

"What are you doing here? You can't be here; you need to leave." She began to yell. Before she could scream for Mikey or Casey to help her, he pulled the gun from his holster and covered her mouth with his hand tightly.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, Nessie. It's okay. I just want to talk. Can we do that? Can we talk?" He said in a sickeningly sweet voice and she just nodded her head, angry and frightful tears falling from her eyes. "Okay, good. Good. I'm gonna let go, but you have to promise me you won't scream, can you do that? I don't want to have to hurt you." She slammed her eyes shut as she nodded again, feeling the weight of his hand off of her mouth, but his body was still pressed up against hers causing her to tremble with disgust.

"Please don't hurt me." She whispered out, the tears falling more now. "Just… Just let me go, Joshua."

"Vanessa, I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. Get you away from here and away from that criminal of a biker." He holstered the gun and pulled her in for a hug, she tried to push away as he tightened his hold on her. "I waited for you in New York, I searched Charming. Now that I know you're here, we can be together. I think it's time we go back to New York." He pulled away to look at her and she refused to keep eye contact with him. All of the fear that has built up inside of her causing her to feel weak. But still her mind actively searched for something that she can protect herself with. "What do you think?"

"T-this, this is my home now. I can't go back." She tried to rationalize with him.

"Then I can move here, I'll request a transfer and we can find a place. Whatever happened between us in the past, is in the past, sweetie. I don't hold a grudge against you for the restraining order or for you leaving. We can work this out."

"There's nothing to work out, Joshua. There has never been anything between us." She spat angrily as she pushed him away from her. She saw the rage rise up in his face, the throbbing vein in his forehead that caused her to back away from him even more. He roughly pulled at her wrists, squeezing them before pushing her back against the makeup table causing all of the objects to crash around, many of them falling to the ground. The sharp edge of the table pushed harshly into the small of her back, causing a yelp to rush out of her.

"How could you say that? I love you! I've always loved you!" He yelled in her face before pulling her closer to him and pushing her back into the edge of the table again. She bellowed at the pain in her lower back, already feeling a bruise forming.

"Stop, stop! Please!" She begged him as she began crying even harder now. He looked deep into her eyes and his face fell, seeming less angry, like seeing her cry harder caused a switch in his head.

"I'm sorry, Vanessa. I told you I didn't want to hurt you, it's just that sometimes you just make me so angry. Why do you make me hurt you like that?" He asked as he puts his hand up to her face and gently tried to kiss her. She attempted to pull away but the grip that he had on her was too tight. He placed his lips on hers and she reached her hand over to the table, searching for any item that could potentially protect her. She whimpered when she felt the sharp blade of a single razor cut her hand. The tears continued falling as she tightened her grip on the razor, her hand now dripping blood. When he pulled away, she kept her hand hidden behind her back. "Let me take you home and we can talk about it there."

"N-no. No." She screamed at him as he grabbed a tight hold on her upper arm and began pulling her to the side door that led to the outside employee parking lot. "Stop!" She swiped her hand up quickly, the razor blade cut into the skin on his cheek bone and leading over to his eye. He threw her down to the ground while he screamed in pain, the blood dripping down his face like falling tears.

"You stupid bitch!" He howled, clearly in distress. As he was distracted by the now gushing cut on his face, she continued scooting herself further and further away from him as he grasped his face. She went to get up to get to her purse when he pulled his gun out again, pointing it at her head. She closed her eyes, ready for her end. Ready for the pain, the suffering, the loss to end. Ready to be with her daughter again.

"You get the fuck away from her!" A distinctly southern accent shrieked, causing her to open her eyes, seeing Casey holding the shotgun that they keep behind the bar in case of emergencies. She cocked the gun back when she saw Joshua move a little closer to Vanessa. "Give me a reason, asshole."

Joshua looked up, seeing the very enraged woman pointing the gun at him still, just waiting for him to make one move towards either of them. Both women could see him weighing his options, but neither had anticipated him abruptly running for the door leading outside to the employee parking lot while he fired three shots back at the women who were trying to duck for cover.

Vanessa's was on the ground, ducking behind the couch in the center of the room, her arms covering her head. As soon as the shooting stopped, Casey rushed over to Vanessa who seemed to be in shock. Casey gently shook her shoulder, muttering words that Vanessa couldn't perceive. When she looks into the eyes of the other woman, tears began to fall even harder. Her breathing was shallow and rushed, her heart feeling like it was ready to pound out of her chest while the walls felt like they were caving in. Her body was trembling but she couldn't make it stop as her vision became fuzzy.

"Are you okay, Vanessa?" Casey sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, trying her hardest to comfort the broken girl in front of her. "Are you having a panic attack?" She asked worriedly.

Vanessa nodded, her tears drowning her. She choked on the shallow breaths that were smothering her as all of the memories from New York flooding back.

"What do you want me to do here, V? You want me to call the cops?"

"N-No! No! Not the cops, please. Not the cops!" She yelled through her tears and gripped onto Casey, so she wouldn't move away from her. She tried to control her breathing using the techniques she learned over the past six years.

"What do you want me to do, babe? That guy could come back."

"My phone, it-it's in my bag." She said trying to sniffle and stop her crying, but it feels almost impossible this time.

"Who do you want me to call?"

"J-Jax. I need Jax, please call him."

Vanessa continued sitting on the floor with her knees pulled into her chest as Casey went through all of the contacts in the phone until she finally reached the number that she was looking for. Vanessa just wanted to hear Jax's voice, to feel the safety and security that she always felt when he was around. After pressing the call button, Casey waited for the voice on the other line.

* * *

Jax had just laid down in his bed after another long night with the club. He debated on going back to the clubhouse to find a warm body for the night, but instead just went to his own home, alone.

It seemed as though as soon as he shut his eyes his phone started buzzing on the table next to him. He groaned as he moved to pick it up to see who it was. He would never admit it, but his heart fluttered a little when he saw that it was Vanessa.

"Hey, babe. It's late." Jax answered, a small smile on his face.

" _Is this Jax?_ " A voice that he had never heard asked, causing him to sit up in bed, worry etched onto his face. He couldn't help but wonder why some chick was calling him from her phone.

"Yeah, who's this?"

" _I'm Casey. I'm one of Vanessa's friends from work."_

"Is she alright?" Jax could hear the concern dripping in his own voice but he didn't care. All he cared about was ensuring that his girl was safe and that she was okay.

" _Uh, some guy, he just tried to attack her at the club. She's really shaken up about it. She's having a panic attack and wanted me to call you."_

"Is she okay? Can you put her on the phone?" Jax begged and waited for a few seconds until he heard sniffles and deep breaths on the other line.

" _Jax?"_ He could hear the tears that were coming through as she spoke. His heart tightened in anger at the thought of someone hurting her.

"It's me, the hell happened?"

" _I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry."_ She hiccupped through the tears. " _I… I should have t-told you the truth about New York."_

"What are you talking about, Vanessa?"

" _He was here. He f-found me. I'm sorry. I don't know w-what to do, Jax."_ He could hear the fear in her voice as she sniffled through each word.

"Are you hurt? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

" _N-no. I don't think so."_

"Alright, babe. I got some guys in Reno right now. I'm gonna call one of them to come pick you up and bring you home. He's gonna stay with you until I get there."

" _You can't ride out here by yourself, Jax. And w-what about Abel? You're supposed to be there for him tomorrow."_

"Don't worry about that. You do not fuckin' leave that bar until someone with a kutte comes and gets you, you got me, Nessa?"

" _Y-yes. I'm sorry, Jax."_

"I'll see you in a few hours, darlin'."

Jax hung up the phone and ran his fingers through his hair. He quickly got out of his bed and threw on jeans, a t-shirt his SOA hoodie, and his kutte as he dialed the next number.

" _What's up, Jax?"_ Juice asked, Jax could hear the smile in his tone and the chick he had with him laughing through the speaker.

"I need a favor, Juice."

" _Yeah, what's up?"_

"You know that club, Leather & Lace, it's a few blocks from the Reno clubhouse?" He heard Juice mutter an 'uh-huh' and continued on. "I got a friend who needs help. I need you to pick her up and bring her home, then stay with her until I get out there."

" _This about Hale's sister?"_

"Yeah, man. You remember how you couldn't get the name back from that restraining order she filed? Looks like I'm about to find out who the fuck it is when I get there."

" _Shit man, the guy found her?"_

"Yeah, I really need you to get over there as soon as you can."

" _Sure, Jax. I'll see you soon."_

Jax hung up and thought about what she had said about riding through the middle of Mayan territory alone. He decided it wasn't the best idea, so he picked up the keys to his Dodge Ram and headed out, nothing on his mind except getting his girl back and doing whatever he had to do to protect her.

* * *

**AN:** Thanks so much to all of you who are reading and enjoying this story. I appreciate the bookmarks and the kudos so much! Just wanted to let everyone know that I will be posting an update every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday by 10pm EST. Though, if I'm ahead of my writing schedule, I may update more often. 


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:** This is a shorter one, but I hope you guys still enjoy!

* * *

It was well past five in the morning when Jax finally pulled up to Vanessa's apartment building. The parking lot was dark, except for the one light across the street and a few lights adorning the building. Jax shut his truck off and took a deep tired sigh. Before leaving his truck, he looked around, checking to see anything out of the ordinary. After deeming it safe, he walked up the stairs and found the door that he was looking for. Knocking lightly, Jax heard the multiple locks turning and Juice opened the door wide with a gun still in his hand.

"How is she, man?" Jax asked with a tired voice.

"Jumpy, bro. She wouldn't leave my sight for the first hour that she was here, she finally went into her room about half an hour ago."

"Jesus, she tell you anything?"

"Nah, she just said that she didn't want to talk about it. Whoever this prick is musta done a real number on her. She's scared, bro." He could hear the concern in Juice's voice. "She had a pretty bad cut on her hand, too. She said it didn't need stitches, but I helped her clean it the best I could."

"I really appreciate you pickin' her up and taking care of her for me, bro." Jax gave him a small hug. "You can get out of here, sorry for ruining your fun."

"It's cool, man. She's safe so that's all that matters." Jax nodded and escorted Juice to the door. After seeing Juice go down the stairs, Jax locked the door, noticing the new addition of the deadbolt.

He headed over to her bedroom and saw that the light was still on, but he noticed her laying on her stomach with a blanket covering her bottom half and the tank top rising slightly up. As he walked closer to her, he noticed the large purple and ugly bruise at the small of her back. He sat down on the edge of the bed and she gasped and jumped, startled that someone was sitting next to her.

"It's just me, Nessa. You're safe." She sat up and took his hand in her uninjured one, pulling him closer to her. She pressed her forehead into his chest and took in his scent of leather and cigarettes, the scent instantly calming her nerves and making her feel safer. "That hurt?" He asked as he gently touched over the bruise that was now facing away from him.

"A little." She whispered looking up at him. She kissed his chin, just needing to feel the natural sense of security that she always felt when she was with him. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." He rested his forehead on her head, he remembered that she was always slightly clingy when she just woke up, but this was more than what was usual for her. "What happened, babe?"

"He, he must have found me. I don't really know how, but he did. It started a few weeks ago. He was calling the bar and sending me flowers and stuff, but I guess I just hoped he would go away. Then I woke up one morning, and he left a note for me. I think he broke in. I was scared so I-I got another lock on the door."

"Jesus, Vanessa. You should've told me." He sighed out angrily, not necessarily at her but more at the situation. More at the fact that this guy was following her and scaring her, but she didn't trust him enough to tell him.

"I know. I was being stupid, and I got myself hurt because of it." She took a deep breath as she continued. "Tonight, I was about to leave work. He cornered me and pointed his gun at me. He was trying to convince me to go back to New York with him, b-but when I said no, he kept pushing me and grabbing me, he tried to kiss me and force me to leave with him. I cut him with a razor blade that one of the girls use for her hair and he got pissed, threatened to shoot me. Casey ran in and he ran off." She was nearly in tears as she told him the story, he pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead again.

"Who the fuck is this guy?"

"H-he was one of the patients at the hospital that I was interning at. After he was discharged, I started seeing him out a lot. Like when I was at work or out with friends. He became obsessed with me and possessive. He thought we were dating or something, I don't know. I filed a complaint with his job, and they said they would look into it, but they didn't do shit. He kept stalking me and so I filed for the restraining order, but he had a lot of contacts and it was barely enforced. I had to go to three separate precincts to even get it. Then he started leaving me a mix of messages talking about how much he loved me or how he wanted to hurt me. A private investigator friend of mine told me how to fall off the grid so I did."

"And he found you here." Jax stated.

"I don't even know how. He just showed up one day. I just want this nightmare to be over, Jax."

"Give me a name and I'll find this guy, babe."

"H-he's a federal agent, Jax. An ATF agent named Joshua Kohn." She whispered out and looked at him. Jax's face dropped when she said who he was.

"Jesus Christ!" He yelled and jumped off the bed, causing her to jump back at his loud voice. "Kohn is your fucking stalker? He's one of the ATF agents that's been digging into my club for the past few months."

"What?" She thought about it, figuring that there was no way that it was a coincidence that Kohn was going after Jax, especially with the long-documented history that Jax and Vanessa had together. "I'm sorry, he was probably in Charming looking for me and must have found out about our history, so he started going after your club." She mumbled.

"Shit." Jax sighed, understanding that it made perfect sense, but he didn't blame her one bit. "Him being here is on me, babe. He must have followed the club here and saw us together or something. That picture that was sent to you, I guarantee that shit was him. I am so fucking sorry, Nessa."

"What do I do, Jax? He broke into my home and my job. I don't feel safe anywhere anymore." He could see the tears burning her eyes and sat back next to her, taking her wrapped and injured hand, pressing a light kiss on the palm of it.

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise. Let's just get some sleep, alright? We can figure this shit out later."

"What about Abel? Don't you have to see him in a few hours?" She asked as she moved over and made room for him to lay down too. He took her in his arms, her face nuzzled into his chest and is into her hair.

"I gotta be back at St. Thomas by 3. Don't worry about it, okay darlin'?" She nodded.

"Thank you, Jax." He looked at her with a questioning face. "For being here. For making me feel safe." He kissed her forehead and placed a peck on her lips.

"I promised you that I would be here if you needed me. I ain't breaking that promise, baby."


	14. Chapter 14

Jax opened his eyes, seeing the light shining through the blinds and brightening up the entire room. The sight that he woke up to was one that he wanted to see every morning; Vanessa curled up into his side, her legs entangled with his, and her face looking much calmer than it did a few hours ago. He slowly moved in closer to her, nuzzling his face into the side of her neck. He heard her let out a little giggle as she looked deeply into his eyes.

"What?" He asked, a small sleepy grin on his face.

"Your hair, it keeps tickling my neck."

"Ah, your neck's still sensitive here?" He whispered as he lightly kissed the spot several times before nipping at it, causing her breath to hitch. He smiled into her neck, satisfied that he still knew her body even after all these years. But her fear overtook her again.

"Jax, what am I supposed to do here?" She asked, her worries coming back in full force.

"You're gonna come back to Charming with me." Jax stated sternly, like his mind was already made up and she had no say in it.

"What?" She sat up and stared at him. "I-I can't, Jax. Those promises my dad made, I don't see him not carrying them out. He can hurt you and the club."

"Babe, the club already has ATF up our asses, and we got a lot of shit going on already."

"That should be more of a reason for me to stay away, don't you think? Especially since it's my fault Kohn was even in Charming to begin with?"

"No, I think it's more of a reason for you to come back. Shit with the club isn't your fault and your dad won't be able to make it much worse than it already is. You got family in Charming. People who can protect you, people who care about you."

"And people who don't." She sighed. "What about my dad? The club? Shit, what about Gemma? I show up in Charming with you and she will probably want to shoot me on the goddamn spot."

"I can handle my mother."

"If she's anything like I remember, no one can handle her." She runs her hands over her face. "The last thing I want to do is cause more problems for you, Jax. You have a kid to worry about, you don't need anything extra to worry about, like me being in Charming."

"I would worry more if you were here, alone. You in Charming, it could be real good for both of us."

"I have no place to stay or anywhere to work. I don't have the money to just move down there without any real plans."

"You can stay at the house with me. The money that I make with TM and the club is pretty good. I can take care of you, so you don't have to worry about anything, babe."

"I don't want to be taken care of, Jax."

"What do you wanna do here, Vanessa?" The frustration was evident in his voice. "I can't let you stay here and risk you getting fuckin' hurt or worse. Jesus, I don't know what I would do. I want you to be a part of my life, I've wanted you to be a part of my life since we were teenagers. Shit, I never imagined my life without you. These past few years without you, it was fuckin' rough, babe."

"I can't, Jax..." She tried to interrupt.

"No, listen. I want you to come back to Charming with me. I just, I want you, Nessa. I always have."

"I don't know, Jax." She got out of the bed, pulling her sweater off the floor and tightening it around her body. Jax watched her as she paced for a few seconds before turning back and sitting next to him again. "Picking up my life and moving back to Charming? It's crazy."

"And what life do you have here? You're working a job that you hate, you're hiding and running away from all the shit in your past. What's really left here for you, Vanessa? In Charming you'll have me and Ope and the kids. You got your brother. Think about it, babe. You have more in Charming than you ever did here."

"You have a whole life that I'm not a part of, Jax. The club and your family. Jesus, you have a wife! We barely even know each other anymore." Jax jumped up from the bed and ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the strength to say the words that needed to come out.

"Don't you ever get tired of it?" She looked at him with a confused expression. "Running?"

"I'm not running, Jax! I'm being realistic."

"You don't get it, do you?" He scoffed. "Do you know how many women I have slept with since you left?"

"Don't do this."

"Hundreds! Probably more, I don't know. I barely see their faces. I married Wendy because I was lonely. Because I got tired of the endless disconnect. It was just a sad time-out. Because when I'm inside someone there is only one face I see." She could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "When I saw you in the Reno clubhouse after all these years, it was like some kind of sign to me. Like my past coming around to give me another shot to do this different. Better."

"Jax…" The tears filled her eyes, knowing that she had felt very similar to him.

"I know you. And you know me." He said as he took her hand in his, placing it against his chest. "Forget about all the other shit right now. None of that matters because it has always been you, Vanessa. It will always be you." Hearing the words he used to say to her when she felt slightly insecure when they were younger caused her heart to beat faster. "You tried to protect me and my club for all these years. Let me protect you for once."

She hesitated to answer. Her eyes unable to leave his face as her will to be with him overpowered her fear.

"O-okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll come back to Charming with you." Jax's smile illuminated his entire face as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, pressing his lips to her forehead. Despite the events just a few hours earlier, both of them finally felt something genuine. Something they hadn't felt in years. Contentment.

* * *

Vanessa cooked breakfast for the two of them and then they quickly packed a few bags for her to take down to Charming. She could feel the nerves trembling within her. She was scared how everyone would react to her being in Charming, her dad, her brothers, Gemma, the club. She couldn't help but bite her bottom lip, playing each of their reactions in her head, and none of them were very good. Regardless of how she content she felt just being with Jax, they weren't the only two that were going to be affected by their decisions.

"You alright?" She looked up from her seat on the bed, seeing Jax with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm scared, Jax." She mumbled out quietly.

"Hey, I'm not gonna let Kohn hurt you again."

"I mean I'm scared to go back to Charming."

"You'll be fine. Everything's gonna be alright, okay?" She nodded gently and grabbed a hold of the hand that he held out to her. He pulled her into a tight embrace and she could feel her nerves slowly ebb away just from being in his arms. "We gotta get out of here soon so I'm not too late to see Abel. We can come back up next week and pack the rest of this shit and talk to your landlord about getting out of your lease."

"I, uh, I actually wanted to keep it for a little while."

"Why would you wanna keep this place?" His eyebrows furrowed as he looked around the shitty apartment.

"I don't know, what if Charming doesn't work out for me and I have nowhere else to go? I don't know."

"If that's what you wanna do, babe."

They finished packing and Jax took the suitcase filled with her clothes and shoes while she took the backpack full of her hygiene and makeup products. He packed everything into his truck and watched as she jumped into the front seat. He looked at her, noticing just how lucky he was to have her coming back with him.

* * *

They were driving for about thirty minutes and she had stayed silent the whole time, He could practically see the nerves racking her brain and he couldn't help but take her hand in his.

"You're gonna be alright, Nes." She nodded her head, squeezing his hand gently and then looked over at him.

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to move into your house. It's too soon, Jax. I'm gonna talk to David, see if I can stay on his couch. Or I'll get a motel room or something."

"You don't have to do that." She looked over at him again, his eyes meeting hers quickly. "You can stay at the clubhouse in my dorm."

"I'll be stuck around your mother."

"She ain't gonna bother you. I would just feel better knowing where you are and knowing that you're somewhere safe. Somewhere Kohn won't be able to get to you."

"I guess that works."

"You sound thrilled." He laughed at the disgusted look on her face. "My door is always open, it's up to you, darlin'. I got a guest room you could stay in if that's what you want."

"I'll be fine with the cum factory for now, I guess." She smiled over at him and squeezed his hand again when she heard him laugh. "Thank you, Jax."

* * *

Jax heard her little snores as they passed the 'Welcome to Charming' sign on Main Street, he knew that she didn't get much sleep last night, so he decided to let her sleep until he pulled up to TM. Jax put his truck in park in the lot just as he saw his mother speed walking over to him. He jumped out of the truck, not wanting a fight to be the first thing Vanessa heard when she woke up back in Charming. And he knew that this was going to end in an argument.

"Where the hell have you been, Jackson? You don't answer my calls anymore?" Gemma said with an attitude, placing her hands on her hips.

"I've been busy."

"Too busy to let me know you were safe? I stopped by the house this morning and you were gone. I didn't even know if you would be around to hold your son today."

"I had to go out to Reno."

"Jesus Christ, for what?" She asked and looked into the truck seeing the wisps of blonde hair. "Who the hell is that?" Gemma asked before she moved closer to see the distinct outline of Vanessa's still youthful and beautiful sleeping face very clearly. "You brought that little bitch back here?"

"Don't fuckin' start, ma." The way she spoke about Vanessa and the lack of sleep built up an overwhelming need to snap at his mother.

"Is that why you've been going up to Reno almost every weekend? Missing out on time with your son and abandoning your responsibilities as VP? To see that little tart?"

"Mom, that's enough!" Jax yelled loudly, he looked over to the truck seeing Vanessa getting out of the front seat and stretching, the small sleepy smile on her face fell when she saw Gemma. Vanessa walked over to Jax slowly and he met her half way, wrapping his arms around her. "Hey, babe."

"Hi." She whispered. "Is everything okay?" She waited for the answer but didn't get one instead she got Gemma's loud heels striking against the ground as she walked towards them.

"Vanessa. Can't say I'm glad to see you after so long."

"Ma-" Jax started.

"It's fine, Jax. How are you, Gemma?"

"I could be better."

"Nessa, why don't you go put your shit in my old dorm. Then we can get out of here, go see Abel." Jax suggested with a nod towards the clubhouse.

"Jax… you don't have to bring me to see him with you."

"I know, but I want to." He smirked at her and she nodded her head, the smile growing on her face as she walked away. Jax watched her walk into the clubhouse but turned back when he heard Gemma scoff.

"You're gonna bring that little gash to see our boy? What the hell is running through your mind, Jackson? First your shit with Clay, now this? Are you seeing her again?"

"Ma, don't start, aight?" Jax started to walk towards the truck.

"You think it's some coincidence that she comes back to Charming when the club is going through all this shit with that ATF agent snooping around? She's a Hale. Cut from the same cloth that wants to take down the club."

"It ain't like that." Jax said, exasperated from this conversation, and from his mother.

"Then what's it like, Jackson? She comes back after seven years of being gone and as soon as this shit starts with the club? That doesn't sound like a coincidence to me. How long you been getting your dick wet with her, huh?"

"Watch yourself, ma." He scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. "I asked her to come back. She isn't here to hurt the club. Either way, what I do with my dick ain't your concern."

"When your dick is doing her, someone who has the ability to hurt this club and this family, it is my concern." Gemma took a deep breath before trading the angry tone for a more sympathetic one. "I know you loved her, but you need to remember what she did to you, Jackson. She hurt you, broke your goddamn heart."

"I know what she did."

"And now you're blinded by her again."

"I'm not, I just needed to get away from all this shit for a little while. She helped with that."

"Is that what she is? Your little escape from the club and the sick kid bullshit? The escape from your reality?"

"What she is to me is none of your business."

"If it involves my son and my grandson, it is my business." Gemma threw back at him, trying to make him see clearly.

"I don't need this shit from you. You need to step back and realize that you're not a member of this club. You're just an old lady, so know your goddamn place." Jax threw at her as he saw Vanessa coming back out of the clubhouse. "I can take care of myself and my kid. I don't need you trying to run point on my life anymore." Vanessa stopped next to him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "You ready, darlin'?"

"Mhmm." She nodded with a sad smile, knowing that she was the cause of an argument between the two of them. Truthfully, that was the last thing she wanted.

" _We'll_ see you at St. Thomas, ma." Jax emphasized, watching his mother's eyes widen and jaw clench before walking off.

* * *

**AN:** Thanks to everyone who is reading this story. Special thanks to everyone who bookmarked it or left kudos. You guys are awesome!


	15. Chapter 15

Jax and Vanessa were driving to the hospital silently, but Jax could practically hear the gears grinding in her head. Her thoughts were consuming her.

"You alright, babe?" Jax asked, looking at her for a quick second before looking back to the road.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Are you sure you want me to be here? I mean this is a huge thing, you finally getting to hold Abel today. I don't want to intrude on your time with him."

"I want you to meet him, Vanessa. He's gonna love you." Jax smiled at her and took her hand in his and squeezed lightly before focusing back on the road.

"So how much does your mother hate the fact that I'm back?" She asked nervously.

"She ain't exactly thrilled." He laughed. "Don't worry about my mom."

"Is this crazy?"

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Me coming back here. Meeting your son, living in your old dorm room. I feel like I'm a kid again and that we're gonna be making a lot of bad decisions."

"We did do some pretty crazy shit back then, didn't we?" They both smiled at the thoughts of when they were younger, but Jax continued. "It's not crazy, babe. You're making choices that are keeping you safe."

They pulled up to St. Thomas and Jax met her by the back of the truck. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked through the door and to the elevators. As they got on the elevator, Jax pressed the button to the third floor as he watched Vanessa biting her lip nervously as she fidgeted with the sunglasses in her hands.

"Hey, it's gonna be fine, alright?" He said to her, pulling her closer into his arms and wrapping them around her.

"I know, it's just… I feel like… I don't know. I'm just thinking a lot about Lily, y'know?"

"Yeah, I've been thinking about her a lot too. Finding out about losing her, even though I didn't even know about her… it's been hard, trying to figure out how to move on from it."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? None of that shit is your fault, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that Abel should have a big sister, I should have a baby girl to be taking care of. But, hey, hey, look at me," He said and slightly tilted her chin to look at him. "I like that you're here and that you're gonna be meeting my son. Lily's little brother." Her eyes began to water as she smiled, causing him to place a small and supportive peck on her lips.

"I'm sorry, you're right. It's supposed to be a good day." She wiped the tear that fell from her eye and laughed as he kissed her forehead. The elevator dinged and even though she was filled with apprehension, she felt a giddy twist in her stomach about being here and meeting Jax's son.

"C'mon, babe." Jax took her hand and led her to Abel's room. He opened the door for her and she walked next to his incubation chamber. She gasped at the sight of him. He was still small, but he was moving around a lot. He had big beautiful blue eyes and wispy blonde hair.

"Oh my God, he's so beautiful, Jax." Jax stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder. She looked down at Abel and he moved his hand and touched the side of the chamber, cooing loudly.

"Look, he likes you already." Jax said and they both laughed. "Told you he would love you."

"Jesus, he looks just like you. How old is he now?"

"He's just about two months old, he should be out of the hospital in another month or two." He said just as the door opened and Gemma walked through.

"If it isn't the happy little couple." Gemma said while rolling her eyes and walking over to them. Vanessa noticed the amount of adoration in Gemma's eyes as she stared at Abel. "Dr. Namid's gonna be a few more minutes, he just got out of surgery."

"That's alright, we came early so Nessa could meet him."

"Hmm." Gemma scoffed, looking between Vanessa and Jax, he still had his arms wrapped around her waist, but Vanessa's sole focus was on Abel again, a huge smile on her face and love already filling her eyes. This shit is gonna be bad. Gemma thought to herself. "So, you been in Reno ever since you broke my son's heart?"

"Mom." Jax sighed out. "Please, just stop, if you got a problem with Vanessa being here, then you can leave. I get to hold my son, this is supposed to be a good day."

"Sorry." She said, not meaning it at all.

"It's fine, Gemma. I, uh, I moved to Reno a few months back. I was living in New York."

"You leave him to go to college? To become that big doctor you always dreamed of being." She asked, a hand on her hip, while Jax tightened his grip around Vanessa.

"I went for nursing instead." Vanessa said, hearing a knock on the door. All three of them looked at the door to see Dr. Namid and a nurse coming in to greet them. They both left the room with Abel, to run a few tests and check his weight. Meanwhile, Jax tried to keep the conversation light between his mother and Vanessa while they all waited for the nurse and the doctor to bring Abel back in.

"You ready to hold your son?" The nurse asked with a smile on her face. Vanessa looked over to Jax, seeing him light up as soon as he saw his son. Jax just nodded, tears stinging his eyes.

"Hey. Hey." Jax laughed as he finally got to hold the baby for the first time. The smile not faltering from his face as Abel cooed back at him. Vanessa could see Jax bouncing him and rocking him back and forth in his arms. Her heart clenched at the scene, seeing him so vulnerable. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes too. She was genuinely happy for him. Jax sat down in the rocking chair, completely enamored by his son.

"I don't know how to break this to you, kid. But I'm your old man." Jax joked, and Vanessa and Gemma both smiled at the sight of them together. Gemma nodded to the door indicating that they should both leave the room and give Jax time with his son.

They looked out at him through the glass window, still talking and bouncing his son in his arms.

"I don't know what the hell you think you're doing with my son, but it's not gonna happen." Gemma spoke in the strictest voice she could muster up.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not getting involved in my son's or my grandson's life. I am only gonna tell you this once, sweetheart. Jax is in a real strange place. He doesn't need any outside voices in his head. Steer clear of him." Gemma said pointedly, causing Vanessa to scoff a little bit and smile, still looking at Jax.

"What happens between me and Jax is none of your concern. It never has been."

"My son and my grandson are my concern. So, when the whore that broke my son's heart comes back outta nowhere and starts shaking her ass for him again, I consider that concerning."

"Forgot just how forthright you can be."

"You forgot a lot of things, sweetheart."

"Either way, we're not teenagers anymore, Gemma. You can't dictate what he does, who he sees-"

"I'm his mother," Gemma cut her off. "And until I am dead and cold, I am going to do anything I have to do to protect him."

"You think you need to protect him from me?"

"I know I need to protect him from you. You will twist him up and hurt him, just like you did when you left."

"You gonna keep throwing that in my face?" She snapped. "Yeah, I left. And I know that I hurt him, but Jax is the one that kept coming out to Reno to see me. He's the one that asked me to come back here with him. You don't even know all the fucking details."

"Enlighten me, sweetheart." Gemma said, but Vanessa stayed quiet. "Like I said, he's in a real strange place and you got him twisted up already, thinking he can just bring some gash back to Charming."

"He just introduced this 'gash' to his son." She spat back. "I'm starting to think you're feeling a little threatened, Gemma."

"What, you leave for a few years and come back with a brand-new set of balls? Thinking you can just say whatever the hell you want?"

"Maybe I'm just channeling my inner Gemma." Vanessa threw back at her as she saw Jax wave them in. She opened the door and walked right towards Jax, Abel still in his arms as he got up and pressed his lips to hers lightly, he pulled away from her still smiling.

"You wanna hold him, babe?" Jax asked, she looked nervous at the thought of holding him. Between the incident with Kohn, meeting Jax's son, and the strength it took to confront Gemma, her nerves were shot.

"You sure?" She asked, looking deep into his eyes, he saw the fear and anxiousness that was held in hers and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead as he started putting Abel into her arms. Abel's eyes were staring widely at her as she smiled at him. Abel smiled and cooed as he reached his hand up causing it to land on one of her breasts. "Well, he is definitely Jax Teller's kid."

"Hey kid, those puppies ain't yours." Jax laughed as Vanessa continued to hold him and lightly rock him in her arms. Jax just stared at her holding his son with a huge smile on both hers and Abel's face. "That's a good look for you."

"What?" She looked down at her plain tank top and jeans, slightly confused.

"Holding my kid." Jax smirked at her and saw her blush a little.

"Can I hold my grandson yet?" Gemma interrupted the moment between them purposely, her head moved animatedly as she put her hand on her hip. Vanessa placed a kiss on Abel's forehead, her lips lingering for a moment as she breathed in the newborn baby smell that still remained before she placed the baby into Gemma's arms.

* * *

They all stayed with Abel for a little while longer until he fell asleep and the nurse came back to put him back in the small chamber. They walked out of the hospital together in silence.

"You wanna grab a bite to eat?" Jax asked Vanessa as they got to his truck. "I'm sure it's been a while since you've had Hanna's."

"God, it has been. Sure, I've been craving some banana nut pancakes." He smirked at her and shook his head slightly. "What?"

"Nothin', you just haven't changed at all." He smiled. "In all the years I've been with you, I don't think you've ever even tried anything else from there."

"Because they're amazing! Better than any other diner I've tried."

"We'll see ya back at the clubhouse, ma." Jax called out to her as she was getting into her Cadillac.

"See you, baby."

* * *

Jax and Vanessa arrived at Hanna's but before Jax had a chance to get out of the truck, she grabbed onto his wrist.

"Wait." Vanessa muttered out.

"What's up?"

"N-no one knows I'm back yet, Jax. Not David or Jacob, or my dad."

"You want me to just grab some food and then we can eat back at the club house?" She nodded and reached into her pocket pulling out a twenty-dollar bill and tried handing it to him. "Put your money away, Nes."

"Jax…"

"Save it, so you can get out of the 'cum factory' sooner." He smirked, causing her to smile too. "Don't worry about it, babe."


	16. Chapter 16

Jax and Vanessa arrived back at the clubhouse about fifteen minutes later. She decided that she was going to talk to David tonight to let him know that she would be back for the time being and hoped that he would break the news to both her dad and her other brother. Jumping out of the truck, Vanessa was walking to the clubhouse with Jax when his name was called.

"Hey, Jax!" They both looked back at the voice, and she saw a young guy with a Prospect kutte on. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"I'll meet you inside, babe." Jax whispered to her, kissing her cheek and walked over to the other guy as Vanessa walked inside. She headed over to the dorm room that she would be staying in and saw that the door was open, even though she knew that she locked it before she left. She silently walked towards the room, her nerves overcoming her.

There was a multitude of unnerving thoughts running through her head as she continued to tip toe towards the room until she pushed the door open wider.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Vanessa snapped; her tone harsh. She saw Gemma jump a little bit, but quickly recover. She could see Gemma looking through one of her bags.

"It was open." Gemma retorted with a smirk, moving to sit on the bed.

"You're fucking snooping through my stuff?" She asks as she roughly grabs the bag out of her hands, quickly zipping it. "You have no right to be going through my shit."

"This is my clubhouse, sweetheart. I can do whatever I please." Gemma replies snidely.

"Oh, I'm sorry Queen Gemma, I forgot that you think you can do or say whatever the fuck you want in this town." Vanessa rolled her eyes and grabbed her other bags. "Fuck you, you manipulative bitch!"

"Excuse me?" Gemma yelled back, as Vanessa continued walking out of the dorm room, her bags in tow. When Gemma finally caught up to her, she roughly grabbed at the younger woman's wrist, trying to stop her from leaving before she had the chance to confront her. Quickly, Vanessa turned around and dropped her two bags to the ground, without even taking a second to think, she slammed Gemma roughly into the wall, holding her there with all her strength. For a second, she thought she saw a slither of fear falling over Gemma's face, and it made her feel good. Strong. Powerful. It made her feel in control for once.

"Do not fucking touch me." Vanessa whispered, her voice seething with anger. She let Gemma go, before picking her bags up off the ground and continued to walk towards the door.

"If I were you, I would start making my way out of Charming, little cunt." Gemma yelled back at her, still slightly shocked at what just happened. Vanessa stormed out the door and pulled her phone out of her back pocket as she walked to the gate, not looking for anyone or anything except a way off the lot.

"Vanessa!" She heard Jax call out to her, but she continued to walk faster. He jogged towards her, but she still refused to stop. "Nessa." He says as he catches up to her, out of breath slightly. "Where you goin', darlin'?"

"I'm going home. Getting the fuck out of here."

"What happened?" He asked, worried that she was actually going to leave Charming again. Leave him again.

"Why don't you go ask your mother!" She shouted, dialing the number she needed.

"Jesus Christ, what the hell did she do now?" He ran his hands over his face, sounding exhausted. "Who are you calling?"

"David so he can pick me up and I can stay with him until I can get back to Reno."

"Nes, please. Please don't call him yet. Just give me a few minutes. Please, just don't leave, babe." She nodded, she didn't want to leave Jax again, but the anger flooding through her veins wasn't helping her to think clearly. She waited by the end of the lot, seeing a bunch of people staring at her and probably thinking she was crazy, even though she knew her reaction was completely justified.

* * *

"What the hell did you do, mom?" Jax asked as he forcefully opened the clubhouse door, seeing her sitting at the bar with Clay while a few of the other guys were gathered around the pool table. He can tell that she was irritated.

"I didn't do anything. That little psycho bitch just came in here and started screaming at me." Gemma lied.

"Now why don't I believe that shit?" Jax's nostrils flared. "You hated her since we were kids, you still do. So, what the fuck did you do to make her act like that?"

"Nothin-" Gemma started.

"The truth, Gemma!" Jax yelled at her loudly, forcing everyone in the clubhouse to look at them.

"She found me going through some of her shit."

"Jesus fucking Christ, you can never keep your nose out of other people's business, huh?"

"She wouldn't have reacted like that if she didn't have anything to hide, Jax." Gemma tried.

"That's bullshit! You just can't mind your own goddamn business. I fuckin' invited her here. So, why she's here has nothing to do with you, ma."

"She's in our clubhouse, son. I think it has something to do with all of us." Clay said calmly.

"This doesn't have shit to do with you." Jax exclaimed, pointing at Clay, causing Clay to get up and walk closer to him.

"Her father and brothers are the reason ATF is up our asses."

"No, ATF is up our asses because of what we do. It has nothing to do with her." Jax pushed Clay out of his face, his nostrils flaring again as his jaw clenched tightly.

"So, she just comes back after years of being away, just as ATF is coming at us hard? You think that's some sort of coincidence?"

"I heard this speech already from my mom. Vanessa has nothing to do with this shit or with what her brothers are doing. She never has."

"She's using you, son. Flaunting that tight little pussy around to get in your head, to get information to help take down this club for her family."

"You got proof of that, prez?" Jax asked, the last word coming out with a bitter taste in his mouth. His voice got quiet as he got closer into Clay's face and continued. "Or you just gonna try to blow another innocent woman's head off?"

Clay looked taken aback at the words that came out of Jax's mouth. Clay truly believed that he had Jax in line. That he wouldn't bring up what happened with Donna again after their conversation in Indian Hills, but he did. Before Clay could respond, Jax's voice came out again.

"If she was a rat, she would've said something about the bullet that she pulled out of Chibs weeks ago. But she didn't."

"What?" Clay inquired, wondering why this was the first he heard that she was back in Jax's life, and apparently a part of some club business.

"She was the one who patched Chibs up. I trust her, Clay." Jax sighed and spoke louder. "We got nothing to worry about with her, she just missed her family and friends. That's why she's back in Charming, okay? So, leave her the fuck alone." Jax looked at Clay and then at his mother, seeing the angry face that she held as he pointed at her. "Especially you."

Jax quickly walked back out to the lot, hoping that Vanessa was still there. When he saw her, sitting at the picnic table, he released a deep breath that he didn't even know he bottled up and walked over to her.

"I didn't know you smoked." He said, an apologetic smile on his face.

"Only when I'm really stressed." She exhaled the smoke and threw the cigarette into the ashtray. "I've been trying to quit, but One Nut gave me it."

"You mean Half Sack?" Jax laughed and saw her smile again too.

"Same thing." She chuckled. "I'm sorry that I put my hands on your mother. That was kind of rude of me."

"You hit her?"

"Not exactly, just pushed her into the wall."

"Not like she didn't deserve it, don't worry about it." He smirked at her again.

"I can't stay here, Jax." She exhaled a deep breath.

"I know."

"I'm sure I can stay with David, at least until I find a place of my own or something. Or I can get a hotel, I don't know. I just can't be surrounded by your mother constantly."

"You can stay with me."

"Jax… we talked about this already."

"No, listen, I got a spare bedroom. You can stay in it. Besides, I'll need your help getting the house ready for Abel to come home." He looked at her with a hopeful expression. "I need to know you're safe, babe. This shit with Kohn, plus the heated shit we got with the Mayans right now, I'd really feel better if you were stayin' with me, at least for a little while."

"I don't know, Jax. I don't want to live off you or anything, that's not who I am. Staying in the clubhouse was one thing. But staying in your house and shit, it feels too much like freeloading."

"I don't see it that way, darlin'." He took her hand in his, pulling her closer into him as they sat on top of the picnic table. "I need you to stay. I don't want to lose you again, Vanessa."

She looked at him, his eyes staring down into hers and she leaned into him, gently placing her lips onto his. She could taste the cigarettes on his lips, and she couldn't help but think that she wanted to taste him forever. She just nodded in agreement, causing him to kiss her again deeply, both of them smiling into the kiss.

"C'mon, let's go home, babe."

* * *

Vanessa was laying down in the bland guest room trying to get any ounce of sleep, but it seemed like her brain just wouldn't shut off. Being in Charming again, Donna's death, Kohn, meeting Abel, and the shit with Gemma all piled up on her. She quietly got off the bed and walked into the hallway, seeing Jax's door open just a tiny bit.

She stood there silently for a moment, chewing on her lip, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath that he took.

"You just gonna stand there and stare at me all night or ya gonna come in here and lay next to me?" Jax mumbled through his sleepy voice as he looked up at her. She wasn't expecting him to be awake, but she was glad that he was. She gently tiptoed into the room when he reached his hand out and pulled her onto the bed and under the covers. Jax wrapped his arm around her, their hands intertwined, and he kissed her shoulder. "I'm glad you're here, Nessa."

"Yeah, me too."


	17. Chapter 17

Jax and Vanessa found that living with each other was easy, simple even. Vanessa helped to baby proof his house for Abel's return within the month, and Jax couldn't be more grateful that she was there with him. When Jax came home every night, she was always there with a small smile on her face and something new to show him about the nursery. Jax and Vanessa took every available opportunity to visit Abel, and she was falling for the beautiful baby more than she wanted to.

They both had fallen into a routine and they were happy. Truly happy.

Vanessa had already spoken to David, telling him that she was staying with Jax. He expressed his concern for her but didn't try to make her leave him, knowing how it never worked out well in the past. In fact, it would most likely just push them closer together.

Her brother told her that her father didn't seem very impressed that she was back in Charming either. David even went as far as telling her that her father said that he wanted nothing to do with her, but that didn't surprise her anymore. It didn't even upset her. The fact that her father didn't want to see her or hear from her only further ingrained the idea that she no longer needed him, that she never needed him. It didn't deter her from the constant feeling that lingered in the air, a feeling of wanting to stay in Charming with Jax and with Abel. A feeling of needing to stay in Charming.

Jax continuously tried to convince her that him and the club would be fine, regardless if she stayed in Charming or not. And he really wanted her to stay, too. Things were good. Calm. Simple. The fact that she hadn't seen or heard from Kohn was a good sign too. Maybe she was being naïve, or optimistic, but she couldn't help it, especially since she was feeling the happiest she had been in a very long time.

Her happiness led her to be up earlier than normal as she placed a plate full of pancakes, a bowl of fresh fruit, and a few slices of bacon on to the center of the table. She heard the water to the shower turn off as she placed the two cups of coffee on the table as well. She sat for a few minutes just focusing on the sense of security she felt at the moment. The control. The safety.

"Mornin' darlin'." Jax said and she looked up to him with a small smile on her lips as he kissed her forehead.

"Hey, Jax." She took a sip of the coffee that was sitting in front of her.

"You sleep alright?" Jax asked, it was like a routine for him. Always asking her if she was okay or if she slept well. She figured it was him trying to gauge exactly where her head was at. But her answer was always the same, especially since she had his arms wrapped around her almost every night.

"Yeah, you?" He just nodded, looking at the breakfast spread out across the table. "I have a question."

"What's up?" He looked at her now, ignoring the rumbling in his stomach as concern surged into his mind.

"What do you think about me getting a job? You know, at like St. Thomas or something?"

"This you sayin' you wanna stay in Charming for good?" He questioned her, a small smirk making its way onto his face as he was trying to see what she was thinking.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Things are good. Maybe a little too good, but it doesn't matter because I feel safer and happier than I have been in years." He smiled at her and pulled her out of the chair and into his arms.

"I think it's a good idea. You can set some roots down here."

"Yeah, I just want to get back on my own feet, y'know? It feels weird having you basically paying for everything for me. I've been living off of you like you're my very own outlaw sugar daddy."

"Except I ain't really getting none from you, just some kisses here and there." He laughed, but she didn't. She just looked down to the floor unable to meet his eyes. "Babe, I was just joking."

"Is that what you want?" She asked quietly. "Do you actually want to be with me?"

"I told you back in Reno, babe. It's always been you."

"Yeah, but I thought you'd change your mind once you saw how much baggage I came with." She gave a small, sad smile and bit her lip.

"Hey, I think I got you beat with the sick kid and the junkie ex-wife." He joked, and she scoffed slightly before shaking her head. He took a hold of her hand and pulled her into his chest before tilting her chin up to look at him. "I can handle all the shit with Kohn and your family."

"And what about everything else? You know Abel and Wendy, your club, the croweaters?"

"There's nothing else to think about, Vanessa. Abel adores you. Wendy doesn't mean shit to me, she signed the papers, my shit with her is done. And you're my family, Nessa. You always have been."

"It's not that easy though, is it?" There was a thickness in her voice. "Your club is your life, Jax. And I can't even step into the clubhouse because of this shit with your mom. Jesus, your mom hates me enough as it is, which means Clay hates me, which probably means that most of the guys hate me too."

"I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, especially not my mother." He looked at her. "Plus it's not like she hasn't fucked us both over."

"What do you mean?"

"Not telling me about the letters." Jax clenched his jaw. "If I knew about you sending me those letters and you being pregnant, she knows I would have been on the first flight out to you. That's why she didn't tell me."

"Jax, I don't want this to impact your relationship with her. I get it, you're pissed, but she was only trying to protect you."

"Yeah, and because of that I couldn't protect you or my daughter."

"Is that why you've been ignoring her calls?"

"If I pick up, I will fucking lose it on her. I can't even look at her knowing that she's partly responsible for what happened to Lily."

"She's not, Jax."

"She fucking is." Tears started springing to his eyes. "You have no idea how much I want to tell her and let her deal with that guilt."

"You can't. Please don't tell her. Don't do that to her." She tried to convince him.

"Why shouldn't I?" He shook his head. "We would still have our daughter if she didn't try to run point on my goddamn life."

"You don't know that…"

"If she just told me about your letters, Lily would still be here. She would still be fucking alive!" Jax ran his hands over his face, brushing the tears from his eyes. "I would have had the chance to hold my goddamn daughter."

"Stop it." Vanessa cried, grabbing onto his arm before hugging his waist tightly. Jax wrapped his arms around her too, inhaling the scent of her hair to try and calm himself down.

"She deserves to know, to suffer with that guilt."

"Jax, please." She pulled away, looking at him with wide eyes and tear stained cheeks. "I-I have spent years on the other end of those pitiful looks that people give. People staring at me. People not knowing what to say. People constantly apologizing and walking on eggshells around me. I don't want that here. I don't."

"If I would have known-"

"If you would have known, it still may not have changed anything. It doesn't change anything. Lily is still gone, Jax." She rubbed his bare chest gently before pointing to the Roman Numerals adorning his chest right above his heart, poking him gently. "But she's still here."

Jax couldn't do anything but nod his head and blink back the tears.

"The last person I blame is your mother." He nearly scoffed at her remark. "Do you really think that if your mother knew I was pregnant that she would just let me walk away with her grandbaby? She was trying to protect you. It's what mothers do."

"You would have been a good mom to her."

"And you are a great dad, baby." She kissed his chest near the ink that was dedicated to both his daughter and his newborn son. "Charming is supposed to be a fresh start for me. For both of us together. I don't want everyone knowing my business."

"You really want to keep her a secret?"

"She's not a secret, Jax. But Liliana is ours. Only ours. It's easier when it's only us who knows about her. I want this fresh start, and the only way I can do that is to keep her in here." She pointed to his heart once more.

"Yeah." He whispered, staring intently into her eyes. His hands drifted to her face, gently caressing both of her cheeks as she leaned further into him. She kissed the palm of his hand before letting her fingers drift over his chest. Jax sighed in contentment before picking her up by the back of her thighs. She gasped in surprise as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He saw the whirlwind of emotions inside of her. He saw her strength, her pleasure, her grief, her forgiveness. But mainly he saw a clear expression on her face, an expression that he was familiar with from when they were teenagers. He saw her capacity for love.

Jax kissed her without a second thought, knowing only that this woman was everything he could want or need. She kissed him back with a gentle ferocity before wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. Jax blindly maneuvers around the kitchen and down the hallway, kicking the bedroom door open before gently dropping Vanessa on the bed.

She continues to pant with desire as she stares at him while he kisses from her thighs to her navel. Their eye contact fails to dim as he continues kissing up from her breasts to her neck. Vanessa wrapped her arms around him once more before pulling him on top of her and kissing him again.

"I want this, Jax. A fresh start."

"Yeah, babe. A fresh start."

* * *

The last week of Jax's and Vanessa's official relationship was going well. Both were completely comfortable with one another and it was like when they were kids again. The only difference being that they lived together and were practically raising Abel together, even though he wasn't home just yet.

His arms were wrapped around her after another early morning round in the sack. It was pretty much their routine at this point.

This morning it was Vanessa who initiated the routine after waking up and feeling Jax hard against her. She grinded against him until he finally opened his eyes, a ravenous moan creeping its way out of the back of his throat. The next thing she knew he was on top of her and thrusting into her roughly.

But sometimes she loved the after-sex cuddles and talks with him more than the actual sex. Her head against his chest while his arms were wrapped around her, his fingers ghosting over her back as they just talked about everything and enjoyed each other's presence.

_Jax was always such a pillowtalker._

"You ever gonna talk to your mom again?" She asked, her voice nothing more than a hoarse whisper. Jax's fingers stopped gliding across her back as he sighed while shrugging. "I don't want your relationship with your mom to be like my relationship with my dad. She loves you more than anything, Jax." She felt him nod gently before his fingers began their retreat down her back and he kissed the top of her head.

"Hey," Jax started gruffly, clearing his throat. "I know you ain't the biggest fan of being there, but Bobby's coming home tonight. We're throwing a huge welcome home party for him at the clubhouse. I want you to be there with me."

"Bobby Elvis? What happened?"

"Few months back, right before shit with Donna, Bobby was picked up on a murder charge. It got dropped, so he's getting out tonight."

"Jesus, Jax." She muttered, thinking about Donna. Wondering if what happened to Bobby had anything to do with Donna's death. "Murder?"

"Yeah, shit's been crazy, babe. But it's pretty good right now. So, what do ya say?"

"I guess I can fit it into my schedule." She joked.

"Thank you. Maybe I'll even try to talk to my mom tonight, too." He sighed but quickly changed the subject. "Speakin' of schedules, you get the job at St. Thomas yet?"

"You remember Tara?" She asked.

"Your brother's girl?"

"Yeah, her dad died a few weeks ago so she went back to Chicago for a while. But she'll be back soon and I'm gonna talk to her about it. See if she can put in a good word."

"Sounds good." Jax spoke as he watched her get off the bed and walk away. He heard the water turn on in the bathroom causing him to finally get up with a sigh, he was hoping she would want to go another round. Instead he just threw on some clothes and went to start the coffee in the kitchen as his phone went off.

"I gotta get goin', babe." Jax called out to her as he walked back into the bedroom. She quickly turned the water off and threw the towel on before moving out of the bathroom and towards him. She walked out with just a towel wrapped around her and he smirked. "You keep walkin' around like that and I'm never gonna make it to the club."

"Maybe that was my plan all along." She said with a sly grin.

"Oh yeah?" He said, kissing her lips roughly and then trailed them from her jaw to her neck. When his kisses reached her collarbone he nipped lightly, causing her to take in a deep breath. But he pulled away, leaving her unsatisfied as she looked at him with a slight pout. "What are your plans for the day?"

"I'm gonna see Abel and then I have an appointment."

"For what? You good?" She could see the concerned look on his face.

"I have an appointment to get back on birth control."

"Does that mean no more rubbers? Sounds fuckin' good to me." He smirked.

"No more rubbers in a week, but for the next few days we still need to use them."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yep, I'll be in and out in like fifteen minutes."

"Good. I'll be busy most of the day, but I'll pick you up tonight?"

"Be safe, Jax." She kissed him goodbye.

"Always, darlin'."

* * *

Vanessa was excited to see her favorite little guy this morning. There was a smile on her face as she walked in to see Abel, while the nurse was just about to feed him.

"Hi, Mrs. Teller." The nurse said to her with a big smile.

"Oh, I-I'm not Mrs. Teller. You can just call me Vanessa."

"You're not married to Jax?" She asked confused.

"No, uh, just his girlfriend." She said, it sounded weird coming off her tongue, like she was a teenager who was gossiping with Donna again.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's time for his feeding, do you want to do it?"

"Yeah." The nurse passed her the bottle of formula and smiled at her. "Thank you."

"I'll be back in a little while, give you some time with your son." The nurse walked out of the room and Vanessa smiled, feeling like she wanted to cry. She thought about it, and although she wasn't Abel's birth mother, she was the closest thing he had to a mother at the moment. She visited him every single day and she loved him more than she could even possibly say.

Abel stared up at her as he was being fed. His bright blue eyes never leaving hers when she heard the door open and saw Gemma standing there.

"You want one?" Gemma nodded her head to Abel.

"What?"

"A baby." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?" Vanessa asked, skeptical of the question.

"If you're in Jax's life, you're in his life." She pointed to Abel. "I got every reason to know how you feel about kids. Plus, you got that look."

"The aching empty womb look?" She joked, but really she was just thinking about the daughter she should have right now. The sister that Abel should have.

"Somethin' like that." She smirked. "I think I deserve to know. You're gonna be the one taking care of my grandson."

"Eventually. With the right person at the right time."

"And is Jax the right person?"

"I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't. And I wouldn't be here visiting Abel everyday if I didn't care about him." Gemma looked satisfied with the answer.

"What about when Wendy comes back along when she gets out of rehab? You still gonna care about him then? Or you just gonna try to push that responsibility back onto her?"

"Jesus Gemma, do you ever let up? I get that you don't like me, and frankly, I don't give a shit. I'm not here because of you. I'm here because of Jax, and you can fight with me and try to push me away all you want. But you cannot and will not push me away from Jax or from Abel."

"I'm surprised." She says looking at her grandson and then back at her. "You're stronger than you were before you left. Not as much of a pussy." Vanessa laughed when she saw Gemma smirk.

"I guess I'm finally figuring out that I have things worth fighting for." She looked at the time on the clock on the wall and stood up. "I gotta go. You wanna finish feeding him?"

"Where you goin'?" Gemma asked as Vanessa kissed Abel on the forehead and handed him over to his grandmother.

"I have an appointment."

"It ain't another baby already, is it?"

"No." She chuckled. "I'll see you later."

"This doesn't mean that I like you." Gemma tried to hide a small smile at the fact that her and Vanessa just had a somewhat civil conversation.

"I never would have thought that you did."

"Wait…" Gemma started. "I know Jax is pissed about what happened between you and me. But he's giving me a pretty mean cold shoulder. Barely says more than a few words to me a day."

"That's not me. This shit between me and you, I don't want it to come between you guys. I know what it's like to have a messy relationship with a parent, I don't want that for him."

"I know. We both know my son loves deep, hates deeper. He can be a spiteful asshole at times."

"Sounds like someone we both know." Vanessa looked at her with a smirk.

"Careful." Gemma shot her a warning glance. "Is he, uh, is he okay, though? Really?"

"He's okay, Gem." She gave a sad smile. "You'll both be okay."

* * *

Vanessa was curling her golden locks, getting ready for Bobby's party. If it was anything like how she remembered them from when she was younger, she knew that she had to look good and radiate confidence. There would be tons of croweaters and sweet butts trying it on with Jax, so she had to make his attention stay on one person and one person only, her.

After curling her hair, she started with a little bit of makeup, just some neutral toned eyeshadows and some eyeliner with her signature bold red lip. It was what she would usually wear when she was bartending back in Reno. She had a little bit of trouble deciding what outfit to wear to the party, not wanting to look like she was trying too hard, but still wanting to look good.

Vanessa decided to wear slightly distressed skinny jeans with a lacy black corset style top. She also decided to wear her black leather high heeled boots and a leather jacket to top the outfit off. The jeans and top shaping all of her curves in the best way. She was looking in the mirror, when she heard the door shut and Jax call out.

"Babe, you almost ready?" He walked into the bedroom, he checked her out as soon as he saw her. "Jesus fuckin' Christ."

"Do I look okay?" She asked nervously.

"You look fuckin' amazing. Like amazing enough to just say fuck the party and let me take you right here, right now." She laughed and he took a careful hold of her face, tilting her chin and kissed her gently. "I ain't kidding, babe. We better get out of here, like right now."

SOASOASOA

They arrived at the party to see people fighting in the ring and loud music filling everyone's ears. Jax walked with her to the clubhouse, his arm around her shoulder.

"Jackie boy!" Chibs yelled and came up to them giving him a big hug. "Vanessa, right?" They both nodded and Chibs looked her up and down. "Ya look much different than you did when ya were in your pajamas that night. You look good, lass." He hugged her and she laughed.

"Thanks, Chibs." She smiled, a small blush on her face. "Glad to see you're doing better than the last time I saw you."

"Aye. Thanks to you, luvvy." He laughed before walking away with a croweater.

"You want a drink, darlin'?" Jax asked her and she nodded. "Beer?"

"Beer's good." He went to the bar and grabbed two beers, in the two minutes that he was gone he could already see a swarm of several guys gravitating towards her, including Tig.

"C'mon sweetheart, stand up a second." He heard Tig say, trying to pull her off the arm of the couch where she was sitting.

"Tig, what are you doing to my girl?"

"Your girl?" Tig looked at her. "Wait a minute, this fuckin' knockout is Hale's little sister? Jesus Christ, baby girl, you got all the good genes, huh?" She blushed again. "You really grew up from the last time I saw you, didn't you?"

"Fuck off, Tig." Jax told him, no hint of a joking tone, causing Tig to put his hands up in surrender with a chuckle as he went off to find another girl. "You good?"

"Do I look like a croweater?" She asked worriedly.

"Nah, all the guys here are just dirty old bastards. You look great." He kissed the side of her head. "C'mon let's go sit by Opie."

"Who's that with him?"

"I don't know."

"It's weird seeing him with another girl other than Donna." She sounded sad for a second but Jax just kissed her again.

"She used to say the same shit to me. That it was weird seeing me with any other chick." He laughed. They both walked over to Opie and he stood up to give her a big bear hug.

"Hey, Nes. You look good."

"Thanks, Ope." Jax sat down, pulling Vanessa onto his lap. They all talked for a few minutes when they heard joyous yelling for Bobby.

Bobby ran through the door and everyone cheered and laughed as he took the first croweater he saw and started kissing her and doing body shots off her. Girls were grinding and dancing with each other to the music. Other girls were pulling off their shirts and taking turns dancing on the stripper pole.

"Why don't you get up there, Nes? For the good ol' Reno days?" He pointed to the stripper pole, jokingly.

"You never told me you stripped?" Jax looked at her questioningly.

"I didn't. I danced occasionally, but usually I just worked the bar or waitressed." Jax just nodded, seeming a little put off. He gently moved her off his lap and onto the seat next to him as he got up for another drink without a word. She followed him with her eyes, seeing him stop next to a tall blonde wearing a mini skirt and matching crop top with nearly six-inch stilettos. The woman was touching him and rubbing up and down his arm while she twirled her fake blonde hair. When Vanessa got a better look, she saw it was the same girl in the photo that she was sure Kohn sent to her.

She got up angrily and started walking over to him. When she reached him, she put her hand on his back and he looked over to her.

"Sorry, sweetheart. He's taken for the night." The blonde said, taking his hand.

"Yeah, by me." Vanessa looked at her, trying not to be rude.

"Honey, he's got all he can handle tonight, don't worry. He doesn't need you. How about you go find another patch to ride?" She exclaimed through gritted teeth.

"Ima…" Jax started.

"Well, Ima. I'm Vanessa, Jax's girlfriend." She said with a sly smile and she grabbed at Jax's hand as he smirked and started to walk off with Vanessa. "Come on, Jax."

"I told you he's with me tonight, skank." Ima grabbed at Vanessa's upper arm roughly before Vanessa turned around quickly, pushing her up against the wall with a hand just over her throat. It was the same wall that she pushed Gemma up against just a few weeks before. She was starting to see a pattern.

"You better back the fuck off before I rip those fake tits off of your goddamn chest." Vanessa growled, causing a few people to look at her, waiting for her to do something. "You got me, bitch?" Ima didn't answer as Vanessa pushed off her and walked into the quiet hallway leading to the dorms, Jax following behind her.

"Don't let 'em get to you, babe." He said seriously.

"Do they get to you?" Vanessa didn't let him answer before she pushed him up against the wall.

"You got a thing for pushin', huh?" Jax joked.

"What, you hear about me dancing a few times and you go to find another girl to fuck within a matter of seconds?" She asked, still seething with anger.

"Babe-" He started but couldn't finish as she pushed him harshly again, ripping the buttons of his flannel off. She kissed his mouth roughly as he lifted her up by the backs of her thighs, walking her through the first dorm room and pushed her up against the door he just closed.

He sucked on her bottom lip, biting it gently as he pulled her jeans down. She threw her jacket off her before undoing her lace top and throwing it with her jacket. Her hands were trembling with a mixture of want and anger as she began unbuckling his belt. She reached her hand into his pants, grabbing him and getting him even more hard as he panted and continued to kiss her neck and chest.

Jax picked her up again, holding her close as he knocked all the things off the desk and placed her on it, still not letting his lips leave her body. His fingers traced over the lacy red bra before trailing down to the matching thong that sat on her hips, before pulling it down her legs. He pushed into her roughly and she moaned in pleasure, her hands finding the warmth of his skin and dragging her fingernails down his back, trying to ground herself as he continued pleasuring her.

"Fuck." She whispered, causing his mouth to find hers again. He continued to thrust into her, her breath hitching every time he bottomed out. She could tell he was getting close by the way he buried his face into her neck. She heard the door open but felt way too good to make him stop. She wrapped her arms around his neck and nipped at his ear and when she looked up, she saw Ima standing there. Ima looked at her with a mixture of anger and sadness before closing the door, causing Vanessa to smirk.

"Shit, Nessa, you feel so fuckin' good." He groaned and she tightened her legs around him as he moaned into her ear. He picked her up again, gently dropping her onto the bed. He rubbed her clit in small, fast circles as he continued to buck his hips into her, trying to get her to cum first. Her back arched as she gripped onto the comforter of the bed, roughly pulling on it with each harsh roll of his hips.

"F-fuck. Fuck, Jax." She whimpered, her legs trembling, and her eyes pinning shut as she came with a moan. She felt Jax's thrust getting sloppier, egging on the aftershocks of her orgasm. "We didn't use a condom."

Jax panted and groaned as his hips stuttered before he quickly pulled out of her. He stroked himself hurriedly as he watched her chest heaving with each breath. His eyes shut and his head fell back as he released himself onto her stomach.

"Shit, babe." He groaned as he grabbed her face gently with both hands and kissed her, his kiss full of passion. He bit on her bottom lip gently a few times, hearing her moan again. She pulled away and ran her fingers through his hair. He saw her face slightly flushed; her eyes filled with lust. She was masked in the afterglow that she got after every time they fucked. "Shit, I fuckin' love you, Vanessa." Her eyes couldn't leave his.

"You mean that?" She whispered, twirling his hair in her fingers. "You're not just saying that because of how good that was?" She saw him smile and chuckle.

"That was fuckin' good, wasn't it? But no, I'm saying it because I mean it, babe. I've loved you since I was a teenager."

"I love you." She whispered, kissing him. "I don't think my legs work right now."

"It was that good?" He asked jokingly and laughed when she lightly slapped him on the chest as he kissed her forehead. She watched as he walked away and into the bathroom, completely naked and she tried to remember when he came to be naked, but her mind worked about as well as her legs at the moment.

Jax came back with a warm washcloth in his hand and smirked at her as he wiped his release off her stomach. She just watched him, reveling in the complete pleasure that she was feeling. He threw the washcloth in the laundry basket in the corner of the room and put her clothes on the bed next to her.

"Let's go home." She said with a small grin on her face.

* * *

They both cleaned themselves up and got dressed before walking out of the dorm and through the clubhouse, his arm around her shoulders as they got outside. Jax was going to say his goodbyes to everyone as he walked behind Tig.

"For real, the chick is a fucking knockout. Tits like this." Tig made an obscene motion with his hands. "I'm sure that is one tight little pussy. Jax is one lucky prick."

"Seriously man?" Jax pulled her in tighter as he yelled causing Tig to turn around.

"Sorry, bro. It's true though, isn't it guys?" He motioned to her and all the guys nodded, causing her to blush.

"Fuck all of you dirty old men." Jax shook his head. "I'll see ya tomorrow, I'm takin' my girl home."

"Lucky fuck!" Tig shouted while all the guys laughed, as Jax walked Vanessa over to his bike, he kissed her again before flipping the group off.


	18. Chapter 18

**Warning:** This chapter discusses sexual assault.

* * *

The club didn't have too much going on except for the meets with the Irish, the Niners, and trying to figure out how to get more money for some of the club's upcoming deals. Vanessa didn't have anything going on except catching up with David and Tara, his fiancé, as well as visiting a whole lot of Abel.

She loved visiting him. He was the world's most relaxed baby and always had a gummy grin for her every time she saw him. She hadn't seen much of Gemma either, which she was okay with considering they don't ever seem to be on the best of terms. Even when they do get along, it's still not as well as she would hope. She doesn't think they'll ever truly get along. But she was glad that over the past three weeks, Jax was finally back on speaking terms with his mother.

After weeks of his head flipping through the situation regarding Gemma, Jax took Vanessa's advice. He knew that his mother was trying to protect him and he couldn't fault her for that. Though Vanessa didn't blame Gemma in the slightest for what happened to Lily, he couldn't help but place some of that guilt on her. He considered Gemma hiding the letters from him a betrayal and a catalyst for a pregnant Vanessa being stuck in New York.

Forgiveness was difficult for him, but he slowly inched his mother back into his life. He avoided any confrontation with her and all topics of Vanessa, knowing that there was a high chance that a conversation regarding her would turn into an argument. Therefore, leading him to explode on his mother. So he stayed cautious and reserved.

But on this Saturday morning, Jax didn't have to go in for a shift at the garage and both him and Vanessa finally had a full morning to lounge around the house and just be together in contentment. After a few rounds of morning sex and breakfast, the smile refused to fall from either of their faces.

"Nessa?" Jax called out as he was putting his kutte on. She walked down the hallway to see him standing by the door waiting for her and she looked at him expectantly, a flirty smirk on her face at the sight of him. He pulled her in for a hug, his hands going straight to grip onto her ass. "All the guys are goin' to Fun Town tonight, you wanna go?"

"Shit, they still have Fun Town?" She laughed. "Jesus, we used to go every year when we were younger."

"I remember. We kissed for the first time on the top of the ferris wheel. You leaned in and almost broke my nose."

"Oh God, don't remind me. I thought you would never want to see me again!" She pushed him gently and covered her face with her hands while he smirked at her.

"Nah, you could break my nose hundreds of times and I'd still wanna see your cute ass." He joked, pulling her closer to him again as she rolled her eyes.

"Winning me all those stuffed animals, taking pictures in the photo booth, kissing me on the ferris wheel. You used to be such a romantic."

"And I'm not anymore?"

"I guess I'll find out tonight, huh?"

* * *

Vanessa couldn't help but laugh as Chibs, Bobby, and Jax were riding the small children's roller coaster. They had to threaten the ride attendant to even let them on the ride and it was the single best sight she had seen all evening. After they got off, Jax walked over to her and pulled her into him, wrapping his arm around her and walked over towards the games.

"You gonna play some games?" She asked, playing with his fingers.

"Hey, you're the one who said I needed to win you some stuffed animals. Gotta make sure I win you somethin' so I can get some tonight, right?"

"And they say chivalry is dead." She rolled her eyes.

"I'm all about the fairytale, baby."

Jax, Bobby, and Chibs all walked over to the games, when they saw Tig and Juice walking over to them too. They split up towards different games, but Vanessa stood by Jax's side as he played the dart game, hitting all of the balloons with every dart. Jax gave her a flirty smile as the game attendant handed her the giant lion that he had won her. She walked around with it, getting wishful looks from all the little kids that passed her.

She saw Opie, his mom, and two kids walking next to him. She could only assume it was Kenny and Ellie, but she had not really wanted to meet them yet, the loss of Donna was still raw to her. But she looked at the kids anyway, seeing the perfect mixture of both Donna and Opie in both of the children.

"Hey, bro." Jax said, giving Opie a hug. Opie kissed Vanessa on the cheek as a greeting. "Kenny, my man!" Jax laughed, giving him a high five before leaning down to kiss Ellie on the cheek. "How ya doin', El?"

"Fine." She muttered, looking at the big lion and then Vanessa. "Hi."

"Hi, Ellie. Kenny. I'm Vanessa."

"You won that?" Kenny asked, amazed.

"Jax won it for me."

"Is Uncle Jax your boyfriend?" Ellie questioned Vanessa quickly, staring at her like she recognized her from somewhere.

"Yeah, he is." Vanessa smiled at him and he pulled her into his arms. "You have a boyfriend, Ellie?"

"She better not." Opie mumbled from afar and Ellie blushed in embarrassment.

"No." She said quietly. Vanessa didn't get to respond before Kenny started.

"What game did Jax win the lion at?" Kenny asked, still enthralled with the huge stuffed animal.

"Why, you want it?" She asked and saw him nod fast, a thrilled look on his face. "Here, keep it."

"Really? Dude, this is so cool!" Kenny laughed. "Grandma, look!"

"I wanna go on the rides." Ellie uttered, taking the tickets from her dad and running off with her brother right behind her.

The rest of the group walked towards where they saw Clay and Gemma talking about going into the photo booth.

"Let me give you a quick handjob." Gemma said.

"I already got a picture of that." Clay retorted with a laugh.

"Well, I don't. What do ya say, babe? You up for a round in the photo booth?" Jax spoke quietly and smirked at her when she pushed him away and lightly slapped his chest.

"You're a class act, Teller." They saw Clay pick Gemma up and throw her over his shoulder, smacking her ass a few times before putting her back down.

"Republican, 12:00." Clay muttered.

"Hey Clay." Elliot Oswald said.

"How you doin', Elliot?"

"Okay, Clay. Vanessa? I heard you were back in town. It's good to see you."

"You too, Elliot, Karen." She nodded to them both. "Hey, Tristen. You remember me?"

"I remember. You used to babysit me sometimes when I was a kid." She nodded before looking over to Jax with a smile on her face. "Um, hey mom, I'm gonna go to the Spinout again."

"Tristen, you've been on it four times already."

"I know." The girl muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, here." Jax pulled out the tickets and handed them to her.

"That's not necessary, Jax." Karen said.

"That's aight." Jax shrugged, throwing a warm smile to Tristen.

"Yeah, they kicked him off 'cause he was screaming too loud." Vanessa teased, seeing Tristen smile at the both of them, Jax winking at her with a smile on his face.

"What do you say?" Elliot reminded the girl.

"Thanks." She said, looking straight at Jax.

"You got it." He said, wrapping his arm around Vanessa again as the group said their goodbyes.

"I think someone's got a little crush on you." Vanessa whispered.

"You jealous?"

"A little." She took his hand. "C'mon you owe me a photo booth picture." They walked over to the photo booth and Jax placed the quarters into the machine and waited for it to start taking pictures.

The first picture Vanessa was sitting on Jax's lap and they were both smiling at the camera. The second was of him kissing her cheek and her giving a shy smile. The third, he was kissing and biting into her neck causing her mouth to be open a little and her eyes to be shut. The last one her head was turned towards him and they were full blown kissing, both of their eyes closed and their tongues dancing around one another's.

"Come on, ya little shits. We gotta take some pictures too." Gemma yelled from outside the booth, causing them to laugh into the kiss before pulling apart. Jax got out of the photo booth first, reaching his hand out to assist Vanessa in getting out. Vanessa couldn't help but smile at ax and his mother who were laughing about something.

She felt like she was seeing another side of this big, outlaw family and she craved to belong in it. To finally have a family that didn't see her as a disappointment or an outsider.

They both ended up meeting with Bobby and Tig again to go back over to the games. They passed two guys with a ton of tattoos on them, Jax gripping her a little tighter at the sight of the hateful messages that were inked into their skin.

"Darby's guys?" Bobby asked, as they all made eye contact with each other.

"I don't recognize 'em." Jax replied, walking straight past them and towards the dunk tank. The clown sitting in the dunk tank was insulting every person who tried to play or even just walked past him.

"Ooh, look at the big bad bikers. Gonna get clowny all wet, huh? Bet you can't even get your girlfriend wet." The clown said in a fake scared tone and laughed. She could see Jax smirking as he was paying to dunk the clown. Jax threw the first ball, missing by a few inches. "He really can't get you wet, can he?" The clown laughed again. "Aw what's the matter, tough guy? Can't put the little ball in the tight hole?" The clown joked, Jax threw the second ball and missed again. "Bet all your leather wearing butt buddies say the same thing."

"Oh, no that's a Bozo no-no." Tig yelled as they all rushed over to the clown.

"Oh, Jesus, you guys I was just screwin' around, man. Come on." He screamed as he was dunked continuously by the guys. Vanessa just stood there laughing and shaking her head slightly at the sight of three grown men dunking a clown for saying something so trivial. When Jax jumped back down from the platform, he kissed her deeply.

"I get her wet just fine, bro." He threw back towards the clown who was trying to get out of the tank, causing her to blush and all three of the guys to laugh.

* * *

Jax and Vanessa were sitting at one of the picnic tables sharing a cotton candy and talking, as the others were playing some more games.

"How's the romancing comin' along?"

"Oh, I think you're doing just fine." She smiled as he took a piece of cotton candy and placed it in her mouth. She looked around to make sure that no one was watching and grabbed his hand gently, licking his finger and sucking on it lightly, causing him to groan. He was about to tell her to get her ass to the bike when he saw Juice running up to them.

"Hey, the Irish are coming." Juice said a little out of breath.

"Alright, bro." Jax sighed. "Looks like the ferris wheel's gonna have to wait, babe. But we're gonna be finishing that shit later." He whispered to her before kissing her on the cheek.

"What? The cotton candy?" She asked innocently but a flirty smirk still adorned her face. He shook his head and kissed her deeply before pulling away from her, causing her to groan a little.

"My mom's heading over here. Why don't you stay with her, then she'll give you a ride home?"

"Great, spending quality time alone with your mother. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Just be nice."

"I'm always nice." She said with a small pout. "Be safe, Jax."

"Always." He kissed her again and smiled. "Love you."

"I love you, too." She whispered back.

"Alright, break that shit up. Come on." Clay said as he walked over, rolling his eyes in disgust.

* * *

"So, you and Jax, that's looking pretty serious." Gemma said nonchalantly, both of them sitting at the picnic table as the sun started to go down.

"It is." Vanessa smiled. "We're both happy.

"That's good to hear." She looked around for a second. "You don't think it's moving a bit too fast?"

"I thought it was at first, but then I remembered something Jax said to me when we were kids. He said that this whole lifestyle moves fast. So, when I think about it, it may seem fast, but then I think about the time we spent together when were kids and when I was in Reno, I think we're moving at a good speed."

"You love him?" Gemma asked, causing Vanessa to look straight at her and nod.

"Yeah, I do."

"You love his son?"

"More than anything."

"Then we shouldn't have any problems. But you hurt my son again, or my grandson, and we will have a shitload of problems."

"I don't doubt that." Vanessa said as she heard screaming. She looked up to see Karen Oswald looking around scared and distressed.

"Tristen!" She yelled, tears welling in her eyes. "Tristen!" Both Gemma and Vanessa walked over to the woman quickly.

"What's goin' on?" Gemma asked Karen.

"We can't find Tristen."

"Oh, Jesus." Gemma muttered. "Well she must be here somewhere."

"No, we've looked everywhere."

"She's not on any of the rides." Elliot came back, speaking in a rushed tone.

"Oh my God, oh my God." Karen muttered to herself. "Tristen."

"Alright, why don't we split up and look for her, okay? She's probably just with some of her friends." Vanessa muttered. "We're gonna find her, Karen." Karen just nodded.

Vanessa split away from everyone looking near the rides first. When she saw that she wasn't near any rides or the photo booth she walked over to the tree line, turning her phone on the brightest possible setting and using it as a flashlight. She was just about to turn back when she heard gasping and painful groans, almost as if someone was struggling to breathe.

Vanessa followed the noise further into the woods and saw the young girl lying on the ground with blood coming from mouth and knuckles, her pants down.

"Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh my God." Vanessa ran over to her, tears filling her eyes. "Tristen?" She heard Tristen crying a little bit. Vanessa pulled out her phone to immediately call for an ambulance, then deciding it was best to call Gemma, who was hopefully with Elliot and Karen.

"Gemma, I found her. I-I had to call for an ambulance. It's bad. We're over in the woods right past the ferris wheel." She hung up and grabbed Tristen's hand. She could feel the coldness of her skin and took her light jacket off to wrap it around the young girl who seemed unconscious now. "I am so sorry this happened to you, Tristen. This shouldn't have happened to you too." Vanessa cried out quietly.

She heard loud footsteps from a group of people and Karen yelling and crying. She dropped down to the cold dirt and hugged her daughter tightly.

"Oh my God." Elliot muttered out, wiping his tears and covering his face with his hands.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Gemma asked as she went over to Vanessa and helped her up off the ground.

"She's a fucking kid." Vanessa tried not to cry, but tears fell from her eyes anyway. She saw David and a few other officers and several paramedics rushing over to the group with flashlights. They picked Tristen off the ground and put her onto a gurney, rushing her into the ambulance.

"They said you found her?" Vanessa's brother asked her gently, and she nodded. "I'm gonna need to take your statement." She told him everything that happened, and he offered to give her a ride home, but she just shook her head, walking away from the group of people and over towards Gemma's car.

* * *

When Jax arrived home that night, Vanessa was laying in their bed, the blankets wrapped around her and tears falling from her eyes. She tried to stop them when she heard the door shut, but she couldn't.

"Babe, what the hell happened?" He asked as soon as he saw her crying, mascara running down her tear-stained cheeks. He sat next to her pulling her in his arms and held her tightly.

"T-Tristen Oswald, she was raped tonight."

"Jesus Christ." Jax groaned, mentally and physically exhausted. He felt an anger coursing through his veins at the fact that this happened in his town and to a kid, no less.

"She's just a kid, Jax. She's thirteen." She whimpered and he kissed her forehead. "I-I found her. She had blood on her, and her pants were down. He just left her lying in the woods, alone."

"I'm sorry, babe." Jax laid her down next to him, wrapping his arms around her tighter and letting her cry until he heard her breaths even out. He couldn't help but go to bed thinking that his daughter would only be a few years younger than Tristen if she were still alive, and she could have been the one in Tristen's position. He went to bed holding Vanessa a little tighter than usual that night.


	19. Chapter 19

**Warning:** There are some heavy and possibly triggering content in this chapter including sexual assault, physical assault, and violence.

* * *

Jax was reluctant to leave Vanessa that morning, knowing that she seemed more upset than he would have thought she would have. He understood that what happened to Tristen was tragic, but he didn't expect it to impact Vanessa the way it did. She seemed fearful and numb.

"You sure you're okay, Nessa?" Jax asked her as she turned the television off, which was covering the news report on the incident at Fun Town. Vanessa took a long sip of her coffee, her hands shaking a little bit.

"I'm fine."

"I don't have much going on today, you can come by the lot later. We can grab some lunch or something."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I think I wanna go see Abel for a little while first."

"Alright, babe." He gently took a hold of her chin, lifting her head and kissing her softly. He tried to comfort her and he saw a grateful expression on her face. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jax."

* * *

Jax was talking to Clay and Chibs about the new deal with the Irish when a Benz came rushing into the lot, the horn honking to get everyone's attention. He wasn't expecting to see Oswald, but Clay and Jax both led the man to the office to talk to him in private.

"My daughter's still in shock. She doesn't remember much, just that Vanessa was there to help her. Asshole busted her jaw and threw her in the dirt. Raped her. She's 13 years old."

"What did the cops say?" Jax asked, looking over at Elliot's distraught face.

"Took a report. Hale's out looking." He said with a scoff, then stared right at Clay. "I want you to find him. You bring him to me first. Pay anything you want."

"Who do you think we are, Elliot?" Clay asked.

"Oswald's have been in this town a lot longer than Sam Crow. I know what you are."

"I don't want your money. Nobody comes into my town and does this to an innocent girl." Clay stated, Jax seemed surprised at the thought of Clay not wanting to be compensated but agreed wholeheartedly. "We'll find the sick bastard. But… when I deliver him to you, I'm gonna need to know that justice will be served. You get what I'm sayin', old friend?"

"Yeah." Elliot whispered quietly and nodded, before standing up and shaking Clay's hand.

SOASOASOA

"We got a 200k deficit hangin' over our heads. Do we really, really wanna be out there playin' some pro bono Lone Ranger?" Tig asked.

"Guy raped a 13-year-old." Jax said angrily, unable to stop the thoughts of his daughter, his little girl.

"Thirteen. Thirteen!" Bobby yelled, standing up from his seat.

"I get it. I just don't like puttin' my ass on the line for some outsider. Clay, Oswald doesn't give a shit about Sam Crow." Tig tried to make a point, but Jax couldn't help but roll his eyes, knowing the truth about Donna, and now knowing that Tig didn't even want to help catch the rapist of an innocent child didn't sit right with him.

"You know, people get jammed up in this town, they don't go to the cops. They come to us." Clay said, hearing a few statements of affirmation from around the table. "And that means somethin' to me. I don't know. Maybe I got somethin' to prove with this guy. You know, that's my shit. So, anybody wants to pass on this-"

"I'm in." The guys started protesting and confirming that they wanted in on it too.

"I'm in too. Guess we're huntin' a tot banger then." Tig said with a small smile on his face, Jax and Opie both rolling their eyes in disgust at Tig's joking manner.

* * *

After Vanessa visited Abel at St. Thomas, she decided to go over to Lumpy's gym. The bile rose up in her throat, knowing that Kohn may still be after her, even though she hasn't seen him in a while. But now there was someone else in Charming who had attacked a young girl. She couldn't help but feel like she had to do something to protect herself.

She walked in to the gym, getting hit with a whiff of sweat and what smelled like dirty old gym socks. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the smell but continued walking over to where Lumpy was training with a younger kid.

"Little Vanessa Hale?" Lumpy questioned his voice sounding surprised.

"Hi, Lumpy." She smiled shyly.

"I haven't seen you in a long time. What can I do for you?" He asked, shooing the young boy away.

"I, uh, I was wondering if you held any self-defense classes here?" She asked nervously.

"We do, usually once or twice a week. Any specific reason you need these classes? I can call David or the Sons, if there's any issue." He told her, suspiciously.

"No, you don't have to call anyone. I just wanted to get more in shape, plus it's not exactly safe being a woman in this world, and I… I want to be able to protect myself."

"This about what happened at the carnival last night?" He looked at her as she looked to the ground, feeling as if she was being interrogated. "Okay, my granddaughter and her husband usually hold them on Wednesdays or Saturdays. Are you sure you're okay? You're safe?"

"Yeah, Lumpy. Thanks." She said as she walked out of the gym, unsure of where to go next.

* * *

Vanessa headed over to TM, wanting to see if Jax would be available for lunch like he promised. When she pulled on to the lot, she saw David and two other officers standing next to their cars and seeing all the guys walking out of the clubhouse.

"You girls selling cookies?" Clay asked, as Vanessa started trotting over to Jax.

"We're investigating a sexual assault." Hale said, nodding a 'hello' to his sister.

"You serious?" Jax asked in a spiteful tone.

"Yeah. I need to talk to all your guys that were at the carnival last night. If they're not here, get them here now."

"David, you seriously think any of them have anything to do with what happened to Tristen?" She asked with a small scoff, she looked away from her brother and saw Clay eyeing her angrily, like she had spoken out of turn.

"Half of 'em have violent crimes on their rap sheet. Just following logic, Vanessa." David said back to her, also eyeing her angrily.

"Wasn't it just last week four Oakland cops were busted for prostitution and rape? Logic tells me we should ask where your dick was last night." Jax retorted.

"And don't say 'in your mama'." Clay joked. Vanessa walked away and into the office, not wanting to hear anymore. She was still too upset about what happened to Tristen to be listening to them making light of this situation.

A few minutes later, while Vanessa was sitting with her head in her hands, Jax walked into the office.

"You okay, babe?" Jax called out to her, startling her as she flinched away from him for a second.

"Jesus." She put her hand over her heart, trying to calm herself down. "Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night."

"I know. You're taking what happened to that girl pretty rough. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. Just angry that something like that happened to her, and in Charming no less."

"That why you went to see Lumpy about self-defense classes?" Jax questioned her, trying to judge what her reaction would be, but she just looked to the ground. He wanted to see where her head was at, but she never responded. "You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?"

"I know." She whispered. "It's just I have a feeling Kohn is still around, just waiting to pop in on me. Then you add this shit to the mix, and I don't know, I just don't feel safe right now."

"Hey, I'm gonna protect you, babe. No matter what." Jax hugged her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

"So, I guess lunch is off the table?" He just nodded with apologetic eyes. "Why is David even talking to you guys? He knows none of you would ever do this shit."

"Maybe he thinks we're gonna look for the guy who did."

"And are you?" She asked, now it was his turn not to answer. Instead he just looked at her with apologetic eyes and she instantly knew that he was going after the guy.

"Why don't you go rest in the clubhouse? Get some sleep, babe." Jax suggested, a concerned tone in his voice.

"Yeah, okay." She said, she started to walk away but stopped at the door. "If you are gonna be looking for this guy, you be safe and you make him pay, Jax."

He noticed how full of emotion her voice was, how her eyes seemed to be tearing up and how she seemed to be almost begging him to hurt the guy. He felt his stomach twist sickeningly, unable to help the thoughts that perhaps more had happened to her in New York than she had previously let on.

* * *

After getting rid of the officers who were supposed to be questioning them, Jax and the other guys spent the rest of the day searching for leads. They had been to the Fun Town site, asking the outsiders what had happened. They also went to Darby, looking for information. After locating and speaking to Yates, they figured that he was also a dead end. They had no more leads and they were beginning to think that they wouldn't be able to find this guy.

Jax hadn't spoken to Vanessa for the rest of the day but when he arrived at the hospital to see Abel, he saw her sitting there with the baby in her arms and an almost sad and dejected look in her eyes while Gemma read to them. He made eye contact with her and both Gemma and Vanessa got up, putting Abel back into the crib and walked out into the hallway.

"Thought you guys were on the hunt." Gemma said, while Jax wrapped an arm around Vanessa pulling her in for a small kiss.

"Hit a dead end." Jax sighed, feeling Vanessa tense up in his arms. "Can I talk to you?" Jax looked down at Vanessa and she nodded. Gemma got the point and went back into the room and began reading to Abel again, her eyes jumping between the book and the young couple that stood outside of the door. "What's going on, babe?"

"I told you, I'm fine, Jax." She uttered, wrapping her arms around him and inhaling his subtle scent of cigarettes, leather, and motor oil. It made her feel safe.

"You seem off." Jax started and before he could finish with his next thought, Elliot entered the hallway and walked towards Jax.

"Jax. Vanessa, I didn't get to thank you last night for finding her." Elliot nodded towards her and she could feel the emotion laced in his voice.

"I'm sorry that this happened to her."

"Did you find the guy?" Elliot turned to Jax, not minding that Vanessa was involved in the conversation.

"No, not yet. We need you to talk to your daughter again." Jax pushed, gently.

"Tristen doesn't remember anything after she got off the ride, except that Vanessa was there and talking to her."

"Gotta dig a little deeper. We need something. The guy have a car? Was he black, was he white?"

"She's still in shock." Elliot said angrily. "All right, Karen just wants her to rest."

"Look, man. Tristen's our only shot at finding this asshole. If you want our help-" Jax started.

"I can try to talk to her." Vanessa mumbled, not even knowing why she had said anything.

"What?" Both men said simultaneously.

"I'm the one that found her, maybe I can jog her memory a little. I don't know. But it's better than nothing."

"Karen's not letting her talk to anyone." Elliot grumbled.

"Then you get her away from the kid for a few minutes." Jax pushed and Elliot just nodded, walking back to his daughters' room. "You sure you're okay with this?"

"We need to find this asshole, Jax." Vanessa's hands were shaking again, and he couldn't help but think that she was hiding something from him.

* * *

Vanessa saw Karen and Elliot both leave the hospital room together. She walked quickly into the room, not knowing how much time she had, while Jax sat outside the door.

"Hi, Tristen." Vanessa gave her a solemn smile. "How you doing, sweetie?"

"Hi, Vanessa. I asked my mom to let me talk to you before, but she said no. She changed her mind?"

"You wanted to talk to me?" Vanessa asked, changing the subject away from the girl's mother. Tristen just nodded and looked up at her. Her eyes were sad and Vanessa couldn't help the rush of hurt that flowed through her.

"Y-you found me last night." Tristen mumbled as Vanessa took a seat in the chair next to her bed.

"I did."

"I heard you say that you were sorry that this happened to me too. Do you know what happened?" Tristen asked innocently, her voice breaking as she talked.

"I do."

"Did it happen to you too?" Tristen questioned, not taking her eyes off Vanessa. Tristen saw the older woman nod her head just a tiny bit.

"It did." Tristen slowly grabbed Vanessa's hand and squeezed it tightly. Vanessa could feel a weight off her shoulders at finally telling someone, even if it was just a young girl who she hadn't known in years.

"When did it happen to you?" Tristen wondered, needing someone else who knows what she had been through. Someone who knows what she is currently going through.

"A few months ago." Vanessa wiped a tear away from her eye. Her voice didn't break though as she spoke strongly to the younger girl. "Do you remember anything about last night? Who did this to you?"

"I-I don't want it to be a secret." Tristen teared up. "My mom, she said I can't tell anyone because it's better to keep it hidden away. Do you think that's true?"

"No, I don't." She took a deep breath. "Can I tell you something, Tristen?"

"Yeah." She mumbled quietly, still holding Vanessa's hand and not wanting to break eye contact.

"You're the first person I'm telling this to. I haven't told anyone else. I kept it hidden from all of my friends and my family."

"Even Jax? He's your boyfriend, right?"

"He is, and yeah, even Jax."

"Why?"

"I was scared to tell people. Scared that they wouldn't believe me, or that they would judge me. Or worse, I thought that they would blame me. I thought hiding it would make me feel better. But now that I'm finally telling someone else, I feel… relieved." Vanessa took a deep breath. "You didn't do anything to deserve this, and neither did I. I know that this is hard, but you're not alone and you will get through it. You can always talk to me."

"You can always talk to me, too." Tristen said, a few tears falling down her face. Vanessa went to hug her and as Tristen wrapped her arms around her neck, she told her that the clown had hurt her. Whispered it like if she said it too loudly he would come back. "Should I tell the police who did this? So, it can't happen to anyone else?"

"If you feel comfortable with telling and if it will help you to move past it, then you should. You have to do what's right for you, baby. Not me or your mom or anyone else. Just remember that you are so strong." Vanessa said, pushing some of Tristen's hair behind her ear. "And I'm always here for you."

"I… I think I want to tell. I want them to find him so he can't do this to anyone ever again."

"You deserve justice."

"Did you get justice for what happened to you?"

"Not yet, sweetheart." She gave another sad smile.

"You deserve justice too." She whispered again. "Thank you, Vanessa."

"And thank you, Tristen."

* * *

Jax saw Vanessa walking out of the room and down the hallway towards him, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She swiped at her eyes and exhaled a breathy sigh.

"Tristen came clean about what happened. One of the carny guys raped her, the fat guy from the dunk tank, the one dressed like a clown."

"Jesus, does anyone else know?"

"Just her mom. She said she's gonna tell the police so it can't happen to anyone else. So, I don't know how much time you have to find the guy."

"It ain't ever gonna happen to anyone else. We're gonna find this guy." Jax assured her, gently kissing her. "Thanks, babe."

* * *

"Hear you guys are harboring a fugitive." Jax yelled out to the carnies, the rest of the Son's walking behind him.

"What are you gonna do about it?" One asked, spitting onto the ground.

"Citizen's arrest." Jax's nostrils flared before throwing the first of many punches. All the Sons and the carnies were throwing punches and hitting each other, when Bobby, Opie, and Chibs found the perpetrator.

"Clay, we got him! Let's go!" Bobby yelled, causing all the guys to start running towards them, Tig had to physically pull Jax off the carny that he was beating the shit out of. Jax didn't want to let him go, infuriated that they were protecting a rapist.

They took the guy into the woods, gagged him, and waited for Elliot to show up. But not soon after, Elliot decided that he wasn't capable of pulling off the punishment that Clay had ordered. He walked off muttering an apology, leaving Clay to scoff.

"Hold him still." Clay said.

"Clay!" Jax yelled, trying to talk him out of doing it this way. He thought it would be best for everyone if they just put a bullet in his skull and called it a night. Clay didn't listen though, using Elliot's knife to cut the man. He screamed through the gag in his mouth and Jax couldn't look on anymore.

"Let him bleed out." Clay told everyone. "Bury him in the woods. Mark the grave. Pick those up and gift wrap 'em." He said pointing at the man's testicles that he had just cut off, which were now laying on the ground, covered in blood. "Put this in a bag. Make sure you don't touch it. It's got Oswald's prints all over it." He held out the knife to Tig.

"What the hell are we doin' here?" Jax demanded, anger laced in his tone.

"Takin' out some real estate insurance. Makin' sure Oswald doesn't sell off those tracts of lumber acreage."

"So, you knew this was comin'." Jax stated, his clenched in rage. "Whether Oswald had the nerve or not, this whole hunt was about blackmail."

"Well actually, the leverage was just a fortunate by-product of my community spirit." Clay alleged, walking away from the rest of the guys.

"This is fucked up, Clay." Jax yelled at him.

"If Oswald's land goes commercial, that means housing developments. Population rises, brings more cops, more state and federal involvement. Charming goes Disney, and Sam Crow gets squeezed out by the most dangerous gang of all: old white money. Now you know." Clay said, almost patronizingly. Jax followed him until they were out of earshot from everyone else.

"Trying to kill a brother but blowing his innocent wife's head off? Patching over the Tribe for your own benefit? Using a little girl's rape for leverage? I got no idea where you're trying to take this club! This is shit that I can't get behind."

"Well you better figure out a way to get behind it, _son_." Clay spit out. "And fast."

"Or what?" Jax angrily yelled out, causing all the guys to turn their heads towards them.

"Or maybe that innocent woman of yours will be the next one to get her head blown off." Clay threatened quietly and menacingly before he continued to walk off towards their bikes.

* * *

Vanessa pulled into the clubhouse lot after Jax didn't come home. She saw his bike parked in its usual spot and movement on the roof of the clubhouse, a flicker of light from his lighter. She slowly walked over towards the ladder and climbed up to him, seeing him reading something.

"Jax?" She called to him.

"Hey, darlin'." He said closing the manuscript and looking her way.

"Am I bothering you?" She asked as she sat next to him, putting her head on his shoulder.

"Nah, you never bother me, babe."

"You find the guy?"

"Yeah." He sighed, looking at her. "He's dead." She looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed, not expecting him to actually tell her that they had killed someone.

"You okay with that?"

"It's not like he didn't deserve it." Jax sounded like he was struggling internally. "You alright, though? You seemed off all day."

"I think it was just the stress of the situation, you know? Just finding her like that… Anyway, you wanna talk about what happened?" She asked, gently rubbing his arm but he didn't answer. "You know you can talk to me right, Jax? If you need to unload this shit on to someone, I won't judge you. Maybe having a fresh pair of ears could do you good."

"Do you really plan on sticking around? After all this shit with Kohn is dealt with?" He asked her, noticing her flinch a little at the mention of his name.

"I'm only here for you. I have nothing left here, or anywhere really. Donna's gone, my mom is gone, my dad and Jacob both hate me. The only people I really have left are David, Opie, you, and Abel. I want to be with you."

"Even with all this shit with the club? I mean look at all this shit. Donna, ATF, you pulling a bullet out of Chibs, and me telling you about killing this guy? Plus, we got a war brewin' with the Mayans, you really wanna be around this shit? You wanna constantly be looking over your shoulder."

"Jax, you are a good man, with a big heart. If I have to endure some shit to be with you, then I will." She paused for a moment. "Plus, I'm used to looking over my shoulder anyway."

"This shit is gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better, Vanessa. I just don't want you to regret coming back here."

"I don't know what my place is here in Charming and in this- in _your_ life. I keep asking myself what my place could be. Honestly, I'm still trying to figure it out. The only thing I know is that being here with you and Abel makes me happy. I'm not going to question that."

"Even with all the violence and the blood? Is this shit really gonna be enough for you?"

"I'm not gonna lie to you, it scares the absolute shit out of me. But being here with you and with Abel is more than enough for me, Jax." She says grabbing a hold of his hand. Jax stared into her eyes and could tell she was telling the truth. "What's all this about?"

"I want to show you something. My dad wrote this before he died. It's his vision for the club and what went wrong and how to save it."

"How to save it?" She questions, looking at the manuscript. "The Life and Death of Sam Crow: How the Sons of Anarchy Lost Their Way."

"I want you to read it. I'm gonna get us out of all of those things that we're both afraid of, for you and for Abel."

"For you too?" She quietly questioned.

"Yeah, for me too. I have to." He took a deep breath. "My dad wanted Sam Crow to be about love and brotherhood. Clay is taking this club in a direction that I ain't comfortable with. And he's doing shit that isn't what Sam Crow is supposed to be about. He's doing shit that I ain't okay with and that I know my dad never would have been okay with."

"You talking about what happened to Donna?" She whispered, causing Jax to snap his head towards her.

"What do you know about Donna?" He asked in a quiet yet ominous tone.

"I was supposed to meet with her the night she was killed. She told me about how ATF was trying to get to Opie since he was in Chino. She told me about how they were stuck in a facility for a while. A few days after, she gets killed."

"And you just put that shit together?"

"David told me that ATF painted Opie as a rat. Paying off some of his debts, bugging his truck. He said he thought that the club was behind her murder. But I knew that you would never approve of anything that hurt Opie. It was Clay, wasn't it? He tried to kill Opie but killed Donna by mistake?"

"Vanessa…"

"That's why there's so much tension with you and Clay."

"That's just one reason why. That's why I need to get the club out of all this shit, before another innocent person gets hurt. I love you and I want you to stick around, babe. You stay with me, I promise you'll find your place here."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jax."


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey, Ope. I appreciate you letting us take this thing." Jax said as he tries to pull the Pack N' Play out of the shed.

"Jesus, how did she get this thing in here?" Opie mumbles to himself, Jax finally got it out but not before everything in front of it started falling in front of them, causing both Jax and Opie to sigh.

Vanessa just stood by the door, reveling in the beauty of Jax with his shirt off, sweat dripping down his back causing him to practically glisten in the hot sunlight. Ellie looked at her, waiting for Vanessa to say something about the pitcher she was holding.

"Lemonade, guys? Ellie made it herself." Vanessa called out with Ellie standing next to her holding a few cups.

"Sure, thanks kiddo." Jax thanked Ellie, giving her a big smile. Vanessa poured all four glasses and handed them out to each person. Ellie waited patiently for her glass before going to sit on the swing set by herself. "She alright, man?"

"She's still getting used to life without Donna, y'know? She barely talks to me."

"What if I take her out for a girl's day? We can get our nails done, get some lunch, talk a little bit." Vanessa offered, ensuring that it was okay before she started making plans with the young girl. "Maybe getting her to open up a little bit will help her. After my mom died, I felt like I just needed to have another woman to talk to. Someone to open up to, but I didn't really have anyone. Maybe I can be that for Ellie, if she'll let me."

"I don't even know if that's the kinda shit she likes, Nes." Opie admitted. "I barely know my own kids."

"Well, I'll talk to her about it. See if it's something she's interested in, if that's okay with you?"

"Yeah, sounds fine." Opie just nodded. Jax couldn't help but stare at Vanessa's ass as she walked over towards the swing set. She looked good in the red and white flannel that was knotted at her waist, showing off a sliver of her stomach, while her tanned legs looked toned and long in her tight denim shorts. He also couldn't help but notice her behavior since the incident with the Oswald girl at Fun Town. But he could see she was trying to get back to normal.

_Maybe she was having the same thoughts about Lily. How it could have been her. How if she was still alive, someone could have hurt her the way they hurt Tristen._ Jax thought, his anger almost began boiling again. Between the actual incident and then what happened with Clay when they found the guy, his anger was still palpable. Jax watched as Vanessa sat next to Ellie, a frown on his face until Opie cleared his throat.

Him and Opie went back to cleaning up all the shit from the shed as Vanessa sat on the other swing, gently moving the swing back and forth as she looked over to Ellie who was looking down at her feet with a sad look on her face.

"Hey Ellie, I was wondering if you wanted to go out and have a girl's day with me? We can get our nails done and get lunch, it would be fun. Plus, I need a friend around here."

"Y-yeah." Ellie said, perking up a bit with a shy smile showing up on her face.

* * *

"So, El, how have you been?" She asked, getting a small shrug in return, as they waited for their food at a small table outside of Nikki's Corner Cafe. "Yeah, probably a stupid question."

"D-did you know my mom, Vanessa?" Ellie questioned right away, shocking them both, but she still refused to back down from the question.

"I did."

"Were you guys friends? I saw pictures of you and mom in the photo albums."

"Your mom was my best friend, Ellie."

"She was?" Ellie asked, a small yet solemn smile on her face.

"Yeah, she was the first friend I ever really had. We met when we were younger, probably when were ten or eleven. We got along so well. We did everything together." Ellie nodded. "We were inseparable. We talked about having a joint wedding and having kids around the same time so our kids could be best friends too. It's probably a little weird now that I think of it." Vanessa laughed along with Ellie.

"What happened?"

"Our lives just didn't turn out the way we expected." Vanessa sighed. "I moved away, and we grew apart, but that doesn't change the fact that your mom was one of the best people I ever knew. And the fact that you came from her, makes me think you're gonna be added to that list of best people too."

Ellie smiled and nodded, taking a sip of her soda as Vanessa told her a few stories about the friendship and childhood that Vanessa and Donna shared together. She seemed so excited and intrigued to be hearing about her mother again.

After eating and heading back to the car, Ellie was sitting in the backseat when Vanessa was about to back out of the parking spot. She looked back into the rearview mirror and saw the small girl crying quietly.

"I miss her." Ellie sobbed, her tears lingering on her face.

"I know you do, El." Vanessa grabbed her hand. "Hey, look at me. Any time you want to hear a story about your mom, you just give me a call. I'll be there to tell you all about how funny and great she was." Ellie nodded, wiping her tears away. "If you ever need someone to talk to or to cry with, you give me a call and I'll be there, okay?"

"I'm sorry." The young girl continued to wipe her tears away. "I try not to cry in front of daddy. He always looks so sad and I don't want to make him even more sad."

"You don't have to be sorry, it's okay to cry and be sad, baby. But just remember that your mom was a good person who loved you and Kenny so much. She would want you guys to be happy."

"A-are we still gonna get our nails done? Me and mom used to get them done sometimes."

"If you want to."

* * *

Vanessa and Ellie were both walking out of the nail salon when Gemma started walking towards them, causing Vanessa to groan inwardly, mainly because Gemma has been questioning her about her behavior ever since the incident at Fun Town.

Vanessa tried to push it to the back of her mind, but sometimes it was hard. Sometimes she would just space out. Lately, when Jax wouldn't come home until late, her nightmares would get so bad that she refused to fall asleep until he came home. She would sit in Abel's nursery and just fold and refold all of the clothes while making sure everything was in its rightful place, even though she already knew that it was.

So, having Ellie around today has been doing her good. Having distractions always kept her mind from wandering.

"Hi sweetheart." She greeted Ellie with a shy smile in return. "You doing okay?" Ellie nodded her head but didn't speak. Gemma looked back to Vanessa. "Taste of Charming's tomorrow. All the ladies from the club are helping at our booth. I expect you'll be there."

"Sure. I'll be there, Gem."

"Good, we're gonna need some help setting shit up. Be there at 9." Vanessa didn't even get a chance to say anything before Gemma spoke again, in her true slightly rude, Gemma fashion. "See you then."

* * *

Later that night, after dropping Ellie back off at her house and stopping for some groceries, Vanessa was working up a sweat baking in the kitchen. It was nearly midnight when Jax came home, seeing her up and icing cupcakes.

"What are you doing?" Jax asked, seeing flour all over the kitchen, and her clothes, and hair, and face. It was everywhere.

"I'm baking for the fundraiser thing tomorrow."

"Ah, my mom got you in on that too? You almost finished?" Jax asked, kissing her cheek as she nodded. "How'd your day with Ellie go?"

"It was alright. She misses her mom a lot. And I think she misses having another girl around to talk to. Not like she can really talk much to Mary."

"Yeah. Poor kid, she's been through a lot lately." Jax spoke in a sad tone. He quickly switched the tone of the conversation though. "You at least make some special brownies?" He joked trying to forget the situation they were just talking about.

"No, but I did make you some of your own little treats, they're over on the counter cooling off." She pointed to the other counter and began washing her hands.

"Nah, I got another special treat in mind." He smirked, picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder, tickling her side as she squealed and giggled, trying to get away from him.

* * *

Vanessa knew she was going to get an earful from Gemma. She was supposed to be here helping over a half an hour ago, but she and Jax both were late for the day after their _special_ treats last night, and this morning. Twice.

"Nice of you to finally show up." Gemma snarked with her hand on her hip. "Even if it is with sex hair and a fresh hickey on your neck."

"Sorry." Vanessa muttered, cheeks turning hot red as she used her fingers to comb through her hair.

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart." Luann started. "You look blissed out. I can only imagine how good that sex is. I could make you guys so much money if you ever decide to record it."

"Really, Luann?" Gemma groaned.

"Hey, you can tell it's good, just look at her." Vanessa stared at the ground as Luann continued. "You sure did blossom into a pretty little thing. Are those tits real?"

"Y-yeah." Vanessa choked out, eyes widening in surprise.

"You ever need a job, Cara Cara is always in need of some more innocent looking ones with a nice rack."

"Yeah, I'm sure Jax would love that." Vanessa laughed, cheeks still blushing.

"Okay, enough with my son and his sex life." Gemma called out. "Tell everyone to leave room for the buses."

"Who are we bussing?"

"Oakdale Assisted Living. Seniors are all compulsive gamblers. Triples our raffle dollars. God bless Social Security."

"Gemma." Vanessa looked over, seeing a woman standing in front of the booth. She knew the woman looked familiar, but she couldn't really put her finger on it.

"Oh, hey, April. Appreciate you coming to help." Gemma spoke, Vanessa decided to tune their conversation out and continue setting up the booth and all the baked goods that she made the night before.

* * *

After setting up the booth, both Vanessa and Gemma went back to the clubhouse, seeing Clay and Jax pull up on the lot just a few minutes behind them. They both practically avoided each other like the plague. Vanessa knew why, and she couldn't help but feel a rush of resentment towards Clay.

"Hey, baby. All set for your picnic?" Clay asked Gemma, while Vanessa stared at him as she sat off to the side by Juice who was working on a car and talking about some video game to her.

"It's a fundraiser."

"Who are we raising funds for this year?"

"Music department, middle school."

"You are a saint." Clay chuckled as Jax walked over to Vanessa, taking her hand and pulling her up from her seat on the bench.

"Hey, babe." Jax kissed her cheek. "My mom giving you a hard time?"

"Just about our sex life. She wasn't too happy about me being late this morning." She gave him a pointed look, knowing it was his fault she was late. "And apparently if Tara can't get me a job at St. Thomas, Luann can get me one at Cara Cara. Said they're always hiring girls with a nice rack."

"Yeah, that ain't gonna happen." He stiffened.

"I know." She laughed. "What are you up to?"

"Just gonna go see Abel. We got some shit going on later, then the fundraiser so I wasn't gonna have much time. You wanna come with me?"

"A chance to see my two favorite guys, how could I pass it up?" She smiled as he kissed her lips, grabbing a hold of her hips and walking her towards his Dyna.

* * *

Gemma, Vanessa, and Luann were all working the Sam Crow booth, while waiting for all the guys to show up, who just so happened to be late.

"First, you're late this morning, now my son and the rest of the guys. What the fuck is going on today?" Gemma looked at her quickly, before hearing the motorcycles just a few moments later.

"Oh, shit. You are late, Elvis." Gemma muttered to Bobby, Vanessa looked over to the parking lot, looking for any sight of Jax. She wasn't expecting him to be roughly pinning another guy to the wall of the middle school. She could tell just by his body language that he was pissed. The flaring nostrils, the gritted teeth and the clenching jaw. They were all small things that gave away his furious demeanor.

"Shit, I'll be right back, Luann." She called out, heading towards Jax quickly. She saw him look around and when he made eye contact with her, he let the guy go, roughly patting the man's jacket down.

"Get out of my sight." Jax calmly whispered to the man before wrapping his arm around her shoulder, walking back over towards their booth.

"Who was that?" Vanessa asked.

"No one. Just some prick."

"What was that about, Jax?"

"He's the reason Opie got picked up and went away to Chino."

"That guy's Sam Crow?" She looked back towards the guy who was staring at their retreating figures. She thought how he looked very familiar.

"He was." They arrived back over to the booth, Gemma staring at them both.

"So, uh, how are the guys handling Kyle?" She asked.

"Nothing to handle. Kyle's dead."

"No, he's not dead to Opie." Gemma pointed to Opie, standing alone by the fireworks, but staring at Kyle. Jax sighed and walked towards his best friend. "Thank you. For handling that with Jax and Kyle, that shit probably would have went bad if you didn't go over there."

"Yeah, it's no problem, Gem. I just wanted to make sure Jax wasn't about to do anything stupid, especially not here." Gemma nodded at the young woman and continued handing out her chili.

"These baked goods are being bought like crazy. You make 'em yourself?"

"Yeah, my aunt in New York was really into baking. She taught me a bunch of recipes."

"Nurse, baker, potential porn star, and step mommy. Looks like Jax hit the Old Lady jackpot, huh?"

* * *

After the rest of the guys left for a deal they had to make, Vanessa, Gemma, and Luann continued to work the booth until all the baked goods and chili were gone. She was still waiting for Jax to come back, but she assumed that he wouldn't.

As Opie returned to the fundraiser and began setting up the fireworks, Vanessa and Gemma walked over to him.

"Ope, where's Jax?" Vanessa asked, but he ignored her.

"Shit with Kyle, it's not good. You should tell April to go wait for him at St. Thomas." He told Gemma, she looked back at April, hands running through her hair as she sighed.

"What's going on?" Vanessa questioned, concerned for Jax. Concerned about what he did. "Is… Is he okay?"

"Jax is fine. Kyle, not so much."

"What does that mean, Gemma?"

"You keep getting worked up over every single thing and you are never gonna last in this life. You need to relax, sweetheart." Vanessa couldn't relax though, instead she decided to skip out on both the music and the fireworks, opting to drive home and wait for Jax.

* * *

Jax arrived back to his house, the smell of burning flesh still lingering in his nose as he unlocked the door. Vanessa jumped up from the couch and went over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He couldn't help the thoughts that he didn't deserve to come home to this, to her, especially after what he just willingly witnessed. And what he just put into motion, no matter how much Kyle deserved it.

"Are you okay?" She whispered out and Jax just nodded. "What happened?"

Jax just ignored her question and continued walking into the bedroom, stripping out of his clothes. He wanted nothing more than to take a shower and get the burning smell out of his nose. But he also wanted to hold her. To replace that lingering smell with the scent of her. He just wanted her.

"Jax…" Vanessa started, but he turned to face her and held his hand out to her. She took his hand and followed him into the bathroom, he insisted on helping her unbutton her jeans and in pulling her tank top off. There were no words spoken between them as he unclasped her bra and started the water, making sure it was warm.

He got into the shower, reaching his hand out to her again and she took it, joining him under the dripping water. Jax placed his hands up against the wall, just letting the water drip down his body. She kissed his back several times, tenderly sucking and nipping on the skin. She lathered her hands in his body wash before gently running her hands up and down his back, until he finally turned around to face her after a few minutes.

"Are you okay?" She asked again. This time he didn't answer at all, just looked into her eyes. Vanessa wrapped her arms around him, and he did the same. Wrapping both of his arms around her body, placing his chin on her head. He took in a deep breath and began running his fingers lightly down her back, the water still dripping over the two of them. Vanessa looked up at him and he kissed her gently, more gently than he ever has.

The shower continued with innocent touches, passionate kisses, and no speaking. She wanted to question him but seeing him so vulnerable at this moment made her think otherwise. When they finally finished, bodies clean and hair washed, Jax got out and wrapped a towel around his waist before covering her body with another towel and pulling her in close to him.

"Jax, if I'm gonna stay, if this is gonna work out between us. I need to know the truth. I want to know the truth. All of it." He didn't respond. "What happened?"

"Kyle, he betrayed the club and Opie. He was the reason Opie got locked up. When he was excommunicated, he should've blacked out his ink. He didn't." He took a deep breath before continuing. "It's a club rule. We burned it off him." He said emotionlessly, seeing a slight pang of fear and a touch of disgust in her eyes at the pure viciousness that surrounded this life. "I get it if you wanna leave. You just let me know what you wanna do. I'm going to bed."

Vanessa stood in the bathroom by herself for a few minutes, trying to wrap her head around the violence, the blood. The same violence that Jax vowed to get the club out of. Tears pooled in her eyes at the thought of anyone committing such a horrific act, especially the man that she was in love with. On the other hand, she didn't think that there was anything that Jax could do that would change the way she felt about him. And that scared her even more.

She knew that he loved her and that he would never hurt her. She knew that he would do whatever he had to do to protect his family and his club, even if it meant violence. Even if it meant blood. Even if it meant death. She took a deep breath and instantly knew that there was no way she wasn't gonna stick around.

She walked into the room, seeing him laying down under the covers on his side of the bed. She pulled her towel off and threw on one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties before laying down next to him. Her arm wrapped around his waist and he intertwined his fingers with hers, kissing her knuckles.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere, Jax. I meant it."


	21. Chapter 21

After Jax left for the garage following their usual morning routine, Vanessa decided it would be a good day to go to another one of her self-defense classes. She was still a little restless from what had happened with Tristen just a few days before. She also felt like there was a possibility that Kohn was around again. She didn't really know why, but she had a feeling in her gut that something was bound to go wrong soon. And if living alone and in fear for the past several months had taught her anything, it was to always trust her gut.

She thought that learning real self-defense moves at Lumpy's gym would help to ease her mind, even if just a little bit. They didn't.

* * *

Vanessa was just getting out of the shower and dressed after a long and slightly harrowing self-defense class when she heard the front door shut. It startled her, causing her to reach over to the weapon that she still kept in her purse as per Jax's orders. The fact that the gun allowed for a feeling of control and security helped too. She didn't think it was Jax home this early. Frankly, she had no idea who it could be, and the uneasiness took over her.

"Jax?" She called out, but didn't get a response. She silently tip-toed out of the room, the gun in her hand and pointed, ready to take down whoever it needed to, as she saw Gemma walking towards her. "Jesus Christ." She huffed out. "You scared the shit out of me, Gemma."

"You alright, sweetheart? I know we don't exactly see eye to eye all the time but pulling a gun on me… that's a whole new level."

"I'm fine." Vanessa noticed the redness in Gemma's eyes and the sad look on her face. She also noticed a chance to change the subject away from her. "You look like you've been crying."

"I wasn't." Gemma bit back, nastily. Almost like a caged animal. Vanessa's eyes went wide at the tone that Gemma spoke to her in. Gemma cleared her throat and spoke a little softer. "Jax wanted me to tell you he has a lot of shit going on with the club today, so you probably won't see him until later. "

"And you drove over here to tell me that?" She asked suspiciously, walking back to the bedroom and throwing the gun on the bed next to her purse.

"Yeah, and I wanted to see how the nursery is coming along." She walked into the almost completed room. "Clearly, you guys are getting pretty serious. You've been seeing his son on the daily, helping decorate the nursery. You're living in his house."

"You already know how serious we are, Gem." She sighed. "Is there supposed to be a question you're asking me or something?"

"I know, I'm just trying to see where your head is really at. As much as I tried to stop it and I wish that he didn't, he's loved you from the moment he got to know you. Just want to make sure you're feeling the same as him." She sighed. "Plus, Jax is still being a little distant lately. From both me and Clay. You know anything about that?"

"Not really." Vanessa could tell that Gemma was trying to fish for any answers. "I think he's just in a difficult place right now. Trying to manage being a new father and a Son. I don't think he's ready for this just yet. He has no idea what he's in for."

"On that we agree. His father was clueless too. They figure it out." She nodded. "Plus, that's what he's got you for, right?"

"Yeah." Vanessa gave a small smile and nodded. "I think he's working through his fear of being a dad and that's making him seem a little more distant. Knowing that there is a tiny little human who relies on you for everything, I can only imagine how stressful it is."

"I know it's wearing on him." Gemma nodded in agreement. "The tension between you and me doesn't help him out either. I think there are times when Jax feels like he has to choose between us."

"I never asked him to choose, I wouldn't do that."

"I know that, but he doesn't. He thinks he has to split his time at the clubhouse and with you. I just don't want there to be a permanent rift between him and the club, or him, Clay, and me."

"I don't want that either. I know that you look at me and you still see the eighteen year old girl who broke your sons heart. And I know that you probably still think I'm the enemy or something because of who my family, but I'm not, Gemma. We both want the same thing."

"And what is it that you think we both want?"

"Jax and Abel to be safe and happy." Vanessa remarked causing Gemma to look her up and down for a second, before admitting it with a quick nod.

"Look, TM has been pretty backed up with paperwork and shit lately. I could really use your help in the office today."

"Yeah, okay. I have to go to St. Thomas, I'm applying for a nursing position there, and I wanted to see Abel."

"You'll come by the garage once you're done there?"

"'Course. It may be a few hours though."

"Okay, sweetheart." Gemma kissed her cheek. Vanessa could tell that this was slightly awkward for both of them. "That legal?" She asked pointing to the gun on the bed, but Vanessa didn't answer. "I don't know why you're carryin' but make sure to be safe. No serial numbers."

"I've got it covered, thanks."

* * *

Vanessa reached the nurses station at the hospital, waiting patiently for the nurse to get off the phone. She looked around the hallway before hearing the mousy voice of the nurse behind the desk.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm looking for Dr. Tara Knowles." The nurse nodded and paged her to the nurse's station as Vanessa waited patiently in a nearby seating section. "Tara." Vanessa smiled as she got up and walked over to her, giving her a small hug.

"Hey, Vanessa. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you knew of any open nursing positions here."

"You're staying in Charming? I'm sure David will be happy to hear it. He missed you."

"Yeah, I'm really considering it. It feels good to be home again. It feels good to be with some family again."

"And to be with Jax again?" She smirked at her while Vanessa just rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure it was the same for you when you came back to David after med school."

"It was." Tara smiled softly. "I can talk to the chief administrator and put in a recommendation for you. Do you have a resume?" Vanessa nodded and handed it to her. "Great, I'll get this to Margaret. I'll put in a good word."

"Thank you, it means a lot, Tara."

"Of course. Anything for my future sister-in-law." Tara smiled and gave Vanessa a hug again before turning to leave her. But before she walked further she called out to Vanessa once more. "Hey, just remember to be careful around _them_." Vanessa instantly knew that she was talking about the Sons. "I would hate to see anything happen to you, too."

"I'll be fine, Tara." She bit her lip, wanting to defend Jax and the club but she knew that Tara was just concerned for her, especially after what happened to Donna. She just wished that Tara knew when to keep her mouth shut. "I always am."

Vanessa walked away from the doctor and down the hall, heading over to Abel's room. She stared through the window, seeing a man standing over the baby's small chamber and holding him in his arms. Her guard instantly went up, but when she saw the man who was holding Abel, she felt an overwhelming need to protect the innocent child that she loved so much. The fire in her veins flowed through her as she swung the door open and moved towards the baby.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" She snapped, hearing Abel crying in the man's arms. "Don't touch him. Give him to me now!" She seethed, pulling Abel gently out of his arms and holding him protectively against her chest as the small baby cooed and sniffled, trying to fight back more tears. Her teeth bared as she was ready to protect Jax's son with her life. "You need to leave now, this room is for family and medical personnel only."

"And you're family now?" Joshua inquired with a bitter tone.

"You need to leave before I call Jax."

"He's got his hands full with Clay being picked up by ATF and the raid that's about to happen on his club. Be at SAMCRO later this afternoon if you want to see his future." He pointed to Abel who was still in her arms. "And yours too, maybe." He whispered as he left the room. Vanessa looked at Abel, checking to make sure he was okay and kissed his head. She gently rubbed his back trying to calm him down.

"You're okay, buddy." She whispered as she bounced him, he finally stopped crying and began to yawn in exhaustion. "You're okay."

Vanessa put him back in the chamber as she tried to call Jax, but he didn't answer. Her worry got the best of her as she rushed over to Jax's truck and raced to the lot.

* * *

She pulled into the clubhouse quickly, tires squealing as she parked and jumped out of the truck. At first glance, she didn't see even a hint of where Jax could be, instead she saw the garage door closed and no one on the lot except for a plumber and a row of motorcycles. Her heart beat fast as she ran into the empty office, looking for Gemma. She heard yelling in the garage and headed into there slowly, her guard up.

"Jax!" She called out when she saw him. He could see the look of fear on her face as he walked over to her, trying to keep the guns out of her sight, but it didn't work when she saw all of the guys placing the large weapons into garbage bags. Her eyes widened but she looked right at Jax again. "I need to talk to you. Like now." She declared as she dragged him into the office.

"What's going on, babe?"

"Kohn."

"He hurt you?" Jax's nostrils flared, his voice tense.

"He was there, when I went to visit Abel. He told me that Clay got picked up by ATF and that there's gonna be a raid on the clubhouse in a few hours. But I'm assuming you already know that." She shook her head as she pointed to the door to the garage. "Jesus Christ, Jax, what the fuck is going on?"

"It's just club shit, babe. You don't have to worry about it."

"Jax, you have barrels full of guns in there!" She whisper-yelled. "With ATF planning to raid this place any minute, I think I have every right to worry."

"Listen, if ATF is gonna be raiding soon, I need you off the lot aight? My mom is in the clubhouse, you take her and go get lunch or something. Stay out for a few hours. I have all of this shit handled. Everything will be cleared up by the time you get back. Okay?"

"Jax… I can help. Tell me how I can help."

"You not being here when this shit goes down will help, alright?" He took money out of his wallet and handed it to her as she shook her head again. "I'll figure this shit out and the shit with Kohn. Now, please, get out of here." He kissed her and watched her walk over to the clubhouse to get Gemma.

* * *

"Gemma." She called out, seeing Gemma sitting on the barstool with a drink in her hand. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart. What's up?"

"Jax wants us off the lot, apparently there's gonna be an ATF raid and he wants us to steer clear of it. Told me to take you out for lunch."

"So much for catching up on that paperwork, huh?" She joked, chugging the rest of her drink and reaching for her keys. Vanessa could smell the tequila on her as she looked at the clock on the wall, wondering why she was drinking so heavily at 1:30 in the afternoon.

"I'll drive, Gem." She just nodded and stumbled over to Jax's truck.

They went to Hanna's and ate lunch in a mostly awkward silence. Vanessa could see how out of it Gemma was, whether it was from the midday drinking or the cause of the midday drinking, she wasn't completely sure.

"You wanna talk, Gemma?" She pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Clay's an asshole." She sighed but didn't elaborate any further. Instead, she just went back to eating. "Let's get out of here. I have to go to the pharmacy, pick up a prescription."

Vanessa drove to the local pharmacy and waited in the truck for Gemma to get out. She finally saw her walking out and throw her prescription and purse into the passenger seat of the truck.

"You ready?" Vanessa asked. "Where do you wanna go, now? We probably got some more time to kill before we should head back to the lot."

"Skinny ass bitch." Gemma muttered under her breath, just loud enough for Vanessa to hear.

"What?" She asked, confused. Gemma didn't answer her, instead Vanessa saw her as she picked up the skateboard that was on the ground next to her. Quickly, Gemma slammed it into a young girl's face and all she heard was screaming after that. Vanessa jumped out of the truck and to the younger girl's side.

"Oh, my God! My nose!" The girl yelled, holding her nose that was currently gushing blood. "Who are you? Why'd you do that to me?" She yelled and cried.

"Jesus Christ, Gemma! What the fuck?" Vanessa yelled at her, as a bunch of people started rushing over to the girl. "We need to get out of here. You're gonna get charged with assault!" She tried to convince Gemma to get in the truck, but all she did was sit on the curb tiredly. "Gemma…"

"You get out of here, sweetheart. I'll wait for the police."

"You're probably gonna need me to bail you out." She sighed, as she sat down next to her. "What was that? A skateboard to the face is no joke." Gemma didn't answer as she heard the police officer pull up and put her in handcuffs after hearing the testimony of a few witnesses. "I'll get you out, Gemma."

"Just go back to the clubhouse, Vanessa." She said as she was pushed into the backseat of the police car. Instead of listening, Vanessa followed the officer to Charming Station House and got out and followed the officer and Gemma inside. Her mind racing with the few times that she had to bail out Jax when they were younger, or even worse the times when she had to be bailed out with him.

"What the hell did you do?" She heard Clay scream out and saw Gemma turn around violently, her body tensing in anger and her jaw clenched in true Teller fashion.

"Same thing you did. Nailed some little tart from Nevada."

"Like I don't have enough shit oozing out of my ears. You gotta go and do this." Clay bellowed loudly. His rough, booming voice was enough to make Vanessa want to jump back in fear.

"You should've thought of that before your dick went on a cheerleader hunt." Gemma retorted loud and infuriated, and suddenly Vanessa knew what was wrong with Gemma. Why she seemed so distant and upset. Her husband cheated on her.

"Hey! I didn't tell her to come here."

"But she's here!"

"Well, that's not my fault!"

"And it's not my pussy." Gemma yelled again, causing everyone to break out into gasps and whispered "ooos". Vanessa's eyes widened and Gemma turned to look at her. "Go home, baby. I'm not gonna be getting bailed out tonight."

"Why the fuck am I the only sane person around here?" Vanessa muttered to herself as she walked out of the police station, running her hands through her hair.

* * *

She didn't know what to do next, seeing no other choice but rushing to the clubhouse to tell Jax what had just happened. As she jumped out of the truck, she saw the plumber leaving and Jax sitting on the picnic table.

"Why the hell are you here, I told you to stay away for a few hours?"

"I-I'm sorry. Your mom just got picked up for assault."

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened?"

"She hit some bitch in the face with a skateboard then got into it with Clay at the station. He cheated on her, Jax?"

"Holy shit." He jumped up, running his hands over his face in defeat. Without thinking, he turned quickly towards her and yelled in an almost threatening tone. "And you couldn't bail her the fuck out?"

"Don't yell at me like that!" She spat back at him defensively. Instantly, she saw his face fall and the apologetic look form in his eyes. "I did what I could!"

"I'm sorry, babe. There's just a lot of shit going on right now."

"She wouldn't let me bail her out. She just told me to go home. I didn't know what else to do." Her voice was drowned out by the loud sirens pulling on to the lot.

"Federal agents!" One of them screamed as he jumped out of the car, armed to the teeth. Her heart dropped, not knowing what was about to happen. All she heard was screaming, sirens, and the squealing of tires. "Get on the ground! Face on the pavement. Spread your legs." One said as he threw her roughly to the ground. She groaned in pain as her chest collided with the ground.

"Hey! Don't fuckin' touch her like that!" She heard Jax scream and try to fight his way up before getting kicked back to the ground. He took a deep breath but looked over at her and reached his hand out to her. "You okay, Vanessa?"

She just nodded and kept trying to take deep breaths, her eyes watering from the force that her stomach hit the ground with. And maybe from the fear that Jax would be getting arrested today too. His eyes didn't leave her face as she tried to control her breathing and the tears that pooled in her eyes. She finally registered that he was staring at her, but he didn't look worried. He saw the worry in her eyes though.

Jax nodded to her before all the guys started laughing and joking as the agents walked past. She had a feeling that the guns that she saw earlier were no longer on the lot and couldn't help the small smile that came over her face.

When ATF was done searching the clubhouse and the garage, Jax helped her off the ground, rubbing the dirt from her clothes and kissed her gently.

"You good?" He asked and she nodded. "You good with all this?"

"Maybe I'm crazy, but yeah, surprisingly I'm good with all of this."

* * *

Both Jax and Vanessa went home together later that night. She could feel the stress of the entire day wearing her thin as she yawned, happy to finally be getting into bed and wrapped in the safety of Jax's arms.

"So, Kohn was here?" Jax whispered to her, rubbing his hand up and down her back comfortingly. With all that happened today, she had nearly forgotten that he had made an appearance in her hectic life once again.

"At the hospital." She nodded. "He pretty much told me that he knew all this shit was going down."

"Jesus Christ, I think we should talk to your brother. See if he can get any info on him because clearly he ain't here for the club."

"He's here for me." She said sadly. "I'm sorry that you and the club are getting shit on because of me."

"It's not because of you, babe. You saw the shit that we were involved in today. All those guns, that's why ATF is up our asses, not you."

"That's what you want out of? Guns?"

"It's getting too risky and too dangerous. I got a kid and an old lady to think about now." He smiled at her before kissing her. "You read the manuscript. My old man saw all this shit coming. The violence, the blood, the greed. We need to move out of the gun business. It's gonna be a hard transition but getting into legitimate businesses is the best choice for all of us."

"So, you guys deal guns? Is that it?"

"You don't need to worry about that, Vanessa."

"I want you to tell me the truth."

"I do tell you the truth, babe."

"Not just what you think I can handle. If you want me to stay, I need all of it. I want you to be able to trust me."

"We run guns throughout Northern Cali, that's it." She nodded and mumbled a 'thank you' at his answer before kissing him and turning around in the bed to face the other way. He pulled her close to him as he wrapped an arm around her and nuzzled his face into her neck. It was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke again.

"Jax, you know it would kill me if you were sleeping with other women, right?"

"What?" He asked confused, causing her to face him again. "Is this about the shit with my mom and Clay?

"I-I guess. I don't know." She mumbled. "I always thought Clay loved her so much. It's hard to picture him ever cheating on her, but he did." Vanessa sighed and put her forehead on his chest, squeezing her eyes shut as she feared the answer of her next question. "Did you cheat on me at all when we were kids?"

"No. Never even thought about it."

"Do you think about it now?" She asked sheepishly, looking back at him, her lip between her teeth in an effort to calm herself down.

"Never."

"Good… because I love you, but cheating is a deal breaker for me. If you want to be with me, I only want you to be with me." He nodded and caressed her face gently, but she pulled away. "Even on a run and stuff, Jax. That bullshit, misogynistic rule of 'what happens on a run stays on a run'… I don't want that to apply to you. Ever."

"Babe, there hasn't been anyone else since you came back here. A few minutes of getting my dick wet by some chick whose name I won't even remember the next day ain't worth it. There's no better pussy than your pussy."

"How romantic." She rolled her eyes at him, turning back around, but still hearing him say it relieved her. She let him wrap his arms around her tightly again, nuzzling his face into her hair.

"You are the only one I ever want to be with, Vanessa."


	22. Chapter 22

Vanessa's first few days of working at the hospital were going well. There was only part time availability at St. Thomas for the time being because of how small the hospital was, not that she minded that much. In fact, it gave her a chance to split her time at the hospital during the mornings and then at the garage helping Gemma in the afternoons. She decided that it was a good fit for her, especially when Abel would be released from the hospital so she could spend time caring for him as well.

Regardless of how much she loved working in an emergency room again, she was truly happy that the weekend was coming up and that she would not be working over the weekend. Instead she would be able to spend more time with both, Abel and Jax.

Vanessa was just finishing up the last few minutes of her shift when she saw Jax walking towards her. He had a small smile adorning his face and grabbed her hips when he met up to her, kissing her gently.

"Hey, babe. Figured I would give you a ride home after visiting the kid."

"Sounds good. I just have to finish up a few more things."

"Alright, I'll be with the kid. Come find me when you're done." He kissed her again and she nodded.

She finished up all that was needed to be done and started walking over to the NICU to see her two favorite guys. She wasn't paying attention when she bumped into a solid body, she gasped as she nearly fell to the floor. She felt the person grabbing at her arms, trying to ensure that she wouldn't lose her balance.

"I'm sor-" She began when she looked up seeing that it was Joshua. She roughly pulled herself away from him, trying to put as much distance from him as she possibly could. "What are you doing here? You need to leave me alone."

"I'm sorry. I know I probably upset you the last time I saw you. I just want to know when you plan on leaving him, I mean, you saw that whole raid last week. You really want to be a part of that, Nessie?"

"Do not call me that." Her voice trembled with true anger as she pointed a finger at him. "Leave me alone, Joshua. That's my last warning." She walked away from him quickly and headed over to where she knew Jax would be. Seeing Jax holding and smiling to Abel instantly made her feel more at ease, but still she just wanted to be in the safety of her own home. She wanted Kohn gone, but she didn't want to involve Jax in her problems.

"Hey, you ready to get out of here?" He asked, all she could do was nod, worried that her voice may shake with fear if she spoke again. They reached his bike together when he put his helmet on her head, fastening it and giving her a flirty smirk before they headed off towards their home.

"You alright, babe?" She could see the concern on his face as he helped her off of the bike. "You were holding on pretty tight the whole way here."

"Uh, I-I-" She tried to continue but couldn't, not wanting to lie to him, but not wanting him to worry anymore about her either.

"This worry I'm getting here, that have anything to do with the car that's been following us?"

"What?" She asked, eyebrows furrowed as she gripped her arms around her midsection tightly. She looked around, her pulse racing from the panic she was feeling now.

"The compact that's parked halfway down the block." He pointed out. When she saw the silver car that he was noticing, she recognized how familiar it looked. She couldn't help but grip onto Jax's arm, needing to steady herself. "Vanessa, what the hell's going on?"

"I-I think it's Kohn." She stuttered out. "I saw that car a lot… in the parking lot at my apartment in Reno. He was at the hospital today too, t-trying to talk me out of being with you."

"Jesus Christ, that crazy fuckin' asshole!" He snapped.

"Jax! He's dangerous-"

"Go back inside, Vanessa. Lock the door." He called out, storming towards the silver Saturn, a cocky yet angry swagger in his steps and a wild look in his eyes. He pulled the knife from the sheath showing it to Kohn before slamming it down into the front end of the car, causing it to steam and leak.

"Vandalism. Deadly weapon. That's six months in County, asshole." Kohn yelled out to him.

"Stalking. Breaking and entering. Violating a restraining order. You'll be in the cell right next to me. They teach you how to suck a dick in ATF school?"

"Badass biker." Kohn's voice dripped with sarcasm, causing Jax to laugh in his face.

"You guys gave it your best shot. You got nothin' on Sam Crow. And you harassing Vanessa, that ends here, or next time it won't be a piece of shit car I'm draining fluid from."

"You threatening a federal agent?"

"No, I'm threatening the asshole that's been harassing my club and stalking my girl."

"She is not your girl." Kohn spoke bitterly through his gritted teeth.

"Go away. It's my last fucking warning."

* * *

Vanessa was waiting inside the house and looking through the window at the confrontation. She was nervous when they both were face to face. Afraid of what Kohn may say or do and how Jax would react. She knew that Jax could have a short fuse and she knew the lengths at which he would go in order to protect his loved ones. So she sat there patiently, staring at the interaction and praying that Jax didn't do anything that he would regret.

When Jax finally unlocked the door and stepped into the house, she stood near the front door, hugging him tightly as he walked towards her. He delicately cradled her head into his hands and pulled her in for a kiss.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, concerned.

"I'm fine, babe. I'm gonna go talk to your brother to make sure this guy gets the hell out of Charming."

"H-he doesn't know anything about it, Jax. Any of it." She stammered. "He doesn't know about him following me or coming after me or anything. David doesn't even know why I left New York."

"I need someone on their side to get this guy out of Charming, babe." Jax took a hold of her hand, his eyes pleading with her.

"Fine." She nodded, not fully convinced that this was the best option.

* * *

"You better rein in your ATF boyfriend." Jax called out to Hale who was looking through some paperwork in the main room of the station. He rolled his eyes at the sight of Jax who was swaggering towards him in his normal cocky fashion.

"Agent Kohn isn't on my payroll. I don't keep tabs."

"Yeah, well maybe you should. He's not here for Sam Crow, Hale. He's here for your sister."

"What the hell are you talking about?" David frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together at the claim.

"Oh, he didn't tell you? The asshole was obsessed with her. Started stalking her in New York, followed her to Reno and broke into her apartment, the psycho tried to attack her. That's why she called me and came back here, she was scared. Now he's following her around Charming. I'm telling you, this guy is nuts. He's already tried to hurt her once. We can't let that happen again, bro."

"Jesus Christ, is that why she's been taking self-defense classes at Lumpy's? Why the hell didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know, man. But this psycho needs to go."

"Hale! Let's go, hotshot. Water and Power just dug up some old bones out on 44." They both turned to see Unser, calling him and walking slowly out of the room, as he eyed Jax. Jax couldn't help but feel like it was a hint for him to let the club know.

"Be there in a minute." Hale grumbled. "Kohn is my problem. He will not hurt my sister again, okay? But I want you nowhere near this, Jax. If you interfere, I'll have no problem arresting you for obstruction, got it?" He saw Jax nod slightly at the warning. "I will handle this."

"You better, man, or I'm gonna. And I can tell you, you will not like how I handle it." Jax threatened, leaving the police station and heading straight to the clubhouse.

* * *

Vanessa was watching as Half Sack knocked Lowell down in the cage. It was almost laughable at how bad Lowell was at fighting, but Vanessa's concerning nature overtook her as she heard him groaning in pain.

"You alright, Lowell?" Jax heard Vanessa ask, her lips pursed with uneasiness as she ensured that the ex-junkie wasn't actually hurt from the beating that the prospect was putting him through.

"I'm okay. T-Thanks, Vanessa." Jax could see the small smile on Lowell's face at Vanessa's concern. He knew that Lowell always had a soft spot for her, even when they were kids. It was no secret that Vanessa was a beauty, with a mostly soft-hearted and selfless nature, leading broken men like Lowell, and even Kohn, to gravitate towards her. But Jax never questioned her intentions or her care for others. He watched as she returned the smile and looked towards him, quickly meeting each other near the picnic table near a few of the other guys who were watching the prospect beat the shit out of the mechanic.

"You talk to David?" She whispered under her breath, not wanting to invite others into her personal issues. Jax nodded in affirmation.

"He said he's gonna handle it." Jax stated before kissing the side of her head and walking towards the group with his arm around her shoulder. "How's Sugar Ray One Nut looking?"

"He's working fast. Got a great right hook." Chibs answered him, looking back at the prospect who was using the punching bag. Clay looked at Jax with a pointed look as he took a seat and placed her on his lap. She could feel the tension in the silence between everyone, but mainly between Jax and his step father. She didn't know if it was because of what happened to Donna or because of the silent conversation Clay was attempting to have with Jax, trying to get her away.

"I'll, uh, I'm gonna go. I'll see you later." She stammered out causing Jax to nod before kissing her and sucking on her bottom lip. She went over to the office to see what Gemma was doing and to make sure she was alright after the meltdown between her and Clay just four days ago.

"Hey, sweetheart." Gemma smiled. "I need to head out and pick up some more stuff for Abel, you wanna join me?" Vanessa was about to agree just as her phone started ringing. "No skateboards this time, I promise."

"Yeah, just give me a minute." She called out to Gemma and answered her phone.

"Hello?" She answered the phone call, knowing that it was her brother.

" _Vanessa, why the hell didn't you tell me that Kohn was stalking you?"_ He questioned her with a whisper, but she could still hear the sharpness in his tone.

"David…" She started.

" _You're my little sister, I could have helped you. You should have told me, not Jax."_

"You know what, I tried to get help in New York, okay? I complained to his superiors and they didn't do shit, it just made it even worse. I had to go to three separate precincts before they even gave me the restraining order, and that was only because of a friend who stepped in." She took a deep breath. "Jesus, that didn't even stop him. There was nothing you could do. Or anyone else, apparently."

" _That's why you moved to Reno? Came back here and got back with Jax? Because you were afraid of this guy and you thought Jax would protect you? "_

"It's why I left New York, but it isn't why I'm back with Jax. We both know why I'm back with Jax."

" _Because you love him, I know. As much as I wish you didn't, you do."_ She could hear him release a disappointed sigh over the phone. " _Listen to me, this guy is in deep shit. I called his superiors. Kohn's boss doesn't even know that he is here. They think he's been in Oregon for the past few months taking care of his sick mother. I told them that he followed you all the way across the country, stalked you and tried to attack you. He is done, Vanessa."_

"Really?" There was hope lingering in her tone. Hope that he would finally be gone and away from her after all of these months of living in trepidation. Hope that she could finally move on with her life without having to constantly look over her shoulder.

" _He is leaving Charming. I promise. He's already checked out of his hotel room and has a flight booked back to New York for this afternoon. He is in deep shit once he gets back. He won't be able to hurt you again."_

"Thank you, David." Vanessa hung up the phone, instantly feeling more at ease with everything. She knew that with both Jax and her brother there to help her, she would be safe again.

"Everything alright, sweetheart?" Gemma asked her as she unlocked her Cadillac.

"Yeah, I'm good. I'm really good." She smiled, waving to Jax as she got in the passenger seat of the car and headed towards the store to pick up more things for Abel's homecoming soon.

* * *

"Hey, and call Unser. See if he wants in on some of this fight action." Clay started to walk off after waving goodbye to Gemma.

"Clay, he's out on the job. Water and Power dug up some old bones this morning." Jax told him.

"Where?"

"Out on 44." Jax tried to gauge his reaction and seeing him look at Tig did not do anything to quell his feeling that it had something to do with Sam Crow. "What?"

"I don't know." Tig walked off with Clay, leaving Jax to shake his head and grit his teeth. He had a feeling that today was about to get much worse.

Jax, Clay, and Tig rode out to the site on 44 where the bodies were being dug up. They hid in the woods trying to see exactly what was going on and what other shit this would bring onto them and onto Charming.

"Wheeling out two bodies." Jax started.

"There should be three." Tig spoke, causing Jax to look over at him.

"I'm afraid to ask."

"Don't be. There it is." Tig pointed.

"Is this us?" Jax wondered, narrowing his eyes at Clay.

"Yeah."

* * *

"All three of them were Mayans?" Jax looked towards Clay, all of the guys sitting in church and wondering what they're next step was going to be to deal with the old bones.

"Yep, back in '92. Mexicans tried to expand their Oakland dope base, set up a charter in Lodi. We couldn't let that happen. It was a bloody two years. Bodies dropped."

"Yeah, I remember." Jax thought back to the past. "That was right around the time my old man died."

"That's right." Clay admitted.

"W-we gotta stop the P.D from I.D'ing those bodies, man. If they flag the Mayans, we're their next stop." Tig seemed worried.

"Well, we can pull teeth to stop the I.D., but they can still DNA test." Jax told the group. The conversation about the bodies continued, causing a little unease for all of the guys at the table.

"We stop the identification, we stop the investigation." Jax tuned back in to what Clay was saying. "Call Trammel, see what's going on with those bodies."

Jax did what was asked of him and hung up the phone when he saw Clay walking out of church with just Tig by his side.

"So, I talked to Trammel. The Sanwa County coroner's clearing space, but bones stay local tonight."

"Good. Now I have to get into the lower level of the hospital." Clay thought out loud, coming to a clear solution. "Vanessa, she uh, she's working at St. Thomas, right?"

"Man, she just started this job. I can't put her in that situation right now."

"What are you talkin' about, son? If she wants to be an old lady, then she's gotta sacrifice some shit. This is for the good of the club."

"I'm not putting her in that situation, Clay. We'll find another way."

"You putting this piece of pussy before the club, I don't like that shit." Clay pointed at him angrily, his voice laced with irritation and a hint of disgust. But Jax wasn't sure if it was for him or for Vanessa.

"I will find another way without it potentially fucking her over, okay?"

* * *

"What are we gonna do?" Tig asked Jax, annoyed that he wouldn't just take the easy way of getting Vanessa's key card.

"Lab coat on the chair." Jax whispered and nodded in the direction of the coat. "Can you distract the doctors?"

"Yeah. No problem." Tig walked into the room and towards the two doctors. "Excuse me, ladies. Oh, how you doing? Uh, you're doctors, both of you?" Jax heard them both say yes when Tig continued to speak. "Oh, thank God. Um, a Doberman pinscher took a chunk." He saw Tig pulling his pants down as the doctors both got out of the room quickly, muttering their disturbances.

"You need to go to the ER." The doctor replied, quickly leaving the room. With the distraction, Jax quickly took the key card from the lab coat. Jax and Tig both went to find Clay after grabbing the key card

"Managed to steal a key card from an intern. Hopefully it gets us below." Jax told Clay.

"Yeah. Me and Tig'll take care of this. Why don't you stay here and run interference?" Jax agreed for a few moments before wondering why they wouldn't need him, especially knowing that it would go quicker if all three of them did this together and got out of the hospital as soon as possible.

Jax knocked on the door warning them of his arrival and waited for Clay to open the door for them.

"I thought I told you to wait upstairs." Clay spoke with a warning in his tone.

"Well, there's no interference to run, and I figured you could use the extra pair of hands. Is that aight?" Jax retorted, wondering why Clay was trying so hard to shut him out of this.

"I got 'em." Tig announced causing both Clay and Jax to move towards the bones. "All three. Hold the head. Tight." Tig started trying to remove the teeth from the bones, when Jax saw a tag hanging from the other set of bones.

"Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute." Jax emphasized. "It's already been I.D.'d." He looked at the tag and instantly became more furious, knowing that Tig and Clay were trying to cover something up. "Lowell Harlan Sr. This is Lowell's old man."

"Why was Lowell's dad buried with the enemy?" Jax asked Clay as all three of them left the lower level of the hospital and quickly went upstairs, trying not to get caught.

"Casualty of war. Mayans took him out."

"He worked at TM. He wasn't patched." Jax didn't believe Clay for a second.

"Mayans went after everybody. Family, friends. Didn't matter."

"Lowell thinks his dad just split. Poor bastard's convinced he's still out there."

"I know." Clay said, almost regretfully.

"So why the same grave?"

"Disrespect. I know. It was a crazy two years. I didn't have time to think a lot of shit through."

"Is that why you didn't want me in the morgue? Protect that secret?" Jax wondered, causing Clay to scoff and to begin walking away. "Trying to do a lot of that lately, huh? Protecting secrets?"

"I got no secrets from you."

"We both know that's bullshit."

* * *

Vanessa and Gemma both got back from the store and lunch to drop off everything and finish up the nursery for Abel's impending arrival in just a few days. Vanessa went straight to the kitchen to put the few groceries she brought away while Gemma headed into Abel's room.

"Oh my God." She heard Gemma mutter.

"Everything okay, Gem?" Vanessa beckoned, closing the refrigerator and walking over to the nursery.

"You better get Jax over here." Gemma called out as Vanessa stepped into the room and saw that it was destroyed. There were toys and decor broken and thrown around the room. The furniture was knocked over and some of that was broken as well. Vanessa walked further into the room, stepping on a wet puddle in the middle of the dark blue carpet. "Jesus Christ, is that piss?"

Gemma quickly called Jax while Vanessa looked over the room. The words 'Biker Whore' were spray painted on the wall, accompanying a collage of pictures of both Jax and Vanessa. She noticed pictures that they took when they were younger and also pictures from more recently, including the photo booth pictures from Fun Town. However, there were pictures that she had never seen before and pictures that no one else should have seen either. There were several of her and Jax in their most intimate moments. Moments that she thought that only they shared, but it seems that it wasn't just them, instead there was someone else invading on these moments.

All of the pictures that Jax were in, had his face scratched out. It filled her body with disgust and fear as tears began to pool in her eyes.

Vanessa fixed the rocking chair and sat in it; the tears falling down her cheeks uncontrollably as Gemma left her alone to wait by the front door for Jax. While Vanessa stayed in the room, she wondered why she had come back and subjected not only Jax, but Abel to this. To the mess and pain that always followed her. She heard the front door slam as Jax quickly walked into the nursery, seeing Vanessa sitting on the chair.

Jax went right to her, checking on her and instantly seeing how upset she was. He walked around the room, his nostrils flaring at seeing what happened to his son's room. He went to the collage of pictures on the wall, violently ripping down the ones that contained Vanessa and him in their private moments.

"Who did this, Jackson?" Gemma sneered.

"That ATF prick."

"Why?"

"Because of me." Vanessa spoke up quietly, ashamed that she was causing all of this trouble for them. This was the last thing she wanted to happen.

"You stupid bitch, I knew you were gonna be trouble." Gemma was furious and couldn't control the anger she felt towards Vanessa. Vanessa could physically see the relationship that her and Gemma were finally building start to crumble before her eyes.

"I'm sorry." They could both barely hear Vanessa's voice as she got up, picking up the items and fixing up the broken furniture.

"How is this her fault?" Jax chided, shaking his head in anger. "She didn't do anything wrong. But this guy, he's dead."

"At least." Gemma mumbled back, seeing Jax go straight to Vanessa, trying to comfort her and help her pick up some of the items.

"David said that he's gone. He said that he checked out of his hotel room and booked a flight."

"Clearly, he never fuckin' left. I'm gonna find this guy."

"I'm sorry, Jax. I'll pay for all of the damages." She choked out. "I'm sorry."

"Babe, none of this is your fault, alright?" He placed a peck on her lips. She looked to Gemma and saw the pointed look of loathing lingering on her face. "I'm gonna deal with all this shit."

* * *

Jax left his mother and Vanessa to finish cleaning up the nursery while he rode over to the clubhouse. He saw Juice and Opie both sitting on one of the couches in the clubhouse while everyone else was watching the prospect train for his fight tomorrow.

"Hey, brother." Opie called out to Jax and nodded at him to come join them. "What's up?"

"I need another favor, Juice. I need you to check into that ATF guy, Joshua Kohn."

"What's goin' on?" Opie asked while Juice went to grab his laptop.

"Fuckers been harassing Vanessa since she lived in New York, that's why she was hiding out in Reno." Jax's blood was boiling just talking about him. "The asshole broke into my house and destroyed Abel's nursery. Had private pictures of Vanessa and shit."

"Jesus Christ." Opie muttered.

"She's fucking terrified, man. Had pictures of us in bed together and her getting out of the shower and shit. Musta been sneaking outside of our house for so long, I didn't even fucking notice the guy." Jax ran his fingers through his hair, feeling guilty that she was going through this after he promised her he wouldn't let anything happen to her. Juice came back into the room with his laptop in tow.

"What am I supposed to be looking for, Jax?"

"I need you to look up bank records and credit card records. Hale said he checked out of his hotel and booked a flight, but he must have never got on it. I need to know if he's still around here." Opie and Jax were hovering over Juice's shoulder as his fingers were moving quickly across the keyboard.

"I found something. It's a charge from a few hours ago for the Redwood Motel in Lodi." Juice said almost excitedly.

"Thanks, bro. I'm gonna go find this prick." Jax said, getting up and moving towards the door.

"We're with you, brother." Opie and Juice said simultaneously.

* * *

 **AN:** Thanks for all the reads, kudos, and bookmarks! You guys are awesome. Don't forget to comment!


	23. Chapter 23

**AN:** This chapter discusses sexual assault and physical violence.

* * *

Jax, Opie, and Juice all rode over to the Redwood Motel and instantly got off of their bikes. With a hint of anger and vengeance in their steps, they headed into the lobby of the shitty motel. The employee sitting behind the computer looked up and he noticeably swallowed as he made eye contact with Jax, in the form of an angry biker with a clenched jaw and nostrils flared.

"There's cash in the register, please don't hurt me." The scrawny teenager muttered out in a squeaky voice, almost in tears as he held his hands above his head.

"We're not here to hurt you, man." Jax pulled his phone out and showed a picture of Kohn to the kid. "You seen this guy?"

"Y-yeah, h-he checked in this morning." The kid stumbled over his words, they could practically smell the fear coming off of him.

"I'm gonna need a room number. Now." Jax said intimidatingly and the kid nodded, telling Jax exactly what he needed to know.

* * *

The three Sons walked over to the room that Kohn was supposed to be in, all three of them had their weapons drawn when Jax kicked the room's door in and searched for any sign of him. He saw the two opened and slightly unpacked suitcases lying on the bed, along with a laptop case, but no sign of the man. Jax searched the bathroom without any luck.

"Take the computer." He told Juice, and he began to check through the two suitcases, trying to find any hint as to where he could be. He opened the small bag in the suitcase and saw a red, lacy thong sitting in it. Jax instantly knew it had belonged to Vanessa. He remembered when he told her to buy something nice for the both of them. And even more so, he visibly remembered taking them off of her the night of Bobby's homecoming party. "Jesus Christ, this guy is fucking nuts."

* * *

The three of them decided to go back to the clubhouse and see what was on the computer. He didn't know if they would potentially find anything about the club or about Vanessa, but he was ready to find out. Jax just wanted to find the asshole and hurt him.

Juice easily hacked into the computer and started going through a few documents, but nothing really stood out as important. Opie and Jax looked over his shoulder as he started looking through the pictures that he had found saved in a file on the computer.

The pictures started as a few of the club, one's of Clay and Tig meeting with Laroy and Unser at one of the local gas stations in Charming. More from the patch over party and the incident in Indian Hills. However, it seemed that for every single picture of the Sons, there were five of Vanessa. There was a picture of her in her pajamas leaving the Reno clubhouse the morning after she pulled the bullet out of Chibs and reconnected with Jax. Pictures of her getting groceries in Reno, pictures of her and Jax at the diner and out for rides together.

"Jesus, Jax. This is at your house." Juice said as they eventually got to a more explicit picture of Vanessa and Jax.

"The guy is a fucking creep." Jax spat, moving away from Juice and running his hands over his face. He grabbed a beer from behind the bar when he heard his name again.

"Jax. Shit, Jax." Juice called him over. He could see the sad look that fused with a bit of anger and disgust on his face and Jax knew that something wasn't right. He looked at the picture in front of him and instantly felt the bile rise in his throat. His blood was boiling at the sight.

It wasn't from her apartment in Reno or from his house, so he figured it was from New York. There were a few drops of blood dripping down her forehead as well as a small bruise that had formed and her shirt was ripped open, revealing her breasts that were covered by a black bra. Her bloody lip was split, but her eyes were closed. Her eyes looked heavy as if she was unconscious. The next few pictures were similar, except now there were dirty hands moving around all over her body. Hands that didn't belong to him. Hands that didn't belong on her body, especially in that state where he knew she could not consent.

He tried to take a deep breath but physically couldn't, only guilt filled his lungs. Guilt overtook him, knowing that he should have been there to protect her. He knew what had happened to her. He knew what Kohn had done to her.

"He fuckin' raped her?" Jax whispered, tears filling his eyes as he looked away, unable to look at the pictures anymore. His hand ran through his hair before he picked up a bar stool and threw it furiously in the other direction, forcing a loud crash. His heart pounded in his chest with anger and guilt. "This stays between us, got it?" He growled, causing both men to nod. "Delete those fucking pictures of her, all of 'em."

Jax walked out of the clubhouse slamming the door closed and getting the attention of everyone else on the lot. He didn't care though. The only thing he cared about was getting back to Vanessa.

* * *

When Jax got back to his house his mom was in the kitchen just finishing up with making dinner for them. He looked throughout the kitchen for the woman that he loved, the woman that he felt as if he failed, but he didn't see her.

"Where's Vanessa?" He asked, and she, always being able to read him, could see the utter despair in his eyes.

"In the room, repainting part of the wall. What's wrong, Jax?" She asked concerned.

"Go home, ma." He said quietly.

"Jackson…"

"I said go home, mom!" He bellowed, causing her to nod subtly and pick up her purse to leave. Vanessa walked out of the room and to his side at the sound of his shouting. She touched his back gently.

"Everything okay, baby?" She mumbled out, not wanting to be on the receiving end of his anger. He just shook his head no and led her to the kitchen. He pulled out the chair for her to sit down in and she hesitated before she finally obliged. "Jax, what's going on?"

"He didn't leave. We traced him back to some motel in Lodi."

"Okay…"

"We found his laptop and took it to see if we can find any info on him and to see what he had on the club." Jax sighed. "Vanessa there were a lot of pictures of you."

"I know, he left a lot in that collage in Abel's room. I'm sorry, Jax. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"Not those, babe. There were even more pictures." She looked confused as she could see him getting teary eyed as his fingers cuffed the bridge of his nose. "Some pictures from New York, I think. I need you to tell me the truth. Full disclosure." He took a deep breath, not wanting to say the words. "D-did he rape you?" He could see her go stiff as she inhaled deeply and looked down at the table in what looked to be shame.

"Yes." She whispered so quietly that he almost missed it. He didn't know what to say until he heard the deep breath she exhaled, like she was trying to prevent herself from breaking down.

"I am so fucking sorry." He embraced her, she sunk into him and let him hold on to her tightly. He ran his hand through her hair and down her back, waiting for them both to calm down a little. "Who else knows?"

"I-I only told Tristen after she was attacked. She's the only one that knows."

"Babe, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, I guess I-I was afraid." She stumbled over her words. "I was afraid of what you would do. I was afraid that he would hurt you. I was afraid of what you would say. I don't know. I didn't know what to do. So, I did what I had to do and kept it to myself."

"Vanessa, you don't have to worry about him hurting me. I would kill him before he got a chance to hurt you again."

"Th-that's why I didn't want to tell you." She grabbed onto his hand tightly. "I don't want you getting hurt or locked up or killed because of me." The grip that he had on her didn't loosen as she said the next thing that would damn near break his heart. "I know I come with a lot of baggage. It doesn't change the way you feel about me, does it?"

He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back. He could hear the insecurity, the innocence, and the pain in her voice, but she held it together as she spoke to him. "Why would you even think that, darlin'?"

"Before coming back to Charming, I spent the past few months alone and angry and feeling disgusted by what happened to me. I was ashamed and I thought I was to blame for a while. You know, was I too drunk? Should I have been more vigilant? Could I have done anything different? Or was I leading him on to make him start stalking me?" She sighed. "Society almost always places the blame on women in these types of situations, especially when it's done by a man in a position of power like that. I don't want you to think it was my fault too, because it wasn't. And I don't want you to feel any different about me. I'm still the same girl I was when I was sixteen, just a little more self-reliant and a little less trustworthy."

Jax stared into her eyes seeing the strength she was trying to convey. He knew she was the same person, although some things were different, she was still the compassionate, strong, and loving person she has always been. Nothing was changing the way he felt about her. Especially this.

"I fucking love you, Vanessa. Nothing is ever gonna change that, babe." She smiled at that. Although what Kohn had put her through was a life-changing experience, she refused to let it control her anymore. She spent the last six months running from it and she didn't want to run anymore. "I'm gonna find this piece of shit and I will never let him hurt you again."

* * *

The next morning, Jax woke up to Vanessa curled tight around his body. Her head was laying on his chest, her legs intertwined with his, and her arms draped over him. The reality of what had happened to her settling in and he couldn't help another wave of guilt that washed over him. He should have been there to protect his beautiful, sweet, selfless woman. But he wasn't.

He wasn't there to protect her or their baby girl. He couldn't help the part deep inside of him that blamed the club. The club was likely the main reason why she was forced away from him. He blamed her dad for forcing her to leave. And he still held feelings of blame towards his mother for hiding the letters from him all those years ago. He would have been able to protect her if he knew about the situation she was in.

But now, Jax had a feeling that she wasn't ever gonna fully need his protection anymore. He knew that she was stronger than she ever thought.

"Morning." She whispered out to him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Morning, darlin'." He kissed her deeply, sucking on her bottom lip as she pulled away with a small smile. "I'm gonna call your brother, warn him about Kohn still being around."

"Please don't tell him about this! You can't!" She practically shouted as she jumped out of bed. "Please, I don't want him to know. I only want you to know. Please don't tell anyone else."

"Nessa, Opie and Juice know."

"What? Why?" She asked, her lips pouting, and her face scrunched up like a child's. She looked so cute that if it were under any other circumstances, he would have been kissing the shit out of her.

"They helped me find him. Juice had to hack into the laptop. They're not gonna tell anyone, babe."

"But they're gonna start look at me the way you're looking at me right now." She said, noticing what looked like a mixture of pity and wariness on his face.

"How am I looking at you right now?"

"Like I'm weak and like you pity me. Like I'm gonna break down any second." She grumbled, getting out of bed and throwing on a pair of sweatpants, about to walk out of the bedroom. He got off the bed quickly and gently took a hold of her wrist.

"I don't think that at all, babe. And neither will they. Because we all know that you aren't. You're too strong to let this shit control you. I can tell that you're moving forward, darlin'." He kissed her gently. "They're not gonna tell anyone, I promise."

"I love you." She whispered kissing him again.

"I love you, Nessa. I'm gonna find him."

* * *

"Yeah, Kohn's still in town." Jax said over the phone to Hale as he was leaving his house and getting onto his Dyna.

" _I know. Unser just saw him at Floyd's. I'm taking care of it_." Hale hung up quickly, causing Jax to start his bike and speed over to the business on Main Street, knowing he had to get there before Hale did.

Jax parked his bike a few storefronts down from the barber shop and angrily walked towards Floyd's. He looked into the window seeing Kohn getting a clean shave in the chair. He opened the door making eye contact with Floyd, and instantly Floyd moved away from Kohn, seeing the wrath that washed over the Vice President of Sam Crow. Jax stopped right in front of Kohn, a mirthless smile hanging on his face.

Immediately after opening his eyes, Kohn tried to jump up to get away from Jax. But Jax was too quick, lifting him up by his shirt and slamming him face first into the mirror in front of them.

"You wanna go to war with me, you sick piece of shit?" Jax snarled, his hands still gripped tight around the man's shirt. Jax flung Kohn's body throughout the shop before viciously throwing him through the plate glass window of the storefront. The shards of glass sticking into the man's skin as he coughed and bled on the sidewalk. Walking out that same broken window, Jax followed the man outside, grabbing his shirt collar again.

"Going after my club?" Jax growled quietly before punching him in the face. "Destroying my son's nursery?" He growled again in the same tone, connecting his fist to the man's face again. "Raping Vanessa?" He whispered even lower and punched Kohn in the face even harder one more time before Jax let out a loud and painful scream, feeling a sharp sting in his upper thigh. He looked down seeing a pair of barber's scissors sticking out of his leg, infuriating him even more before he punched the almost motionless man several more times.

Jax was pulled off of the now bruised and bloody man lying on the ground, who was groaning out in pain. Paramedics looked Jax over quickly, before Jax pushed them away and pulled the scissors out of his leg, throwing them to the ground. Seconds later, he was handcuffed and thrown into the back of a police car.

* * *

Jax was in a bland and overly yellow interrogation room with both Unser and Agent Stahl. It was the same interrogation room that he had been in plenty of times before. Stahl was walking throughout the room and looking at the statement, while Unser sat there with his arms folded over his chest.

"Barber says you came in for a haircut. Agent Kohn attacked you with a pair of scissors. So, you pushed him through a plate glass window. Self-defense." Stahl said with a small smile on her face like she didn't believe a word that was written on the paper.

"That's what Floyd saw, I guess that's what happened." Jax replied calmly.

"That's fantastic." Her smile grew even larger and she cleared her throat as she sat down across from him. "Tell me. Are they all just afraid of you or convinced that you are a necessary evil?"

"You charging me?"

"No charges." Unser spoke up from the other side of the table. Jax was about to get up when Stahl continued.

"Why does Kohn have a hard on for you?"

"You know why." Jax scoffed.

"You're right, I do." She smiled. "Little Vanessa Hale. High school sweethearts, right?"

"Yeah." Jax looks less than amused.

"She fears for her life, so she comes back home to the only man she knows loves her enough to protect her, a guy who would have no problem putting a fed through a plate glass window. That's beautiful. Really, it is. I wish I had that kind of pull over someone. You're a lucky man."

"You're right, I am." He smirked. "The only thing you got wrong in that psychoanalyzation bullshit is that I'm the one who brought her back here. I brought her back home so I could protect her because clearly your agency and the police didn't do shit for her while she was in New York. Instead, you tried to cover for one of your piece of shit agents… let the fucking nutjob stalk her for months and try to hurt her. So, your little theory of her only being with me because she feared for her life, couldn't be more wrong. You done?"

"Yeah, she's done." Unser spoke up, allowing Jax to slowly get up and limp out of the interrogation room.

* * *

Vanessa was waiting outside of the station house after hearing what happened to Jax. Her brother called and told her what had happened in a short version, but he also told her that Jax was hurt. Her heart was pounding as she waited for him to be released. She couldn't help how she slowly paced outside and bit her lip as she waited to see her man.

"Jax!" She called out when she saw him limping out of the door. She jogged over to him, her head spinning at the sight of the blood on his pants and the way his face cringed with every step he took. "Jesus Christ. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, babe." He saw how worried she looked and played down how much his injury actually hurt in order to calm her down.

"You threw him through a window? I was so fucking worried." She looked pointedly at him before his hands went to her hips and he pulled her in, kissing her tenderly. Their lips lingered together for a few moments as she wrapped her arms around his waist, only pulling away when she heard the doors being opened again. They both saw Kohn being escorted out of the building. He stared at the two of them as he was being pushed into a police car by two officers. Jax gripped her hips a little tighter as the man stared at them, a look of shock and bewilderment on his face. Jax kissed her slightly rougher as if he was trying to stake his claim on her. As if he was showing Kohn that he would never touch his girl again.

"I'm gonna follow them out of town, make sure that asshole is gone for good." Jax revealed.

"I wanna come."

"Vanessa…" He tried to object.

"I need to know that he's gone so he can't hurt us anymore. I need to see him leave, Jax." She pleaded with him.

"Alright." He agreed with a sigh before kissing her again.

"Can you ride?" He just nodded and hooked the helmet onto her head, getting ready to never see this asshole again. Jax was staring directly into the car at Kohn as they get onto the bike and started it, he looked up seeing Hale standing there. Both men gave each other a slight nod, glad to have this guy out of both of their lives, more importantly out of Vanessa's life.

The car took off slowly, causing Vanessa to tighten her grip on Jax's waist as they followed after it. The wind was flowing through Vanessa's hair and she felt lighter already, like nothing could hurt her or Jax again.

The ride was fairly slow and calm as they reached the stop sign that officially lead the car out of Charming. When Jax pulled right up next to the police car, he once again stared into the vehicle. Both of them seeing Kohn for what would hopefully be the last time. The car finally made the right turn and Vanessa gave a small smile. She felt free seeing the car leaving Charming. The hope for their future now seeming much brighter.

"He's gone, babe." Jax said with a small grin, placing his hand on top of the one that was resting on his stomach, as they watched the car drive further and further into the distance.

"He's gone." She smiled back, clutching him tighter to her. She placed a few sweet, gentle kisses on his neck as he revved the engine of his bike. "It's finally over."

* * *

Vanessa and Jax both walked slowly into the house, his arm was wrapped around her shoulder as they moved to see the state of the nursery. They both released a sigh of relief when they saw that Gemma finished cleaning all of it. Gemma was sitting in the rocking chair and smoking a cigarette when they heard her speak.

"Why aren't you two at the fight?" She asked and Jax scoffed.

"I've had my fair share for the day." He refused to leave Vanessa's side, kissing her on the temple before looking at his mother.

"Yeah. Your leg okay?" She glanced down at it as she took a puff of her cigarette.

"Yeah."

"Thank you for cleaning the rest of this up, Gem." Vanessa looked around the nursery. "You didn't have to do that."

"I shouldn't have had to." She snapped, and Vanessa could now feel the tension in the room. She didn't blame Gemma for being pissed at her. In fact, Vanessa blamed herself for the room being destroyed in the first place.

"Ma, enough."

"I'll leave you two to talk." Vanessa walked out of the room without looking back, heading straight for her and Jax's shared bedroom and sat down on the mattress, putting her head in her hands. She could still hear their conversation though.

"Lay off her, mom." Jax practically pleaded with his mother.

"She is getting under your skin, Jackson. Making you think and do irrational things that could have consequences on the club and on your son. She's still got ties in you."

"You know what?" His voice rose slightly. "I don't give a shit what you think. What I do, what Vanessa does- it's not your business."

"Cleaning up piss and broken cribs, that's my business?"

"No one asked you to take this on. This house, this kid. It's not your burden, it's mine. Go home, mom."

* * *

Jax walked into the bedroom after hearing his mother slam the front door shut. He looked at Vanessa, seeing her head perk up as he limped into the room slowly.

"Jax, I really don't want to cause problems between you and your mom."

"My mom causes the problems herself, it's not your fault." He continued limping over to sit on the bed next to her. Hissing and cringing in pain as he sat down.

"I should check your leg out. Change the dressing." She whispered, grabbing the first aid kit from the bathroom closet.

"My own little nurse." Jax smirked as she unbuttoned his pants and helped him take them off. "Always tryin' to take my clothes off."

"Shut up." She laughed, gently pulling the bandage off. "You didn't get stitches?"

"Nah, refused medical assistance."

"Jesus, Jax. You shouldn't have done that."

"I'm fine, babe. It ain't too bad. Plus, I got you to take care of me." He smirked as she inspected the wound, noticing it wasn't too deep before rubbing an antibiotic cream all over it. She looked up at him and he could see the concern for him in her eyes. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"I know." She smiled shyly, pushing some of her hair out of her face.

"You keep rubbin' up on my thigh like that and I'm really gonna wanna fuck you." He smirked at her and she full on laughed out a hearty chuckle, the one he always loved hearing.

"You really are something else, aren't you?" She still giggled, covering the wound back up as he swiftly rolled on top of her causing her to let out a small squeal. He placed kisses on her face and looked deeply into her eyes as she gripped his face softly. "What you found out, you're sure it doesn't change anything between us, right? I just don't want you to not want me or anything."

"Nothing's changed, darlin'." He said kissing her again and grinding his hips gently into hers as she moaned. "I still want you more than you can even imagine." He whispered huskily as she looked down at the prominent hardness that was poking into her, causing her to giggle again.

"Believe me, I can imagine."


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning, Vanessa and Jax woke up with their bodies flush together. His arms wrapped tightly around her, and her legs intertwined with his. He stared at her face for a few minutes, seeing how much lighter and calmer she had seemed knowing that Kohn was now gone.

"What are you staring at?" She let out an airy laugh, her golden blonde hair falling in her face, causing him to push a few strands back behind her ear.

"You." He kissed her forehead. She clung to him, pressing small kisses to his bare chest. "You know, I've been happier the past month and a half that you've been back in Charming and that Abel's been healthy, than I have been since before you left. I feel like my whole life is different now."

"So do I." She smiled, her voice still filled with exhaustion. "How's your leg feeling?"

"It's fine, just a little pain but that's it." He said getting out of bed and pulling on a clean pair of boxers.

"How'd the prospect do in his fight?"

"Too good. We still need to come up with a lot of cash by tonight."

"For what?" She asked.

"I don't want you involved." He heard her huff and get up from the bed throwing on a t-shirt and starting to walk out of the bedroom. "What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I trust you." He got up and followed her to the bedroom door.

"But the club doesn't." She stated, like she knew the answer.

"Don't worry about it, babe. I tell you the shit that I need to tell you. This ain't that important."

"Fine." He hugged her and kissed her on the lips. She looked at the tattooed Roman numerals on his pec and then back up at him. "I love you, Jax."

* * *

Vanessa was going to her morning self-defense class, still not feeling completely comfortable not being able to protect herself. Plus, she genuinely enjoyed it and thought it was a great work out. Meanwhile, Jax went to go see his son, who was already being visited by his mother.

He limped into the room, seeing her staring at Abel as he slept in the small crib. She avoided staring him in the eyes causing a small smirk to show up on his face, noticing just how stubborn his mother could be. But he refused to be the one to apologize.

"I'm sorry." Gemma said, fumbling with the ring on her finger. "It was a crazy day." She sighed, getting up from the chair and looking Jax in the eyes. "Strange time, Jax. So much shit is changing. I just worry- about you, about him."

"About Vanessa." He stared at her. "I thought you two were finally starting to get along. What happened with me and Vanessa back then is ancient history, mom. And that psycho asshole following her here, destroying the nursery and fucking with the club, that's not on her."

"She hurt this family. Pulled your mind away from the club without you even realizing."

"That wasn't on her, either. I was distracted. She never tried to pull me away and she never asked me to leave."

"But she did leave. Broke your heart."

"For reasons that neither of us will ever fully understand." Jax tried to reason with her.

"She crushed you, Jax."

"I was 20 years old, ma." He scoffed. "It was first love bullshit. I grew up. I got over it. It's time you got over it too."

"She was and still is the only love you've ever had, Jackson. Wendy didn't even hold a candle to her for you, and we all know that. You may have grown up, but you didn't ever get over her. You did not get over her leaving. Look at you, you're still head over heels for her, just like you were back then."

"So why are you pushing so hard for me to end it with her? Why are you making shit more difficult for me and her?"

"Someone hurts your baby, you never get over it." Jax smiled at her response, but frowned again knowing that someone did hurt his baby. Someone diid hurt his daughter and there was nothing he could do about it. "I just want the best for you."

"The shit between me and her back then, we've both moved past it. She's the best for me and for him, ma." He says pointing to Abel. "I'm focused on the club and on being a good father. And I'm happy with her by my side. So, just leave it alone, aight?"

* * *

Vanessa pulled into the lot after trying to call Jax's cell after her self-defense class. When he didn't answer, she decided to go to TM because she didn't know what else she should do. Having the day off of work gave her a free day, but she didn't know how to use it. She was sitting at the picnic table, sipping her coffee, when she heard a bike and saw Jax walking towards her, blood all over his hands.

"Jesus, what happened?" She jumped up, moving towards him quickly. He could hear the worry lacing her voice.

"It's not my blood." He answered walking into the clubhouse with her in tow. "Helped some guy who went through the windshield of one of Oswald's tankers." He was washing his hands in the sink in the main room when he told Opie about the little baggie of drugs that he found. Opie gave her a small hug as she stood next to him, both of them listening to Jax. The other guys made their way over and sat down around Jax too, as she noticed Clay staring at her expectantly with a frown on his face. He seemed to always have a frown on his face whenever she was around.

"I'm gonna go, Jax." She muttered, giving him a quick kiss. Jax watched her as she walked out of the clubhouse doors and headed back over to his truck that she was still using.

"Darby runs his meth lab out of a diesel yard in Pope." Opie spoke to the guys sitting around the bar. "It's where all the mill drivers score their crank."

"This is definitely Darby's shit." Juice says inspecting the baggie. "This rock's been stepped on so many times it's barely a narcotic."

"See, Darby's making his move into Charming dealing at the lumber mill." Tig was convinced. "Clay, we gotta send this Nazi asshole a clear message now."

"All right." Jax started. "Why don't we just go talk to the driver? Ask him where he bought the meth."

"Go." Clay said, sending Opie and Jax together.

* * *

Jax and Opie went to St. Thomas to find the truck driver, as they walked through the halls they noticed two of Darby's men inside the elevator. When they visited the truck driver, they found out that the Nords had beat him up due to his crank debt and that he was still buying his drugs up in Pope. He also mentioned that the tanker was full of diesel and that the Nords were going to steal it to cover his debt, leading Jax to have the idea of stealing it to cover the rest of the cash for the Irish.

That led him and Opie to this moment, chasing down two of the Nords on Highway 18. Forcing Jax and Opie to swerve in and out of the lanes, shooting warning shots at the tanker trying to get them to stop. It also led to Jax being a few feet within his life as both him and the tanker almost crashed into another truck on the road. His life practically flashed before his eyes, visions of Abel and Vanessa stuck at the forefront of his memories.

"What the hell, asshole!" The lady in the other truck jumped out of her vehicle and screamed.

"Easy, white boy." Jax threatened, holding his gun on one of the Nords who pulled out his weapon first.

"Put it on the ground." Opie ordered, coming up behind the Nord. The woman seemed scared as she jumped back into her truck, trying to get away from the situation as Jax and Opie took the tanker that would make them flush for the Irish.

* * *

Jax went back to the garage after his meeting with Unser to tell the guys the good news. When he walked inside he saw an ambulance sitting in the closed garage.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, a small smile forming on his lips.

"My prospect." Chibs said, grabbing onto Half Sack.

"Just, you know, thinking outside the box." Half Sack tried to defend himself.

"You get a chance to talk to that tanker driver?" Clay asked before anyone could respond to Half Sack.

"Yeah." Jax started and looked right at Tig when he started speaking again. "Nords aren't dealing at the mill. Driver bought the crank up in Pope. That's where he filled his tanker with diesel- that I just sold to Unser." Jax took the cash out of his pocket showing it to all of the guys. "We're flush for the Irish."

"My brother!" All of the guys started cheering and clapping, except for Tig and Clay who just exchanged a look with one another.

* * *

Jax went home later that night. When he walked into the house he smelt the dinner that Vanessa was cooking and saw her pulling a small tray out of the oven.

"Jesus, babe. That smells fuckin' good." He came up behind her, hugging her waist and kissing the side of her neck. "I'm so lucky to have you here."

"Yeah, you are. You'd still be living off of beer and stale pizza if I wasn't here." She laughed turning around and hugging him. "Did you get all the money you guys needed for tonight?"

"We got it all." He smiled.

"Good, I'm glad." She kissed him, sucking gently on his bottom lip causing him to moan quietly. "Oh, guess what! I went to see Abel today. I spoke to Dr. Namid, he thinks that Abel should be home next week. His sleep apnea and his eating habits are the only thing that they're still monitoring him for. Your son will be home in no time."

"You okay with that? It's not gonna be just me anymore."

"I love Abel to death, Jax. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"I know ya do. I can tell." He trailed his fingers down her arm. "I don't need to be at the meet tonight, so let's go see the kid after dinner, I barely got to see the little dude today." Jax saw her nod and give him a huge smile before placing a kiss on his cheek and turning around to sort their plates with all of the food that she had made.

* * *

Jax and Vanessa were both sitting in the hospital with Abel. He was glad that he was finally able to spend this much needed time with his family. He was bouncing Abel in his arms as Vanessa spoke to the baby and rubbed his tummy. Abel had a huge gummy smile and reached out to wrap his hand around Vanessa's finger as he continued to babble.

"Oh yeah?" Vanessa laughed and Abel squealed loudly, continuing to babble as his eyes flicked to both Vanessa and his father.

"You're good with him." Gemma said as she walked into the room, looking at the small family. Before Vanessa or Jax could reply, his burner phone began to ring. He looked at both of the women before handing his son over to Vanessa and moving towards the corner of the room to answer the phone.

"What's up?" He asked as a greeting.

" _You need to get to the pub we're meeting the Irish at right now."_ Tig rushed out in an angry tone.

"Why, what's going on?" Jax asked, unsure why he would have to leave his family time when he knew he wasn't needed at this meeting.

" _Just fucking get here, VP."_ Tig said the last word in a scornful tone before he hung up.

"Jesus, I gotta go." Gemma just nodded. He gave her a kiss on the cheek before kissing Abel on his forehead and moving to Vanessa, pecking her on the lips. "You still gotta go to your brother's tonight, right?"

"Yeah, it's Tara's birthday and she wanted me to go over for some dessert and drinks. I should probably get going too, actually." They walked out of the hospital together. "You got time to give me a ride?"

Jax nodded and walked with her to his bike, clipping on her helmet and then his own before taking off towards David's and Tara's small home. They pulled up to the house in just a few minutes and Vanessa quickly got off the bike so he wouldn't be late.

"Be safe, baby." She whispered as he kissed her passionately. "I love you." His hands that were gripping her waist squeezed her lightly in response.

"I love you too, babe. I'll see you later." He kissed her one last time before watching her knock on the door and be welcomed into the house. He revved the engine of his bike before taking off to get to the Irish pub he was supposed to be going to.

* * *

Jax and the rest of the guys arrived at the bar around the same time. They walked into the pub together, seeing the place in complete disarray. There were bullet holes and broken glass throughout the entire pub. There was also their new Irish connect, Cameron Hayes, who was laying on the ground and in a severe amount of pain which was made obvious by the groaning and the blood that was leaking out of his body.

"You okay?" Jax asked, patting Clay on the back.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't track down Gemma though."

"She's at the hospital with the kid."

"Okay. Good." Clay said with a sigh of relief.

"We'll get rid of the Mexicans." One of the Irish guys announced as Chibs, Juice, and Tig were trying to tend to Cameron's wounds.

"Alright. We'll take care of Cam." Clay tries to compromise. "He's hurt real bad. We gotta get him back to the clubhouse somehow."

"Not a problem." Half Sack says, messing around with his gun. He goes outside where the ambulance is and opens the doors, leaving Chibs and Juice to help Cameron get into the back. "Uncle Freddy's Infirmary at your service." Half Sack joked, but not receiving any laughs back.

Opie, Tig, Jax, and Clay all watch the ambulance take off towards the direction of the clubhouse while they all stood there, waiting to plan their next move.

"You think this hit was just about us? Or us and the Irishman?" Tig asked the group, uncertainty weighing in his chest.

"I don't know." Clay sneered.

"How would Alvarez know about the Irish?" Jax wondered.

"Darby, man." Tig was convinced. "It was Darby. The Nords and Mayans have joined forces. I saw it happening months ago when we blew up that warehouse. I told you we should've handled it then. This is Bloody Sunday, brother. We gotta call in all the Sons. All of them. Kill this cracker/wetback alliance now."

"Tig's right." Opie tried to convince Jax, only making him angry that Opie was unknowingly agreeing with the man that killed his wife. "We need bodies, need guns." Jax couldn't help but shake his head, knowing that this wasn't the right way to handle this situation.

"You with us?" Clay questioned him.

"We're not ready for war. We got no cash. We got no weapons surplus. Not to mention ATF's still in place."

"Yeah because of your little bitch and her family!" Tig started getting angry, causing Jax to look him dead in the eyes, not liking that he was insulting his girl.

"We can always find cash and weapons." Clay raised his voice, getting irritated with Jax too. "The question is, are you with us here?"

"Can you give us a minute?" Jax looked over at Tig who was staring daggers at him.

"Yeah, sure." Tig and Opie walked away from them.

"You think I'm caught up with what's been going on with your decision making? That I'm distracted by all this shit with my kid, Opie and Donna, Vanessa?"

"I'm very concerned about your focus, but I'm having serious doubts about your level of commitment to this club." Clay said moving closer into Jax's face and pointing his finger angrily.

"I risked my life for 15 grand today because this club needed it. My commitment hasn't changed. And the damage that's happened to my family and to Opie's family? Yeah. I'm seeing things different. Big picture shit. For me, my son and my girl, this club. But I ain't afraid to get bloody, Clay. I'm just afraid all that blood's gonna kill Sam Crow."

"Alvarez tried to assassinate me today. Right now, this is only about blood. And I'll worry about all that- that big picture shit after this score is settled." Clay insisted through gritted teeth, he started walking away before he turned back to Jax, clearly not finished with his thought. "I don't know what she's fillin' your head with, but that tight pussy you got hangin' around you is getting under your skin. Again."

"She's got nothing to do with this shit! You keep bringing her up like she's the reason I'm seeing shit differently. She's not… you are. These decisions you're making are hurting this club, you and your little trigger boy are just too blind to see it."

"We are settling this shit. If you don't wanna be a part of it, then I suggest you get your transfer papers ready." Clay bellowed in his face, causing Jax to clench his jaw and flare his nostrils, but instead of throwing a few punches like he wanted to, he got back on his bike and started heading back towards the clubhouse.

* * *

"The slug in his ass may have hit an artery. I'm not sure. But it's probably the only thing slowing down the blood loss. The only way we save this guy is we get some surgical tools." Chibs tells the group.

"Like what?" Tig asks.

"Scalpels, clamps, sutures, needles. All that kind of shit."

"I'll call Vanessa, see if she could help out at all." Jax says before walking outside of the garage, seeing his mom pull up, asking what happened. The only thing he can do is point inside the garage, telling her to talk to them.

"Vanessa, you home yet?" He asks her when she answers the phone.

" _David's dropping me off now. I should be there in five minutes. Why what's up?"_

"I'll meet you there, babe."

* * *

Vanessa jumped out of her brother's Ford Bronco, thanking him for dessert and drinks, as she saw Jax pulling into the driveway. She bid her goodbye to her brother and watched him pull away while she went over to Jax. He pulled her in for a long and seemingly needy hug before letting her go.

"What's going on?" He could hear the worry in her voice, a sound that has been very prevalent in their daily life now.

"Medical emergency. I need surgical shit, like sutures, needles, clamps. All that kinda stuff."

"Jesus, I'll see what I have in my kit." She says unlocking the door quickly and walking over towards the closet that she kept her new first aid kit in.

"Since when did you get a kit?" He asks with a tiny smirk on his face.

"You never know what I might need with all of you guys. I learned my lesson last time. So, I picked some shit up, ordered some stuff online, and kinda stole some others from St. Thomas." She looked through the kit with a guilty look on her face, and he couldn't help the smile that formed on his face.

"My girl's a little thief." He laughed.

"I've even been assisting in a lot of surgeries and stuff lately. I mean, I'm no doctor but I'm trying to brush up on my knowledge just in case." She joked before feeling the seriousness of the night weighing on her. "What's going on Jax?"

"Irishman. He got shot."

"Do you need my help?" She offered.

"No, I don't want you near this shit. I just wanna make sure you're safe." He kissed her a few times before grabbing her hand and putting his forehead on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, babe."

"For what?"

"For dragging you into all this shit. I wish everything was different sometimes."

"It's fine, Jax. Call me if you need anything."

"I love you, Vanessa." He kissed her once more.

"I love you too, baby. Just please be safe, okay?" She pleaded and he nodded, letting go of her hand and walking out the front door. If only he stayed like they both wished he could have.


	25. Chapter 25

As soon as Jax left the house, Vanessa decided that she needed a hot shower. She went into her and Jax's bedroom and stood in front of the dresser, looking for a t-shirt and a pair of panties that she could change into when she was done. As she looked up and into the mirror in front of her, she saw someone standing a few feet behind her before rushing over to her. She barely had a moment to register what was happening when she felt a rough hand enclosed over her mouth, causing her to gasp.

"Jax!" She tried to scream but the hand over her mouth and the other one around her throat causing the shrill sound to be inaudible to anyone outside of the bedroom. She heard his bike roar to life outside and she felt the tears falling down her face. "Jax!"

"Shh. Shh." Joshua says, holding his hand tighter around her throat and over her mouth. She could hear Jax's bike moving further away. "Goodbye, Mr. Crow."

_This is it._ She thought to herself. _He's gonna kill me. I'm never gonna see Jax or Abel again._

"Jax!" She tried to scream one more time, causing him to throw her onto the ground. The base of her skull connected with the edge of the large dresser. Vanessa could feel the blood dripping from the back of her head and knew that it was very likely that she had a concussion. She tried to keep her eyes open, blinking every few seconds to try and stop the blurriness that was overcoming her vision. She didn't realize that she was sobbing until she felt a teardrop running down her face, she was unsure of whether it was from the pain of her injury or the fear.

"Shut up!" He violently shoved the gun in her face making her scream for Jax once more, before he forced her mouth to open wider and shoved the gun into her mouth. "No more screaming. You understand? I don't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you."

She could do nothing else but nod, her eyes begging him to take the gun out of her mouth. Her breathing was heavy as she tried to control herself.

"I'm sorry I had to do it this way, Nessie." He spoke with a calm tone as he holstered the gun. He roughly pulled her body up off of the ground and into his arms tightly. Her body tensed before he forced her to walk, pushing her onto the middle of the bed. "I just needed a few minutes to talk to you. He would never let me talk to you, would he? You saw what he did to me. He's insane! Throwing me through a goddamn window." He hissed while running his fingers through her hair, completely disregarding the blood that was oozing out of her head. "I'm sorry if I scared you. I knew there was no other way for me to do this."

"Joshua, please just leave. Please, I won't ever tell him you were here. No one has to know. Plea-"

"Let me talk!" He yelled in her face. She felt the spit hitting her face as she flinched back, scared that he would hurt her again. He got up, rubbing his temples and unhooking his holster, placing it on the bedside table. "I'm sorry. You just don't listen sometimes. I want to be with you, Nessie. I do. You don't want to be with that guy. He's a bad guy, a criminal, a psycho. Let's just start over, okay?"

"Josh…" She tried to speak again before he cut her off once more.

"Clean slate for both of us. You can leave him and go away with me. Anywhere you want to go. I know that I've been a little possessive, but I can change for you. I just- I love you so much and you have just never been loved so passionately." He gently held onto her shoulders. "You don't really want to be with Teller, do you?"

"I-I love him." She whispered, hoping it might trigger something in him and make him realize that he should leave her alone. It has the opposite effect though, leading him to smack her roughly across the face, pinning her shoulders down on the bed as she gasped in pain.

"Why are you saying that?" He shouted at her. "You don't love him. You don't love him! You love me, right?" She let out another sob causing him to continue yelling. "Right?"

"Y-yes. Yes!" She cried out.

"You and Teller, you know that can never happen, right?"

"Yes."

"That's okay, Nessie. Water under the bridge. Just tell me you love me. Only me." He said and she could see the sadistic smile on his face.

"I-I love you a-and only you." She practically gagged on the words as they were coming out of her mouth. She eyed the gun that sat on the end table just a few feet away from her, wanting nothing more than to reach over and grab the handle.

"Good. That's good, Nessie." He smiled, trying to kiss her on the lips but she kept pulling away. "Relax, sweetie. Just show me."

"W-what?"

"Show me you love me, Nessie. Show me how much you love me." Her mind instantly flashed back to the night in New York and she felt like she was going to vomit, knowing that he might try to do the same thing to her again tonight. She doesn't move as her body tenses up. "It can be just us again, like it was in New York." He pinned her arms down on the bed with one arm, while the other ripped open her button-down blouse, revealing her black bra to him. He touches and grabs at her breasts as she holds back the sob lingering in the back of her throat, trying to wriggle away from him. "Show me, Vanessa."

"N-no, you're hurting me, Josh." He looked her in the eyes and she leans forward, kissing him gently, even though she wanted to cry. But she knows that if she wants to attempt to get out of this then she has to play along. "Gentle, Josh. Gentle, like I know you can be. You don't want to hurt me. You never want to hurt me." He nodded at her and let go of her arms. Instead he began to stroke her hair, laying another kiss on her lips. She caressed his face for a few moments, moving his weight off of her.

She knew that she only has one chance to save herself. So, while distracting him with another kiss, she formulates her next move of attack. And with a deep breath, she silently thanks the unfamiliar amount of adrenaline that is now raging through her body. Fight or flight is all her body and mind know right now.

And she refuses to run away again.

Vanessa swiftly bends her knee, swinging it harshly into his groin leading him to groan out in pain and lose his balance. His body falling off of the edge of the bed and onto the ground. Without a second thought, she reaches over and grabs the gun out of the holster on the nightstand. She turned around to face him, watching as he attempts to get off of the floor while also trying to recover from the pain. His chest heaving with each breath as he used the edge of the bed to help get him off of the ground.

"You're a fucking psycho!" She shrieked wildly, flicking the safety off and pointing the gun at him as he finally pushes himself up into a standing position.

"Oh, come on, Vanessa!" His voice is drenched in leftover discomfort and pain. "You really want to be with that white trash biker? He's a piece of shit and a monster!"

"You stalked me, and you-you fucking raped me! You're the monster, not Jax. Jax is a good, kind man!" She yelled uncontrollably, her voice shaking and scratchy as he moves towards her slowly. Her actions and her voice are desperate, focusing solely on survival. "Don't fucking move! I will shoot you, Joshua." He held his hands up in the air.

"I didn't rape you, Vanessa. I loved you!" His voice sounded like he truly believed that, and his complete delusionality frightened her even more.

"Y-you need to leave. You need to get away from me and from Jax and never bother us again. Do you understand me?"

"I understand." He stated, almost too calmly as he made a quick jump towards her. She didn't even realize that she pulled the trigger until she saw him failing to stand up straight. His body stumbled back, holding his stomach and she saw the pool of red that began to surround him. Drops of blood trailed him as he backed up against the wall, using it as a crutch to get to the ground more gently.

For the first time since she met him over a year ago, she felt a sense of tranquility. Peace. Security.

But when she looked down she noticed that her hands were shaking, her body seemed shocked that she just shot someone for the first time, but her mind felt slightly at ease. At least until her ears started to recover from the deafening bang of the gun. She started to panic when she was able to hear him yelling again.

"You fucking shot me! Call an ambulance, I'm gonna bleed out here."

"I-I told you not to move any closer." Her voice sounded empty until she realized the seriousness of the situation. "I told you! Why did you do that?" She bawled, quickly moving towards her cell phone that was sitting on the dresser. She tried to control her now falling tears as she dialed the number that she knew by heart. She stumbled out of the bedroom and away from the scene, her head pounding and slightly dizzy.

"Don't let me die here, Vanessa! Please!" She heard as she shut the door, holding the phone tighter in her hand.

" _Babe?"_ Jax called out to her, the sound of the motorcycle's engine rumbling indicating that he didn't get too far. She felt surprised at how quick the whole situation happened. One minute she was safe and relaxed in her home and the next she was shooting the man who made her life hell for months.

"I-I need you, Jax. I'm-I'm sorry. Please come home." She begged, and he can hear the pleading, the desperation in her voice as she hung up, not even waiting for his reply. She took a few deep breaths and tried to steady herself before walking back into the bedroom.

"All I wanted was to give you a good life, Nessie. But you chose to be a biker whore."

"Shut up!" She roared, hearing the motorcycle moving closer to the house. She could only imagine what was going through Jax's head right now as she heard the motorcycle quickly approaching. She ran out into the living room, waiting for Jax to walk through the door.

Jax practically ran on his still injured leg, regardless of the pain. He heard her voice on the phone and he knew that she was in trouble. When he opened the door, he saw her standing in front of him, pacing and looking completely shaken. He saw the way her white button-down shirt was ripped and the drops of blood that lingered on it, as well as a small cut that began bruising over her lip and the tears that streaked down her face.

"Holy shit." He mumbled. At seeing him, Vanessa quickly clung onto him as if he was her only lifeline, and at that point, he was. He was the only one who can help her in this situation, but she hated that she even had to put him through this. He held her tightly against him, his hand moving to the back of her head. He pulled his hand away when he felt the stickiness on it, seeing the thick blood painting his hand and her hair. He felt fearful for what she had been through in the past ten or so minutes that had left.

"I couldn't stop him any other way." She said looking at the gun that she held in her shaky hand. "I tried… I'm sorry, Jax. W-what do I do? I-I shot him. I shot him."

"It's okay, babe. It's alright. You're alright. Where is he?" He asked, hugging her to his body once more as he tried to keep her from breaking down.

"The bedroom." Jax hastily limped over to the bedroom and looked inside seeing Kohn holding his bloody hands to his stomach.

"You called him? You fucking called him? You stupid bitch!" Kohn groaned out.

"What do I do, Jax?" She whispered, holding on to the back of his kutte.

"I wanted to give you a good life, Vanessa." Kohn muttered out as they both looked at him in distaste. "I did. I wanted to help you recover, to move on from losing Liliana by giving you another baby. Our own baby."

"Don't you say her name!" Vanessa yelled with tears in her eyes, holding the gun up at him again, threatening to shoot.

"Babe, babe." Jax called out to her, moving her arm to lower the gun. "Give me the gun, okay?" She handed the gun over to him and gripped onto his shoulder angrily, trying to stop the tears from falling. "We call this in. You're not gonna be charged. He is. They're gonna patch him up. He might do a few years for assault. Then he's gonna be out- free to do this again."

"No, Jax! H-he can't do this again, especially not with Abel coming home." She sobbed. "I-I can't deal with this again."

"Teller's your solution? You pathetic whore!" Kohn chided. "Once a biker slut, always a biker slut!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Jax pointed the gun at him now, looking back to Vanessa, who was trying to calm Jax down a little by rubbing her hand up and down his back.

"You couldn't even protect your own child, Vanessa!" He spit onto the floor, blood was coming out of his mouth now. "The best thing that could have happened to Lily was her being killed, one less Teller in the worl-" Kohn couldn't continue as the anger rose up in Jax's chest at the vile words about his baby girl, causing him to shoot a single bullet straight through his head. The blood spurted all over the walls as Kohn's body fell over, lifeless. Dead.

Vanessa held her hand over her mouth, tears flooded her eyes, but she didn't allow herself to scream. She couldn't do anything but stare at the limp body that laid on their bedroom floor.

Jax realized what he had just done. He had just murdered a man in cold blood. He moved over to the bed and sat down, staring at the body as he placed the gun on the nightstand. He ran his hands over his face as he felt the warm heat of Vanessa's body pressed up against him as she sat next to him.

"You're okay, Jax." She tried to comfort him, the tears still pooling in her eyes, unsure if it was the sight of the dead man, the words that he spoke about her daughter, or the distress that seemed to overtake Jax at the moment. She hugged him to her tightly, pulling his head down into her lap as she slowly ran her fingers through his shaggy hair.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to figure out what to do next. And trying to cope with the sight before them. Vanessa continued to gently massage at his scalp as he sat up and looked into her eyes.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry." Tears began to collect in his eyes, and maybe it was wrong, but she could feel the absolute love she had for him overtake her.

"What do we do now, Jax? W-we killed him."

"You didn't kill anybody." He tried to convince her.

"We need to clean this up." She whispered wiping her tears away and standing up, trying to be strong for him now, like he always was for her. She got up moving towards the kitchen for the cleaning supplies.

"Babe, relax. Okay? I'll take care of it. You don't need to do this."

"It's my mess, I need to help you. Please, just let me help you." He pulled her into him and she rested her forehead on his chest, trying to stay calm. They were both quiet for a few minutes, just listening to each other's breathing when she spoke up again. "Am I- am I a bad person?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Vanessa."

"I don't feel bad that he's dead. I feel- I feel relieved." She said with furrowed eyebrows, taking a deep breath as he rubbed at her arms. "He stalked me and raped me. The things that he said about you and Lily. I feel like he deserved this. Does that make me a bad person?"

"It makes you human. And it makes you a survivor." He kisses her forehead, trying to convince her that she was so far from being a bad person.

"I love you so fucking much, Jax." She kissed him deeper than she ever has before. The emotion built up between them and she never wanted to let him go. They held each other in silence for a few moments, just listening to the sound of each other's breath. Neither one of them wanted this to ruin them. She placed on more gentle kiss to his lips that he responded to with an equal amount of vulnerability. When she finally pulled away and cleared her throat, she still had unshed tears lingering in her eyes. "What do we do now?"

* * *

Vanessa's emotions were shot. The night seemed to pass slowly as they attempted to clean up the mess. She continuously alternated between feelings of relief and feelings of worry. Feelings of being a survivor and feelings of being a murderer.

She couldn't help the alarmed feeling that overtook her, seeing all the blood painting the dark hardwood floor and the wall. She couldn't even manage to look at the body. She felt that Kohn deserved to die but witnessing it and covering it up made her feel guilty. Dirty. But she knew that she would carry the weight of that guilt for an entire lifetime if it meant protecting Jax and Abel.

Jax caressed her hand as he walked by her, whispering that he would be right back. She avoided looking anywhere near the body. Instead she sat on the bed and opted for staring in the mirror, another sight she realized that she wanted to avoid. Minutes later, Jax returned to the room with a large white tarp that she had seen inside of the garage.

"We gotta cover him in this." Jax muttered wrapping the tarp around Kohn's body. Vanessa got up from the bed and walked over to Jax. "You don't have to worry about this shit, Nessa. I got it covered."

"I need to help, Jax." She uttered, causing him to just nod, allowing her to assist in wrapping the body in the tarp and tying it around him.

"I pulled the truck in the garage, we gotta get him into the truck. I'll go out first thing in the morning and dump him."

"W-what about my DNA, Jax? What if any of this ties back to me?"

"I'll handle it, babe. I would never let you go down for this." He said, tying off the last rope around the body. Jax grabbed Kohn's upper body while she grabbed his feet, lifting the body off the ground. Jax led them through the house and out to the garage, pushing the body into the bed of his truck. He grabbed her hand and walked back into the house with her, her heart hammering in her chest.

When they both got back to the bedroom, she saw the blood seeping into the hardwood floor of the room and swallowed harshly. She knelt down on the floor as she scrubbed at the walls with an obscene amount of bleach, trying to get all of the blood out. Praying that they wouldn't be stained permanently.

"How's your head, Vanessa?" Jax asked, seeing the dried red blood on the back of her head and crusting in her blonde hair.

"It's fucked." She whispered to him, causing him to walk over to her and gently pull her up off of the floor. His arms wrapped around her tightly, knowing that he could have lost her tonight.

"I meant your injury." His hand gently touched the back of her head where she was no longer bleeding, he saw her wince slightly.

"It hurts a little." She whispered again, but he knew that it hurt more than a little. He knew that her head, her heart, and her mind were all hurting more than she was letting on.

"I'm sorry." He kissed her forehead and saw her eyes close slowly. "I should have known he was coming back. And I should have been here to protect you."

"You were, Jax." She rubbed her hands up and down his chest trying her best to comfort the both of them. Jax grabbed her hand and sat her down on the bed, grabbing the first aid kit that he was supposed to bring back to the clubhouse hours ago. He knew that the guys were going to be tearing him a new asshole tomorrow, but he was needed here more than he was needed there. He cared more about the woman that sat in front of him then he did the Irishman at the clubhouse.

"Does it need stitches?" He asked, rubbing her head gently with the antiseptic wipes. He stopped for a moment when he heard her hiss in pain. "Do you have a concussion?"

"No stitches, it stopped bleeding. And I don't think it's a concussion, maybe a minor one if anything at all." She told him as he kissed the back of her head. "Jax… can you just hold me?"

And he did.

* * *

Jax threw the dead weight over his shoulder, walking it over to the shallow grave that laid just a few feet away from him. The sun was just beginning to rise and if the circumstances were different he would have taken it all in, realizing how beautiful it was out in Macon Woods, but he had other things on his mind.

He chucked the body into the grave and stared at it for a few seconds, ruminating over the fact that the lifeless man in front of him was responsible for bringing Vanessa back into his life. He dumped the gasoline that he had taken from his garage, lighting the match and watching the flames engulf the limp body. And at this moment he thought over everything that happened in the past few months of his life. He thought of the destruction, the violence, the blood. He watched the body burn and realized that he would do this again if it meant keeping Vanessa safe. He would kill and burn a thousand men if he had to.

He took a deep breath and stepped away from the raging fire, turning his back on it.

* * *

Vanessa heard the bike pulling into the driveway and waited by the door for him, unable to stop biting her fingernails.

"It's taken care of." Jax greeted her, pulling her into a hug before taking her hand and escorting her into the bathroom. He helped her get rid of both of their clothes and pulled her into the steaming water that he had turned on. Both of them were unable to pull themselves away from each other. She clung onto him, hugging him and rubbing his back as he did the same for her, seeking the comfort and safety that they could only find in each other's arms.

And he thought of the destruction, the violence, the blood. It used to be his life. Still is.

But did it have to be?


	26. Chapter 26

After their shared shower, Jax and Vanessa both went into their bedroom, Jax started to get dressed for his day, while Vanessa threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of his hoodies. She felt like she was moving slower than usual, like her body couldn't catch up with her mind. Jax watched her as she gently worked her hair into a single braid, sighing when he saw her wince when she got near the deep cut on the base of her head.

"You call out from work?" Jax asked her, watching her every move as she laid on the bed, draping the covers over her.

"Mhm. Told them I was sick." She whispered quietly and he walked over to her, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Good, you need to rest." He kissed her again. "I gotta go, babe. I was supposed to get those supplies to the club last night." She nodded at him.

"I love you, Jax." He heard the pure vulnerability in her voice when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

"I love you."

* * *

Jax was just walking out of the house and over to his bike when he saw Tig and his mother pulling up into the driveway. Gemma quickly got out of her Cadillac and shuffled towards Jax, giving him a big hug and squeezing him tightly.

"Jesus Christ." She started. "You scared the shit out of me." She tightened her arms around him again. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"Sorry. I got caught up." Jax answered as Gemma pulled away but ran her fingers through his wet hair. He saw the frown making its way on to her face.

"You been here? This whole time?" He could hear the anger rising up in her voice, as he nodded slowly.

"We've been waiting on those medical supplies, man." Tig threw at him.

"I know."

"That's it. You know?" Gemma snarked, her attitude getting the best of her. "Someone tries to kill Clay and you what? Decide it's a good time to get laid?"

"It's not like that, mom."

"I told you that stupid bitch was twisting you up again. If you wanna get your dick wet with this whore, you do it on your own goddamn time." Jax just looked away and moved towards his bike, not wanting to be bothered or wanting there to be an even bigger fight. He was tired. But when he looked up to see Gemma storming over towards the front door his need to protect Vanessa from everything, including his mother, jumped out.

"Don't start with your shit. Back off her." Gemma ignored him as she tried to unlock the door with her key. "Mom!" He yelled loud enough to get her attention. "Leave her alone."

Gemma moved away from the door, making eye contact with her son. She saw the anger that resided in his eyes and decided it was best to leave Vanessa alone. For now.

With a grateful sigh, Jax got on his bike, finally ready to leave to go to the clubhouse. Before he had the chance to even start the Dyna, Tig slammed his foot onto the front of Jax's bike, staring the man dead in the face.

"Don't ever forget your first priority, _VP_." Tig scorned, pointing a finger in Jax's face.

"Believe me, I didn't." Jax put his helmet on and fastened it, just wanting to get away from both his mother and Tig.

"You sayin' that her pussy is your first priority? Not the club?"

"Take your foot off my bike." The threatening tone in Jax's voice didn't go unnoticed by Tig as he hesitated before doing as he was asked, watching Jax take off in the direction of the clubhouse with the medical supplies hanging off of his back.

* * *

"Jackie boy, where have you been?" Chibs asked in his Scottish accent, greeting Jax with a disappointed and exhausted tone in his voice.

"I'm here now." Jax handed the medical supplies over to him.

"I got one of the slugs out of this guy's arse." Chibs started.

"Well, that's good."

"Not good, Jackie boy, nicked a major femoral artery. This shit is way out of my wheelhouse, brother."

"Shit, alright." Jax looked around, waiting to get his ass chewed by his step-father and president. "Where's Clay?"

"Unser took him in for questioning." Opie told him. "The Mayans tried to hit Darby too."

"Holy shit." His head was spinning. There was so much shit piling up on him at the moment that he couldn't even tell which way was up.

"Look, the other charters are on their way, alright? Clay wants to bounce out this Mayan problem with them before we decide on any retaliation." Tig announced to the entire group, even though everyone but Jax would have already knew all of that.

"Okay, makes sense. Let me know if anything breaks." Jax sighed, starting to head towards the door of the clubhouse when Gemma tried to stop him.

"Where are you going now?"

"To get Vanessa. See if she can help us with this shit."

"She's a nurse, Jackson. What the hell is she gonna do?"

"Hey, she went to school for shit like this and probably has way more experience than any of us do, alright?" Jax's voice was tense and filled with annoyance, causing Gemma not to argue with her son.

"Don't ride alone."

"I'll go with him." Opie called out, following Jax out the door.

* * *

Jax and Opie went back to the house, seeing the truck still in the driveway, so he knew that she was still at home. Not that he really expected her to go anywhere, especially not within the hour since he last saw her. Jax jumped off his bike quickly and headed for the door, Opie a few steps behind him. He unlocked the door and saw no movement and heard no noise in the house, assuming that she was sleeping after everything that happened last night.

"She's not up yet?" Opie asked him, going straight for the kitchen and taking some coffee out of the pot.

"Nah, she wasn't feeling too well this morning."

"You knock her up already?" Opie laughed and Jax flipped him off as he started walking towards their bedroom. When he walked into the bedroom there was no sign of her. His heart started pounding at the different thoughts of what could have happened to her and where she could have been. He backed out of the room, moving quickly to the other rooms in the house before seeing her asleep in the rocking chair in Abel's nursery. He could immediately feel the tension and worry begin to quell at the sight of her.

"Vanessa." He nudged her awake and saw her eyes flutter open. He couldn't help but give her a small smile at how absolutely beautiful and innocent she looked, staring up at him with her big doe eyes. The smile faded when he remembered why he was here and why she likely fell asleep in the rocking chair instead of in their bed.

"Everything okay?" She whispered, stretching and pulling the light blue knitted blanket off of her.

"We need your help, darlin'. That Irishman that got shot last night; the slug nicked an artery. Chibs thinks he may have an infection too."

"Jesus. Let me get dressed." She jumped up, moving towards their bedroom to put on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a tank top. She quickly applied a bit of concealer to the bruise that was formed on her lip, doing her best to ensure that it wouldn't be too noticeable. Afterwards, she swiftly grabbed one of her light sweaters that was hanging up in the closet and threw on a pair of boots before meeting Jax and Opie out in the kitchen. All three of them rushed out of the house and back to the clubhouse.

* * *

Vanessa pushed open the door, seeing the madness in front of her. A man, who she assumed was the Irishman, was laying on the table with a pale and sickly tint to his skin. He looked severely infected and unconscious as she looked at the blood the was on both Chibs and Juice. Her head still hurt, especially at the notion of having to do a life-saving surgery by herself, without any real tools, and without any real experience.

"Holy fucking shit." She muttered.

"Took two slugs." Gemma started. "Chibs got one out, but it hit an artery. Little Dutch boy's been keeping the blood dike from bursting." She said nodding to Juice, who had his finger jammed into the bullet hole in the man's ass.

"I've been keeping a stock of some antibiotics from St. Thomas." Vanessa told them. "Here's some vancomycin, this should kill anything."

"Stealing from St. Thomas?" Gemma looked at her, one of her perfect eyebrows shot up.

"Not like I have much of a choice. It's the only way I would be able to get my hands on this stuff if we needed it." Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Give him two now and then one every four hours."

"Hey, hey. You gotta wake up." Gemma said, lightly smacking the passed-out man. "Wake up. Here. Come on, wake up."

"Oh. What's going on?" The man groaned out in pain.

"Here. Take these. Doc's here, she's gonna fix you up." Gemma gave the man the antibiotics, as Vanessa started putting gloves on to get ready to do what she needed to do.

"How's it look, doc?" The man called out to her.

"I'm not a doctor, actually. Just a nurse." He took a deep breath at her words. "But it looks like you got shot."

"The nurse is a friend of the club. You're in good hands." Gemma told the man, staring right at Vanessa.

"You got a name, nurse?"

"Vanessa." She said as she quickly stuck him with the needle as he screamed out, passing out not long afterwards. She passed the gloves and the gauze over to Gemma.

"Okay. Where should I put it?" Gemma asked, nodding towards the gauze, Vanessa just looked up at her and rolled her eyes. "Careful."

"I'm gonna have Juice pull his finger out of the wound. I want you to stuff that gauze into the wound, then I'm gonna close it off with this clamp, okay?"

"Sure you know what you're doing?" Gemma snarked.

"I sure hope so." She muttered quietly under her breath, only Juice heard and he seemed to stiffen a little. "Guess we'll find out. Ready? One, two, three." She counted down leading Juice to pull his finger out of the wound and Gemma to quickly stuff the gauze inside of it as Vanessa clamped it shut.

"Holy shit. Great job, Nes. Can I go wash my hands and stuff?" Juice asked.

"Y-yeah. Hey, you did great, Juice. You helped save his life." Juice smiled a big goofy smile before thanking her and walking off.

"That was very sweet." Gemma said, causing Vanessa to look at her with furrowed brows. "No, I mean it. That guy's not used to good feedback."

"It's the truth, he did save his life. And Juice, he seems like a good guy." She huffed out. "So, what now? I'm not quite sure how all this works."

"For now, you keep him alive." Gemma points to the Irishman. "Beyond that… I got no idea how this works."

* * *

Vanessa left Gemma and the guys to take care of and move the Irishman. She walked into Jax's dorm room, seeing him sitting on the bed by himself, looking through his father's manuscript again.

"How is he?" Jax asked her, getting off of the bed and throwing her a t-shirt to change into.

"I got the slug out and stopped the bleeding. If the vancomycin kills the infection, he should make it. I hope."

"And my mom? How was she?" He questioned her. "She was pissed this morning."

"Still is. Sometimes I think she likes me a little bit, other times I think she wants me to be the one with two slugs in my ass."

"I'll handle her, babe." Jax helped her take the tank top off and replaced it with his blue SAMCRO shirt.

"How does all this work? Am I… Am I gonna be the one to keep on patching up all these bullet wounds?"

"I have no idea, babe." He puts his forehead on hers. "How are you feeling after last night?"

"I-I don't even know, Jax. It's like I can't stop thinking, but I can't register what I'm thinking. I don't know. I mean we killed a man and I don't feel bad that he's dead. I feel relieved."

"Listen, when Kohn showed up in Charming and followed you to Reno and then back here again, he knew this could only end one of two ways. Either him dead or you dead." She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "It ended the right way, babe." He kissed her gently, lightly nipping at her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry you had to do that, Jax. I am. I never wanted it to end up like that. I never wanted you to have to go through with that."

"I never killed anyone like this before, Vanessa. I've been waking up every day since Abel was born with a sick feeling. Wondering who was gonna die today. And it scares the shit out of me. And then I woke up this morning, and it was gone. I think that scares me more." Jax started taking deep breaths, and she tightly held onto him, trying to level him again.

"You're in shock, baby."

"I don't think anything could shock me anymore."

"You saved me, Jax. You did." She nodded. "You helped me back in Reno when you made me come here. You helped me last night. You're always there to help me. So, tell me, how do I help you?"

"Don't go anywhere. Stay here for me and for Abel." He kissed her again. "I need you to stay."

"I'm not going anywhere, Jax. I promise. I love you. I love you and Abel so fucking much, you have no idea." She hugged him tightly as he ran his fingers through her hair. He nuzzled his nose into the top of her head. The smell of her shampoo bringing a sense of calmness through him. He kissed her forehead softly, before picking her up.

Vanessa's legs wrapped around his waist, she looked him in the eyes before slamming her lips into his. Her mouth refused to leave his, practically begging for the comfort and the sense of security that came from her being near him. He laid her onto the bed gently, his mouth traveled to her neck causing her chest to heave. When she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him back down to meet her lips, they heard a knock on the door and a muffled voice calling out for Jax to meet them in the chapel.

They both sighed but stayed tangled together for a few more moments. Jax dropped a kiss on her forehead before moving off of her. She stayed on the bed, watching him straighten his kutte and his shirt. Her heart sped up as he gave her a sad smile before leaving the room.

* * *

"What happened last night can never happen again." Clay whispered menacingly through gritted teeth to all of the guys sitting around the Redwood table. He looked around at how packed the chapel was because of all of the guys that came down from the surrounding charters. "Not just someone trying to off me. But bodies dropping in Charming 'cause of us."

"We had nothing to do with that hit on the Nords." Tig called out.

"Mayans went after me and Darby, alright? Different targets, same war." Clay retorted. "If we fire back, we can't stop the blowback from hitting home." Jax nodded, agreeing with Clay. "I sat down with Alvarez." There was a collection of confused utterances and sighs.

"What, just the two of you?" Tig asked.

"Where?" Jax wondered out loud.

"Unser's cage. We uh-we discussed our outstanding issues and made a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Bobby enquired.

"We sell them guns. They settle all their beefs with all of us. Any territory hassles, any business disputes, it all lands in our favor."

"You made that call without a vote?" Piney threw at him.

"I set it up. We vote on it now. If this thing passes, you all sit down with the Mayans in your own territories, you work stuff out. Take the win."

"What about Laroy and the Niners?" Juice seemed confused. "We had a deal with them for years, that we don't sell to the wetbacks."

"Juice, Laroy don't got no loyalty to us. He's been buying from other dealers, he reneged on the AK sale. Ain't no reason at all we can't branch out."

"They _supposedly_ killed my daughter in law." Piney opposed, but Jax heard what the old man was hinting at in his voice. "Tried to kill you. Are we supposed to just forget about that?"

"Donna's death was settled, pop." Opie said, looking over at Jax and Clay, Jax felt another flood of guilt for lying to his best friend.

"Them trying to kill me, that debt will get settled too. But not by us. It's gotta be some outside charter. You up for it, Hap?"

"I'll do this thing. It'll be perfect." Happy boasted.

"Of that I have no doubt. Everybody in favor of this Mayan deal-" Clay said, raising his hand and watching everyone else's raise too, except for Piney. He waited for Piney to raise his hand until he finally did. "Anybody opposed?" No one answered, leaving Clay to bang the gavel and indicate that they would have a new deal with the Mayans and that church was over.

* * *

It was late when church ended and Vanessa finally woke up after sleeping for a few hours. The stress of the night before and of trying to save the life of the Irishman got to her, making her pass out almost as soon as Jax laid her down in the bed. She looked around the room and didn't see Jax, but she heard the loud music outside and knew he was probably making rounds during the party.

She looked in the mirror and fixed her messy hair. She saw that the tank top and sweater that she wore before were folded and placed on the desk, the blood stains no longer lingered on either one of them. She moved slowly as she changed before walking out of the room to find Jax. It didn't take long for her to spot him, he was holding a beer in his hand and talking with all of the Sam Crow guys.

She stood against the wall, watching the bloody fight in the ring from afar. When she made eye contact with Jax he gave her a small smile but continued talking with all of the guys. She knew better than to interrupt, instead Gemma walked over to her with a smug look on her face.

"Thank you. For saving Cameron's life today. He would've been dead without you." Gemma thanked her.

"It's no problem. Just doing whatever I can to help."

"Can I ask you a question?" Gemma looked at her. "You are clearly not one of them." She points to the group of croweaters by the ring and trying to hang off of any guy they can get their hands on.

"Glad that's cleared up."

"So, what happens next? You become his Old Lady? The mother to his kid? A Hale and a Teller, what does that look like?" She shakes her head. "This isn't me being some overbearing bitch, this is me trying to figure out where you and Jax are heading, because we all think that you and Jax being together is a bad idea."

"I don't think me or Jax give a shit what any of you think about our relationship. I told you time and time again, I love Jax and I love Abel. I don't care what you or Clay or my brothers or anyone else thinks about us. We love each other and we're together, so everyone needs to accept that."

"When that love starts impacting his commitment and his focus on the club, then that becomes a problem. For all of us." Gemma snapped.

"I'm not trying to sway his mind on the club, I never have. If he is having doubts, then they're his own and they have nothing to do with me."

"Someone better start thinking clearly before you get hurt. You have to be the one to break this off. Save both of you from the pain of something bad happening."

"That sounds a lot like a veiled threat." Vanessa muttered, not wanting to add any more stress to herself today. Vanessa cleared her throat before standing her ground. "I have had a very long 24 hours, okay? So listen to me, Gem, cause I am not gonna say this again. I am not breaking anything off, no matter the warnings or the threats or the insults that you throw my way. Just back off our relationship, okay?" Vanessa gave an unamused face before walking towards Jax, who was getting up from the group.

"You okay?" He kissed her and she nodded after they pull apart.

"We didn't get to see Abel at all today, I miss him."

"Tomorrow, darlin'." He smiled. "How was your little nap?"

"Not long enough." She whispered and he pulled her in, giving her a deep and passionate kiss, their tongues dancing around the other's. He chuckled when he heard a bunch of the guys wolf whistling at them and cheering.

"I got somethin' long for you right here." He spoke quietly with a flirty smirk on his face, grabbing lightly at his crotch before taking her hand, pulling her through the clubhouse.

"You really know how to make a girl feel special, you know that?" The sarcasm dripped through her voice, but she still walked hastily through the clubhouse. She felt the same giddy, yet nervous fluttering in her stomach that she used to when she was younger. Relief filled her now that she knew that what happened last night didn't change anything between them, except strengthen the love that they already had for one another.


	27. Chapter 27

It was early in the morning when Jax heard a knock on the door of his dorm room. He looked over to Vanessa, checking to see if the knock woke her up before making sure that she was completely covered before opening the door. He saw Juice standing there, looking just as tired as him.

"Unser called. The heat from all the bodies last week brought the feds back, he thought he should at least warn us. Apparently, he won't be able to get us any info. Stahl said he poses a security risk to the investigation." Juice spoke through a groggy, tired voice.

"Shit, thanks for the heads up."

"No problem, man. She okay?" Juice nodded his head in the direction of the sleeping form of Vanessa, seeming genuinely concerned about her. He noticed that in the past week that Vanessa and he have been staying at the clubhouse that she was drawn towards Juice. He figured it was the childlike and goofy air that Juice had around him. A sense of near innocence. He could tell Juice was drawn to her too. Jax considered it was because of what Juice knew about her. Or maybe because she didn't treat him like he was an idiot like many of the guys did. Either way, their budding friendship didn't bother him. In fact, he felt a sense of comfort that another one of his brother's would go out of their way to protect her.

"She's good." Jax nodded shortly, wanting to respect Vanessa's wishes of not talking about what Kohn did to her with anyone again.

"Got it, brother. See ya later." Juice walked away and Jax closed the door quietly, seeing Vanessa stir out of the corner of his eye.

"Mornin' darlin'."

"Morning, what time is it?" She asked, stretching her body.

"Almost 6:30." He walked over to her and kissed her forehead.

"Shit, I have to get ready for work." She pulled the covers off and walked into the bathroom for a shower. Jax watched her naked body sway as she walked, a smirk on his face and pride in his heart knowing that he was the only one that caught her eye.

* * *

Vanessa was just walking into St. Thomas to start her early morning shift when her phone started ringing from her purse. She reached into the bag, seeing that it was her brother calling, the only one from her family who had really made any effort with her since she's been back. Especially since both her and her father refused to speak to one another, and Jacob just followed her father's lead.

"Hey, David."

" _You gotta tell me if the Sons are keeping you in the loop of anything."_

"Why?"

" _ATF is back. Lead investigator is sure that you're involved with something. So, if you are, you need to tell me now, so I can protect you when this all goes down."_

"The bitch that got Donna killed?" She hissed through her teeth. "How could you work with her again?"

" _I don't have much of a choice here, Vanessa."_ He huffed out. " _Just tell me the truth, do you know anything?"_

"No."

" _Vanessa, she's gonna go after you and the other women to try and get what she wants, so if you know anything I need you to tell me. She will do anything to take these guys down."_

"And will you do anything to take Sam Crow down?" She waited for an answer but didn't get one. "Look, I don't know shit about the club. I can't talk, I have work." She hung up, walking into the hospital.

* * *

Vanessa was finally ready to take her lunch break, the stress of ATF being back and her time spent working in the Emergency Room all morning overwhelmed her. When she finally got to spend some of her break with Abel, she was over the moon. She had finished feeding him and was rubbing his tummy while talking to him when she looked out the window of the NICU room, seeing a tall and thin woman looking at her, a small sly smile on her face. Vanessa kissed Abel on the forehead and put him back in his crib before she left the room to speak to the woman who seemed like she was waiting for her.

"Can I help you?" Vanessa asked the woman, looking her up and down and recognizing her almost instantly as the woman who was there for the raid on the clubhouse a few weeks back.

"Vanessa Hale?" The woman asked while Vanessa nodded her head. "I'm Agent Stahl, ATF." Vanessa recognized the name that both David and Jax had told her about, causing her to cringe and fold her arms over her chest tightly. "Beautiful baby in there. Little Teller, right? Jax is lucky to have such a devoted girlfriend."

"What the hell do you want?" Vanessa sneered at the woman who was ultimately responsible for the death of her best friend.

"Well, I was wondering if I could ask you some questions."

"I guess." Vanessa walked ahead of her, over to the seating area and sat in one of the chairs, waiting for the woman to continue.

"I'm trying to wrap my brain around your history with Sam Crow and Jax Teller. The daughter of a pretty important county judge with a lot of political ties in Northern California. The sister of a deputy chief and a distinguished businessman. Moved away and in with an aunt in New York about seven years ago. Lost a baby, Teller's baby I presume, which I am very sorry to hear."

"Thanks." Vanessa interjected, biting her lip to keep from getting angry.

"But then you managed to complete a four-year intensive bachelor's degree in nursing at NYU, in less than three years, and you were at the top of your class. Did an internship at New York Presbyterian and became a registered nurse. You were accepted into several MSN and Nurse Practitioner programs. Really, very impressive."

"Yeah, thanks for that little history lesson. Are there any actual questions that you want me to answer? Or are we just gonna gossip about our pasts?"

"But then you left New York and were completely off the radar for months." Stahl continued, ignoring the attitude that Vanessa had with her. "And now you're here… You came back for what? The biker ex-boyfriend? To no home, an underwhelming job, just getting dirty with the bad boys again. How does that happen? Hmm?"

"What the hell do you really want from me?" Vanessa snapped.

"Seems you can take the girl out of Charming, but can't take Charming out of the girl though, huh?" Stahl smirked slightly at the twitch of annoyance of Vanessa's face. "Do you know of any illegal activity that Jax Teller or the Sons of Anarchy are involved in?"

"No, I don't. They're just a bunch of mechanics and motorcycle enthusiasts." Vanessa smiled, as Stahl scoffed, a smirk still on her face. "Are we done here?"

"Well, that was easy. Well, listen, um, if you think of something, or you see something that just doesn't feel right, would you please give me a call? Or maybe your brother?" She gave another sly smile as she handed Vanessa her card.

"Sure." Vanessa threw back sarcastically and got out of the chair.

"Thank you for your time. You know, there actually is one more thing." Vanessa rolled her eyes and looked back to the woman. "I understand that you had a restraining order against Agent Kohn. I suppose you're why he ended up here in Charming to begin with, but after his incident with Teller, Kohn never got off the plane in New York. He's MIA. Threw away his career for love. You haven't happened to have heard from him, have you? Seen him maybe?"

"Love?" Vanessa choked out a scoff. "Kohn stalked me for months. He threatened my life on multiple occasions and got off on my fear. There was no love there, he was obsessed with me." She tried to keep herself calm, to not show any worry or anger or guilt.

"Is that a no?"

"No, I haven't seen him or heard from him. Maybe if you people knew how to do your jobs correctly he wouldn't be MIA, now would he?"

"Just thought I should let you know in case he ever tries to make contact with you again. Although, I highly doubt that anyone will ever be hearing from him again." They held eye contact with each other for a few seconds. "Have a good day, Vanessa."

Vanessa ran her fingers through her hair as she leaned up against the window overlooking Abel's room, she was watching him move around when she felt a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, nearly screaming.

"You alright, babe?" Jax asked her, rubbing her arm gently. "I saw Stahl when I was walking over here. What did she want?"

"She knew all about me, Jax. About us, Lily. She knew everything."

"It's all smoke, babe. Look, they got nothing on Sam Crow, so now they're harassing the people close to us. I'm sorry."

"She mentioned Kohn, said he was MIA."

"And what'd you say?" Jax wondered, not worried about what she said.

"That if she did her job he wouldn't be MIA." Jax smirked at her, pride filling in his chest again.

"Good. He was a wanted man. He didn't show up 'cause he didn't want to go to jail. Probably halfway around the world by now." He put his hands on her hips and placed a kiss on her forehead. "This will never blow back on you. That's a promise. I would never let you get hurt, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. "She wanted to know if I knew of any illegal activity that you guys are involved in. I told her that you guys were just mechanics and motorcycle enthusiasts, not that she believed it."

"You did good, babe." He squeezed her arm again. "You can never talk to cops or feds, alright?"

"I know." He nodded, kissing her once more. "I wouldn't anyway. You and Abel are the best things that have happened to me in a really long time, Jax."

* * *

Jax was sitting at the Redwood table, his head down because of the stress of the last few months. Clay sat down at the head of the table and looked around before speaking. Everyone looked worried. Truly, everyone was worried.

"Got Luann on drug charges. Cherry on theft and arson." Clay looked over at Half Sack. Jax huffed out a breath at how fucked they might actually be at the moment.

"That don't make sense." Half Sack told the group.

"Stahl's trying to use RICO." Unser said, sitting around the table with all of the guys. "If she can prove her case, she can take you all down."

"And if we go down?" Chibs looked over to Unser.

"Why do you think I'm sitting at the goddamn table, Scotty?"

"We got anything to worry about with little Hale?" Clay looked over to Jax, a frown on his face. "She's seen a hell of a lot more shit than I would have liked her to over the past few weeks."

"Nah." Jax shook his head, absolutely convinced that she wasn't a problem. "She ain't a rat."

"Little Miss Vanessa's the reason why that ATF prick showed up here in the first place. Plus, with who her dad and her brothers are, you sure we can trust that bitch?" Tig argued, venom in his tone.

"I am getting real fuckin' tired of you disrespecting her like that." Jax warned, pointing a finger at Tig. "We have nothing to worry about with her. I trust her."

"I'm not sure I trust your judgment right now, man. Especially not when it comes to that bitch."

"Call her a bitch again." Jax spat out threateningly. He eyed Tig for a moment longer, the other man backing down before Jax continued. "I would bet my own fucking life that she would never rat."

"They got nothing to hold against her." Unser said from the other side of the table, making Jax nod at him in agreement.

"Cherry and Luann worry me more than Vanessa does. Arson and grand theft, those are real charges with hard time, man."

"Rosen can't get through to Otto in Stockton. He's on federal watch." Bobby announced, walking through the doors and sitting in the seat the Half Sack had just jumped out of. All of the guys sighed, including Clay. "No calls, in or out."

"Shit!" Clay yelled.

"Stahl's pressing him for history, huh? Using Luann as leverage." Jax said, lighting up his cigarette.

"Otto will never rat." Piney spoke for the first time.

"You know, if it was me, and they had Gemma, I'd just give 'em something useless- some old shit wouldn't hurt the club." Clay told them all.

"With RICO, no info is useless." Unser spoke again.

"The way Otto pines for Luann, he'll do anything he can to protect her." Jax insisted.

"Little Cherry pie knows all about Indian Hills." Tig drawled, staring right at Half Sack.

"Cherry would never say nothing." He said to Tig.

"Oh, yeah?" Chibs interjected. "You willing to bet your top rocker on that, prospect?"

"We all have our past and present indiscretions, boys." Bobby tried to maintain the situation.

"Goddamn ATF bitch. That goddamn bitch!" Clay bellowed as Jax closed his eyes and ran his hands over his face.

"Hey, they keep the girls in your cells overnight?" Jax looked at Unser, seeing him nod. "You still got your keys?"

"What are you thinking here?" Clay asked, confused by what Jax was hinting at.

"Get a message to Luann. She talks to Otto she can warn him about Stahl using RICO."

"What about Cherry?" Half Sack asked Jax.

"We'll see where she's at. You think you can get me inside?"

"I doubt the feds are working round the clock." Unser said. "But I got four guys and dispatch on 11 to 7."

"Well, maybe we come up with something. Keep them busy." Tig called out, trying to think of ideas.

"Well, you clear 'em out, I'll get you in."

"What about, like, security cameras?" Chibs wondered.

"It's a police station. I got cops. I don't need cameras."

"Maybe I should go with you, talk to Cherry." Half Sack spoke up from the other side of the room.

"No, retard, you shouldn't." Jax threw at him. "Me and Ope."

"Everybody in favor?" Clay raised his hands and saw everyone around the table raise their hand too, including Unser, which he didn't take too kindly. "Put your goddamn hand down."

* * *

After spending the day with Abel, Jax and Vanessa went back to their house for the first time since the incident with Kohn happened. Vanessa walked into the bedroom and turned on the light. She looked over to the wall and the floor which were completely clean, like nothing had ever even happened. She couldn't help the deep breath that she took and the way her lip trembled just the slightest bit.

Jax noticed how stressed and upset she looked. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles before walking her over to the bed where he put their bag of clothing they wore for the few days at the clubhouse. Vanessa looked around the room slowly one more time before sitting on the bed and putting her head in her hands.

"You okay?" Jax asked her in a concerned tone.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I just gotta get used to being back in here, you know?"

"I can stay."

"No, you can't, you told me you have somewhere to be for the club. I don't want to get in the way of that. I'll be fine. I gotta just be okay here, you know?"

"Yeah, babe. You're gonna get past this. It's not gonna feel like this forever, alright?" She nodded and he tilted her head up as he bent down to kiss her. "I'll be back later, love you."

"Love you. Just please be careful, baby." She watched him leave the room as she looked around again and got up. She couldn't be in that room alone for the moment. Instead, she grabbed a book from the bookshelf in the living room and made her way into Abel's room, where she sat on the day bed and read until she finally passed out.

* * *

Jax, Unser, and Opie were all sitting in the van outside of the station house, waiting for the four officers who were on duty to go to the distraction that Tig, Bobby, and Piney were planning.

"Dispatch is in a separate office. She won't hear us." Unser told them while going over the plan again. "Get to the cells through the back door."

"Ope, you here man?" Jax asked, staring at Opie who seemed to be in his own world again, something that wasn't an unusual occurrence since Donna was killed.

"Yeah."

"That's our cue." Unser whispered at the sight of all of the officers rushing out of the building.

"Stay here. Call if anyone shows up." Jax told Opie.

"I thought you wanted me-"

"Just keep your eyes open, dude." Jax cut him off and jumped out of the van, heading towards the back door with Unser. Unser handed him the key to the cells once they got inside and Jax rushed to get to Luann, holding his finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion.

"Holy shit." Cherry said quietly, but still waking Luann up.

"What are you doing here?" Luann whispered to Jax.

"We think the feds are pressing Otto."

"Something's going on. They're letting me see him tomorrow."

"You gotta get a message to him, Luann." Jax said seriously. "They're trying to use the RICO act against the club. You gotta tell Otto he can't give them any info, alright? Nothing. No matter how small or old."

"Shit." Luann muttered but nodded. "Okay. I'll tell him."

"Alright." He walked over to Cherry. "What are they asking you?"

"Jax, you gotta- you gotta take me with you, man. Please." She cried.

"I can't." He shook his head.

"That bitch wants to send me back to Nevada. I'm gonna do hard time, like a hundred goddamn years. I can't do that." She huffed and he looked down to the ground. "Your mom's right. I'll rat if I stay in here. I'll rat! Come on! Please. Please take me with you." She begged.

"Alright, shut up." Jax snapped, unlocking her from the cage. "Come on. Come on. You okay?" He asked Luann who just nodded and watched him take Cherry out of the cage and through the hallway back to Unser.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where the hell you going with her?" Unser hissed.

"We gotta take this one with us."

"You're breaking her out?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, aren't you the police chief?" Cherry asked Unser.

"I got no fucking idea what I am anymore."

"He's a friend." Jax told her. "Put her in the van. I'm gonna check your office, see what I can find." Jax walked quietly through the station house and over to Unser's office to see what information he could dig up. He saw Vanessa's file sitting on the desk along with the other club women's files. Quickly, he looked through the file, skimming through information that was gathered on her past and present. Without a second thought, Jax grabbed her file, and ran out of the station and back out to the van.

* * *

Jax got back to the house and walked to the bedroom, not seeing Vanessa anywhere. He instantly knew exactly where his next place to check would be. When he walked into the nursery, he saw her sitting on the daybed with a book in her hands, her eyes closed, and small snores emanating from her.

He couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked, even with her hair up in a messy bun and no makeup on. Vanessa stirred, almost as if she knew that she was being watched and smiled at the sight of Jax.

"Hey, everything go to plan?" She questioned, her voice groggy with sleep.

"I guess you can say that." He shrugged and walked closer to her. "I'm gonna need you to see the Irishman before we send him off tomorrow. Make sure he's good to travel and all that." She just nodded and took the hand he held out to her as he pulled her to their bedroom. "You didn't wanna sleep in here?"

"Not without you, it felt weird."

"Well, I'm here now, darlin'."

* * *

Vanessa and Jax were pulling up to the cabin to check up on the Irishman. She grabbed the medical kit and walked into the cabin, seeing how it hadn't changed one bit. She looked around seeing the same exact furniture and decorations from the last time she was there, over seven years ago.

"Jesus, this place hasn't changed at all." She muttered to Jax and he smirked, remembering the first time they came here together. It was right after she told her family that they were seeing each other, nearly three months into their relationship, and that she refused to break up with him. The fight that she got into with her father caused her to sneak out in the middle of the night. With nowhere else to go and a feeling of resentment against her dad, she sought out Jax, who then picked her up and brought her here.

"You remember this place still?" He smirked at her. "I get it, it's hard to forget the place where you lose your virginity, huh?"

"Shut up, Jax." She smiled back but rolled her eyes and continued walking further into the cabin, seeing the Irishman laying on the couch, ready to be examined.

"Hi, Cameron." He nodded his hello as she removed the bandage and got ready to replace it with a new one. "You're healing nicely."

"Thanks, doc." He said, as she gently taped and wrapped the new bandage on to his leg.

"You need to be careful of too much movement and keep taking the antibiotics to ward off any infection." She said walking over to Jax. "His dressings still need to be changed every day. As long as he doesn't move around too much, he should be fine."

"Thanks, babe. I appreciate you doing this and dealing with all of this. I'm sure this wasn't how you imagined it when I asked you to come back."

"Not exactly, but I'm dealing with it." She said caressing his face with a small smile on hers. "I got you, so I can't complain too much." Gemma watched the interaction between them. The smile on her face and the smile on his. The way his hands gripped her waist and the way her fingers caressed his cheek. She saw the way their bodies were completely in sync, and just how comfortable they looked with each other.

But still, none of that comforted her. It only brought up feelings of doubt and fear.


	28. Chapter 28

After escorting Happy and a hidden Cherry and Cameron a portion of the way out of California, Jax met Vanessa and Gemma back at the clubhouse. Vanessa was showering as Jax was looking over his father's manuscript again, trying to come to terms with what the club is and what the club should be. He heard the water shut off and a few minutes later, saw her walking towards him in one of his SOA t-shirts that she tied at the waist and a pair of tight grey shorts.

"That's one hell of a look for you." Jax gave a flirty smile and kissed her forehead.

"It's all I had here." She laughed. "I didn't think you guys would be back so soon."

"Well, we are." He picked her up by the thighs and carried her over to the bed. He laid her flat on the bed and began kissing up her legs. Her hands fell to his hair and her breathing grew heavier when they both heard a loud crash and glass shattering from outside the door. They heard screaming as Jax jumped off the bed.

"Stay here." He ordered her, a look of worry trapped on his face.

"Jax…" She practically whimpered, the fear racing through her veins. He looked at her for just a second, frowning at the evident fear on her face and moved toward the door.

Jax opened the bedroom door and ran outside, seeing cops in full swat gear shoving everyone to the ground. Vanessa moved off the bed and inched herself slowly towards the door. When she peeked her head down the hallway, she saw Jax thrown up against the wall and searched by several agents. Her hand went to cover her mouth, a sob escaping the back of her throat at the sight of the clubhouse and the people in disarray. She knew this was it. _They found his body. They know we killed him._ Her mind went rampant and she thought she was going to throw up at the very high likelihood of being caught. Of Abel being forced to grow up without his father because of her actions.

She watched Clay go after one of the agents as they forced Gemma to the ground roughly. Her brother saw her standing there with wide eyes and a look of fear on her face as an agent grabbed at her arm roughly. She gasped in pain when her brother marched over towards her.

"I got this one." David said, shooing the agent away, pulling Vanessa further into the main room. Into the chaos. "Get down on the ground, Vanessa."

"What the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this?" She screamed at him while pushing him away, tears pooled in her eyes as she looked over to Jax. He was laying on the ground now, his hands behind his back and a protective look on his face. He stared back at her with gentle eyes that told her to calm down and that she was alright. David helped her gently to the ground as Stahl walked into the room, her face all bruised and beaten, and a bandage was over her nose.

"This is a search warrant!" Stahl yelled holding up a piece of paper as she looked right at Vanessa.

"What exactly are you searching for?" Clay asked her.

"A little jailbird went missing last night. You guys remember Cherry, or Rita, I should say, right?" Stahl looked around the building, telling all of her men to go search the different rooms.

"What happened to your face?" Clay sneered at her, causing all of the guys to laugh. Her face jerked in an unamused anger and she nodded to one of the agents before the agent kicked Clay, causing him to groan in discomfort.

"Bitch!" Gemma snapped and went to spit on Stahl when she kicked her harshly in the stomach.

"Manners, darling. Manners." Stahl smirked as Gemma moaned and coughed in pain. They all laid on the floor for a little longer while they tore the clubhouse apart, looking for any sign of Cherry.

Vanessa watched with wide eyes as Jax was pulled up from the ground by Stahl and another agent. She saw her whisper in his ear and a small smirk on his face as he shrugged. The twitch in Stahl's face and her next action of roughly pushing Jax back on to the ground indicated how truly furious she was with him. The swarm of agents eventually were called off due to no evidence of Cherry being anywhere near the vicinity, all of them knowing that there was nothing of substance to be found. Stahl was the last to leave the building with another scowl thrown at Jax as he helped pull Vanessa off of the ground.

"You alright, ma?" Jax asked, seeing his mother moving slowly, she just nodded and rubbed at her stomach.

"You want me to check it out?" Vanessa asked her but Gemma just shook her head and walked away from the group.

"Church, now!" Clay bellowed, causing Vanessa to jump a little bit at the sound of the harshness in his voice. She watched as Bobby continued scanned the whole room for any bugs before the guys entered, the door slammed shut and her heart finally began beating steadily again.

* * *

"First this bitch starts that shit with arresting Bobby for Hefner's murder a few months back, then the raid on the clubhouse after Meineke, and now she's raiding again. That goddamn bitch has it out for us!" Clay yelled angrily.

"How did she know about us breaking Cherry out?" Tig asked, looking straight to Jax. "Did Vanessa know anything about this shit?"

"You seriously think Vanessa ratted?" Jax snapped.

"She's a Hale, it's in her blood."

"Who else would've even broken Cherry out, huh? We were the obvious choice. And Stahl coming here had nothing to do with Vanessa."

"Jax is right." Opie said, Juice nodding his head in agreement. "No one else would've had a reason to get Cherry out of there."

"Exactly." Jax nodded. "Cherry was half her case, then Otto smashed the other half of her case into her own face. She's pissed and she's gonna do anything to hurt us right now. But Vanessa did not have anything to do with this. She didn't even know about us getting Cherry out."

"You better hope that's the case." Tig spit at him.

"What the hell does that mean?" Jax jumped up and into his face.

"She may be some hot, tight, young pussy but she's still a Hale. Look at all this shit that's been going down since she's got here, man."

"Hey!" Jax yelled in his face. "Don't even say it, asshole."

"You better curb your disrespect." Tig jumped up now, causing a slew of shouting to come from every direction. Jax's fist went flying into Tig's face with a vengeance, his anger finally getting the best of him. Tig didn't have a chance to retaliate when all the guys jumped up, but both Chibs and Clay the first to separate the men.

"Everybody's nerves are fried, but we can't unravel here!" Clay bellowed, standing between the two of them. Jax's nostrils flared in rage at the disrespect that was being thrown both his way and his girl's way.

"Fine." Tig put both of his hands up in surrender at the fury that lingered in his president's voice. He moved back to his chair and sat down as Jax did the same. "What the hell do we do about this ATF bitch?" Tig looked at the group.

"We do our best to stay out of ATF's crosshairs. But there's no case anymore because they got nothing real on us." Bobby told them. "We all just need to take it easy." Clay nodded in agreement, banging the gavel, and letting everyone leave. The only ones who stayed in the room were Jax, Clay, and Tig.

"You two need to curb this bullshit dick measuring contest." Clay snapped, then pointed to Jax. "And this shit you got with me; I will not let it affect this club. You wanna hate me? Fine. But I'm telling you now, the minute it starts hurting this club, we're gonna have a problem. You got me, son?"

"Yeah." Jax growled. "And I'm telling you both now, if something happens to Vanessa, like it did Donna, we are gonna have a real problem. You got me, _pres_?" Jax didn't wait for the answer, instead he flung the door open and walked over to Vanessa.

Vanessa heard the screaming during church, she heard her name being thrown about several times and she couldn't help but bite her lip, waiting for church to end. She watched from her seat at the bar as the guys poured out, everyone except for Jax, Clay and Tig. She waited another moment before releasing a breath, seeing her man walking out of chapel with a look of rampage on his face. She was going to wait for him to calm down before going to him, but he walked towards her instead. Without any hesitation, he pressed his lips to hers.

"Let's go home." He whispered to her as he grabbed her bag off of the bar top and walked with her out of the clubhouse, not acknowledging anyone else as they made their exit.

"What happened here Jax? You guys broke Cherry out of jail?" Vanessa asked quietly when they reached his bike, Jax just nodded and squeezed her tighter. "I thought they were here because of what we did to Kohn." He noticed her eyes growing teary. "I saw you being thrown up against the wall and I thought… I thought that you were gonna get charged with murder."

"I told you, none of that will ever land on you. I won't let it." He put the helmet on her head and tightened the strap before giving her a sad smile.

"Jax, I need to know what's going on." She bit at her lip. "I was about ready to fucking scream that I was the one that killed him because I walked out of the room and thought you were being detained. You said that you won't let that land on me, well I won't let it land on you either." She grabbed one of his hands and intertwined her fingers with his. "So, from now on we need to be on the same page. Always."

"Last night, I went to the station to talk to Luann. Cherry said she was going to rat after hearing the amount of time she would be doing. I broke her out to shut her up. That shit with Stahl, they weren't just looking for Cherry." Jax sighed heavily. "They were looking for a file on you that I stole from the station. It had a bunch of shit about your life in New York and from before you left. Shit about some of our charges before you left. Shit about Lily. The restraining order and even Kohn's disappearance. I took it. Destroyed it."

"Why would you do that?"

"I need to keep you safe from all of this. That was the only way I knew how to keep anything from landing on you like it did with Luann and Cherry. You have a career, a family. She knows that you have the most to lose out of all of the other women and she wants to use anything she can against you. I needed to see what information they had and how they were gonna use it against us."

"And Stahl knows that you took it." Vanessa shook her head. "That was stupid, Jax."

"I told you I was gonna do whatever I have to do to protect you and I am."

* * *

After her shift at work, Vanessa decided to stay a little longer to spend some time with Abel. She was rocking him in her arms and smiling at him, as he cooed. She ran her fingers through the thin blonde tufts on his head and hummed to him.

"I can't believe you're almost four months old already." She smiled at him, looking at how big he got. "Apparently, Dr. Namid thinks we'll be able to bring you home tomorrow." Abel smiled a toothless smile like he knew exactly what she was saying. She laughed at the baby and tickled his tummy gently, her eyes filling with happy tears. "I love you, Abel."

"Hey. Everything alright?" Jax asked, seeing the tears lingering in her eyes.

"Yeah, I just… I really love him, Jax." Abel cooed again.

"He loves you too, darlin'." Jax ruffled his hair gently. "The painters should be finished at the house by tomorrow morning. But uh, my ex is back in town."

"Wendy?"

"Yeah, my mom called me. Told me her bags are at the house. They talked and she's back here until she goes to her sober living house tomorrow night."

"Oh, uh, okay. I can find a hotel or something until she leaves, I guess."

"What?"

"It's fine, Jax. Not a big deal. She can stay at the house and I'll stay somewhere else."

"Vanessa, that's your home." Jax said softly.

"It was her home once too."

"Then me and you can both stay at the clubhouse tonight." He kissed her lips. "How's that sound?"

"Fine with me." She kissed him again except deeper. They both sat together for a few minutes, his arm around her shoulders and Abel in her arms. He couldn't help but just look at them together, his son and the woman he has been in love with for over ten years.

"I love you." Jax whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head. "You're gonna be such a good mother to him."

"I'm not his mother though." He could hear that she's trying to cover up the sadness in her voice.

"You're the closest thing he's got. He needs you. We both do."

* * *

Spending the night in the clubhouse wasn't bad. Vanessa was just excited that baby Abel would be coming home today. She woke up just as the sun was rising, even though she didn't have work today. She just laid in bed next to Jax and stared at him. Without realizing, her fingers trailed his face gently, completely enamored by him and the happiness that he had brought her over the past two months. She felt like it was longer than two months, more like two lifetimes, but she couldn't deny that she was happier than she had been in a very long time, even with all of the bullshit that was tainting their lives.

"What are you doin'?" Jax asked, groggily.

"Sorry." She whispered to him. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"That's alright." He pulled her tighter to him and kissed her lips. She laughed as he tickled the side of her stomach. She quickly straddled him and he put both of his hands on her hips and tightened his grip as her fingers traveled around his abdomen and chest. He looked at her face and saw a playful light in her eyes, a flirty smirk made its way onto his face as he smacked her bare ass. "I like you in this position."

"You've got a one-track mind, don't you, Teller?"

"Only when you're around, baby." He gripped her hips a little tighter when she leant down to kiss him, just barely grinding herself onto him.

"Guess what!" She whispered happily, cupping both of her hands on either side of his face as he just looked at her with a questioning face. "We get to bring Abel home today." She squealed in happiness, peppering his face with a bunch of kisses.

"Jackie Boy, we need you at the table." Chibs called out with a knock.

"Alright!" Jax yelled back to him. He kissed her once more before she pushed herself off of him, watching him pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, along with his kutte.

"Four o'clock." She called out to him. "Don't forget we have to pick him up at four."

"I wouldn't miss it, babe. What are you doing today?"

"I'm gonna get lunch with Ellie. Then I gotta head home and help your mother set up the decorations for his party."

"We don't have to have a party. He's not even gonna remember it. It should just be me, you, and him."

"We do need the party, Jax. We all need something good right now, and Abel coming home is the best thing that could happen. For all of us."

* * *

Jax and Opie were grabbing the surplus of guns that the club keeps hidden throughout the clubhouse like Clay wanted them to. Opie noticed the tension that filled Jax just through his rigid and harsh movements, along with the silence that he refused to break.

"You think this is a bad idea." Opie stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and maybe it was.

"Yeah, I do. I think Clay's been having a lot of bad ideas lately."

"Clay made a deal with the Mayans to make sure the war didn't reach Charming."

"It's bigger than that now."

"What?" Opie asked, waiting for Jax to elaborate.

"Let's just get this done."

"Hey man, if you think we're gonna be walking into something-" Opie tried to get Jax to explain. Jax took a deep breath and sat down on the bed as Opie continued to place the guns in the bag.

"Look at the last few months, man. The warehouse gets blown up. Donna. Bobby going to jail. Mayans trying to kill Clay. We got ATF trying to stick RICO up our ass. How much longer do you think this clubs got? We're better than this, man." Jax sighed. "My old man? He saw the nightmare coming. He was smart, Ope. Way smarter than me. He had ideas about where to take the club. You know? Legitimate ways to earn. He knew."

"You just saying this because of your kid and Vanessa?"

"Partially." Jax admitted. "Sam Crow's got to change to survive."

"Clay'll never walk away from running guns."

"I know." Jax conceded. "He's made that very clear."

"That's why shit between you and Clay has been so tense lately?" Jax didn't answer him so Opie continued. "Well, a few more years, he won't be able to turn the throttle and you'll be number one."

"And Bobby and Tig? Pushing them in a new direction? Jesus Christ. Two immovable objects."

"Irresistible force. It could happen." Opie shrugged.

"Hey guys." Juice walked in the room. "You guys almost ready?" They both nodded, grabbing the bags and walking outside towards the rest of the group.

* * *

Vanessa and Ellie were sitting outside of Nikki's Corner Cafe and eating their lunch together. The conversations that they held went from Donna to Ellie being excited to go back to school since summer was almost over and Abel coming home tonight. Vanessa was glad to spend time with Ellie every week. It gave her time away from work and the club. Plus, Ellie reminded her a lot of Donna.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Ellie said, getting up from the table. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, sweetheart." Vanessa told her, giving a small smile. Vanessa continued to eat the salad that she ordered as a woman with long brownish-blonde hair came up to her.

"Vanessa?" The woman asked, her arms crossed over her chest defensively.

"Yes?" Vanessa looked to her, trying to figure out why this woman looked so familiar to her.

"I'm Wendy. Abel's _real_ mom." Vanessa's eyes widened at the snarky attitude that she was receiving but chose to ignore it.

"Right, uh, hi. It's nice to finally meet you." Vanessa gave her a small forced smile and stuck her hand out in an attempt to shake the other woman's. But Wendy just looked at her hand as if Vanessa was beneath her, refusing to shake it.

"Nice isn't exactly the word I would use." She scoffed. "Are you with Jax?"

"Excuse me?" Vanessa couldn't understand why the woman had just approached her about this out of nowhere.

"I saw you and him at the hospital together, kissing him while you were holding _my_ son like he was your own."

"Uh, y-yeah. We're together."

"And you're living in my house too." Vanessa's eyebrows furrowed together, unsure of what to make of the situation. "I could tell, it has a little bit more of a woman's touch. Seems like you're out to steal my man, my kid, and my home, huh?"

"I'm sorry, what is this?"

"Do you love him?" Her face twisted with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"I'm not comfortable having this conversation with you."

"I don't give a shit what you're comfortable with. You're sleeping with _my_ husband, and I'm not too comfortable with that." Vanessa noticed the attention that she was beginning to garner and felt slightly embarrassed, and a little agitated.

"Ex-husband." Vanessa tried to reason with her.

"One more month until that's official. Okay?" She looked Vanessa up and down and shook her head. "He's my husband and Abel is _our_ son. I don't want you around either of them."

"Jax is a grown man. I don't think you have a say in who he spends his time with."

"Well if you're living in that house then you're gonna be around my son, and I do get a say in who he spends his time with. I don't want my son to be around some homewrecker, okay?" Wendy started to get loud, anger and spite lacing her tone.

"Woah." Vanessa's eyes widened. "Uh, Jax filed way before me and him even got back together, so I'm not a homewrecker. I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out with him. But you need to check into your sober living facility, get some time. If you and Jax are supposed to be together, then he'll be there when you get out."

"No, he won't." She scoffed again, a sad look on her face. "Because you'll be here. I always had to compete with you for him, and you weren't even around. Your ghost was there, though. It never fucking left."

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm sure you are." Vanessa could see that her jaw was tense and that she looked upset. Vanessa saw Ellie opening the door to come sit back down at the table, but Wendy still continued. "Do you really think that Gemma and Clay want you around again? That they'll let you be a part of him and the club? They will _never_ let you be with him. Gemma hates you. She hates you more than me. She'll do whatever she can to keep you guys apart."

"That doesn't surprise me." Vanessa said, flicking her eyes to Ellie before continuing. "She's been trying to tear me and Jax apart since we were kids. And she seems to have been set on tearing us apart since he brought me back here."

"Jax brought you back here?" Wendy looked at her confused and shocked for a moment, while Vanessa gave a short nod, causing Wendy to huff out a deep breath. "Listen to me, I want you to get out of my house and get away from my husband and my son, got it bitch?"

"You don't even know me." Vanessa argued, still trying to keep her mind level-headed, especially in front of Ellie. "I think you need to be having this conversation with Jax, not me. And this is definitely not a conversation we should not be having in front of a child."

"You're right. But just a little warning; this thing with Jax, you may as well quit while you're still ahead, or alive, for that matter." Wendy walked away, without letting Vanessa say anything back to her. Vanessa looked at Ellie and saw her trying to analyze the situation. Vanessa was trying to analyze it as well, unsure of what had just happened. But she was almost positive it had something to do with Gemma.


	29. Chapter 29

Clay decided it was best if he and Jax met with the Mayans to drop off the guns at one location, while a few of the other guys went to pick up the money at the other location. Jax couldn't deny Clay's reasoning behind splitting the guys up, knowing it was better that if the Feds were watching, they would never see an exchange of guns for money. Though the tension from Jax's distrust for Clay was still palpable, he knew he had to play nice with Clay. Nothing regarding the club would change if the guys saw his wariness towards his president, so he did exactly what he had to. Jax looked around as they pulled up to the alley behind a few warehouses in Oakland, ensuring that it was safe and that this wasn't a set up by the Mayans.

"You're early." Alvarez said as both Jax and Clay jumped out of the van.

"If you ain't early, you're late." Clay told him, opening up the back door of the van to show them the guns. Alvarez nodded to his guys, telling them to get the two duffel bags from the van as Jax looked around, making sure there were no problems.

"That's thirty for these. Thirty upfront for the order next month." Jax commented as Alvarez and his guys looked over all the guns, admiring them and speaking Spanish to each other.

"Custom scopes. We know." Clay smiled.

"Call him. Tell him to give 'em the cash." Alvarez demanded, his guys carrying the guns back to their truck. Jax and Clay were waiting for the confirmation when he heard screeching tires pulling up on the scene.

"Niners. Niners!" The gunshots were flying fast from both the Niners and the Mayans causing Jax to jump for cover behind the van and pull out his weapon. He saw Clay run to the other side of the alley and take cover behind a wall. There were several Mayans going down, including Alvarez who was shot in the leg. Jax looked over to Clay one more time to see if he was okay.

"Goddamn, Laroy." Clay muttered through his gritted teeth. Jax ran over to where Clay was, and they both began shooting at the Niners, trying to find a way to get out of this alive.

"What the hell happened here, Clay?" Alvarez screamed over to him. The gunfire continued as the Niners pulled the two duffel bags full of guns out of the middle of the alley and to their cars.

"Clay, lay some down." Jax yelled, so he could run to the other side of the alley and back to the van. Jax jumped in the van and started reversing to the wall where Clay was closest too. "Get in!" Clay still shot at the Niners as he ran to the back of the van and jumped in, both wanting to get away from the gunfire. Jax drove through the alley, crashing into a gate and speeding away from the scene and back towards the clubhouse. His mind racing as fast as the van.

* * *

Jax and Clay met with Opie, Tig, and Bobby back at the clubhouse, trying to figure out what went down with Laroy and the Niners, and what the outcome of this situation could be.

"Was this a mistake, or was Laroy sending a message?" Opie looked over to Clay and Jax, who were both standing there not too happy with the situation they were in at the moment.

"I don't know." Clay said, putting his hands on his hips.

"This could be the worst case scenario." Jax looked over to the other guys. "Niners want us dead. Mayans won't trust us. We'll lose our customer base. Gain two huge beefs." Jax saw Tig and Clay look at each other concern flashing in both of their eyes for a brief second before looking away.

"Broke with no guns." Opie chimed in as Jax's phone started ringing. He looked down to the caller ID.

"Shit, that's Gemma." Jax picked up, seeing Vanessa pulling his truck into the lot. "Vanessa just got here, we're on our way."

" _Okay, me and Wendy are already at St. Thomas_." Gemma told him.

"Be there in a few." Jax looked over to Vanessa getting out of the truck.

_"Alright, baby."_ Jax hung up and looked over to the rest of the guys, exhaling a huge breath.

"I gotta go pick up my kid."

"We need something good right now. Go get him." Clay told him.

"Can I talk to you for a second, Clay?" Clay nodded, walking with Jax a few feet away from where Opie and Tig were standing. Jax looked back at the two men who walked into the clubhouse. "That meet… the Niners crashing it. You set that up?"

"Why would I do that?"

"You tell me, man." Jax looked at him skeptically.

"You saw those bullets flying. You think I would okay the Niners shootin' at me? At us?"

"I don't know what you'd okay anymore, Clay." Jax sighed. "Maybe you thought the Niners would come in and help you get even after Alvarez put a hit on you. I don't fuckin' know. But I got a kid now, a family. If you're gonna be pulling shit like that, I need to know what I'm gonna be walking into from now on."

"I didn't set it up, son." Clay clenched his jaw, seeing Vanessa getting out of the truck and looking at them with a concerned look on her face. "You better go with your girl and pick up your kid. We both know what Gemma will do if you're late."

"Yeah, alright." Jax observed him for a moment, having his gut instinct telling him that the meet was a set up. "See you at the house." Jax walked over to Vanessa who was hooking up Abel's car seat in the back now. "Hey, babe. Thought you were gonna head over with my mom after decorating for the kid's party?"

"No, I stayed out with Ellie. Went to the park and stuff." She jumped into the passenger seat and Jax went over to the driver's seat. "Figured I kinda owed it to her considering your ex-wife crashed our lunch."

"Jesus Christ." Jax muttered. "What the hell happened?"

"She said that I was a homewrecker, that your mother and Clay would never let us be together, and that she didn't want me around you or Abel. She basically threatened me, telling me to get away while I'm still alive."

"She isn't gonna do shit to you, Nessa. And what she wants… it doesn't mean shit. Gemma guilted her into terminating her rights after he was born." Jax released another deep breath and looked over to her. "I'm sorry, babe. She's fuckin' crazy."

"Looks like all the women in your life seem to hate me, huh?" Vanessa laughed, but really she was just trying to hide that she felt upset. She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes but looked away from him as he drove out of the lot.

"Don't cry, Nessa. What they think or say doesn't mean shit. Don't let them get to you."

"I know it shouldn't, but it means something to me. I don't want your mother or the mother of your son hating me, Jax. I've tried to fix shit with your mom, but it seems like every time we move forward, we end up moving five steps back. I thought we were good, until everything with Kohn happened. And Wendy, yeah, I get why she hates me. I mean I'm sleeping with her husband. I would hate me too if I were here."

"Ex-husband." Jax grabbed her hand as they stopped at the light. "Look at me." She tilted her head towards him. "I love you. Abel loves you. Neither of them will make me stop loving you and neither of them will ever stop you from seeing Abel, okay?" She nodded and wiped her tears as they started driving again.

"Sorry, I always seem to cry on days that are supposed to be really good. First with Abel getting out of the incubator and now with Abel coming home."

"You're fine, babe. It's a lot to take in." He put his hand back on hers, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin.

* * *

Vanessa and Jax walked into the hallway that Abel's NICU room was located in. His arm was around her shoulder as they walked over to Gemma and Wendy. Gemma was holding Abel in her arms, walking towards the couple as well. Vanessa looked over at Jax, seeing the huge smile on his face as he saw his son in her arms.

"Hey." He buzzed with happiness and pride. "Hey, little man." Jax chuckled taking Abel out of Gemma's arms. "We're busting you out of this place." Vanessa laughed, rubbing her hand up and down Jax's back causing him to look over to her and smile, kissing her forehead. Wendy looked on at them, staring daggers at Vanessa.

"Okay, let's get this family home." Gemma smiled, putting her arms around both Jax and Wendy's shoulder. Vanessa rolled her eyes at Gemma's attempts to push Jax and Wendy closer together. "Why don't you drive back to the house with me, Vanessa? Give them some time with their son."

"Nah, ma. Vanessa's fine riding in the truck with me and Abel."

* * *

Vanessa, Jax, Abel, and Wendy were all in the truck driving back to the house for Abel's homecoming party. Wendy sat in the back seat while Jax drove and Vanessa was in the passenger seat. Wendy could see Jax's right hand gripped onto Vanessa's thigh, rubbing circles.

Wendy saw him look over to the blonde every few minutes and give her a small flirty smile. She saw just how much love was in his eyes whenever he looked at her. And she knew that he had never looked at her that way. That look was reserved for Vanessa.

"So, what do you do, Vanessa?" Wendy spoke up from the back seat, causing Jax to move his hand off of Vanessa's thigh, like he didn't realize that Wendy was there in the first place.

"I'm a nurse at St. Thomas." Her soft voice flowed through the truck. "But I was thinking about going back to school for my MSN to become a Family Nurse Practitioner."

"I didn't know you wanted to go back to school." Jax looked over to her.

"Yeah, I was supposed to back in New York, but it just never happened." Vanessa said, seeing Jax's eyes flicked back to her, knowing exactly why it never happened.

"Why not?" Wendy wondered.

"Life just happens, you know?"

"I think it's good you wanna go back." Jax told her, pulling into the driveway of the house. Vanessa was glad to get out of the awkwardness of the conversation. She jumped out of the car and stretched, waiting for Jax to be the one to pull Abel out of his car seat and carry him into the house. When they walked in, everyone clapped and cheered as Jax smiled and looked all around at everyone.

Vanessa was greeted by Luann right away, who pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. Over the past few weeks, Luann and Vanessa began to get really close. They both saw each other as a friend, especially Vanessa who didn't have many other friends in Charming anymore. Gemma wasn't exactly happy to see the two becoming so close, but Vanessa enjoyed Luann's easy nature.

"You look so beautiful, baby." Luann told Vanessa, looking down at her outfit and the glowing look on her face. "I'm so happy for you and Jax, finally being able to bring him home must feel amazing."

"It is." Vanessa gave her a small smile, seeing both Wendy and Gemma staring at them. Vanessa walked over to Ellie and Kenny, giving them both kisses on the head as a greeting before walking back to her and Jax's room to take off her sweater and put her bag away. Gemma walked in the room, watching her with a tense look on her face.

"Thought you were supposed to help me set up this party earlier? I could have used your assistance." Gemma announced, attitude lacing through her tone.

"I think you had all the assistance you needed." Vanessa spat back at her.

"What does that mean?"

"You know what it means. Using Wendy to try to get me away from Jax? Convincing her that she might actually have a shot of winning back Jax and her family? That's a lot of false hope to lay on a recovering addict."

"I was trying to help Wendy, encourage her efforts to change."

"Bullshit." Vanessa rolled her eyes. "You want me away from Jax again and you thought the best way to do that would be to use Wendy. She said it herself." Vanessa grimaced. "'She'll do whatever she can to keep you guys apart'. Yeah, that was Wendy's exact quote. I can only assume she only had the balls to come after me because of your so-called 'encouragement'." Gemma just looked at her with a sneer. "You're not even gonna deny it? Typical fucking Gemma. Manipulating the vulnerable people around you to get exactly what you want." Vanessa scoffed before walking out of the room, leaving Gemma to walk out a few seconds later, biting back a reply so she wouldn't cause a scene.

Jax moved further into the room and saw Vanessa greeting everyone as she came back in to the living room, a small grin on her face when they made eye contact. She sat down on the couch next to Ellie and Kenny as everyone congratulated Jax. Jax sat down on the other side of Ellie and Kenny with Abel in his arms, showing them the baby.

"Come on, let's get a photo of this beautiful little family." Gemma said, pulling Jax off of the couch and moving him closer to Wendy. "You three look great together. You look like a _real_ family."

Vanessa felt the jab that was aimed towards her. Biting her lip, she walked out of the living room and grabbed a beer from the fridge, trying to stay away from both Wendy and Gemma. She rubbed a hand down her face and took a swig of her beer, trying to calm herself down. But when she walked back to the living room, she saw Wendy rubbing Jax's arm. Wendy looked right at her with narrowed eyes before she leaned in and attempted to kiss him. Jax pushed her away gently, shaking his head with a confused look on his face. He moved away from her and saw Vanessa quietly walking away from the group.

Vanessa sat on the day bed in Abel's nursery by herself, annoyed and angry that Gemma was trying to push Wendy and Jax together. The constant reminder that she was not Abel's real mother was looming overhead while Gemma continuously facilitated Vanessa's feelings of pure jealousy and bitterness. Two emotions that she hated to feel.

She took a sip of her beer and ran her hand over her face again, feeling like she wanted to cry. To cry for the anger she was feeling. To cry for the fact that she wasn't Abel's mother. To cry for the baby that she lost.

"Why are you in here all by yourself when me and the kid are out there?" Jax walked into the room, looking at her face which was full of emotion.

"I just, I don't feel comfortable out there. Everyone out there hates me, Jax."

"No one hates you. Except maybe my mom and Wendy." He tried to joke, but she didn't laugh. "Even if they did hate you, that doesn't matter to me."

"I know." She frowned, knowing that he did care but she refused to mention it. "Your mom is just trying to shove you and Wendy being together and being a family again down my throat. Since we picked Abel up from St. Thomas, she's been constantly rubbing it in my face. She wants to hurt me… to push me away from you. That was always her main goal, ever since we were kids. I just don't wanna be around that, especially not tonight. Plus, Wendy is barely sober and I don't want to push her, you know? I think it's just better if I hang out back here and then spend time with you and Abel after everyone leaves."

"Babe, don't let them get to you. Especially not my crazy mother. She can try to push me and you away from each other but it'll never happen, darlin'. I wouldn't let it." He pushed a stray piece of her hair back behind her ear and smiled. "Just stay by me and Abel, because we both know he loves you. We both do." She smiled, but it faded soon after.

"It's just hard. There were days when I would be in the hospital with him for hours, and it felt like he was mine, y'know? But then I realize that I'm not his mother, no matter how much I want to be."

"I'm sorry, darlin'." He pulled her up from the day bed and kissed her forehead.

"I don't want to take this away from you, Jax. This is a good day. A really good day. But maybe I just shouldn't be a part of it."

"I want you to be a part of it, Nessa. I want you to be here with me and help me raise my son. You love him just as much as I do, I can tell."

"I do. But what about Wendy when she comes back from sober living? Will you still want me to help raise him? Would you even still want me around?"

"Jesus Christ." Jax sighed. "This my crazy mother trying to get in your head. I told you, Vanessa. I have loved you since I was a teenager. There has never been anyone else. My shit with Wendy is done, it has been for a long time."

"So, there's no chance you'll try to put your family back together?" She asked, desperately needing the answer.

"My family's already together, babe. You are my family. You're Abel's family too. There's no shot of me and Wendy ever getting back together. We had our run and it ended bad. But me and you, this shit is good. I want you to raise my son with me. Don't let my mother or my unhinged ex-wife try to get in your head anymore." He kissed her deeply, his lips meshing perfectly with hers. "Now let's go enjoy the party with everyone. Then me and you can have a little after party when everyone leaves."

"God, you can be such a tool sometimes." She laughed, kissing him again while wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Yeah, but you love it." He smirked at her.

"You're right I do." She laughed again, pulling away as he grabbed her hand and walked with her out into the living room. They looked around, seeing that some people had left, including Wendy. But Jax found who he was looking for in Clay's arms. Jax reached for his son with a smile on his face.

"Gimme my kid." Jax laughed when he held Abel and he started cooing. Abel's bright blue eyes met Vanessa's and he reached his hand out to her, causing her to smile. "See, he loves you. Must be in the Teller DNA." He handed Abel over to Vanessa and watched as she sat down on the leather couch with him.

"Hey, cutie pie." Vanessa whispered to him and tickled his tummy gently. Abel made a loud cooing noise before letting out an even louder giggle for the first time, kicking his feet up. Jax looked on, watching the two interact and his heart clenched with an unbelievable amount of love.


	30. Chapter 30

Vanessa's heart was pounding in her chest as she stared down at the beautiful baby that was cooing and grabbing at her. It felt right, like this was exactly where she needed to be. It felt like everything with Kohn and her old life in New York led up to this very moment, surrounded by the love that emanated from both Abel and Jax. It felt right to her and for the first time in a very long time, she was truly happy in every sense of the word.

The fear, the emptiness, and the lonely silence that she used to live with was no longer looming over her every second of every day. Instead it was replaced by a sense of security, safety, and love. Not only because of Jax, but because of Abel and Opie, Ellie, and Kenny, and even some of the guys. Because of this group that she looked at as her very unconventional family. A family was something that she thought she would never truly have again. Yet here it was.

"I love you." Jax whispered in her ear as she heard more people conversing around the living room. She looked down at Abel who was staring at her with big eyes, like he was waiting for her to respond to Jax, like he was waiting for her to tell him that she loved him more than he could even imagine.

"I love you, too." She whispered, but many of the people in the room still heard her, staring at the two of them. Some of them looked happy as they stared at the couple, while others did not. Regardless, Jax bent down towards her face, giving her a passionate kiss that made Abel squeal. They both laughed at his reaction and he kissed her once more, getting the same reaction from the baby again.

"I love you too, little man." Vanessa tickled his stomach again, the baby giggled and kicked his feet up again, causing some of the tension in the room to dissipate as everyone started laughing and smiling at Abel.

* * *

After everyone had left and they had put Abel down for bed, they went to their bedroom. She was about to change into one of Jax's t-shirts for bed when he took a hold of her hand, kissing each of her fingers. He moved behind her and gently trailed his fingers up and down her back, he unclasped the bra that she was wearing, kissing her shoulders and her neck. His fingertips grazing the lily tattoo that she had on her shoulder blade, before kissing that too.

"What are you doing, baby?" Her breath was heavy.

"Showing you that no one…" he nipped at her neck lightly, causing her to gasp "can push us away from each other."

Jax turned her around so she was facing him. His fingers trailed over her collarbone and down her chest, lingering for just a few seconds on her breasts and nipples. He continued traveling further south as her breathing began to grow heavier. Jax unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her body, bending down and kneeling onto the ground as he pulled them off her completely. His lips smoothly connecting to her stomach and down to her thighs, nipping the insides of her thighs causing her back to arch.

"I want you, Jax." She whispered, her eyes darkened with lust and love. He nodded pressing another kiss to the inside of her thigh before pulling her lace panties off. He looked up at her and watched as her chest hitched with each breath, causing him to feel painfully hard.

In a quick motion, he got off the ground and picked her up and laid her back on the edge of the bed. She gasped at the movement in shock and impatience, waiting for him to do anything. He nipped and kissed at the insides of her thighs again before moving to her hip. He pressed a kiss, his mouth lingering for a second before looking up at her. He admired the way her lips were parted and how her eyes were glazed over with clear desire.

"Here." He kissed at her hip again.

"Huh?" She breathed heavily, looking down at him.

"This is where I want to put my crow on you whenever you're ready." She could hear the hoarseness in his voice, the pleasure and the lust. Her eyes widened at the mention of his crow and her heart pounded in her chest. She was about to speak when she felt his warm breath where she needed him most. His hand gently placed on her stomach, holding her down to the bed as his mouth began to lick at her.

She gasped again as her eyes closed on their own accord, her fingers moving to the back of his head and gripping onto his hair. He placed gentle kisses around her most private area, licking her slowly and gently. His tongue flicked at her clit a few times, before he sucked it into his mouth, causing her back to arch and another gasp from her mouth.

"F-fuck." She whispered and Jax looked up at her. He couldn't help but think how fucking beautiful she was like this, her hands locked into his hair, her body grinding on to his face, and her breasts bouncing with every deep breath. He loved her, and he loved what he could do to her.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful." Jax whispered out before putting his mouth back on her, allowing his fingers to join his tongue. He hummed around her and pushed two fingers into her deeply, causing her back to arch slightly and her grip on his hair to tighten. He knew her body like the back of his hand, and he knew that he could have her cumming in just a matter of seconds.

"J-Jax, Jax." She moaned, biting her lip to stop the loud moan that was threatening to fall from her lips. He hummed, sucking her clit lightly as he removed her hands from his hair and intertwined his fingers with hers. Her heart beat sporadically with pleasure and need as her grip on his hands tightened, as he continued alternating between sucking and swirling his tongue around her clit.

She could feel the ache in her lower belly. He could see her writhing beneath him and arching her back, her legs trembling and her mouth opening widely as her hands flew back to his hair, pushing his mouth deeper on to her. He continued his movements and groaned when he heard her release a loud moan as her walls fluttered around the swift movements of his tongue and fingers. Her thighs threatened to tighten around him at the sensitivity she felt, leading her to gently push his head away from her. He looked up, seeing her eyes closed and her chest heaving, her body still trembling slightly from the aftershocks.

Jax kissed up her body and placed a kiss on her lips when he heard Abel crying out. She opened her eyes, a guilty look in them but he just smirked.

"You woke the kid up with all that moaning, babe." He laughed and she pushed him away and jumped out of the bed, throwing on a t-shirt, still trying to control her breathing. He got out of the bed too, following her down to Abel's nursery.

"I'm sorry, Abel baby." She said, picking him up and bouncing him in her arms, running her fingers through his short blonde hair in an attempt to calm him, as Jax watched on. "I think he needs to eat." She muttered walking into the kitchen with the baby in her arms, Jax on her tail.

"I don't blame him, I wouldn't mind eating some more too." She looked back at Jax, thinking he might actually be hungry, but she saw that there was a dirty smirk that adorned his face.

"Get out of here, asshole!" She laughed, swatting at him gently, causing him to join along with her laughter.

"I'll meet you back in the bedroom." He started walking back to the room but looked back at her. "Love you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She muttered, a huge smile still on her face as Abel sat on her hip and she prepared his bottle. "What am I gonna do with that dirty daddy of yours? Huh, Abel?"

* * *

Abel was sitting in Jax's lap, his eyes brimmed with tears and the loud wailing caused Vanessa to hurry up with warming his bottle.

"Hey. Hey. Come on." Jax bounced Abel on his knee, causing the baby to calm a little bit. "What's all the fuss about? Here you go." He said taking the bottle that Vanessa was holding out and situating it into Abel's mouth. "You're alright, little dude."

Vanessa looked on at the two of them, the baby's crying long gone now that he was being fed. Jax was looking at Abel with a huge amount of love in his eyes, her heart clenching at the scene. She looked up seeing Gemma walking through the door without warning, causing her to turn away from Jax and Abel, going back to pouring herself another cup of coffee, knowing that she would likely need it if she had to deal with Gemma this early in the morning.

"Look at this happy family." Gemma sneered, walking into Jax's house without any warning. She looked over to Vanessa, then her eyes went to Jax who had Abel in his arms. "How was he last night? You need me to stay here with him so I can help out?"

"We're good, ma. Me and Nessa have this under control." Jax said while ruffling through Abel's hair.

"But Jackson, you and Vanessa don't have the experience-"

"I can take care of my family, mom." Vanessa looked over seeing a determined, and slightly pissed off look on Jax's face. "Like I said, we can handle it."

"Okay, baby." Gemma nodded, a pointed look still on her face. "I got to talk to you about something though."

"Club shit?"

"Ex-wife shit."

"Don't get involved with that shit, ma."

"Kinda hard not to when she causes a bit of a scene leaving her own son's welcome home party." Jax had a confused look on his face, not knowing what his mother was talking about. "You didn't notice she left early last night? She must have overheard a conversation with little Hale over here." Gemma pointed to Vanessa, causing Vanessa to look at them with a confused look on her face. "Talking about Vanessa being Abel's family and you two raising him together."

"Jesus Christ." Jax sighed dejectedly under his breath. "She told you all this?"

"Yelled it at me as she was slamming the door in my face, actually. Screaming about how you're trying to replace her with Vanessa. How Vanessa took her husband, her home, and now she's trying to take her son." Gemma gave Vanessa a dirty look, causing her to look to the floor, feeling guilty. The last thing Vanessa wanted to do was hurt a vulnerable and emotionally fragile Wendy. "I had Juice keep an eye on her. Told me she checked into sober living last night, she's fine."

"I told her my shit with her was done a long time ago, and she knows I ain't trying to stop her from being in Abel's life. She's the one who terminated her rights. Anyway, as long as she's clean and sober, she can be in his life." Jax said, getting up and throwing his kutte on. "And you need to steer clear of my shit with Wendy. I don't need you dredging up anything else and throwing the word 'family' around her anymore. You trying to push me and Wendy together is never gonna work. I'm with Nessa, ma. I don't need you to stick your nose where it doesn't belong anymore, got it?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Gemma kissed his cheek as he handed Abel over to her. Jax walked over to Vanessa, gently grabbing both sides of her face and gave her a deep kiss.

"I'll see you later, babe. Love you." He kissed her once more before walking out the door and to his motorcycle. Gemma heard the motorcycle take off and looked to Vanessa again.

"That was real shitty of you and Jax to say all that shit with Wendy around. I'm surprised she didn't run right out of here to try and score last night."

"Do not put that on me." Vanessa fired back, angry that Gemma even brought anything up. "Don't ty to manipulate and guilt trip me or Jax."

"You and Jax basically talking about stealing Abel away from her? That's a real fucked up thing to do."

"That's not what happened. And that's not what we were saying. I would never try to steal him away from his mother. I'm not the one who forced her into terminating her rights, Gemma. That was all you." Vanessa's voice raised in anger and a twinge of guilt and jealousy. "Plus, you're the one who was trying to convince her that she could win Jax back, when we both know that would never happen."

"Why? Because you're back?"

"Because Jax never loved her, Gemma. You know that, I know that, he knows that. And so does she. She told me herself that she knows that he was always in love with me. The only thing that they have left is that baby."

"That why you're trying to take Abel away from her?" Gemma saw her roll her eyes. "Don't underestimate the bond between two biological parents, Vanessa. Jax and Wendy are always going to have that bond because of him, and there is always going to be some amount of love there between them because of it."

"Believe me, I know about the bond that two parents share." Vanessa snapped.

"Oh, do you?" Gemma scoffed. "You're not a parent, you never felt that bond." Vanessa bit her lip, ready to pounce on Gemma, but she didn't. She didn't want to give Gemma the right of knowing about the daughter that she shares with Jax. About the real bond that two parents who never truly got the chance to be parents have.

"What the hell is your problem with me, Gemma?" Vanessa stood up straight, not backing down from the argument she knew was about to ensue. "I put my ass on the line for this club. Patching up bullet holes, stealing from my goddamn job. I took on Abel as my own, visiting him every single day. Making sure that his home has everything he would need. I do anything I can to protect Abel and Jax, and the club. What else do I need to do to finally make you accept me?"

"You're an outsider, baby. You always have been and always will be." Gemma looked at her, rocking Abel in her arms. "You're a Hale. These guys will never trust you because of who you are."

"Jax trusts me." She retorted with a fire in her voice. "I thought me and you were on better terms recently. Then Wendy comes back and all of that changes. I get it though, better the devil you know than the devil you don't, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you do, Gem. Wendy is weak, fragile. And you can use that to manipulate her. You manipulated her into signing her rights away, right before slipping her enough crank to kill a fucking horse." Gemma looked surprised. "Yeah, I heard about that. But I saw it yesterday too. You manipulated her again, tried to use her to hurt me and Jax last night, to push me out of the picture. And she fucking fell for it." Vanessa scoffed with an angry smile on her face. "I know that you hate me, but I won't let you push me away from them."

"I don't hate you, sweetheart. I admire you. You being a nurse, helping out the club when we need it, taking care of Abel and Jax. I appreciate what you're doing here. I just don't think this thing between you and Jax is going to end well for either of you. You hurt my son once already, now my grandson is involved too. If you think I am going to sit back and watch you hurt them, this club, I won't. I won't watch you fuck with Jax's head about club business either, especially now that he has this baby."

"I'm not fucking with his head. I have never tried to fuck with his head. His demons regarding the club are his own and they have nothing to do with me. I think we both know exactly what they have to do with." Gemma's eyes widened at the hinting behind Vanessa's tone. "I love them, Gem. I really do. I told you that time and time again."

"This life, it is messy and chaotic, and sometimes love just isn't enough, baby."

"It's enough for me and Jax. I can deal with the messiness and the chaos. Believe me, I've lived with it for years. None of that scares me, Gemma. I am not going anywhere and you can't change that. No matter how many threats you throw at me, no matter how many times you try to push me away. You can try to intimidate me or manipulate me. You can try to scare me. But I'm not going anywhere. I'm not weak or fragile. I'm not Wendy. I'm never gonna bail on the two people I love the most in my life."


	31. Chapter 31

Abel's crying through the baby monitor had woken her up out of a deep sleep, she looked over to the alarm clock that read that it was just past three in the morning. She stretched her limbs and yawned as she got off of the bed, seeing Jax lying next to her, his light snores filling the room. She smiled, realizing how comfortable she had gotten with this life with Jax and Abel over the past few weeks.

She threw a sweater on over the t-shirt she was wearing and walked into the nursery. She leaned over the crib and smiled down at Abel; whose cries had slowly faded as he saw her. She reached her arms over the crib and he took her finger and put it into his mouth.

"Hey, baby boy. What's goin' on?" She whispered to him as he continued to gnaw on her finger with his gums. "You got a tooth coming in, little guy? Huh?" She picked him up and sat down in the rocking chair with him lying in her arms.

Abel babbled for a few minutes before he took her fingers and placed them back in his mouth once again. Vanessa looked up when she heard gentle footsteps coming towards the nursery.

"You okay?" Jax asked her, his voice rough with sleep, as he walked up to her and kissed her on the forehead before placing a hand in Abel's hair.

"I'm good." She whispered. "Trying to get this little guy back to sleep, but I think he's in some pain."

"What are you talking about?" Jax stared at his son in her arms, his voice heavy with concern.

"I think he's got some teeth coming in. That's probably why he woke up so early and didn't sleep through the night like he has been."

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah, we'll talk to the doctor about it tomorrow."

"Shit, I forgot. I gotta meet the guys for some club shit in the morning." Vanessa nodded at him. "My mom's gonna be there, though. I'm sorry, babe."

"It's no big deal, Jax. I was gonna go check out some dealerships for a new car tomorrow. If you got any time tomorrow, I was thinking you might wanna come with me?" She smiled as Abel let out a small yawn, his breath evening out before his eyes closed shut.

"Yeah, alright. I might have some time in the afternoon, but we got Clay's party tomorrow night. My mom has guys from all the other charters showing up, so we gotta show face for a little while."

"Shit, okay." She got up from the chair, gently placing the baby back into his crib before laying her head on Jax's chest and wrapping her arms around his waist, causing him to wrap his around her shoulders. They both stood quietly for a few minutes, feeling the warmth of being together in each other's arms. She felt him kissing the top of her head before she heard him whisper.

"Let's go back to bed, darlin'."

* * *

Vanessa was sitting in the waiting room with Abel in his car seat next to her. She was tickling his tummy as he smiled up at her when Gemma walked over to her.

"Mornin'." Gemma gave her a small smile before giving a bigger smile to Abel and kissing his forehead. "Hey, baby boy."

"Morning." Vanessa replied to her, the tension between them not completely settled, but then again Vanessa was sure it would never truly settle between them. She knew that Gemma did not like any woman that Jax was involved with. Gemma's need for power and control over Jax's life was always pronounced, even if Jax didn't always see it. "I checked us in, just waiting for them to call us."

"Good." She nodded. "Haven't seen much of you lately, everything okay?"

"Yeah, just working and taking care of this little guy."

"And the other guy in both of our lives?"

"I'm taking care of him, too." Vanessa said. _She's always trying to start something._ Vanessa thought to herself.

"Good, he needs you." Gemma looked down at the baby and sat in the seat next to her.

_What the hell is she trying to get at?_ Vanessa asked herself, convinced that Gemma was trying to mess with her head. Before she could say anything else, the nurse called them over and escorted them into the room.

"Dr. Knowles will be with you shortly." The nurse said promptly before quickly leaving the room.

"He been alright?" Gemma questioned her, nodding her head to Abel. But Vanessa couldn't answer due to the knock on the door and Tara walking in.

"Morning, Vanessa. Gemma." She gave a small, polite smile. "Hey, Abel. Ready for your 5-month checkup?" She gave a bigger smile as he babbled, before beginning to measure and weigh him. After weighing him, Tara and Dr. Namid took him to run a few tests.

Vanessa and Gemma were both nervous for the results, wanting nothing more than a clean bill of health for the baby. They were both sitting there, not speaking and knees bouncing up and down waiting for them to return. Vanessa stood up when the door opened, and Tara held Abel out to her.

"You have a talkative little guy." Tara smiled. "He's perfect." Both Gemma and Vanessa sighed in relief. Vanessa hugged him to her chest and kissed his forehead, feeling an overwhelming amount of happiness and love in her heart.

"The echoes?" Gemma asked.

"Clean. CBC, CMP's were all normal. His weight needs to come up a little, but other than that…"

"He's still real fussy with the feedings." Vanessa told her, slightly concerned. "I was thinking maybe it was the lactose?"

"Could be. We can try soy base." Tara started writing it down in her notes.

"I don't want to turn him into a little vegan pussy." Vanessa and Tara both looked at Gemma who had her arms crossed over her chest.

"He can drink it in his wife-beater onesie." Tara mumbled, causing Vanessa to laugh.

"Oh, Dr. Funny."

"How's his sleep apnea?" Tara asked, both of them looking at Vanessa now.

"He's been sleeping fine. But, I think his teeth are starting to come in. He seemed to be in pain last night and then started biting on my fingers."

"Yeah, I checked during his exam. It looks like a tooth may be popping up soon. Rubbing his gums with clean fingers could help or a cold cloth or teething ring should help. Over the counters should only be used if he seems to be in a lot of pain."

"When should we be starting him on solids?" Gemma asked.

"At least not for another month. Next checkup we'll discuss it. Like I said, he's perfect. All of his motor skills, reflexes, and hearing seem perfect. He's healthy and already very strong."

"We've been doing a lot of tummy time, talking, and playing with him."

"Well, you're doing great."

"Thanks, Tara." She smiled with a proud look on her face and smiled back down at Abel who was still babbling away. Gemma watched Vanessa, seeing the brightness in her eyes whenever she looked at the baby.

* * *

Vanessa pulled up to Hanna's Diner for breakfast after getting a call from Jax telling her to meet him there after the appointment. As she was getting Abel out of the truck, she heard yelling a few cars down from her.

"Do you know what those guys do?" The familiar voice yelled, as she walked closer to the voices with Abel in her arms. "Since when do you smoke up with Neo-Nazi's?"

"I know who they are. I'm not an idiot." Vanessa walked closer, seeing her two brothers talking angrily, almost on the verge of screaming. She stayed quiet, trying to listen to their argument, interested in whatever they were talking about as it likely had to do with the Sons of Anarchy. It always did. "Charming is our town, Davey. Dad tried for years to get it back. He couldn't, but you and me, we can."

"I'm not gonna swap one outlaw for another one." David said through gritted teeth to Jacob.

"The League's got no interest in Charming. For them, it's all about race." Jacob tried to convince him. Vanessa rolled her eyes at her oldest brother's logic, realizing how much of an asshole he could truly be. She thought that David always tried to be a good man, but Jacob and her father were on the opposite side of the spectrum. Only ever doing things that benefitted themselves.

"And that makes it okay?"

"Grow up, little brother!" Jacob spoke loudly as the sound of motorcycles flooded their ears.

"Everything okay?" Vanessa called out, causing both of her brothers to look at her. She saw the disgusted look on Jacob's face when he saw her and the familiar looking baby that she was holding in her arms.

"We're fine, Vanes-" David started but Jacob cut him off.

"I still can't believe our little sister is shacking up with that biker trash. Dad was right about you, Vanessa. You betrayed our family." Jacob looks at her, ashamed. Jax parked his bike in the parking lot and started walking towards Vanessa who looked about ready to flip out. Jacob scoffed when he saw Jax come up to her, putting a hand on the small of her back. Her oldest brother shook his head as he began walking in the other direction with a disgusted look still on his face.

"Asshole!" She yelled at him, handing the baby over to Jax and looking back at her other brother who was jumping into his Ford Bronco. He gave her a sad smile and a short nod to Jax as he started to drive away.

"You alright?" Jax asked as they walked into the diner together, his hand still on the small of her back as his other arm held onto his son.

"Jacob's a prick, what else is new?" Jax smirked at her, knowing that she was absolutely right. But he could see how her brother's dismissal of her was affecting her. He could tell that the animosity between them bothered her slightly.

"How was my little dude's appointment?" He kissed Abel's forehead as they sat in a booth, trying to change the subject.

"He's perfect. Our strong little guy. Tara said we need to get his weight up a little so we're gonna try him on a soy-based formula. His teeth are coming in too, so I picked up some teething rings for him."

"Soy formula? That gonna turn him into a little vegan pussy?"

"Your mother said the exact same thing." She rolled her eyes. "Tara said the lactose could be hurting his belly. But other than that, he's perfectly healthy. All his scans were clean. Next appointment is in a month."

"Good." He kissed Abel's head again. Vanessa's heart fluttered at the sight of them, two of the people that she cared most about in the world. "You hear that, little man? You're all good."

* * *

Jax was holding Abel in his arms as Vanessa walked by him, looking at all of the cars on the lot. She had been researching vehicles for their small family for the past few weeks, knowing that she did not want to drive his truck anymore. They discussed a budget for a compact, but he kept noticing her eyeing up a brand new, black Audi SUV every time they passed by it.

"What are you thinking, babe?" Jax asked her, rocking a fussy Abel in his arms. She reached over and grabbed the baby from him, easily getting him to calm down. Jax smiled at how good she was with his kid. "You like the Q7?"

"It's so out of our price range, Jax." She sighed. She did like it but with the expense of a baby, the ATF leading the club to pull back on selling guns, and a strong inkling to go back to school, her main priority was not a luxury vehicle. "I just need something affordable and safe. I'm gonna keep my eye open until I find something cheaper for us." Jax just nodded his head, making sure to grab a card from the car salesman so he can discuss their options later.

They both walked over to where his truck and the bike were parked. She buckled Abel into his car seat again, and Jax wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck gently causing her breath to hitch.

"Don't forget we got Clay's party tonight. I talked to Neeta, she's gonna be starting tonight while we're at the party." He kissed her neck again. She turned around and nodded before kissing his lips a few times until she heard his phone going off. "I'll see you later, Nessa."

* * *

Jax was in the middle of kissing his girl when his phone started ringing from his pocket. He sighed internally and moved towards his bike, watching Vanessa jump into the truck. He looked at the number that was displayed on his prepay and answered with another sigh.

"'Sup?" Jax asked, knowing that it was one of his brothers.

" _We're meeting for church soon, man."_ Opie explained on the other line. Jax sighed again, running his hand up his face as the guilt of lying to his best friend began to overwhelm him more than usual. Maybe it was the fact that he was happy while his best friend was still trying to live without his wife. Or maybe it was the rift that continued to grow between him and Clay. Jax wasn't sure, but he was sure that he hated lying to Opie about anything, and he especially hated lying about what happened to Donna.

"Aight, bro. I'll be there in a few." Jax hung up the phone and shook his head at himself. He knew he should tell Opie what really happened, but he couldn't do that to him. He couldn't allow himself to cause Opie to lose the club, the only family he had left.

* * *

Jax got to the lot quicker than he wanted to, but he knew he had to make it in time for church. It seemed almost like a chore to be involved in the club at the moment, but still, Jax wouldn't back away from his club. He saw Piney just getting off his bike when Jax started walking towards him, glad to finally see the old man again.

"Haven't seen you since church when we made the deal with the Mayans, you alright, old man?" Jax asked with genuine concern in his voice. "Thought you were dead or some shit."

"I'm fine, but the hole that is still in my son's and in my grandchildren's lives, that's not fine, Jax." Piney started, adjusting his oxygen tank before moving closer to Jax. His voice faded into a whisper. "You and Clay constantly arguing about every single thing, it started just after Donna's death. He put a hit out on my son, and it landed on his wife. That's why you two are always at each other's throats, isn't it, Jackson?"

"Piney-"

"Isn't it?" Piney's voice boomed. "We both know that you would have never agreed to the deal with the Mayans if they had really been the ones responsible for killing Donna. The men that killed my daughter are sitting right at that table in there next to her husband. Don't bullshit me, son. I may be old and I may be dying, but I ain't dead yet and I ain't blind either."

"You don't get it-" Jax started, but Piney interrupted him again, not wanting to listen to Jax's excuses.

"You're right, I don't. I don't get why you're not putting a bullet through Clay's skull right now. It may have been a few months, but my family is still reeling from this shit. He killed my daughter, took a huge piece of my family away and I'm supposed to share a table with him? I'm supposed to let my son share a table with him? I gave you your father's manuscript so you can change this club. Fix it. Lead it in a better direction."

"I will fix all of this shit. But hey… keeping this between us is the best thing for now. You hear what I'm saying, Piney?"

"Clay tried to kill my son. He slaughtered his wife by mistake. I'm depending on you to make that right, kid."

"Look, you got to trust me, Piney. Me fixing things doesn't happen quick or easy. Right now, it's about protecting Ope."

"For how long? How long do we keep this secret to protect him?"

"I don't know. But I will make this shit right. For Opie and for Donna."

"Yeah, we'll see." Piney began walking away, causing Jax to clench his jaw. He agreed with what the old man was saying. He needed to fix the club, he needed to make Donna's death right, he needed to lead the club in a better direction. He owed it to Donna and to Opie, to Vanessa and to Abel, to his daughter, and mostly, he owed it to himself.

* * *

"You and Piney arguing before, what was that about?" Clay inquired, as he stubbed out the end of his cigar, looking at the gavel that sat in front of him. Jax's long silence began to anger him, causing him to look up to his stepson who was sitting next to him at the redwood table. When they made eye contact, Jax could see the look of concern intensifying in his stepfather's eyes.

"The old man ain't dumb, Clay. He figured that shit out by himself."

"Figured what out?" Clay questioned through gritted teeth.

"That you and your little trigger man killed his fucking daughter in law. Did you think he wouldn't have figured it out after the shit he pulled in Oakland a few months ago? Or the bullshit call with landing the hit on that Mayan?"

"And you didn't deny that shit?"

"Why would I deny the truth?" Jax scoffed, anger and a twinge of guilt coursing through his veins. "This is the kinda shit that is gonna really hurt this club."

"It ain't gonna hurt the club because Opie will never find out about it. You reel the old man in."

"All I want is to protect Ope and his family." Jax explained. "Piney ain't gonna listen to me! You and Tig killed his daughter in law, and now you two are sitting around here sharing beers with her husband like nothing ever fucking happened."

"You'd better be real careful how you navigate around this one." Clay seethed through his clenched teeth, pointing his finger in Jax's face.

"Or what, you gonna put a bullet in the back of my head, too?" Jax had a smug look on his face as Clay started walking out of the room. "Happy Birthday, prez."

 


	32. Chapter 32

"You alright, baby?" Vanessa wondered as she looked into the bathroom mirror, seeing Jax leaning against the door behind her with Abel in his arms. She could tell that something was bothering him just by the way his eyes wouldn't leave his son.

At the sound of her voice, he quickly looked up at her, seeing her putting on her signature red lipstick and he gave her a small smile. He loved seeing her with her classic red lipstick on. It always reminded him of the easier times when they were in high school and the only thing they had to worry about was their parents. Now they had to worry about bringing up a child together, the club, their finances, and yet again, their parents. Jax just nodded, trying to convince her that he was fine while he continued staring at her as she ran her fingers through her wavy hair.

Vanessa turned around and leaned on the sink, Abel reached out towards her from Jax's arms and he passed the chubby baby to her. She blew a raspberry on his cheek as the baby giggled and nuzzled his head into her neck. Jax couldn't help his growing smile but when he noticed she was staring at him with a concerned look on her face, the smile fell.

"You don't seem alright. What's going through your head?" He could hear the pure uneasiness in her voice.

"This shit with Opie. Keeping what really happened to Donna away from him." He sighed. "He's my best friend, my brother. I… I need to know if I'm doing the right thing here, babe." Vanessa could hear the strain in his voice as he spoke. She could hear and see all of the guilt, the doubt, and the rage that burdened him. She placed Abel on her hip and moved closer to Jax, wrapping an arm around his waist. Jax gently placed his head against hers and took a deep breath, inhaling the coconut scent that always lingered in her hair.

"You're trying to protect him, baby. You're trying to keep together the only family he has left." She pulled away from him the slightest bit to look into his eyes. "You are a good man, Jax, with the biggest heart and I absolutely love you for it." She pulled him in for a small kiss, feeling him deepen it quickly as he placed his hands on her hips. He squeezed her hips gently and pulled away, ruffling his hands through Abel's blonde tufts of hair causing the baby to squeal with happiness.

"But?"

"There is no but. Fuck what Clay or what anyone else thinks. You do whatever it is you need to. Whatever is best for Opie because he needs you now more than ever." Jax nodded with a grimace on his face. He quickly dropped the subject and stared at her as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I got lipstick all over me?" He questioned and Vanessa shook her head with a flirty smirk on her face.

"You might later, though." He saw her eyes flick down to his jean-clad groin before quickly looking back to him with a seductive look in her eyes, her bottom lip in between her teeth.

"Shit." He groaned just as a knock on the door rang through the house. "You're gonna kill me darlin'."

"That's probably Neeta." She chuckled lightly. "We better get going if we're ever gonna make it to Clay's party."

* * *

The music was echoing down the street as Vanessa and Jax pulled up to the clubhouse on Jax's Dyna. She unclipped her helmet and flattened the top of her hair with her hand, looking around and seeing more people at the clubhouse than ever before. Jax wrapped an arm around her shoulder and began walking towards the crowd near the ring where two guys she had never seen before were throwing punches at each other.

"Beer?" Vanessa asked Jax loudly, trying to be heard over the music. Jax just nodded and walked with her inside where Half Sack was manning the bar. She smiled at Half Sack and Jax rolled his eyes as he watched him check her out. "Hey, Kip."

"Uh, h-hey, Vanessa. How-how are you?" He stumbled over his words as his gaze landed on her cleavage in the skin tight ribbed, lace-up tank top she was wearing.

"Two beers, prospect." Jax ordered him, possessively wrapping an arm around Vanessa's waist.

"Yeah, right, sorry." He mumbled.

"Thanks, Kip." She smiled as he popped open the cap for her, but before he could answer Jax looked over to him with a look that practically said 'get lost', it was a look that he learned fairly early and now knew very well as he continued prospecting for the club. "I hate that you guys treat him like shit sometimes. He's a nice kid. A little awkward, but nice."

"It's all a part of the gig, babe. He'll get over it when he gets patched in." She smiled at the hint of Half Sack getting his top rocker. He was a nice, goofy kid and she appreciated the way he treated her and the other women with the utmost respect. Vanessa looked around at the party, already wanting to leave. "Wanna go watch the fight, darlin'?" Jax already started walking her outside of the clubhouse as she sipped on her beer and smiled at all of the guys who were greeting Jax. They all checked her out but dared not to say anything too vulgar to her, especially not with Jax standing right there.

Vanessa was leaning up against the wall by herself, bored out of her mind waiting for Jax after he had left her side to go talk to his Uncle Jury and a few other guys from other charters. He left her alone just a few minutes ago, but none of the other guys had come up to her, suspecting that her entrance with a possessive Jax was the reason why. She took another sip of her beer when she saw Gemma walking straight towards her.

"What are you doing here?" Gemma asked her. "Who's with the baby?"

"We took your suggestion and hired Neeta, she's with him for another hour or two, then me and Jax gotta head back to him."

"I'm glad you listened to me and hired her." Gemma spoke with authority. "See, I know what I'm talking about sometimes."

"I never said you didn't, Gem." Vanessa rolled her eyes, praying for Jax to come back over to her or for Gemma to walk away from her so she could be alone again, but neither happened.

"Thank you." Gemma murmured.

"For what?" Vanessa questioned, surprised.

"For taking care of my boys." She admitted. "You're doing good with the baby. And Jax seems good. Happy."

"Where are you on this, Gemma? Really?" Vanessa looked at her, once again confused by the constant hot and cold of her and Gemma's relationship. "Me and Jax?"

"What do you care what I think?"

"Jax pretends like he doesn't care, but you're his mother and he loves you. So, I know that he really does care. Which means I care. As volatile as mine and your relationship is, I do respect you. I know that you just want what's best for your family, and I want that too. Plus, I am just so tired of always fighting with you. I just want all of this shit to work out."

"I appreciate you taking care of my family, Vanessa. Do you really want my advice?" She asked, seeing Vanessa nod her head. "Total disclosure. It's the only way it works with you and him. You're too damn smart to be living in the vague. He needs to tell you everything. No truth, no pussy. You draw the line."

"I'm not sure I really want to know everything about the club."

"Then this will never last." Gemma said with a sure tone. "You love the man. You learn to love the club. If you can do that, there's no truth you can't handle. No secrets between you and him, baby." Gemma kissed Vanessa on the cheek before going off to talk with the other guests.

Vanessa couldn't help but question what the hell their relationship was supposed to be like. _One second we're on good terms, the next second I'm convinced she's plotting my murder._ Vanessa thought to herself as a Mercedes pulled up next to her, only a few feet away.

Vanessa saw several of the guys walking over to the vehicle as two men, one with an expensive looking suit and the other with tattoos all over his arms, stepped out of the vehicle, walking directly towards Clay.

"Garage is closed." Clay announced over the loud music, Tig right by his side.

"We're not here for, uh, car repairs." The man with the suit spoke, a smug smile on his face. Vanessa noticed two more men stepping out of the vehicle, more with tattoos. She got the feeling that this was not a social call, nor was it a welcoming visit. Especially when she noticed the hateful symbols inked onto their skin. "I understand it's your birthday and that you're a Camacho fan." The man tried to hand over a box of cigars, but Clay refused to take it, as a group of Sons made their way over and stood around them, listening intently on the conversation.

"Who are you?" Clay asked, having no patience for the man.

"Just dropping by to give you a little friendly advice." One of the men with the tattoos said, handing over a business card to Clay.

"And what advice would that be?"

"We feel it would be best for all concerned if you stop dealing arms to the One Niners and the Mayans." The man in the suit spoke nonchalantly, causing all of the guys to chuckle and snort with laughter. Vanessa stared on, concerned for where this conversation was about to head.

"I don't even know what you're talking about." Clay laughed. "We're just mechanics and Harley lovers."

"That's one of Darby's guys back there." Tig spoke more quietly, pointing to the man he was referring to.

"Mr. Darby is one of our supporters."

"Mm." Clay nodded and circled around the men. "Expensive car. Hell of a suit. All your teeth. Must be the top of the Aryan food chain, huh?"

"What you do for a living is between you and your maker. I'm not here to adjust your moral compass. This is just a reality check. You're a criminal and you're done selling guns to color." Gemma moved closer to Vanessa and looked over to her. Vanessa jumped up when she heard the cocking of the gun in Tig's hand, looking for any sign of Jax before this situation got out of control. "Are you gonna shoot me, Mr. Trager? With all these witnesses?"

"Look, uh, I don't know what Darby told you, and, uh, I don't know what your angle is, but… let me be real clear. Nobody threatens Sam Crow. And nobody tells us what we can and can't do. Black, brown, or white. So why don't you just climb back into your little German clown car and drive back to Nazi town? 'Cause the next time you piss all over my shoes, he will kill you. I don't give a shit how many witnesses there are."

"My shop opens in a few weeks." Vanessa saw Jax striding over to the group and wanted to rush over to him but knew she couldn't. "Until then…" The man placed the long-forgotten box of cigars on the ground at Clay's feet. "Enjoy."

The men all began walking closer to Vanessa and Gemma as they walked back over to their Mercedes, as one of the men with the tattoos purposefully walked into the path that both of the women were walking in.

"Sorry, ma'am." He nodded to Gemma, then looked straight at Vanessa. "Ms. Hale." Vanessa's face paled as he said her name, not knowing how or why he knew who she was. Gemma noticed too and walked over to her, rubbing her shoulder before moving towards Clay trying to figure of what the hell just happened.

"You alright, Nessa?" Jax asked as he walked towards her, seeing the look on her face.

"Who the hell was that, Jax?"

"Just a friend of Darby's. Nothin' to worry about, babe."

"H-he knew my name, Jax." She whispered, grabbing a hold of his hand.

"What are you talking about?"

"Called me 'Ms. Hale' like he knew who I was." She gripped his hand a little tighter, worried why or how this man might know who she was. Why he might have singled her out.

"He's nothing to worry about, babe. We got this shit under control, alright? Let's get goin'." Vanessa just nodded, feeling slightly uneasy. She looked up at Jax and saw the flirty smirk he had on his face. "Maybe we should get out of here so you can cover me in some of that red lipstick I like so much."


	33. Chapter 33

Vanessa was in a deep sleep, completely exhausted from the party and the drama that came with it. Coming home to a very upset baby did not help to diffuse the situation and the stress that she had felt, but her escapades with Jax after Abel finally fell asleep helped slightly. Yet she was still completely drained. She heard the phone ringing but refused to open her eyes. Jax's arm left where it was hovering over her hip and she felt him jostling around on the bed, groaning as he tried to find his phone.

"Nes, it's you." Jax spoke, voice still hoarse with sleep. Vanessa groaned as she stretched out and reached over to the nightstand next to her, opening up the flip phone without even looking at the number.

"Hello?" She rasped out.

" _Vanessa? I-it's Wayne, I need your help. Medical emergency. Jax can't know."_

"O-okay." She rose up out of bed at hearing Unser's distressed voice over the phone, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her empty hand.

" _I need you to meet me at Gemma's house as soon as you can, sweetheart."_

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes." Vanessa hung up the phone and got out of bed, hoping that Jax had fallen back asleep so she would not worry him for leaving so early in the morning.

"Who was it?" Jax asked her, his eyes still closed.

"There's an emergency at St. Thomas. They need me to come in."

"Shit, babe. It's 4 am."

"I know, I'm sorry for waking you up." She whispered as she threw on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a black tank top. "Neeta will be here around 8 for Abel. You okay with him until then?"

"We're good, darlin'." Vanessa nodded her head and grabbed her purse, walking over to Jax and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Love you." She whispered, kissing him once more.

"I love you, too."

* * *

The fifteen-minute drive over to Gemma's house seemed longer than usual, even with absolutely no other cars on the road, and Vanessa couldn't help but feel the uneasiness that overtook her. All she knew was that there was a medical emergency. She didn't know who, or why, or what happened. But as soon as she got to Gemma's she grabbed her large medical bag from the passenger seat and jumped out of the truck. She walked quickly to the door and saw the light on, Unser opened the door for her immediately.

"What happened?" She asked, worry clouding her expression. Unser didn't answer her, only walked her into the living room where she saw Gemma sitting on the leather couch in only a bathrobe. Her face was covered in bruises, while dried blood was crusting over certain scrapes on her face. Vanessa gasped at the sight of the usually strong woman looking so broken down.

She sat down next to Gemma on the couch, grabbing alcohol and cotton pads to begin cleaning up Gemma's face. She gently swiped away any dried blood and any open cuts on her face.

"Jax see you leave?" Gemma questioned her hesitantly.

"I told him it was St. Thomas." She continued cleaning Gemma's face before she spoke again. "You need to tell me what happened so I can help you."

"Use your imagination." Gemma sighed, avoiding any eye contact with her. Vanessa immediately knew what happened to her. She could see it in her face; despair. A face that Vanessa too has held, one that she was all too familiar with.

"Maybe we should let her rest awhile." Unser suggested.

"We have to get her to the hospital."

"No! No hospitals."

"I can't treat you in your living room, Gemma."

"Look, I'd have to check in. The insurance and shit. Everybody'll know."

"There are laws in place to protect that information." Vanessa tried to convince her. "No one will know."

"I said no hospitals." All three of them stayed silent for a few minutes as Vanessa tried to think of what they could do.

"W-what if you bring Abel in? Say you're doing more tests on him and then you can treat her there." Unser proposed.

"I'm just a nurse. I can't get her everything she needs. The antibiotics, the meds. All of that is shit that I can't get her without a doctor."

"I'll be fine." Gemma said, but Vanessa could tell that she was the furthest thing from fine right now. Gemma needed to be tested. She needed to make sure that she was put on antibiotics as soon as possible. Plus, there was the extensive bruising on her face that was very noticeable.

"They're gonna see your face, Gem." Vanessa sighed. "Okay, okay. I have an idea. A crazy idea, but maybe it could work. I don't know." She mumbled to herself. "A car accident."

"What are you talking about here, sweetheart?" Unser looked on at her, confused.

"Tara gets into work at 7. We can use a car accident as a cover, but I'll talk to her. Tell her what really happened so I can talk her into treating you privately, okay?" Vanessa took a deep breath. "All we need to do is fake a car accident. The accident will be a cover for the insurance."

"I can do that." Unser started. "I can take the Cadillac out and find a good place to crash it."

"If someone finds out what you're doing you can get fired for this." Gemma stared at Vanessa.

"And I will deal with that if it happens." Vanessa's lip trembled at the thought of Gemma going through what she had went through back in New York. Having to seek help while so vulnerable after an experience like this was frightening, especially when you don't have anyone else to rely on. So, Vanessa was dead set on doing whatever she could to help Gemma through this. "I want to help you, Gemma. I need to."

"Promise me... you won't tell anyone."

"We gotta tell Clay." Unser spoke up.

"Not Clay. Not Jax. No one."

"You said no secrets between me and Jax, remember?"

"This isn't your secret to tell, Vanessa. No one finds out. Promise me."

"Okay. I promise, Gem."

* * *

"Was this because of the club?" Vanessa asked quietly after Unser had left to go complete his part of the plan. Her hand was comfortingly placed on top of Gemma's trying to show her some form of solidarity and to ensure that Gemma didn't feel alone.

"I don't know, sweetheart." Gemma spoke, but Vanessa didn't believe her. She didn't question her though, instead just sat there with her quietly. "You have your piece on you? You know, in case it does have to do with the club."

"I do." Vanessa breathed in deeply. "Who would do something like this Gemma? Jax said that it's like some unspoken rule that rivals don't go after the women or the children. So, who would do this?"

"I'm not sure, baby. But you don't have to worry. Nothing is going to happen to you or my grandson." Vanessa couldn't help but think that people have been telling her not to worry a lot recently, but it didn't help. In fact, it just made her worry that much more.

* * *

Vanessa and Gemma were sitting in the car, waiting until they saw the familiar Cutlass pulling into the employee parking lot of St. Thomas. The silence between them was deafening, but it was almost as if neither of them knew what to say to the other. Instead, they just sat there quietly and waited.

"There she is." Vanessa mumbled, grabbing her bag with her scrubs and jumping out of the truck, Gemma following slowly behind her. "Tara!" Vanessa called out, causing Tara to look back at her.

"Vanessa? You okay?" Tara asked, seeing Vanessa walking quickly and restlessly towards her.

"I really need your help." She told the doctor, causing Tara to glimpse at Gemma who was walking slowly towards them. Tara noticed the bruises and cuts surrounding Gemma's face. She noticed how slow the matriarch was walking too. Tara couldn't ever remember a time where Gemma looked as weak as she did at the moment. In fact, this was about the only time Tara wasn't completely intimidated by the older woman.

"Jesus, what happened to her?" She asked Vanessa quietly.

"That's why I need your help. She was attacked last night. I need you to treat her… under the radar."

"What the hell are you talking about, Vanessa? I could lose my job for that. So can you." Tara hissed, avoiding eye contact with Gemma.

"She needs help, Tara."

"Then bring her into the ER." Tara began to walk away when Vanessa called out again.

"Please!" She moved quickly towards the doctor once more. "She was raped by multiple men. She doesn't want anyone else to know, but she needs help. Help that I can't provide for her without a doctor. I did what I could, but she needs antibiotics and tests. Please Tara, she needs you."

Tara stood quietly for a few seconds, looking back towards Gemma and seeing the broken look on the woman's face.

"Fuck. Fine." Tara sighed, sounded exasperated. "How do you expect this to work? We need a story for hospital and insurance purposes."

"I already got it covered. Car accident. It'll help sell the bruises on her face."

"Jesus, you're really starting to fit in pretty well with all of them aren't you?" Tara sneered, seeing the almost offended look on Vanessa's face. Tara sighed and instantly regretted what she had just said to her soon to be sister-in-law. "Sorry. I know you're just trying to help her. But you need to be careful with them, Nes. You're risking both of our jobs right now." She took a deep breath. "Come on. I'll get her set up in a room."

"Thank you, Tara." Vanessa took hold of her hand and gave her a tight hug. Tara pulled away and started walking into the hospital while Vanessa turned around nodding at Gemma, taking her hand and walking with her into the hospital.

* * *

Vanessa stood to the side in the examination room, changed into her scrubs even though she had the day off. She found herself holding Gemma's hand again as Tara examined the woman. She knew what it was like to go through this alone. Having someone violate you again after already being violated in the worst possible way. Regardless of the bad blood between them, the last thing Vanessa wanted was for Gemma to go through this.

"There's a number of small tears. It's nothing that won't heal on its own. We'll start you on antibiotics right away." Tara said, disposing of the gloves. Gemma looked up at Vanessa, not knowing why she would need antibiotics.

"It's procedure to treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea even before the test results are back." Vanessa told her, squeezing her hand the slightest bit before pulling back and peeling the butterfly stitches off of the prominent cut on her face. "You should have a plastic surgeon look at this."

"I've been hit before." Gemma spoke monotonously while Vanessa placed gauze over the cut, just as someone knocked on the door.

"It's Chief Unser." Tara said, worriedly. "Will he want to question you guys about the accident?"

"It's alright, he knows the truth. Let him in." Gemma spoke more sternly. "What is it?"

"Clay is here." Wayne announced with a shrug, refusing to make eye contact with her.

"You son of a bitch."

"I told him you were in an accident, that you ran your caddy into a concrete barrier out by the utility shed. Take my head off if you want, but he needed to know that you were here." He took a deep breath as Vanessa and Tara looked at each other. "He don't know about nothing else."

"I'll go out and talk to him." Vanessa announced.

"I-I don't want to see him yet." Gemma mumbled, her lip trembling.

"Actually, they're all here…" Unser started. "Jax and the guys. Neeta and the baby too, just in case the whole car accident plan didn't work. I wanted us to have a backup."

"Jesus Christ. Is there anyone you didn't tell?"

"I'll handle it. Can you stay with her?" Vanessa asked Tara, who was looking at her watch.

"I have a surgery scheduled in about 30 minutes, so I can't. I'm sorry." Tara walked out of the room without saying anything else.

"Doc doesn't seem to like me much." Gemma sneered, an annoyed look on her face. "Go deal with them. I'll be fine, baby."

* * *

Vanessa walked over to the nurse's station to sign a few papers regarding Gemma's care before going to find the guys, but before she could Jax strode over towards her, a concerned look on his face.

"Hey." He kissed her quickly before continuing. "How is she?"

"She's fine. Just a few bruises."

"Okay, good." He sighed in relief. "And you? You doing okay?"

"W-why wouldn't I be?" She asked defensively, not understanding why he would be asking her something like that if he didn't know the truth about the incident.

"The car accident. I just didn't know if something like this would trigger shit. You know, with Lily."

"Right." Vanessa took a deep breath. "I-I'm good. I'll be fine."

"Yeah?" He kissed her one more time. "We should go let everyone else know that she's fine."

They walked down the hallway together, Jax's arm wrapped around her. The second they turned the corner, Clay and the rest of the guys flanked them. Wondering about Gemma's condition, and she felt a twinge of guilt for having to lie to all of them. But she owed it to Gemma to keep her promise. Gemma was right, it wasn't her secret to tell.

"What's going on? Is she okay?" Clay was the first person to ask her.

"Yeah. When she hit the barrier, she took a pretty good shot to the face. There's some swelling. We have to run a few more tests, but she's going to be fine."

"But, uh, it's nothing serious?"

"No." Vanessa shook her head.

"Can I see her?"

"It's gonna be a little while."

"Okay, well, I appreciate you taking care of her."

"Of course." She smiled before walking away from everyone before looking back to see Clay and Jax talking privately.

"Feds raided Luann's studio. Asset seizure. Wiped her out." Unser called out to everyone, causing Vanessa to stand quietly in the back, wondering what this meant for the club now. Especially since everything had been quiet with the feds for a few weeks. But as the shit continued to pile on, she was starting to realize that things were about to get a whole lot louder.


	34. Chapter 34

Jax was being escorted to a table in the visiting room of Stockton State Prison when two guys sporting Aryan ink were beating on each other and being violently pushed out of the room by several guards. Jax saw Otto sitting at the table wearing his glasses and reading a book by himself.

"Arranged a little entertainment." Otto said, causing Jax to smile.

"Appreciate that." Jax looked back to the door. "White on white? What's that about?"

"Our Aryan friends are getting a little choosy about who they burn crosses with. Something's trickling down from the top of Mount Whitey. Not sure what. Not why I asked to see you."

"I know. I heard about Luann. How can we help?"

"This punk producer's making a play for her talent. Feds shutting her down… this asshole will hijack all of 'em."

"We'll talk to him." Jax told him, nodding his head causing Otto to sigh.

"She needs time and money to get up and running in a new space."

"We can get her the time." Jax tried to compromise.

"And the money?" Otto reiterated.

"We're only half healed, Otto. We don't have it."

"This seizure by the feds… it's Stahl pissing in my mouth for what I did to her. And I did that for Sam Crow."

"I know that."

"I don't want her back in front of the camera, Jax. I told her she'd never have to do that again."

"I won't let that happen. That's a promise."

"Yeah, okay." Otto nodded. "Thanks."

* * *

"Marvelous." Chibs smirked, as all of the guys walked into Cara Cara and watched the two porn stars hugging Luann.

"Oh my God. They did clean you out, Luann." Bobby said stating the obvious regarding the ATF agents surrounding them and taking all of the equipment out of the studio.

"Otto wasn't kidding." Jax looked around too, shock in his eyes as he noticed that the Feds were taking nearly all of the equipment out of the studio.

"That's some lovely merchandise walking out that door." Chibs pointed to Lyla and Ima who were now walking out of the studio. Jax noticed the flirty yet innocent look that Ima gave him, it was one that he was very used to when she was near, but he ignored it as he continued to look around the entire studio.

"And they'll keep walking if I don't come up with the rest of their money."

"Otto said some guy's giving you trouble?"

"Georgie Caruso." Luann said with disdain. "Shitbag's threatening my girls, they don't join his company."

"His name is Georgie?" Juice giggled.

"Can't you just talk to him, make some kind of temporary arrangement?" Jax offered.

"Isn't how it works with this. Georgie's game is fear. Goddamn 'roid crew runs his girls like pimps running pussy." She continued; the disgust still evident in her voice. "If I could just get the money I loaned Sam Crow…"

"That's not gonna happen today." Jax's voice was stern. "Look, I said to Otto that I'd back this guy off of you, and that's what I'm gonna do. Where's this guy's office?"

* * *

Vanessa watched as Clay left Gemma's exam room by himself. She couldn't help but notice the look of distaste on his face as he saw her, scrutinizing her before leaving without a word. She remembered that he never necessarily liked her, not when they were teenagers and definitely not now. The fact that she was a Hale and dating Jackson Teller seemed to bring even more unreasonable tension between the two families.

Even though the hostility between Vanessa and Gemma has always been fervent, Vanessa had some semblance of what Gemma was going through right now. Regardless of how Gemma has treated her in the past, Vanessa knows that she needs to be there for the woman. Somebody does. So, Vanessa knocked on the door and let herself into Gemma's room and saw Gemma wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"How do you think I'm feeling?" Gemma spat back but soon realized that she was speaking to the woman who was putting her job and her relationship on the line. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Gem. It was a stupid question on my part." Vanessa placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "All the guys are gone. I can take you home in a little while, I just have to finish up some paperwork."

"Take your time, sweetheart." Vanessa was about to leave the room when she heard Gemma clear her throat. She saw Gemma wiping her eyes one more time. "Thank you, Vanessa."

Vanessa could see the broken look in Gemma's eyes, but she saw some of Gemma's almighty strength and fierceness too. Vanessa nodded to her and opened the door. _If anyone could get through this, it's Gemma._

* * *

Vanessa was just about to walk to Gemma's room after finishing up the paperwork when she heard Jax and some of the other guys laughing. They were walking through the hallway, all with big smiles on their faces.

"Hey, babe." Jax kissed her on the lips. "How's my mom?"

"She's alright, I was just gonna go get her so we can get out of here. I'm sure she's tired, she's been here so long." Jax nodded and walked with Vanessa and the rest of the guys to Gemma's designated room. As they passed through the waiting room Vanessa heard Luann's very distinctive voice.

"It's gonna be okay. Just tip your head back a little bit." She spoke to the young, pretty girl who had a towel and ice on her nose. "I don't think it's broken, so… Wait a minute, hang onto that. Hang onto that." She handed over the ice to the girl.

"What happened?" Vanessa asked, moving straight to the girl who was bleeding. She gripped her chin lightly, turning her head in different directions and observed her nose.

"I told you not to stir things up." Luann spoke in an angry whisper, pointing her finger in Jax's face. "Look what that asshole did to her."

"This was Caruso?" Jax questioned, looking at her nose too.

"Who do you think?" Luann started to get louder, causing Vanessa to look around and make sure that none of the administrators were around because she knew she would never hear the end of it if they were.

"Guys…" She tried to get their attention to quiet them down, but it didn't work.

"Little prick." Chibs snarled.

"You guys must have really put the fear of God into him." Luann spoke, her voice drenched with sarcasm. "Tell 'em what Georgie said." Everyone looked over to the girl whose nose was still bleeding.

"He told me to tell Luann that if the little biker boys show up again, he's going to roll the cameras while he jams his dick up all of your asses."

"We'll see Gemma later." Jax's jaw clenched and his nostrils flared, walking out of the room when Luann yelled even louder.

"Jax, don't you do anything!" She screamed, pointing her finger in their direction again.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" Jax bellowed, causing all three women to jump back a little bit. "Get her patched up! Call the rest of your talent! Tell them to lock their goddamn doors!" Vanessa could hear the anger and the intensity in his voice and his eyes flickered over to her and he shook his head before walking over to her and kissing her, his hands running through her hair. "Help her get patched up, okay?"

"Yeah." Vanessa whispered before he kissed her one more time and walked away from them.

"Sorry, sorry." Luann tried to calm him down. "Jax, I'm sorry."

"Just leave it, Luann." Vanessa cautioned, knowing Jax was on the verge of really freaking out. She looked around and saw Margaret Murphy giving her a dirty look, but she just rolled her eyes and continued to look over the girl's nose. "It's not broken, just a little swollen but the bleeding stopped, so that's good. If you put ice on it a few times for the next two or three days the swelling and the bruising should be minimal."

"Thanks, sweetheart." Luann hugged her. "Tell Jax that I'm sorry, things are just crazy right now."

"Is there a problem here?" Margaret walked over, her eyes burning holes into Vanessa's.

"No, Margaret. Sorry about that."

"Can we speak for a moment, Vanessa?" Vanessa nodded, walking off with Margaret. "I don't appreciate when your visitors cause a scene in the hospital. It's distracting, unfair to the other patients who are trying to receive quality care, and frankly, it's unprofessional."

"I'm sorry. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

"That would be ideal." Margaret nodded. "I didn't realize you would be working today. I thought that you had the day off."

"Oh, I uh… I originally did." Margaret gave her a look as if she was expecting an explanation. "Gemma Teller-Morrow asked me to assist her after her car accident. I figured that it would be fine."

"Well next time, that goes through me as I am your superior. You cannot just work on whatever case you want, especially if you aren't even on the schedule for the day."

"Right. Sorry." Margaret was about to walk off when she turned back around and faced Vanessa.

"Have you been involved in doing any of the inventory lately? There seems to be quite a few things missing."

"No. Just my designated job in the Emergency Room, or wherever I'm assigned for the day."

"Okay. Just thought I would let you know that stealing from the hospital is a fireable and potentially criminal offense."

"I know that already." Vanessa spoke, seeing Margaret nod her head. "Wait, is that supposed to be an accusation?"

"No. Why would it be?"

"Well, am I the only person you've questioned about it?" She replied quickly. "I haven't heard from any of the other nurses that they were being questioned."

"I haven't spoken with any of the other nurses."

"So, just me." Vanessa scoffed, a noticeable frown on her face. "And you assume that it must be me because of who I spend my time with, right?"

"I have to say that who you spend your time with and who visits you while at work does seem to concern me. But no, I just thought it was wise to let you know that." Margaret cleared her voice. "You're a great nurse, Vanessa. I can tell that you have a passion for the field and truly care about your patients. I just really hope you don't let that biker gang influence you or your very young career."

Vanessa didn't get a chance to reply when Margaret walked away, turning the corner hurriedly. Vanessa clenched her jaw, furious at the condescending tone that the woman held and at the implication that Jax had any influence on her job. She could have sworn she heard a veiled threat as Margaret spoke to her. Vanessa balled her hands into fists before whispering to herself. "Fucking bitch."

* * *

"There's a ton of guys like Georgie out there." After they went to Caruso's studio and made their warning perfectly clear again, Jax called for church. An idea popped into his head on how to get extra cash. It was an idea that he was fairly certain that none of the guys would want to vote down. It was also an idea that would jumpstart the club into more legitimate business, just like he envisioned. "Luann can't pay her talent, they'll keep coming… so to speak." He smirked and heard a few muffled laughs around the table.

"That's why she wants the 50k." Bobby chimed in.

"Well, that's not gonna happen." Tig admitted.

"Obviously, but we can offer her something else: a partner."

"What are you talking about?" Clay urged.

"The empty gun warehouse we just built. Same size as Caruso Films."

"All of a sudden you're Larry Flint?" Clay looked over to Jax, not thrilled about the idea. In fact, Jax could see the look of pure disgust on his step father's face. It was a look that he was accustomed to as of lately.

"Georgie's just a scumbag with muscle and a lease, right? His staff and talent do all the work. We already have staff and talent: Luann."

"So, we're the scumbags with the lease and the muscle?" Bobby pointed out.

"Why not? We offer her protection, a space, front her a little cash for the shit the Feds took, split the profits."

"Yeah, and I can upgrade her internet shit." Juice said excitedly. "There's plenty of room for servers in that space. And that's where the real cash is."

"And I was blessed with an excellent eye for casting." Chibs joked.

"Clubs get into trouble when they take on too much." Clay tried to argue against it.

"Guns have been downsized. We could use the extra income." Clay sighed at Jax's points. "It's a legitimate business, Clay. We run it clean, Feds think we turned over a new leaf, they go away."

"And the very least, we get Bobby laid." Chibs joked again.

"Hell yeah." Bobby raised his cup as if he was toasting to that, causing the rest of the guys to laugh.

"Thoughts?" Clay looked around the table.

"Everybody loves pussy." Chibs insisted.

"I second that." Opie raised his hand.

"Third it." Juice raised his hand too.

"I'm a very big fan of pussy." Tig pointed out.

"All in favor?" Clay started. "Like I gotta ask." All the guys raised their hands and chanted 'pussy!' "Alright, looks like we're making movies. We got a delivery to make."

"I'll tell Luann she's got a new partner."

* * *

Jax opened the door of the dark warehouse, seeing Luann who looked absolutely terrified. Her lip trembling and a fearful look on her face.

"You okay?" Jax asked, concerned.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry." She started backing away from him, her arms out defensively.

"It's okay."

"I didn't- I didn't mean to be such a pain in the ass, Jax." She continued to back away from him.

"Wait a minute."

"Oh, don't." She cried out.

"Luann, relax. You think I brought you here to Adriana you? I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna help you." Jax walked over to the light switch and turned it on so she could see the warehouse. "Your new studio."

"New studio? What do you mean?"

"You're not gonna be able to compete without protection and investors. We're gonna help you get back on your feet."

"Sam Crow as a partner?" Jax nodded at her question. "What's the split?"

"50-50, and our debt goes away."

"And if I say no?"

"It's your only play, darlin'. We both know that." Luann thought about it for a moment before exhaling.

"Life was so much easier when I was just sucking dick." Luann sighed, causing Jax to chuckle. Jax pulled her into a one-armed hug as they looked around the entire warehouse. "How's Vanessa feel about this?"

"This shit is club business; she doesn't get a say in it."

"Well, I don't think our girl's gonna like it very much."

"No, she probably won't."

* * *

"Porn?" Vanessa questioned, her mouth slightly agape as she looked over at Jax who was sitting next to her on the couch and just nodding his head. She sat cross-legged as she faced him, trying to be supportive, but not knowing if she truly could be. "Yay."

"You sound thrilled." Jax chuckled.

"Porn… it's just… porn? Really?"

"It's a legitimate business, darlin'." He put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him so she could put her head on his chest and sink further into his touch. "I told you I would get the club out of guns and I'm gonna do it. Porn is just the first step on a very long road, babe."

"Yeah, after porn comes the whorehouse." Her voice was tense. When she heard him sigh, the guilt started to flow through her. She maneuvered herself so she was straddling his lap, her fingers running through his hair. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to fix all of this shit with the club. This is a good first step to getting out of guns and I want to be supportive. It's just… it scares me."

"What scares you, Nessa?"

"The guns, the Feds, the girls. All of it."

"You trust me?" His hands went to settle on to her hips.

"Of course." She trailed her fingers through his hair again. "I just don't want to lose you or Abel."

"You ain't gonna lose us, darlin'." He pushed her against him, assisting her in slowly grinding herself on him, and already feeling himself getting hard.

"Looks like I'm just gonna have to show you that what you got right here at home is better than what you can get at the porn palace." Vanessa was in the process of unbuckling his belt when his phone started ringing. "Or not." She muttered to herself getting off of his lap and walking into the kitchen. She was just searching the refrigerator for a bottle of water when she heard Jax curse.

"Shit. Gemma's on her way to watch the kid." Jax called out to her. "We gotta get over to the clubhouse. Medical emergency."

* * *

Vanessa was on the back of Jax's bike, her medical bag hanging off of her back, as they were speeding to get to the clubhouse. She couldn't help but reminisce on how similar it felt to the night in Reno when she had to help out with a medical emergency. The first night that Jax came back into her life. It had only been a couple of months, but truthfully, it seemed like a whole other lifetime ago.

Jax quickly helped her off the bike as they walked into the clubhouse, she saw that Bobby's shoulder was bleeding from what she expected was a bullet wound. She instantly got to work, trying to stop the bleeding by going in to get the bullet out.

"Is it alright?" Bobby asked her, as he took another hit of the joint.

"You're lucky it went straight through." She said as Bobby groaned.

"The Mayans, they crashed our little Niner delivery, man." Tig announced to Jax.

"You okay, bro?" Jax asked Bobby, seeing Vanessa putting on gloves.

"I'm in good hands." Bobby smiled at her, blowing the smoke from his joint away from her face.

"They got away with two cases of the AKs." Half Sack told Jax as he helped Vanessa get everything she needed. Vanessa was starting to stitch Bobby up when Clay called out to Jax, an angry look on his face.

"Here." She handed the bottle of tequila over to Bobby.

"It's like you can read my mind, sweetheart."

* * *

Vanessa was sitting on the roof of the clubhouse, smoking a cigarette for the first time in weeks, and thinking about everything that happened in the last 24 hours alone. The guys who came and tried to intimidate the Sons on their own turf, Gemma's attack, the lies to cover up the attack, the porn business, and now Bobby getting shot. Everything was weighing on her.

She saw Jax climbing up the ladder and he sat next to her, taking the cigarette from in between her fingers and placing it in his mouth. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him tightly, and she placed her head on his chest.

"This is what scares me." She sighed. "I mean, that could have easily been you tonight. You could have been the one that I had to be patching up, and that scares the shit out of me. What do I do if something happens to you? What happens to Abel?"

"Nothing is gonna happen to me."

"You can't promise me that, Jax. These past few months, have been a mess with all the shit we've been through. I have patched up bullet hole after bullet hole and it fucking terrifies me."

"I'm sorry, babe. I wish this shit was different. But I'm gonna get us out of guns. I'm gonna make shit right." He kissed the top of her head as they both just sat in silence, looking out over the lot, hoping that he was telling the truth.


	35. Chapter 35

Vanessa was happy to be on the back of Jax's bike. They would finally be able to get a little while to themselves. The past few weeks since Bobby got shot and Gemma's 'accident' have been hectic, so Jax and Vanessa were both craving some alone time that they could spend together.

Her smile was huge as Jax sped down the main drag, her heart racing with the pure adrenaline. They both remembered doing this exact thing when they were teenagers. Except then there were no responsibilities and no real club drama. But it brought them both back to feeling free again.

Jax pulled into the lot near the small park that they were going to spend the morning at. He helped her off the bike and unclipped her helmet for her and turned to grab the bag that he brought with them. He stared at her as she shook out her long golden waves, the smile wide on her face.

"What?" She asked, seeing him stare at her.

"Nothin', it's just nice to see you relaxed for a little while. You look beautiful, darlin'."

"Aw shut up, you're making me blush." Her cheeks flushed slightly, feeling as captivated by Jax as she did when she was younger.

"C'mon, babe." He held his hand out to her and she grabbed it, walking hand and hand over to the big tree in the center of the park. She put a small blanket out for them to sit on and he sat down underneath the shade. But she stayed standing, her fingers running over the hardened oak. "What?"

"It's still there. Our initials are still carved into the tree." She trailed her fingers over the heart that contained the letters JT + VH inside of it, remembering the make out session they had right after he carved it. "God, we were such horny cliché teenagers." They both chuckled as she laid down next to Jax, putting her head against his stomach as he laid on his side.

They stayed silent for a little while as she read a few of the pamphlets that were in her bag and Jax wrote in his journal. He looked down at her and saw a strained look on her face, as she bit her lip in concentration. He grabbed a hold of her hand, their fingers intertwining as he kissed her knuckles, a small smile on his face.

"You look stressed."

"No, not really. Just thinking." She took a deep breath before turning to look at him. "Remember how I said I was thinking about going back to school?"

"Yeah, you deciding to go back?"

"I've been looking at advanced practice nursing programs. There are a few nurse practitioner programs in Sacramento that I've been considering. I'd be able to do it within two years if I go full time, but I just don't know if it's the right time. They're expensive and I still need to get a car that I can actually use to drive Abel around in. Then with work, all the club shit, Abel, and helping at the garage. I'm thinking I may put it off for a little while."

"Don't worry about money, Nessa. As much as you hate the porn business, it's been good profit. Not as much as guns, but it comes with so much less risk that it's worth it. I got all the financial shit covered. I actually got the new car covered too. I needed a few weeks, but a brother from the Sonoma charter has an old lady whose brother owns a dealership. Got us a real good deal."

"What? Really?" She asked, completely in shock.

"Yeah, we'll go up there in a few days to pick it up." She kissed him deeply, a huge smile on her face again. "The Q7, right?"

"What? No, no. It's too expensive, we can find something cheaper."

"You loved it. It's safe, it's reliable, it's got space for Abel, and maybe any other rugrats you pop out." Jax looked at her, his fingers absentmindedly grazing over her stomach as he tried to see what she was thinking, but she wouldn't even give him a hint. "If that's somethin' you want in the future."

"It is definitely something I want in the future." She gave a small smile, and he went in to kiss her, his hand moving over to her ass when she pulled away and looked around to see if anyone was near them, which they weren't. "I meant in the _future_ future, like a few years from now."

"Doesn't mean we can't practice right now." Jax gave a flirty smirk that made her heart flutter, and she pulled him into her by the front of his sweatshirt. As things were getting more heated and he started unbuttoning her shirt, his phone rang out from in the bag next to them.

"I fucking hate that thing." Vanessa whined, her chest still heaving causing Jax to smirk. She reached into the bag and saw that it was Cara Cara causing her to groan. "Porn hotline."

"Shit." He said as she handed the phone over to him. "Yeah?" He answered.

" _Jackie Boy. You better get over here, brother."_ Chibs spoke from the other line.

"Why?"

" _Well, Bobby turned up, told Luann he's handling her books and shit."_

"He did what?" Jax asked tensely. "Who told him to do that?"

" _Clay, I guess. And Luann is freakin' out."_

"Jesus Christ." Jax ran a hand over his face. "Alright." He sighed out and hung up.

"We gotta leave?" Vanessa asked and Jax could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I'll drop you at home."

"Take me with you."

"You sure?" Jax seemed unsure.

"Yeah, maybe we can still salvage the day. Get lunch or something."

"Okay." He smiled, kissing her a few times before helping her off the ground and packing up all of their stuff again.

* * *

"I'll wait out here." Vanessa said as she got off Jax's bike and unclipped her helmet, looking over the lot and the warehouse.

"You sure you don't wanna come in?"

"Yeah, Luann might try to get me to star in one of her movies if I do, and with the way you worked me up before, I just might." Vanessa joked and saw Jax's face harden a little bit as he shook his head. "I'm kidding!" She chuckled, grabbing the front of his sweatshirt and pulled him in for a kiss, that he deepened and made slightly more possessive than usual. "Although I do remember her saying that I could always get a job here if I need one, thanks to my 'nice rack.'"

"They are nice. Nicest I've seen." Jax's eyes flicked down to her chest as he gave one of his signature smirks. "I'll be five minutes, babe." She just nodded before Jax kissed her once more, she watched as he headed inside, sighing to herself.

She was only sitting on Jax's bike for a few minutes before she heard loud music playing and a white car pulling into the lot. She saw the blonde hair and immediately remembered that it was the same girl that she slammed up against the wall for flirting with Jax at one of the parties.

"Uh, shouldn't you be polishing that, sweetie? Jax likes it nice and shiny." Ima looked her up and down, a small smirk on her face. Vanessa could hear the sexual innuendo in the woman's voice, causing her to want to jump up and wipe that smirk off of her face. But she remembered how Ima looked when she caught Jax and Vanessa fucking in one of the dorm rooms at the party. So instead of physically hurting her, Vanessa decided to go with an even lower blow.

"Don't you worry, hun, I polished his shit last night. I know exactly how he likes it." Vanessa snickered, using an over exaggerated and over enunciated fake-nice tone of voice. She saw Ima's smirk fall and almost wanted to feel bad, but she couldn't. She tried to be nice to Ima that night at the party, and she completely wrote her off and disrespected her. "Stupid bitch." Vanessa muttered to herself before putting her sunglasses on the top of her head and looking around the lot again.

Just a few seconds later she saw Gemma's familiar Escalade pulling into the lot, two motorcycles right behind her, belonging to Clay and Tig.

"The hell you doing here?" Clay asked loudly and stern. Vanessa watched on as Gemma jumped out of her car.

"Luann called. She's freaking out." Gemma said, starting to walk over to the bike that Vanessa was sitting on.

"That's club business. You got no reason to intervene."

"What- intervene? She's my friend. She needs to talk." Gemma spoke, bewildered.

"Oh, so when she wants to talk, you what, drop everything?"

"Jesus Christ, what are you three?" Vanessa could already see the argument that was about to ensue, not knowing what she should do, while Tig came over and sat on Jax's bike right next to her.

"I hate it when mommy and daddy fight." Tig whispered to her, but Vanessa was too busy listening to the ever-growing argument between Gemma and Clay.

"Get back to the garage." Clay ordered.

"Excuse me?"

"The last thing I need is for you running diva over a goddamn cum factory."

"Asshole!" Gemma threw back at him before walking off. She almost made it inside but turned around when she heard glass shattering. She saw the window of her Escalade broken; the glass shattered on the ground right next to a cinder block.

Vanessa shot up quickly, jumping off of the bike and stared at the scene. Moving closer to Gemma to get her away from Clay, not knowing what exactly he was capable of in that moment. But before she could, Gemma started yelling.

"You stupid piece of shit!" She barked, walking over to his bike before kicking it several times, her leather high-heeled boot leaving scuff marks.

"Gemma!" Vanessa yelled over to her, but she didn't look at her, she just continued to yell and kick the bike. "Shit." Vanessa quickly ran into the studio, looking for Jax. She saw him sitting next to Ima on the couch, his arm thrown over her shoulder. Vanessa could feel rage flowing through her veins but overlooked it, knowing she needed to get Gemma out of here.

"Jax!" Vanessa called over to him, seeing him get off the couch immediately and away from Ima, like he knew she would be pissed at him if she saw. Which she was.

"I'll make sure you get home safe." Jax was telling Ima.

"He's occupied, honey." Ima stood next to Jax but in Vanessa's face, her hand still lingering on Jax's chest. The other pointing in Vanessa's face. "You should wait outside like you were told, skank."

"And you should get the fuck out of my face before you know what it's really like to get a good pounding. Stupid bitch-" Vanessa lunged forward, but Jax gently grabbed a hold of her and pulled her away before she could do any real damage. And he could tell that she really wanted to do damage.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Jax continued to pull her away. "She's a little out of her mind."

"Well, she's not the only one." Vanessa grabbed Jax's hand and pulled him outside quicker, getting outside just in time to see Clay punching the front hood of Gemma's Escalade.

"Just what those arthritic mitts need, a good pounding." Gemma yelled. _Jesus Christ, we're more alike than I thought._ Vanessa thought to herself, still pulling Jax towards them.

"You wanna see a good pounding?" Clay bellowed, causing Jax to move towards his mom quickly.

"Come on, bad ass, lay hands on me." Gemma screamed. "I'll sit your goddamn throat! You are pathetic!" Gemma started to walk off when Clay grabbed her from behind, causing her to scream out in fear. "Don't you touch…" Jax pushed Clay off of her. "Don't!"

Vanessa ran to Gemma's side as she began to sob, gently placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, letting her know that she's there for her as she continued to sob quietly, ignoring the yelling coming from the President and Vice President of the club. Gemma took Vanessa's hand and gripped it tightly, causing Vanessa to calmly whisper to the woman.

"You're alright, Gem. You're gonna be alright."

* * *

"What do you got?" Clay asked as the guys all sat in the garage after the incident at Cara Cara. He was in a pissy mood. The bullshit with the club, his family, and the severe lack of intimacy with his wife was piling up on him as of late.

"Zobelle's a goddamn saint." Juice started. "He owns five cigar shops, deacon at his church, widower, one kid."

"But look at this." Jax placed a paper in front of Clay. "Last place the League of American Nationalists put down roots was San Bernardino. Six months later, War Boys MC crumbled. Entire crew went away for aggravated assault, attacked Zobelle's Cigar Shop."

"War Boys run guns." Clay announced.

"They did." Jax nodded.

"Why would Zobelle care about guns?" Half Sack wondered.

"'Cause these dickheads are prepping for the great race war." Clay said, irritably.

"Zobelle came at us hard. Cocky threat. No fear." Tig admitted.

"He wanted to incite you."

"So, what? We own the law in Charming." Chibs said to everyone.

"Unser, not Hale." Tig pointed out.

"Maybe he got Hale." Opie guessed, causing Jax to shake his head.

"If Hale could be bought, we'd have him." Jax announced, thinking about the fact that Hale has always been a self-righteous prick. He got the 'Captain America' nickname for a reason, and that reason was his sanctimoniousness. "I can get Vanessa to talk to him. But I'm telling you, Hale is not working with them.

"Maybe we never offered him the right pay off." Clay sighed. "Let's stick with the devil we know. And don't involve Vanessa into this shit, we don't need her to end up taking her brother's side. We still don't know where her loyalties lie."

"She has patched up every single one of us when needed. Stole from her job to do it. She helped give us Oswald's daughters rapist. She took on Abel like he's her own, takes care of Kenny and Ellie whenever she can. Her loyalties have never been in question for me, and I'm sick of feeling like she needs to prove herself to you. She's gonna get my crow. She's Sam Crow, through and through."

"Like I said, let's stick with the devil we know." Clay insisted, ignoring everything that was just said, causing Jax to shake his head.

"Darby's Lodi cook shops are all shuttered up. Maybe he's gone mobile."

"Yeah, well let's find those meth labs, okay? And now!" Clay barked.

"Jax, Ima called. Miss Double Penetration is ready for you." Gemma walked in and called out to Jax.

"Oh." He groaned. "I'll be right back. Just gotta give her a safe ride." He walked over to his mom, getting ready to leave.

"Yeah, a producer's work is never done, huh?" Clay sneered.

"Should've given me a heads up about Bobby taking over Luann's books." Jax walked back over to Clay. "I brought this to the club. It's my action."

"Bobby needs it." Clay yelled back to Jax, while the rest of the guys stared on, anticipating another argument between the two. "He spent months inside for us. Maybe it's time you start thinking about something other than yourself and that piece of pussy you have over there."

"Yeah." Jax scoffed, walking back over to his mother who had a stern look on her face. "I'll see you later, ma."

"You better be careful with that." Gemma called out to him, causing him to look back. "I heard all about the shit with Ima today, and I don't see Vanessa being too thrilled that you're giving Miss DP a ride. That ride you're giving her, better just be a ride on your bike, and that's it. You hear me, Jax?"

"I hear you. Surprised you're even sticking up for Vanessa." He said with a small smirk, remembering the tension and dislike that the two women in his life had for each other just a few weeks ago.

"I see how she's been taking good care of you and my grandson. She's doing good things for the club, too. Even if Clay doesn't see it, I do. And so do the rest of the boys. You could do worse than her. You have done worse than her, Jackson. Don't fuck this up with her."

"I don't plan on it, ma."

* * *

 **AN:** Thanks to everyone who supports this story by reviewing and leaving kudos. It means a lot. Hope you guys enjoy this update. Don't forget to review to let me know what you guys think!


	36. Chapter 36

After spending some much-needed time with her favorite little man, Vanessa seemed much calmer. Thinking about applying to and eventually going back to school caused some anxiety. Then after she blew up on Ima at Cara Cara and the stress of everything that happened with Gemma and Clay had her feeling exhausted.

So being home with Abel and having their tummy time together was something that Vanessa was grateful for. She spent most of the afternoon playing with him, feeding him, and listening to music with him while Neeta was away for a few hours. Her favorite part of the day was talking with him. Well, she would talk then he would babble away for hours like he knew exactly what she was talking about. When Neeta finally came back, Vanessa decided to let Abel rest while she headed over to the clubhouse

"Hey." She gave a sad smile to Gemma when she walked in, seeing the woman sitting down and looking over paperwork. "Tara came by the house today. HIV test, you're due." She said handing over the canister.

Gemma sighed but got up and was walking to the bathroom when she decided to tell Vanessa what was going on.

"I haven't had sex since it happened."

"Makes sense. You're still healing."

"Pussy's not the problem. It's my head." Gemma admitted.

"You need time."

"I need something." Gemma sighed again.

"Where's Clay with all this?"

"Did you miss the car show earlier? He hates me."

"That's not true, Gemma." Vanessa tried to convince her.

"I don't know." Gemma left to the bathroom, leaving Vanessa to sit in the office by herself, running her hands over her face. Vanessa heard the motorcycle pulling into the lot and smiled to herself, glad that she was able to see Jax again. She looked out the window and saw Jax letting Ima off the back of his bike before backing into his usual parking spot.

"Son of a bitch." Vanessa muttered to herself. "What the fuck is this?" She watched Ima trying to flirt with Jax, twirling her hair and trying to get closer to him.

Gemma walked back in, but Vanessa still didn't take her eyes off of Jax and Ima. She saw Ima take a gentle hold onto Jax's chin and pull him in for a kiss without him even attempting to pull away. Vanessa's eyes shut at the sight and her jaw clenched.

"You good with that rubbing up on Jax?" Gemma asked, seeing Vanessa take a deep breath and open her eyes.

"I trust him."

"It's not him you worry about. It's them. You don't have a crow on you. They think he's a free dick. You gotta educate."

"She knows I'm with him, walked in on me and Jax fucking at Bobby's homecoming party. She knows I'm living with him, taking care of his kid."

"And she still isn't backing off? You gotta set the bitch straight. The others see it, everyone knows."

"I can't be fighting with these skanks, Gem. I have a job that I worked hard for. I have Abel. I have responsibilities, things to lose."

"You remember what you told me a few months ago? You said that you're finally figuring out that you have things worth fighting for."

"I didn't mean that literally."

"Well, you should. You're a tough little bitch. So, show them that."

"You ever fight with them, for Clay or John?" Vanessa asked, weighing her other options.

"You saw me clock a skinny bitch in the face with a skateboard because of Clay." Vanessa chuckled at that.

"Right." She nodded, trying to figure out what she should do. "I don't know. I'm not 18 years old anymore, Gemma. I like to think that my catfighting days are behind me."

"We'll see."

* * *

"Dealer said Darby's cooking down by the streams." Opie told everyone at Church.

"I know that part of Water Road. Only a few houses." Jax announced.

"We find the right one, clear it out, burn it down." Clay ordered.

"You're talking about blowing something up in our backyard." Jax said, causing Clay to nod. "That's exposure, Clay."

"Don't see another way, brother." Chibs chipped in.

"Why don't we just tell Unser?" Jax suggested. "Let the cops actually do their job for once."

"Doesn't send a message." Tig pointed out.

"Zobelle's not a gangster. We don't know what kind of message to send."

"Alright. We let the cops handle it. Only we don't tell Unser, we tell Hale."

"If he buries the intel then we know he's on Zobelle's payroll." Opie nodded.

"I'm telling you, man, Hale is not working for White Power." Jax chuckled, knowing how out of character that would be for the officer.

"Well, then he shuts down the cook shop, don't he?" Clay started.

"And if he doesn't, we do." Tig spoke up.

"All in favor?" All the guys raised their hands.

* * *

Jax walked out of the clubhouse and saw Vanessa across the lot, putting her bag in the back seat and getting ready to jump in the truck to leave. He walked quickly towards her before she could leave.

"Nes." He called out, causing her to turn around. He went to kiss her on the lips but she turned her head the slightest bit so he would only kiss her on the cheek. He looked at her confused. "You alright?"

"I'm fine. What's up?"

"Need to go see your brother about some official police business." He smirked. "Figured you would wanna take the ride with me." Vanessa didn't answer, just walked around to the passenger side of the truck and got in.

"What's with this passive aggressiveness I'm getting right now?" He asked as he got in the truck.

"Nothing, I'm just tired." She answered, crossing her arms over here chest, looking out the window as he started driving towards the station. She stayed silent for a few minutes but saw Jax looking over towards her a few times. She cleared her throat and tried to gather the strength to talk to him without smacking the kiss that Ima left behind right off of his lips. "So, you and Ima, huh?"

"What are you talking about? There is no me and Ima." His eyebrows furrowed together, getting the hint as to what she was so pissed off about.

"Oh, I don't know. You two sure did look cozy while you were practically making out in the lot in front of everyone today."

"We weren't making out, Nessa. She kissed me."

"And you let it happen. Even though we were just talking about our future together this morning." He could still hear the passive aggressive tone she took.

"Wait a minute," he smirked. "Are you jealous?"

"I don't know, Jax. Maybe tonight at the wrap party, you know, the same one you forgot to tell me about, I'll make out with Juice or Half Sack, maybe even both. Or better yet, maybe I'll find myself a nice male porn star with a huge co-"

"Alright, I get it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it happen. But that shit with her means nothing."

"Until it doesn't." She whispered to herself, but he could still hear her.

"Hey, look at me." Jax said as they pulled up in front of the station. "That kiss meant nothing. It was her delusional way to thank me for giving her a ride. She means nothing. Tell me how to fix this."

"I don't know, Jax." She whispered, feeling more insecure than she wanted to be feeling, but having a constant rotation of girls who wanted nothing more than to be on his dick caused her to feel like maybe she wasn't good enough. Between the croweaters and the porn stars, she didn't know where she was supposed to fit in with Jax.

"Get my crow." Vanessa's eyes quickly flicked to his to see if he was serious. He could see that her eyes had grown a little wider in the pure shock that she was feeling, but she quickly swallowed it down.

"I don't want your crow if it's only 'cause you think it would help this situation. Because it doesn't."

"You think I would give you my crow if I didn't really want you to have it?" He looked in her eyes, causing her to flick hers away. He grabbed gently onto her chin, tilting her head so she would be making eye contact with him again.

Vanessa just shrugged, biting her lip gently.

"You already got my heart, might as well get my crow too." He gave her that signature Jax Teller smirk. "I've wanted you to have my crow since we were teenagers, Nessa. You're the one that always kept pushing it off."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Jax just kissed her passionately and pulled away, nodding his head. She pulled him in for another kiss, but quickly pulled away. "You pull that shit again or you fuck around with anyone else and I will cut that goddamn crow off of me, right after I cut your balls off."

"I got it, babe. You got my balls in a vice." He gave her a smile that told her he was joking before kissing her forehead. "Happy's in town tonight for the wrap party. You can have it on you before the party even starts."

"You move pretty fast, Teller."

"You've seen the way the guys around the clubhouse look at you. Gotta put my mark on ya quick."

"Yeah, now if only the old ladies could put marks on their men so everyone knows to stay away. But I don't think that would ever happen, huh?" Jax thought about her question but didn't give her a straight answer.

"You can always mark me in other ways, darlin'." Jax gave her another flirty smile, causing her to kiss his neck, gently biting and sucking on his neck, trying to leave little love bites. Jax groaned with lust but made eye contact with her older brother right behind her. "Shit, Vanessa. There's your brother."

Vanessa quickly pulled away and looked back at David who was staring at them as he was getting out of his Ford Bronco. She couldn't help the slight blush on her cheeks, feeling like a teenager who just got caught making out with her boyfriend. She jumped out of Jax's truck and he placed a hand on her waist, right above her ass.

"You two waiting for me?" Hale asked, seeing both of them nodding.

"Yeah. Nords are dealing in town." Jax started. "Found out where Darby's cooking. Water Road, out by the streams."

"In Charming?" David reiterated, looking to both of them.

"Yeah. Red house. Shouldn't be hard to find."

"So now you're doing my job, too?"

"David…" Vanessa started but was cut off by Jax.

"I'm telling you, we don't nip this now, Nords are gonna flood that mill with crank. I'm not jerking you around, man. I convinced Clay to let you guys handle it. Do it by the book for a change."

"Okay. Well, I'll take a ride out there." David nodded his goodbye to her before he walked away.

"You think he's working with them?" Jax asked her.

"I don't think he would. But it wouldn't be the first time my family tried to take down Sam Crow by doing something really fucking stupid."

* * *

"We got shit to do and you're having Hap waste his time putting ink on her right fuckin' now? You didn't think this shit through or what? We gotta get out to Water Road before this fucking wrap party, Jax." Clay bitched in his ear causing Jax to roll his eyes.

"Hap'll be done in a few; he's just finishing up." Jax heard Clay scoff before walking away. Jax walked over to where Vanessa had her shirt pulled up and the pair of basketball shorts pulled down so Happy could put the finishing touches on.

"Sittin' like a champ." Happy growled out when Jax walked over to them, looking over the smooth black and gray work. Jax smiled, beaming with pride that his girl was doing so well.

 _She looks too fucking good right now, too. Shit._ Jax thought, knowing it was probably a bad idea to be putting his ink on her before he had to go deal with club shit, because now all he could think about was how that ink would look while she was on top of him.

"We done?" Vanessa asked, no longer hearing the tattoo machine.

"Yeah, babe. Take a look." Jax told her, handing a small mirror over to her so she could see better. The black and gray crow had its wings spread across her hip, the tattoo spanning down to her thigh. She was amazed at how much detail was put into the tattoo, but her heart fluttered when she saw the lilies that were also inked onto her skin around the crow. Vanessa looked up at Jax and he saw tears forming in her eyes.

"Thank you, Happy." She smiled at him and the bald man nodded, cleaning and taping the plastic wrap over the tattoo before walking away from them. Vanessa looked back at Jax and grabbed his hand, his other hand running through her golden hair. "I love you, Jax. So much."

"I love you, too." Jax kissed her passionately, intensifying the kiss each second that passed. Jax had to pull away, knowing that they were gonna end up getting carried away.

"I'm your old lady." She laughed, a few tears forming in her eyes again, never thinking that her and Jax would ever see each other again, much less get back together, live with each other, and be raising a beautiful baby boy together.

"You're my old lady." He smiled, smacking her ass before kissing her hard once again, causing her to squeal with joy. They both heard a throat being cleared loudly, both of them looking in the direction that it came.

"You finished with this shit yet, Jax? We got shit to do." Clay snapped, walking away without letting either of them answer.

"I don't think he likes me very much." Vanessa sounded a little upset.

"I don't think he likes me very much either, babe." He kissed her once more. "I gotta go, club shit. I'll see you at the party later tonight?"

"Mhm." She nodded, just realizing his wardrobe now. He was wearing all dark clothing and had a black beanie on his head, his kutte nowhere to be found. She grabbed the front of his black hoodie and pulled him closer towards her. "My brother didn't come through?"

Jax shook his head, a sad smile on his face. He knew that she probably felt a sting of betrayal and confusion at the notion of her brother working with the League.

"Fucking idiot." She scoffed quietly. "Please be careful, baby."

"Always, darlin'." He kissed her hard one last time before pulling away. "Gotta get back to my kid. And my sexy as hell old lady." Jax smirked and walked away from her, her heart beating quickly at the words. She was officially his girl. His old lady.

* * *

All the guys were walking quietly towards the red house by the streams out on Water Road. Jax looked around, thinking of the first time he took Vanessa out to the streams. He got her high for the first time ever and they just talked about everything. He talked about losing his dad and his brother, how difficult it was for him to let Clay into his life as his new step-father. She talked about her mom being sick and how hard it was to see her before she passed away. She also told him all about how she felt like her dad had loathed her, always comparing her to her brothers. They'd only been seeing each other for two and a half months, but he had never felt more comfortable with anyone. That night continued with him daring her to jump in the lake that connected to the streams, and it ended with them skinny dipping. It was the night that he realized he was falling in love with her.

_Now she's my old lady._

Jax hid the smile that was threatening to overtake his face, knowing he had to be focused on the task at hand. Blowing up the house.

"That's gotta be it." Jax whispered, seeing the only red house. All of the lights were on inside, but curtains covered every single window.

"Go." Clay spoke a little louder while Jax looked over the property.

"Hold it!" Jax whisper-yelled and pointed. "Cameras."

Everyone quickly pulled their masks over their faces and started doing what they were supposed to. Tig and Chibs ran up on both sides of the house, scouting it out.

"We're set." Opie spoke lowly.

"We'll clear the house, then blow it." Jax told everyone their roles, seeing them running off to set the bomb up. Quickly, all of the guys began shooting at the house, blowing out all of the windows and heard the men inside yelling and running, shooting their guns into the wind, just trying to jump into their cars and leave as fast as they could.

Jax kicked the door in, running inside and looking throughout the house to make sure that it was clear. Jax ran back outside, hiding away from the house, knowing that it would be up in flames and smoke any second.

"Who's got the remote?" Jax asked.

"Ope's not using one." Juice shook his head, causing Jax to look over at him, worry clear on both men's faces. Jax saw Opie running out of the house as fast as he could before the whole thing went up in flames. He saw Opie jump to the ground, just barely making it out alive, as he watched his best friend crawling away from the burning house before jumping back up and running towards them.

Jax looked over at Clay, anger clear on his face. Jax knew exactly what Opie was doing, it was the same shit that he did when Vanessa left Charming. He threw himself into the club, not caring at all about his own safety. Jax shook his head, knowing that his friend was still broken up about losing Donna, not that he blamed him. Jax just wished he could do something for his best friend.


	37. Chapter 37

After blowing up the house on Water Road, Jax and the rest of the guys went back over to the clubhouse before the wrap party at Cara Cara. Gemma was the only one left at the clubhouse and walked right over to her son, noticing that he didn't seem too happy. She's noticed that lately the club continued to put him in this type of mood.

"You alright, baby?" She asked, concern laced in her tone as she gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm good, ma." He answered, lighting up a cigarette and looking at her, seeing an angry, almost empty look on her face. He wondered what he did this time.

"So, when were you gonna tell me she got your crow?" Gemma started, causing Jax to sigh.

"Ma, I don't want to hear it. If you don't like it, keep it to yourself, aight?"

"I was gonna say that I'm happy for you, baby. She's a good girl. Takes good care of you and Abel. A stubborn little bitch sometimes, but that's something we can work on." They both laughed lightly, knowing that it was the truth. She was definitely stubborn. "I think she has the potential to be a real good old lady, just gotta teach her a few things."

"Old Lady 101. It's probably more difficult than most of the classes she had to take in college." Jax laughed. "Thanks, ma. You gonna head over to the wrap party?"

"At the porn palace? No thanks." Gemma smoked her cigarette. "Gonna head over to the house, relieve your old lady from kid duty." Jax nodded, kissing his mother on the cheek before going back into the clubhouse to shower before he had to head over to Cara Cara and see his beautiful old lady.

* * *

Vanessa was just slipping on her heels when she heard Gemma walking inside of her home. She walked out of the room, throwing her big golden curls over one shoulder as she went over to greet Gemma.

"Wow." Gemma looked stunned, looking the woman over. Vanessa was wearing a pair of black leather leggings that enhanced all of her already very prominent curves, along with a cropped zipped up beige leather jacket that was tight on her chest and gave her just a tad more cleavage. The black heels completed the outfit making her look at least 3 inches taller than her usual 5'6" frame.

"Do I look old lady enough? Or do I look too porn star-y?" Vanessa asked, worried about how she might be viewed, her insecurities always poking through even though everyone else saw how absolutely stunning she was.

"Jax is definitely gonna love this little get up." Gemma waved her hand at the outfit, even with the very little skin Vanessa was showing, she still managed to look sexy.

"Well, these are all I could wear at the moment. Jeans would irritate my new ink." She said with a smile, causing Gemma to nod. "I better get going. The baby is asleep, just ate about an hour ago. I already changed him and bathed him. I won't be home too late."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart. Don't forget about what I said." Gemma spoke with an air of confidence, but Vanessa looked at her with a bit of confusion. "You're his old lady now, show those bitches that. Hit, kick, scratch. Doesn't matter. Don't let those stupid cum-guzzling whores get their claws in your man."

* * *

Vanessa pulled up to Cara Cara and took in a deep breath, her mind going back to what Gemma has been telling her about the girls. She looked over herself one more time in the mirror. Her makeup was plain as usual, aside from the red lipstick she was usually wearing on a night out. Just a little bit of eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. She ran a hand through her hair and jumped out of the truck, making her way inside.

She looked around, only being inside of here for the first time this afternoon, she wasn't exactly sure where anything was. She looked around for her old man but had yet to see him.

"This is a closed party." The nagging voice said with an attitude, and Vanessa knew immediately who it was.

"I don't want to fight with you, alright?" Vanessa tried to convince her.

"I said this is an invite only party, skank."

"I was invited." Vanessa looked over Ima, who was wearing a tight light blue dress and her hair up in a curly ponytail.

"Oh yeah, and by who?"

"Your new boss. Also known as my old man."

"Jax is not your old man, sweetie." Ima stood up and laughed, walking over to Vanessa and looking her up and down like she was sizing up her opponent.

"Alright." Vanessa rolled her eyes, trying to walk past her.

"How does it feel to have my sloppy seconds? You know, since I was sucking Jax's cock way before you even came around here." Ima spoke with such conviction, like she was trying to rile Vanessa up, which she was succeeding at.

"You act like that's some sort of accomplishment." Vanessa scoffed, getting more pissed off. "Jax has probably had every single chick in this building suck him off at least once. The only difference is that when I'm done, I'm still allowed to stay in his bed. I get to hear him telling me how much loves me, how much he wants a future with me. How much he's loved me since we were teenagers. What did he do when he was finished using you up? My money's on kickin' you out, darling."

"Why don't you just go back to watching his kid, like the glorified nanny that you are, and let the big girls have some fun? You better leave." Ima moved in closer to Vanessa, her voice filled with hatred.

"You're still so hellbent on trying to get with my man even though I've been taking care of his son, living with him, fucking his brains out every night of the goddamn week. He doesn't need your used-up snatch anymore. Get a fucking grip Ima, you just look desperate." Vanessa laughed bitterly and tried to walk past her, but Ima stopped her, getting further into her face with a few other girls that joined in, standing behind her like some sort of high school clique.

"I said get out, bitch." Ima yelled in her face.

"You better get the fuck out of my face." Vanessa snapped, almost in an angry whisper-like tone.

"All of us here know that you're just trying to use his son to get under his skin and try to make Jax want you. It's not gonna work, skank."

"You know, it's a real nice dream you got going, sweetheart. Thinking that Jax will someday come to his senses, save you from this business, and make you his old lady. I'm going to put this as nice as possible; it is never gonna happen, Ima. You will never be an old lady." Vanessa finally got past Ima just in time to hear her yell on the top of her lungs.

"And you think you will? You really think that Jax would ever make _you_ his old lady?" She screamed with contempt and pure disgust. Vanessa looked around, noticing that all eyes were on her and Ima, and the girls standing behind Ima like they were her backup.

"I already am, sweetheart." Vanessa pulled down the one side of her high waisted leather leggings slightly to show off the plastic wrap-covered, yet still visible tattoo. "I even got the ink to prove it. You may think of me as competition, but I already won. It's time to move on."

"Yeah, well in a few months, I bet that old man of yours will have his cock inside of me."

"Like every other guy in here?" Vanessa recoiled, feeling hot with anger at the thought of Jax ever even looking at Ima again. "You're just a dirty, worn out hole for all of these guys to put their dicks in for a few minutes." Vanessa barely got the last word out before Ima had thrown the champagne glass filled with the alcohol at her, finishing it with a slap to her face. Vanessa hadn't been expecting either, feeling a few pieces of broken glass fall onto her feet as the absolute rage pooled through her veins. Vanessa saw red.

"Chick fight!" She heard a few guys yelling and running over to the two women, making a circle around them.

"Shit, Vanessa!" She heard Jax's voice calling out for her, but she didn't pay it any mind.

Quickly, Vanessa lunged for the fake blonde, pulling at the woman's hair and ripping out her extensions as she was being forced to the ground. Vanessa could feel the cut forming on her lip, but that didn't stop her from straddling Ima, punching her in the face multiple times. She could feel the glass digging into her knees through her leggings, but she didn't care. She was only on top of Ima for less than fifteen seconds, but it felt like hours, especially when Ima used a piece of glass to slice open the outer part of her uncovered wrist, right over the tattoo of the lily. Her Lily.

"You stupid cum-guzzling whore!" Vanessa screamed, thinking of Gemma's exact words to her less than an hour before. She felt fire pooling in her veins, absolute rage towards Ima for tarnishing one of the lilies on her body that were dedicated to her baby girl. She got one more punch in to Ima's face before she was being dragged off of the fake blonde.

"Nes! Nes, come on!" Jax screamed at her, needing Opie's assistance in pulling her off of Ima. "Vanessa! Chill the fuck out!"

Vanessa finally stood up, seeing everyone watching around her, some laughing and cheering, while others looked genuinely worried. She looked down and saw Ima's nose bleeding, bruises already starting to form on her nose and around her eyes.

"You broke my nose, you psycho bitch!" Ima yelled, her hands covering her nose.

"Shut the fuck up, Ima!" Jax yelled as loud as he could, causing a few of the women, and even some men, surrounding them to jump back. Vanessa looked around again, before rushing away from the group, Jax following after her, along with Opie and a few of the other Sons. Jax pulled the bandana out of his pocket and wrapped it around her wrist. He helped her clean some of the glass off of her, while she refused to make eye contact with him. Just a few seconds later as he passed her his cigarette so she could take a hit, he heard the sirens.

"Jesus Christ." He muttered, knowing that this may not end well for his old lady. "Are you alright? You need stitches?"

"I'm fine." She muttered; the adrenaline still pumped through her veins as she took a hit of the cigarette.

"What the hell was that, Vanessa?" She didn't get a chance to answer when she saw her brother, Unser, and one other officer looking over to her before heading inside of Cara Cara. Just a few minutes later, David and Unser came back out.

"What happened?" David asked, sounding exasperated and completely annoyed at seeing his little sister in a fight like this, especially at Cara Cara of all places.

"Had to teach a bitch a lesson." Vanessa looked at Unser, her brother, and Jax, who were all staring at her, their jaws a little slack. She realized just how much she sounded like Gemma and it made her feel uneasy and disgusted with herself. As much as she admired Gemma's strength, she never wanted to be like her.

Shaming Ima for her profession or for the amount of sex she had was never something Vanessa meant to do, especially since there were times that she had danced half-naked to make ends meet, but it just happened. She never even wanted to fight with anyone, she had even told Ima that. Clearly, that hadn't gone to plan.

She was starting to think that maybe it was Gemma that had gotten in her head. Manipulated her into thinking that she couldn't trust Jax around these women and that she couldn't prove her worth as an old lady without fighting or throwing shitty words around. But she couldn't blame Gemma either, only herself.

"Wanna try that again, sweetheart? In a way that doesn't get you arrested for assault and battery tonight?" Unser practically pleaded with her.

"We were having an argument. She got in my face aggressively and I didn't back down. We both said some pretty rude things, then she threw her glass cup filled with champagne at me." She pointed to her tan jacket that was slightly wet. "She smacked me, so I hit her back and she fell to the ground. She must've picked up a piece of glass and cut me with it, so I hit her again."

"Jesus Christ." David ran his hands over his face. "Can I talk to you, alone?" She just nodded and they walked off. "What the hell were you thinking? This could hurt your career, you could spend time in jail if she decides to press charges."

"Charges? It was self-defense! She threw a glass at me and then hit me first, then tried to fucking stab me with a piece of glass, David. What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"That's not what some of the witnesses are saying in there."

"They're her friends and her coworkers in there, of course they're gonna side with her! Do your job and find a video or some other fucking evidence because I'm telling you the truth."

"You shouldn't have been here in the first place, Vanessa. You know that dad is not gonna make this shit go away like he did when you were a kid."

"I was just trying to protect myself." She whispered; he could hear the vulnerability in her voice.

"Jesus." He scoffed. "The house that blew up on Water Road, did you know about that shit? I'm assuming it was Sam Crow behind the blast."

"What? No…"

"I'm sure you didn't. Isn't that the whole reason you came to me this afternoon? Because you were convinced that it was one of Darby's cookhouse?"

"I don't know shit about it. Do you know anything about Darby's cookhouses? Since you clearly didn't do shit about it after Jax gave you that info." Vanessa fired back. David was about to start yelling at her but took a deep breath instead, a look fell over his face that expressed his disappointment in her.

"I don't even know if it's worth trying to protect you anymore."

"Then don't! I have never asked you to fucking protect me." Vanessa yelled, tears filling her eyes in anger and disappointment in herself. David walked off so he could try to contain his own anger while Vanessa wiped her eyes before walking back over to Jax. She grabbed a hold of his arm while he talked to Unser.

"So, what's gonna happen?" Jax asked, needing to know what he had to do to make this go away.

"You wanna press charges?" Unser looked over to Vanessa, who shook her head no. "Ima's very drunk, so we're gonna take her in for disorderly conduct. You can go home. She'll spend the night in the drunk tank, but she may decide to press charges on you, sweetheart."

"Even though it was self-defense?" Jax wondered.

"She busted her up pretty bad. Looks like you shattered her nose."

"She won't be making videos for a while, huh?" Vanessa tried to make light of the situation, even though her eyes were watering again at the thought of being charged for this. Her mind went to losing her job, Abel, Jax, everything.

"Can you sound like you have a little remorse, at least since I'm standing right here?" Unser pointed to his badge, indicating that he was still a cop and that the way she was acting could get her in even more trouble.

"I'm sorry. So, what should we do?"

"I suggest getting a lawyer. Or talking her out of trying to press charges. I ain't charging you with anything and this will all be forgotten, unless she presses charges. Do you see where I'm getting at here, Vanessa?"

She just nodded as Unser began to walk away to talk to her brother.

"I gotta talk to her, make sure she doesn't press charges on you." Jax ran a hand through his hair.

"What? Why you?"

"Because this shit could hurt you if I don't talk her out of this. I'd rather you didn't lose your job or go to jail over some bullshit fucking fight, Vanessa." She could hear the anger coursing through Jax's voice.

"I'm sorry." The tears that were forming in her eyes finally fell. She didn't want any of this to happen, and she didn't want Jax to be pissed at her because of it, especially since she felt as if she was fighting for his honor. Truly though, she felt disgusted in herself. "I'm sorry, Jax."

Jax sighed, pulling her in for a hug tightly. She put her head on his chest as he ran his fingers through the ends of her hair.

"I-I didn't want to fight her. But seeing her all over you this afternoon and hearing the things Ima was saying to me, then remembering what your mom was telling me, I just lost it."

"My mom?" Jax pulled away. "Jesus Christ, what the hell did she do now?"

"N-nothing." Vanessa shook her head. "Nothing. She just said that if I wanted to be your old lady, I should make sure everyone else knew too."

"And you thought beating the shit out of Ima was the way to let everyone else know?"

"Too dramatic?" She asked causing her to force out a laugh that was accompanied with tears. "I'm sorry. I know you got a lot of shit going on and then here I am just adding on to that."

"I love you, babe. I gotta get you out of this shit, aight?" Vanessa nodded as Jax kissed her on the forehead and pulled her in for a tight hug again. "I'll get her to drop the charges."

"Yeah…" _But how?_

* * *

 **AN:** Hope you guys liked these two chapters! I think this was one of my favorites to write, just because I think it shows how flawed Vanessa is. She's still trying to figure out how to navigate the outlaw MC world while trying to bee a decent human being. Don't forget to review and let me know what you guys think!


	38. Chapter 38

Jax woke up earlier than he would have liked to, but he knew that he had to make it down to the Charming Police Station to try to get his old lady out of the shit she got herself into last night. But he was fine with doing it. He loved her, and he would do anything he had to do to keep her safe.

That's why he was sitting outside of the station on his bike, smoking a cigarette and staring at the door. Ima had a smirk on her face when she saw him waiting there for her. She fixed her hair a little bit and smiled at him like she had just won. Jax couldn't help but notice how messy she looked, especially with the number of bruises that covered her face, but a fight against his old lady and a night spent in the drunk tank usually did that.

"Hey Jax, you been waiting long for me?" Ima asked, a flirty tone to her voice.

"Nah." He threw his cigarette on the ground. He examined the scrape on her nose, along with the purple surrounding her eyes, realizing that Vanessa did a real number on her. Truthfully, he felt a little proud that his girl could hold her own. Hell, she could do more than hold her own. "I'm here to set some shit straight with you."

Ima swallowed harshly at the tone that lingered in his voice before looking at him. She saw that he had a very serious look on his face, so she just nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"You pressing charges on Vanessa?"

"I was thinking about it. Look at what that crazy bitch did to my fucking face!" She yelled, her head spinning when Jax took a hold of her arm roughly.

"You ain't gonna press charges on her, got it?"

"What's in it for me?" He could hear the flirty tone in her voice again as she trailed her fingers down his kutte. He pushed her hand away from him.

"That's not a fuckin' request, Ima."

"You're really taking that skanks side after what she did to me?" Ima screeched; surprise evident in her tone. "I won't be able to work for weeks because of that fucking bitch!"

"Who the hell do you think you're talking about? That's my old lady!" Jax barked back at her and saw her jump back a little. He took a deep breath to calm himself down before he continued. "Listen, you wanna keep your job and you wanna stay in the club's good graces? Then you forget that fight ever fuckin' happened. And you stay the hell away from Vanessa, got it?"

"Fine." Jax could see her wanting to stomp her feet like a child, but she didn't. "Can you at least give me a ride home?"

"Take a cab." Jax threw a twenty-dollar bill at her as he got back on his Dyna and headed back to his house to see his old lady and his kid.

* * *

Vanessa had the radio playing as Abel was sitting in his high chair after eating his rice cereal. She looked over to him as he laughed at the mess he was making with the cereal; his hands and face were covered in it. She smiled at how absolutely adorable the baby was as she walked over to him.

"You are one giggly little boy, aren't you?" She kissed his forehead before taking the bowl and spoon, going to the sink to clean off the dirty dishes. She walked over to the radio to turn it up a little louder when she heard that Led Zeppelin was on. Vanessa started singing to the lyrics to Whole Lotta Love as she continued moving around the kitchen, cleaning up the mess.

She looked over at Abel who began babbling and clapping to himself as if he was trying to sing along to the song too.

"You're so silly, Abel baby." She tapped his nose gently and blew a raspberry on his cheek as he squealed in delight. Vanessa went back to singing and cleaning up the kitchen, feeling a semblance of happiness after all of the shit she had been through lately.

Jax had a small smirk on his face, thinking about how beautiful she was and how good she was with Abel, as he watched her practically dance around the kitchen in just one of his SAMCRO t-shirts that barely covered her ass. Jax slowly inched his way over to her so she wouldn't know that he was back already.

"I'm gonna give you every inch of my love." He said along to the song as he wrapped his arms around her waist, causing her to jump and turn around to face him. She was clutching at her heart.

"You scared the shit out of me!" She smacked him on the chest lightly and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. After she felt a little more relaxed, she kissed him gently. They both swayed to the music for a moment.

"Shake for me, girl." He pulled his lips away and sang to her again, a smirk on his face as he squeezed her ass, then lightly smacked it.

"You're ridiculous!" She laughed, his hands still gripping her ass. "Your son is right over there."

"At least he'll know that his daddy loves his mommy." Jax joked, causing her to scoff and push him away gently. Then realizing what he said, she looked back to him but noticed that he must not have realized what he said, so she tried to ignore it. She bit her lip, watching as Jax picked up his son out of his high chair and brought him out of the kitchen and into his nursery.

Vanessa looked over to the high chair where Abel was just sitting, a gummy grin on his face. Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to make sense of everything going on in her head. She smiled when she came to the realization that Jax had clearly already come to.

_I'm a mom. I'm Abel's mom._

* * *

The next few days went by smoothly. Ima was officially not pressing charges and Vanessa and Jax were even closer than before all of that shit went down. Things seemed to be going better, though there was still tension between Jax and his step-father. The tension between Gemma and Clay was palpable too.

"What's the run?" She sipped her coffee as Jax was pulling up his pants and buckling his belt.

"Blood drive." Jax smiled, putting his dad's bullet necklace on. "Children's Hospital in Eureka."

"My community servant."

"That's what we're all about, baby." He gently grabbed her face and pulled her in for a kiss, he smiled into the kiss when Abel started crying from his nursery. "My boy, the master of timing." Vanessa began to walk away to go get the baby when Jax grabbed her hand and pulled her closer into him again, giving her another kiss. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She whispered softly. He gently kissed and then nipped at her lips, causing them both to smile.

"I got him." Jax whispered. Vanessa quickly threw on a light sweater and fixed her hair in the mirror when Jax came back into the room, Abel sitting happily in Jax's arms. "You look outside yet?"

"No, why would I?" Vanessa asked, a little confused. Jax took her hand and pulled her over to the window overlooking the driveway. She saw the brand new all black Audi Q7 sitting in the driveway. "Holy shit! You got it!"

"Told you I would, didn't I?" He smiled at how excited she looked. Jax started walking towards the door, Abel still in his arms. "You comin'?"

They both walked outside together and she bounced around excitedly while inspecting the new car. She had a huge smile on her face when she saw Abel's car seat already in the back. She couldn't help but think how much she absolutely loved everything about Jax and Abel, and the little family they had together.

"When'd you have time to do this?"

"I had the prospect go pick it up last night. Dropped it off here this morning." She kissed him on the lips and ran her hand through his hair. "It's a real nice cage. You got a good eye."

"Clearly." She looked Jax up and down, a small smirk on her face. Seeing him being domestic like this and taking care of Abel got her a little hot. "If you didn't have to get to the clubhouse in like five minutes, you would totally be getting laid right now."

"Shit, darlin'. Tryin' to make me late for this run?" He wrapped his arm around her waist. "You and the kid gonna come see me off?"

"We'll be right behind you." Vanessa took Abel from him and walked quickly into the house to get the baby ready for the day.

* * *

Vanessa and Abel pulled onto the lot in their new car. She smiled the whole way there, feeling how smooth the car rode. She got out of the SUV and took Abel out of his car seat as he was shaking a ring of plastic and colorful keys.

"C'mon, Abel baby. Let's go see daddy before he has to leave." Vanessa sang, holding Abel in her arms. She walked over to Jax who was sitting on his bike. They all greeted her and Abel before continuing on with their conversation while Jax got up and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Vanessa heard a loud engine on the lot, causing her to cover Abel's ear when the same engine backfired. She looked at Bobby who was riding his motorcycle over to the rest of the guys.

"Hey, it's an old fat boy on an old fat boy." Half Sack whistled, causing Bobby to look at him with a sneer on his face. "Sorry."

"Thought you put that beast to sleep?" Jax asked Bobby as he guided Vanessa to walk with him.

"This fat boy ain't even reached its prime." Bobby remarked.

"Barely looks like it can reach the end of the lot." Opie spoke, causing everyone to laugh out, including Vanessa. She looked down at Abel and saw him staring at her with his big beautiful eyes. She kissed him on the nose.

"Best bike for a long ride. And I put it up against any of your pretty Dynas." Bobby pointed to all of the bikes.

"You hittin' the gay rodeo on the way?" Jax lit up his cigarette, everyone laughed again as Vanessa shook her head as she heard the group saying things like 'Yee-haw' and 'Captain Chaps'.

"Cowhide protects the man hide." Bobby sat on the bike and went to start it again, causing Vanessa to cover the baby's ears again. She saw the engine backfire and the smoke that was coming out of it and her eyes went wide, not trusting that bike to get Bobby all the way to Eureka.

"Oh, goddamn man. Come on, I gotta ride behind that thing?" Half Sack yelled; his hands raised in the air.

"Shut up." Chibs spoke. "You should be used to gettin' sprayed in the face, prospect."

"Usually by Bobby." Jax said to Vanessa, causing her to wrinkle her nose and him to kiss her gently.

"Eat me, Chibbys." Half Sack joked.

"See the thing is, I like a full scrote when I snack on someone." Vanessa shook her head again, looking down at Abel who was looking around at all of the guys and taking everything in.

"Oh, is that right?" Half Sack questioned. "Yeah, okay, well, pretty soon you can have that."

"You gonna spontaneously sprout a nut?" Tig's eyebrows furrowed. "Boing."

"No. Getting a neuticle." Half Sack looked unsure if he should tell everyone.

"Getting a what?" Jax pulled Vanessa in tighter, trying not to laugh.

"You're getting a musical? A musical?" Someone in the crowd asked causing everyone to cackle.

"A fake ball. A neuticle." Sack shrugged. "It's an implant. Give me a sense of symmetry. Balance."

"Jesus Christ, I gotta get my baby boy away from this shit." Vanessa laughed, moving Abel onto her hip so she can start walking. She grabbed onto Jax's kutte, making him face her before giving him a long and passionate kiss, causing a few of the guys to cheer and whistle. "Be safe, baby. I love you."

"Always." He kissed Abel on the head before kissing her once more. "Love you."

* * *

Gemma was trying to find the keys to the Sebring, while Vanessa was doing paperwork, Abel was sitting in his car seat right next to her playing with one of his toys.

"Shit." Gemma muttered when she couldn't find the keys and the phone started ringing. "Can you get that sweetheart?"

"Teller-Morrow Automotive." Vanessa answered the phone, making funny faces at Abel who looked like he was about to cry at the loud noises in the garage and office. "We're open until 5pm tonight. Okay, sounds good." Vanessa hung up the phone and picked up Abel, who had his bottom lip jutting out and a small pout on his face like he was about to have a fit.

"Mail." Piney said, holding the envelope out to Gemma.

"Just drop it there."

"Anything I can do?" He asked.

"Hunt down the keys to the gold Sebring."

"Sure, darling." Piney began walking away with the owner. "Right this way, sweet cheeks." Vanessa bounced Abel on her knee, still making funny faces at him as he began to laugh, causing her to smile too.

Gemma opened up the big envelope with her name on it, her face dropping as she looked at the contents of the envelope. She quickly got up and shut the door to the office and the door leading to the garage, causing Vanessa to look at her a little worried.

"You okay?" Vanessa asked gently, as Gemma looked back at the mask in Sherman's bag. "Didn't Sherman's close down a few months ago?"

"Yeah…"

"The new cigar shop is there now." Vanessa spoke, seeing Gemma's face light up with a realization. "What is it, Gem?" Gemma threw the bag down, pulling the mask out of the bag and showing it to Vanessa.

"This is what they were wearing… that night." Vanessa took the mask from her hand and inspected it.

"That Zobelle guy." Vanessa whispered. "You don't think it was him, do you?"

"Comes to the lot waving his dick around our men, then later that same night this shit happens to me. That don't sound like a coincidence to me."

"Jesus Christ, Gemma. We gotta tell Jax."

"No." She shouted, causing Abel to begin crying. Vanessa held him close to her chest and rubbed his back, whispering comforting words in his ear. "You promised you wouldn't."

"O-okay. But what do we do?"

"You keep this shit to yourself. You don't do anything except keep yourself and my grandson safe, okay?" Vanessa just nodded but wanted to plead with Gemma to let her help, to let her tell someone or do something, but she knew she couldn't. "Good, now you get out of here. Go do whatever you were supposed to do today."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, sweetheart." Gemma hugged her and then kissed Abel on his head. "You make sure you're carrying, got it?"

* * *

Vanessa knew that she had to go grocery shopping today, but instead of going straight to the store, she decided to go home and make herself and her baby some lunch. As Abel was playing with the rest of his food in the bowl, Vanessa looked over to the pile of mail that was sitting on the table.

She searched through it, seeing the envelope from University of California-Davis campus. Her heart raced at the prospect of her career being determined from one single envelope. When she opened it, she let out a sigh of relief at the first word she saw.

" _Congratulations!"_ It read. " _You have been accepted into University of California-Davis' Betty Irene Moore School of Nursing for an M.S.N in the accelerated Family Nurse Practitioner Program."_

"I got in." She spoke quietly, a small smile on her face. Abel looked at her as she started laughing. She picked him up out of his high-chair and kissed him on the head. "Your mommy is gonna be a nurse practitioner."

Abel cooed and squealed in delight, as if he knew exactly what she was talking about. He kicked his feet out excitedly and clapped his hands as she held him in her arms. The smile on her face not faltering.

* * *

Vanessa was pushing her shopping cart throughout Murphy's Grocery Store picking up all the food that her little family would need for the week. She smiled at Abel who was playing with his plastic keys still, chewing on them and shaking them so they would make noise that never failed to make him giggle. She was radiating a positive and happy mood because of the new car and the news of her acceptance. Abel felt her good mood too, leading him to be extremely happy and silly.

"Look at my silly little baby." She laughed as he continued to shake the keys. She tickled him gently and he giggled. "I love you, Abel baby." She whispered to him and he gave her a big gummy smile.

Vanessa continued her shopping for about fifteen minutes, finally reaching the baby aisle for a new food that she thought Abel might like. She looked over seeing two men at one end of the aisle, both covered in tattoos that she couldn't make out from afar, but the feeling of goosebumps on her arms caused her to quickly grab a few jars of baby food and formula before moving towards the other end.

Like he could now feel her anxiety, Abel began to pout as if he was about to cry. She gently trailed her hand over his head and through his blonde wisps, trying to calm him as she walked further away from the men. She turned her head and no longer saw them standing there, a heavy feeling of relief came over her.

When she turned back around to face in front of her, she saw that there were two other men, both with Nazi symbols and hateful ink covering their bodies less than ten feet in front of her. All she thought about was getting Abel away from this situation.

"Ms. Hale." One of the men said, and she recognized him from Clay's party a few weeks back. Vanessa refused to make eye contact with them as she continued pushing the cart so they would move out of her way. "Beautiful baby."

Vanessa continued walking as the two men parted so she could walk through them. She forgot about the other groceries that she needed to buy, moving quickly towards the cash register so she could check out.

The thoughts of her acceptance were now gone from her mind. The only thing she could think about was what happened to Gemma and the delivery of the mask that she received today. She was on edge now, as was Abel who's crying had gotten louder, causing other shoppers to stare at her. Vanessa picked him up and rubbed his back gently again.

"You're okay." She whispered quietly into his ear. "We're okay." Vanessa paid the young cashier and headed over to her new SUV, first putting a fussy Abel in his car seat and then starting to place the bags of groceries on the floor of the back seat. She continuously looked over her shoulder, fearing that those men in the store were the same men who had attacked Gemma.

She was just shutting the driver side door when she saw a black Mercedes pull up right behind her spot, blocking her in. She realized that there was no other way out when three men got out and started walking over to her car. She quickly reached for her gun and jumped out of the car, not letting them get close enough to touch or even see her son.

"What the hell do you want?" She asked, pointing her .38 at the man in the suit, the one who she recognized as the self-proclaimed 'cigar king'.

"Ms. Hale, put down the weapon." He said with fervor.

"What the hell do you want?" She repeated with rage lacing her tone, still refusing to put the gun down.

"That is Jackson Teller's son, is it not?" The man pointed to her baby, staring at him as the baby now slept in the back seat.

"Don't you look at him." She snapped.

"So, I can only assume that you are Jackson Teller's old lady." He looked her up and down. "How do your father and your brothers feel about that?" She refused to answer.

"It seems that your old man and his club haven't gotten our message." Another man started speaking with a raspy voice. She looked at the hateful tattoos that were inked into his skin and immediately felt repulsed. "Tell your old man to stop selling guns to color or…"

"Or what?" She spat back, knowing exactly what these men would do. "You gonna beat me? Gang rape me?"

"We don't know what you're talking about, Ms. Hale. We're just here to give you some friendly advice." The man in the suit said.

"Is that what you do? You go after women like a bunch of scared little bitches?" Her voice didn't even shake, these men were ambushing her and her baby boy. She couldn't help the mama bear that forced its way out, wanting nothing more than to hurt whoever was putting her son at risk. One of the men started moving closer to her causing her to click the safety of her gun off. "You Nazi pricks take one more step and I will put a bullet in each one of your goddamn brains."

"Do you even know how to use that thing?"

"Do you want to find out?" She spat back.

"Are you gonna shoot one of us in broad daylight on Main Street, Ms. Hale?" The man in the suit tried to reason with her. "We are not here to hurt you; we just came to reason with you so you can relay a message to your old man."

"You like to use women and babies to get your point across?"

"If it deems fit." The cigar king leered.

"Now about that message, you tell your old man to stop selling guns to color. This is the last warning we're giving. Next time we won't be so polite about it." Vanessa watched as the men walked away and got back into their cars, the gun still raised in her hands. Her chest rising and falling with worry and paranoia. She looked at Abel through the back window and realized that what could have happened could have been much worse. She quickly put the safety back on and buried the gun in her bag. She took a deep breath trying to keep the unshed tears at bay.


	39. Chapter 39

She was sitting in the car silently for over ten minutes, trying to get her head on straight so she wouldn't be a wreck while driving home. She took a few breaths when she saw a car fill the now empty spot directly next to her. She looked over seeing Unser getting out of his cruiser and walking over to her side and knocking on the window.

"License and registration." He joked with a small smirk as she rolled down the window. He saw the unshed tears in her eyes and was already on guard. "What is it with you club ladies pulling guns on people today?"

She just stared at him not exactly sure what other incident he was talking about but she was sure it was about Gemma.

"Got a call saying a woman in an Audi was threatening to blow a few holes into a group of men. You alright, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine."

"You need me to call Jax?"

"No!" She said a little too harshly. "No. They're on their way to Eureka. Everything is fine, Wayne."

"Everything don't look fine." He tried to reason with her.

"W-what do you know about that Zobelle guy? Y'know, the cigar king?"

"Why?" Unser looked at her questioningly, knowing that Gemma had told him who she thought was responsible for her attack.

"Him and a few of his Nazi friends followed me and Abel throughout Murphy's today. Then when I tried to leave, they… they blocked me in. Threw some veiled threats at me. So, I pulled my gun on them, I-I think they were the ones that attacked Gemma. I couldn't let them get to me, or t-to Abel. I had to protect him." Vanessa's tears were pooling in her eyes, a few drops falling down her face.

"You did good, protecting him and yourself. They're just trying to scare you, Vanessa."

"Yeah, well it's working." She took a deep breath.

"Gemma's out of sorts, too. Only a matter of time before she hurts someone. Herself." Unser sighed. "Not sure how to help her."

"She needs to talk to someone about what happened. I tried to talk to her but she's not exactly the most easy-going person. She needs to tell someone who can make her feel safe."

"Sounds like you're talking from experience." Unser whispered to her. Vanessa just looked him in the eye with a sad smile on her face, otherwise ignoring his insinuation. She didn't want to delve into her past today, especially not with Chief Unser.

"You care about her."

"Known her since she was 12." Unser chuckled lightly. "Me and Emily Koza's the ones who tried to talk her out of running away." Vanessa's eyebrows furrowed, never knowing that Gemma would ever want to leave Charming. "She split when she was 16. Came back ten years later with a baby and a motorcycle club. Sorta like you did, without the baby and such."

"Yeah…" Vanessa whispered sadly, looking down at her steering wheel, her mind going back to her and Jax's baby, Liliana. She quickly looked back up to Unser, trying to hide the sadness in her voice. "Is it always like this? I've been here for what 4, maybe 5 months, and I feel like… like this shit is never gonna end."

"That's the club life." Unser shrugged. "You and Jax seem to be doing okay, regardless. Seem happy together."

"Yeah." She gave him a small smile.

"You come across something that don't make you miserable, enjoy it." Unser cleared his throat. "Jax ain't gonna let nothin' happen to you. You don't gotta worry."

* * *

Jax was sitting on his bike as they were filling up at the gas station. He smiled when he saw that he had a text from his old lady that she sent a few hours ago while they were still riding.

 _We miss you._ The text said with a picture attachment. It was a picture of Vanessa holding Abel in her arms in their kitchen. His son's face was covered in baby food, but he was giving a gummy smile, his tongue slightly out, while Vanessa was laughing into the camera. His heart swelled with happiness as he looked at the picture. Jax quickly typed his reply saying he missed them too and looked up just in time to hear Clay yelling into the pre-pay, his moment of bliss and pride slowly fading away.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Clay yelled, causing Jax to sigh knowing that something was going down. "And you just let 'em…" Clay jumped off his bike the annoyance and anger flowing through his voice. "No, no. You just wait there. You've done enough goddamn damage today!"

"What?"

"Bounty hunters just picked up Tig."

"The hell for?" Opie asked, causing both men to look at him.

"They didn't stop to say. Half Sack's trailing 'em."

"Jesus Christ. How does that happen?" Chibs shook his head, baffled by the news.

"Ask the Jew in leather." Clay clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth.

"It'll have been the hospital. Bounty hunters pay admins to call in names of nefarious types." Jax shared with them, something Vanessa had shared with him after bounty hunters picked someone up from St. Thomas a few months ago.

"If Tig had an outstanding warrant, I'd know about it."

"Might be out of state." Jax tried to remain calm. "If the bounty's big enough they could be hauling his ass to Maine."

"We got to go after him." Chibs spoke quickly.

"We got a delivery to make." Clay scoffed.

"The bondsmen have no jurisdiction. There's nothing to stop us taking him back." Chibs explained, knowing they had to get Tig back.

"What's stopping us is six bedrolls full of illegal handguns."

"We go after him now; we got a chance. He crosses state lines…" Jax started but was cut off by Clay.

"If Tig was here he'd vote to deliver the guns."

"We dump the bedrolls somewhere safe." Jax jumped off his bike, trying to talk Clay into doing the smart thing. Even though he didn't trust, or necessarily even like Tig after finding out the truth about Donna, he was still a brother. "Relay gets pushed by a few hours."

"We're going." Clay got back on his bike, putting his helmet on.

"Maybe we should call a vote."

"You vote all you want. I'm delivering the guns." Clay started his bike, getting ready to take off when his hands couldn't turn the throttle properly, causing his bike to fall over. "Goddamn it. Shit." Clay whispered angrily to himself. Opie tried to help him pick his bike up when Clay yelled that he got it, dropping it once again, causing Chibs and Jax to lift it together, while Opie went to go talk to Clay away from the other guys.

Jax rolled his eyes and shook his head, his jaw clenching at the sight of his best friend looking like he was getting closer to Clay. To the man that ordered the hit on him, and who was responsible for it landing on his wife. Jax heard his phone go off and saw that Vanessa had texted him again, making him feel a little less annoyed.

 _Love you, baby._ Her text said, a little heart next to the words. Jax sighed, wanting nothing more than this run to be over and to be lying in bed next to his old lady.

"He okay?" Jax asked as Opie walked back over to them.

"He just needs to know we've got his back." Opie assured. Jax shook his head slightly and gripped his handlebar a little tighter.

"Let's go get Tig."

* * *

Jax watched as Piney drove the truck into the parking lot, just a few seconds later Half Sack pulled up to them on his bike. Half Sack was explaining what was going on with Tig when Clay and Piney both walked over to them.

"They got Tig in a motel about two miles down the road. Four of 'em." Jax informed him.

"Sportin' heavy hardware." Bobby continued.

"First floor, room 12." Half Sack told them all.

"Why'd they stop at a motel?" Chibs asked the question that many of them were thinking.

"Don't know. They beat the shit out of Tig on the side of the road. The motel was the next stop."

"That crazy prick must've provoked 'em." Bobby ran a hand over his face. "Can't bring him in beat up to a pulp."

"So, they're patching him up." Opie added.

"Aight, let's go handle this." Jax looked to Clay.

"If they hit a motel, they got a long ride ahead of 'em. They're gonna be there for awhile. Call up the run." Clay told Happy. "Tell the boys from Tacoma to get back down here."

"That's gonna take hours. We gotta do this now." Jax tried to convince him.

"No."

"He's right. We don't know how long they're gonna keep…" Chibs tried to back Jax.

"What, in broad daylight? This is the way we stay off the radar, right? We're gonna be doing runs up here every two weeks with a blanket full of guns."

"And bringing five more guys into the mix is gonna make it low profile?" Jax retorted, getting fed up with how Clay was trying to run shit.

"We wait until dark. Somebody goes out for food…"

"We don't know if they're going to be here after dark! We got eight on four."

"You heard Bobby!" Clay yelled. "They're armed to the teeth. We have no idea what kind of firepower they're sitting on. We got handguns."

"We got surprise." Jax argued.

"Call the guys." Clay pointed to Happy.

"Call a vote!" Jax broke in.

"You don't call a vote." Clay pushed Jax back roughly, causing Jax to jump back in his face, pushing him even harder.

"You don't lay your goddamn hands on me-" Jax yelled, while Bobby was trying to get in between the two men who were about to have an all-out brawl.

"Hey, you two, come on!" Bobby tried to be the voice of reason. "Everybody's fried, and it's my fault. I got Tig hurt. Stupid shit. But everybody has to calm down." Jax just walked away, knowing that if he didn't leave the situation alone, he would be about to face a Mayhem vote for killing another member. "Everybody clear your head."

"Where you going?" Jax asked Piney who was in the driver's seat of the tow truck again.

"You wanna get this done, jump on the back." Piney told him, handing him his shotgun. Jax willingly jumped on the bed of the tow truck, the shotgun in his hands.

"Chibs, Sack. Come on." Jax yelled to them.

"What's up?" Happy called out.

"Shit-kicking."

"I'm in!" Happy cheered, a little too enthusiastically. They all jumped on the truck as Piney started driving towards the direction of the motel. Jax looked back as he heard Clay yelling and smirked to himself.

When they got to the motel, Jax looked around, spotting room 12 easily. The parking lot was empty, but they still needed to be smart about this.

"We got a plan here?" Chibs asked Jax.

"Ask the old man." Jax nodded to Piney.

"Alright, hang on, guys!" Piney yelled out, maneuvering the truck in front of the motel rooms window.

"Well, it's a simple plan." Jax sat down on, shotgun still in his hand, as Piney started backing the truck towards the window.

"Shit." Chibs yelled. "Arm up, ladies." Piney sped back until he crashed into the window of room 12, all of the guys jumping down and holding the bounty hunters at gunpoint.

"Don't move!" Jax yelled, cocking the shotgun back.

"Or I will blow your balls off." Chibs added on. Happy quickly untied Tig, helping him out of the chair and onto the back of the truck as Tig joked around with the bounty hunters.

"I'd really like to thank you for everything. I hope we can do it again sometime!" Tig laughed, watching as the bounty hunters were still held at gunpoint. Piney started driving off, as all of the Sons laughed about what just happened while Jax just muttered to himself.

"Jesus Christ."

* * *

After finishing the run and heading to the party at the Eureka clubhouse, Jax watched as all the guys made out with croweaters, drank, or smoked. He didn't want to admit it in fear of being called pussy whipped, but it was late and he was missing his old lady and his kid. Like she was reading his mind, his phone started ringing. Jax took the bottle of Jack Daniels and walked over to his bike where he could talk to Vanessa in private.

"Hey darlin'." He answered, a small smile on his face.

" _Hi, baby."_ She took a deep breath, just happy to be hearing his voice. " _Am I being too clingy? Calling you and texting you throughout the day and shit, I just… I don't know how this old lady stuff works."_

"Nah, babe. I'm glad you called, pulled me away from all this bullshit." She could hear the tenseness in his voice.

" _Long day?"_

"Very long fucking day. Bullshit with the run, me and Clay buttin' heads again. Just too much shit going on. Got all this pent-up aggression, causing me to miss my sexy as fuck old lady even more."

" _What a charmer."_ Vanessa laughed. " _Tomorrow, baby."_

"What are you doing?"

" _Laying in bed."_ He could hear her yawn, and a smirk came to his face.

"What are you wearing?" He asked with a flirty smirk.

" _You trying to get me to have phone sex with you?"_ She laughed again.

"I wish, darlin'. So what's going on? How's the kid?"

" _We're good, Jax. I-uh, I actually got good news today. I got accepted into UC-Davis' Nurse Practitioner program. If I decide to go, I would start in January for the spring semester."_

"That's great news, babe." Jax smiled to himself. "I'm proud of you, you know that?"

" _Thanks, baby."_ He could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke. " _What do you think about me going back to school? You sure it's the right time? I can put it off if I have to-"_

"I don't want you to put it off." Jax cut her off. "Just because we got some shit going on doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to go back to school. Everything will be fine, babe." Jax ran his hand over his face at the sight of Clay coming towards him. "I gotta go. We can talk about this more tomorrow, okay? I love you."

" _I love you too. See you tomorrow."_ Jax hung up the phone and looked at Clay, who was smoking his cigar. He sat on his bike next to Jax and cleared his throat.

"Old lady?" Clay questioned him, as if he actually cared. All Jax did was nod his head, switching the subject.

"I didn't know what the old man was up to till we were crashing through." Jax informed Clay.

"I don't give a shit about today. Where does this go tomorrow? Next week?"

"Where does what go?" Jax's anger getting the best of him.

"Your need to undermine my every goddamn play."

"I got no need to undermine you." Jax shook his head, taking another sip of his whiskey.

"You wanna challenge me? Fine. But you're making this shit personal and they're gonna realize that. They'll lose respect for you and they won't trust you anymore."

"The things I call out are about the club."

"Nah. About you and me." Clay theorized.

"Yeah, maybe they are. Guess I gotta get right with you. What you did and the decisions you're making."

"Yeah. You do." Clay demanded.

"Well, you got decades of experience. Why don't you tell me how I do that? How I get right with you pulling some of these shitty moves. How I get right with you threatening my old lady. How I get right with you trying to kill a brother behind the club's back. Your little trigger man blowing an innocent woman's head off."

"Well… you're going to have to figure that out for yourself, son. But… I'd do it soon. 'Cause if you mention Donna or the incident again, I'll kill you." Clay spoke with pure unadulterated hostility lacing his tone, and Jax had a feeling that this was more than just a threat. It was a promise.


	40. Chapter 40

Vanessa had just woke up and fed Abel, cleaning up the mess that the little baby had made. It had been just a few days since Jax had come home from Eureka, completely tense, leaving her to not tell him about the incident with the Nazi pricks following and threatening her and Abel. Gemma had told her it would just cause more stress for Jax, and that was the last thing Vanessa wanted to tack on to him, especially since he had told her all about the shit that happened with Clay. She had thought that things would start to calm down, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

 _Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever calm down here._ She thought to herself, tensely. She couldn't help but feel a bit of guiltiness out of not telling Jax what happened, especially considering it happened to his son too.

Zobelle and his 'associates' going after the women and the children of the club to try to get their point across had frightened her. It did not sit well with her at all, leaving her feeling like something else was going to happen at any second.

"I won't let anything happen to you, baby boy." She whispered to Abel, placing a gentle but long kiss on his forehead as he sat in the high chair. She inhaled the smell of the baby shampoo and felt a sensation of comfort, accompanied with fear. The last thing that she wanted was for someone to get hurt because of her tactic of keeping Jax out of the loop when it came to the Nazis. She especially didn't want Abel to get hurt. Vanessa picked up Abel and placed him on her hip, looking over to the door when she heard the door knob turning. She watched as Gemma walked inside.

"Hey." Gemma greeted her and Abel, who was still sitting on her hip.

"Morning." Vanessa yawned. Gemma took Abel from her arms, and Vanessa could already see the pout on his face, his eyes already watering. He started wailing loudly, reaching his arms back to her. Gemma handed the baby back to Vanessa, and he instantly started calming down as she watched the young woman rubbing his back gently.

"Making him a little mama's boy?"

"Like father like son." Vanessa joked, kissing Abel on the head.

"Ha ha." Gemma said sarcastically. "Speaking of, where is my son?" She helped herself to a cup of coffee.

"Cleaning out the garage. Finally." Vanessa smiled triumphantly, she's been trying to talk him into doing it for weeks now.

"Got him on a real tight leash, huh?" Gemma went to sit down and Vanessa saw her flinch and groan.

"You still that sore?" She whispered, quietly.

"It's getting worse. I'm just so goddamn stiff."

"Are you dry?"

"Like the Mojave vagina."

"It's the stress. Your body isn't producing enough estrogen." Vanessa told her. "I'll talk to Tara, see if she can write you a prescription." Vanessa trailed off as she heard Jax coming in the house, seeing him carry a large box in his arms.

"Hey, ma."

"Hi, honey."

"Did you take a box of clothes from the garage?" Jax asked Vanessa, kissing her on the cheek along with his son.

"I haven't done anything out there."

"I'm missing a box."

"Uh, I cleaned some shit out there before the baby came home. It was a box of laundry. It had a serious stink to it." Gemma said.

"Well, where is it?"

"Tossed it." Gemma shrugged. Vanessa watched their conversation, feeling like she was missing out on something. "Just a bunch of old t-shirts, funky underwear. Why?" Vanessa watched the small smirk on Jax's face like he knew that Gemma was hiding something from him. "What are you looking for?"

"An old Harley manual, hard to find."

"Sorry." Vanessa was about to speak when she heard the door open and saw Chibs walking in, greeting everyone.

"Good morning, children." He walked up to her, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hey, Chibs."

"I thought the prospect was with you?"

"Oh, no, no, no. The wee man goes under the knife today. He's getting his sack filled."

"Excuse me?" Gemma sounded disgusted, her mouth opened in surprise.

"He's completing himself. We're supposed to meet Clay at the shop."

"I'm ready. Dump these in the truck." Jax said, bending over to grab the box as Chibs pretended to thrust into him, both men laughing. Vanessa chuckled but rolled her eyes at the two immature, but completely grown men.

"Remembering breakfast with daddy?" Jax joked, handing the box over to Chibs.

"Oh yeah, kippers and oatcakes. Delicious."

"You guys are fucked up." Vanessa shook her head, watching Jax put on his kutte and then walk over to her and Abel.

"See ya later, darlin'." Jax kissed her, running his hand down her back. He gave Abel a kiss on the forehead. "You too, little man. Bye, ma."

"Bye, babe." Vanessa watched Jax and Chibs leave through the front door, a small frown on her face. When she looked back to Gemma, she could see a questioning look on the woman's face.

"What?"

"You still didn't tell him about your little run in at Murphy's?"

"No. You told me not to, remember?" She sighed. "I want to though. Me and Jax don't have any secrets, Gemma. Full disclosure between us."

"Well, you can't tell him." Gemma spoke fiercely, her head bobbing animatedly.

"And why not?"

"It's not your secret to tell. You tell him that they came after you and they'll figure out the shit that happened to me."

"It has nothing to do with you, Gemma. They came after us while we were fucking grocery shopping." Vanessa moved Abel to the other side of her hip, her anger getting the best of her. "They could have hurt him or me. I understand that you don't want anyone else to know. I get it. But they could have done much worse than just threatening me, and they still could. I need to protect me and my son."

"He is not your son, sweetheart." Gemma snapped. Vanessa bit back the insult that she wanted to spit at the older woman. "I know firsthand what they could have done to you, remember?" Gemma's eyes narrowed. "I appreciate you looking out for him, and for me. Those Nazi assholes aren't gonna come near you or my grandson. Jax wouldn't let that happen."

"They already did come after me, Gem! They threatened me while Abel was just a few feet away from them. They went after you! Don't you think the club deserves to know what they are actually dealing with?" She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down a bit. "These guys aren't like the other gangsters and criminals that the club has to deal with. They have no problem going after women and children. And I… I just can't help but feel like something bad is gonna happen. To me, or to Jax, or to him." Her eyes flicked over to Abel, who was looking at her with wide eyes.

"Nothing's gonna happen, baby. This shit with Zobelle is gonna pass and everything will go back to normal. Well, as normal as this life gets." Gemma rose from her seat and kissed Abel and then Vanessa on the cheek before walking over to the front door, getting ready to leave. "You don't need to be worried, sweetheart."

"I am always worried." Vanessa whispered to herself, holding Abel a little closer to her chest.

* * *

"You want us outside?" Jax asked Clay, both of them looking around Main Street and inside of the cigar shop.

"Oh, if you don't mind." Clay spoke with a polite, yet attitude filled tone, causing Jax to roll his eyes behind his sunglasses. The tension between the two men was still very palpable from their time spent in Eureka just a few days prior. Jax didn't know how much more he could take of his president before he went off the deep end and just started throwing punches, but he held back, watching Clay walk inside of the shop.

Jax was looking around at the guys sporting Aryan ink outside of the shop, recognizing a few from Clay's party a few weeks back. They heard the bell on the door chime, all of them looking over to see Jacob Hale leaving the shop.

"Jacob, how has your sister been lately?" One of the guys asked him loudly, like they wanted Jax to overhear. His back instantly straightened up at the prospect of one of these assholes even thinking about Vanessa. Jacob looked over at Jax, a little nervous of how to answer, especially considering he hasn't talked to his sister since their little spat with each other at the diner over a month ago.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Jax stalked towards the guy who had a small smirk on his face, knowing that Vanessa was definitely his weak spot. Jax grabbed the guy by the collar of his shirt, instantly being pulled back by Chibs, Tig, and Opie. "You stay the fuck away from her."

"AJ…" Jacob started. "This isn't necessary."

"You bring these assholes here? To shit all over your own town?" Jax spat at Hale, who refused to make eye contact with the angry biker.

"Gentleman." Hale whispered, hastily walking away from the group gathered outside of the cigar shop.

"Let's go, Jackie Boy." Chibs said quietly to Jax, walking with him back over to their bikes. Jax sat down on his bike and pulled out a cigarette, wanting nothing more than to pull out his glock and just shoot a few rounds into these Nazi pricks. But he just took a deep breath. "They're just trying to get under your skin, brother. Vanessa is the easiest way for them to do that."

Jax just nodded his head and stared at the group of the men. When the bells on the door chimed again, Jax saw Clay walking out of the shop with a few boxes of cigars, throwing one to Opie, Tig, and Chibs, while another cigar hung out of his mouth. Clay had a small, prideful smirk on his face as they all got back on their bikes and left the shop, heading back over to TM.

* * *

"Where's the baby?" Gemma asked, looking into the back seat as she got in the black SUV.

"With Neeta. I talked to Tara at work today, she wrote the prescription for you. We just need to head over to the pharmacy and pick it up." Gemma nodded her head and put her seat belt on as Vanessa drove just a few miles out, onto Main Street where Roe's Pharmacy was located.

Both women got out of the car and walked into the pharmacy where Vanessa went to another aisle while Gemma picked up the prescription and stared at it.

"That all you need, Gem?" Vanessa wondered, looking at the baby items in her hand for Abel. Gemma looked up and nodded again, an eyebrow raising when she saw a light up toy, stuffed animals, and a small pack of diapers in Vanessa's hands.

"Sometimes I see some stuff and I know he would love it, so I pick it up for him."

"Jax know how much you're spoiling my grandbaby?"

"I'm not spoiling him!" Vanessa chuckled, handing the money to the cashier and picking up her bags. They both began walking outside, Gemma's eyes still locked on the prescription in her hands.

"So I just rub this shit on?" Gemma asked, skeptically.

"On your wrists. Two pumps, no more. If you notice a big hormonal spike, it means you've used too much."

"My whole life is a hormonal spike, sweetheart." Vanessa rolled her eyes at Gemma and put her bags in the back seat of the SUV. She was about to get into the driver's seat when she saw Gemma start running off in the opposite direction.

"Gemma!" She called out, but the woman refused to look or turn back. Instead, she just chased after a short blonde who began running, for what looked like her life. "God dammit."

Vanessa ran after them, glad that she was still wearing her comfortable work sneakers. She turned the corner, seeing Gemma with her gun in her hand and the little blonde bitch jumping into an old, beaten up truck.

"Gemma." She whispered, placing her hand on the woman's shoulder. Vanessa was pushed back violently and suddenly, her nose was gushing blood as she realized that she just took an elbow to the face. "Fuck, Gemma!"

"Oh, shit!" Gemma held on gently to Vanessa's shoulder, trying to have her stand up straight. "I'm so sorry."

"Jesus Christ!" Vanessa felt tears coming to her eyes at the pure shock and pain she felt at the moment. "I think you broke my nose."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Sorry." She mumbled, looking back at the truck that was driving away. She looked back to Vanessa, who was holding the sleeve to her black sweater against her nose. They both walked back to the car, where Vanessa got into the passenger seat, still holding her nose.

"What the fuck was that, Gemma?"

"N-nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'll bring you to St. Thomas, get your pretty face all fixed up."

* * *

Vanessa just finished getting her nose set back in place by one of her coworkers, her head still pounding from the sharp elbow she took. She grabbed at her head and continued walking until she bumped into someone.

"S-sorry." She mumbled.

"Vanessa?" She looked up, seeing her boss Margaret Murphy, standing in front of her. A disapproving look on her face. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing. Just a broken nose."

"Are you okay?" She asked, sounding slightly worried.

"I'm fine, Margaret. Sorry." Vanessa started walking off, wanting nothing more to do with the red headed bitch.

"If you need help, if you need to get away from him, I can help you. I have connections, people who can get you out of there and protect you from men like him."

"What?" Vanessa turned around quickly, confused by the sentiment. "Wait, you- you think Jax did this to me?"

"I saw him that day in the waiting room, yelling and screaming. It doesn't surprise me that he has a violent streak with women."

"He's not like that!" Vanessa's voice rose. "He's not violent. And he didn't do this to me. He would never. And I don't appreciate you insinuating that he hits me."

"Frankly, it's not that far-fetched of an idea, considering what those men are capable of."

"You don't even know any of them!" Vanessa spat. "Pardon my tone, but I think you need to mind your goddamn business and stay out of my personal life, Margaret. Jax is a good man. He has never and would never lay a hand on me."

"I apologize for my assumption. But when your personal life seems to hit you in the face hard enough, as chief administrator and your superior, it does become my business. It is my responsibility to protect this hospital, including the reputation of both the hospital and the staff."

"My personal life won't be hitting me in the face anymore."

"Vanessa, you are a terrific nurse with a lot of potential. Your knowledge and your drive as a nurse can take you very far in your career. It concerns me to see you being weighed down by that motorcycle gang. I hope you know what you're doing with them."

"Thanks for the concern." Vanessa's voice was laced with sarcasm and irritation. She forced herself to move quickly away from the woman, knowing that she would do something she would regret if she stayed even a second longer. The bullshit that Margaret was spewing about her old man infuriated her. She took a deep breath and looked inside the chapel, seeing Gemma sitting alone, her head in her hands.

"Hey." Vanessa whispered, sitting next to Gemma on one of the pews. Vanessa gave her a small smile.

"I'm sorry." Gemma avoided eye contact with her. "I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Oh, I know. If you meant it, I doubt I would be walking away with just a broken nose." Vanessa tried to joke, but knew that neither of them were in a laughing mood. "Are you okay? That running couldn't have felt good."

"I just broke your nose and you're asking me if I'm okay?" Gemma scoffed.

"It's the healer in me. Need to make sure everyone else is fixed before myself."

"I see that." She sighed. "You're a good girl, Vanessa."

"Who was the girl?" She waited for Gemma to answer but she never did. Vanessa took Gemma's hand in hers and tightened her grip just enough to let Gemma know that she was there for her and that she wasn't going anywhere. "You need to talk to someone about what happened, Gemma."

"That's why I have you."

"If you don't kill me before you actually start talking to me." Vanessa spoke seriously. "You have barely told me anything, Gemma. The little bit of information you did tell me was because you needed to so I could help you, medically."

"Yeah." Was all the older woman said.

"I know what it's like to keep something like this inside. To keep it hidden away from everyone else."

"I doubt that." Gemma scoffed.

"You know why I was carrying that gun a few months ago?"

"The Fed." Gemma made eye contact with her for the first time. "Got a restraining order and left New York, or Reno, or wherever, to get away from him."

"You know why I needed to get away from him?" Gemma didn't answer her, just waited for Vanessa to explain more. "He stalked me in New York. Filed the restraining order against him, contacted his superiors, but nothing really happened. They didn't do anything. They didn't even care. Then one night I came home late. He broke into my apartment and he knocked me out. He raped me."

"Jesus."

"Yeah." Vanessa nodded her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. "So I ran away from New York because I was scared to have to deal with anything like that again. I ended up keeping it hidden for months. I didn't tell anyone. Not my friends or family. I didn't even tell the friend who helped me go underground to get away from him. It took me months to finally tell someone."

"And you told Jax? That's why he brought you back here?"

"N-no. I told Tristen after she was attacked. I know what bottling something like this up inside does to a person, and I couldn't let her do it to herself. It drove me insane, made me paranoid of everyone and everything around me. I always felt unsafe and it made me hate myself. I hated what I was becoming. So I know what this is doing to you Gemma, and I know that you need to really talk to someone before you hurt someone else. Or yourself."

"Why didn't you tell anyone before Tristan?" Gemma asked her, her voice heavy with emotion and her eyes wide with wonder.

"For much different reasons than why you're not." Vanessa started before clearing her throat. "You have all these men who love and care about you. Who would kill for you without question. You're not telling anyone because you want to protect them. I get that. You're much stronger than me. I didn't tell anyone because I wanted to protect myself. Sometimes… sometimes I thought that telling people would make it more real. In my fucked up head, I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, it never actually happened."

"But it did."

"Yeah." Vanessa mumbled under her breath. "Didn't matter if I told anyone anyway. He was a federal agent, you know? And when men in power do something like that, they rarely get what they deserve. If I went there to his job or to the police, they would have laughed in my goddamn face. Most people don't believe women when they say they were assaulted. So I didn't really have anyone to tell anyway." Vanessa was looking down at her fingers before she looked at Gemma and took a deep breath. "Besides, you accuse a federal fucking agent, someone who's supposed to uphold the law, and you won't get one person to believe you. I would have been told I was lying to ruin his career or for a payday or to get my five minutes of fame on channel 7 news."

"So you ran."

"So I ran. And maybe that was the weak thing to do. Maybe it was wrong of me. But if I didn't, I wouldn't have met back up with Jax. I wouldn't be here in Charming with Jax and Abel right now. And as much as I wish I could have changed what happened to me, I wouldn't change where I am now." Vanessa saw Gemma nod slightly before putting a comforting hand on Vanessa. "Sorry." She gave a small laugh and eye roll. "I just talked way too much."

"No." Gemma shook her head and patted Vanessa's hand. They both felt a sense of comfort. A sense of unity. "Does Jax know?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "I had to tell him. I knew that it would eat me up if I didn't."

"What did Jax do?"

"N-Nothing. Nothing. There was nothing he could do. Kohn was already gone after I told him. But you need to talk to someone else about what happened, Gemma. Get it off your chest. That's why I made you an appointment."

"A shrink?" Gemma's face contorted into one of disgust.

"A friend. Dr. Lich. She's easy to talk to." She gave her a sad smile. "You're gonna talk to her, or I'm gonna tell my brother you assaulted me. Throw your crazy ass in jail."

"I should break your nose again for even suggesting for me to see a shrink." Vanessa smiled again, getting up and about to walk out the Chapel door before she turned around, hearing Gemma's voice again. "If the tables were reversed… you came to me with what happened… shit, I'd have cut you off a long time ago. That's my way of saying… what you're doing for me, for the club… it means a lot."

"That's what you do for your family." She spoke with an easy tone. "But you still have to see the shrink."


End file.
